What do they not tell you about labour...

[BabyB19]

17 weeks to go until I meet my little one, with antenatal classes cancelled until the end of never Im trying to prepare myself as much as possible for labour, does anyone want to share their experience with me? Anything I need to expect that I may not have been told...? ❤️

Gas and air is worse than useless.

There was LOADS I didn't know for my first labour and birth, if I was to tell you one thing it would be to get the Positive Birth Company online course. It made so much difference to my second labour. The main thing being it explained the science and hormones so much better than I'd heard before, plus the UFO advice was a godsend - so in labour you want to be Upright, Forward and Open as much as possible as it puts baby in the best position to descend. So sitting on a birth ball and leaning forward is perfect.
The other thing is that labour can be much longer than tv would have you believe, my first was 70+ hours so make sure you stay hydrated and fuelled with anything you can stomach.
Also don't let anyone tell you that the only important thing is a healthy baby, you deserve a respectful and dignified birth experience so be ready to stand up for yourself - you don't HAVE to have interventions, you dont HAVE to consent to internal examinations, you dont HAVE to be induced on a certain day because they say so etc. Know your rights.

@Frompcat interesting x-post for me, they would have had to break my fingers to take it off me DH told me I bit the nozzle off at one point and didn't even notice.

I didn't expect to hate everything I thought I'd want and had planned for! I spent weeks (and ££) doing hypnobirthing but ripped the earphones out and chucked the iPod as I couldn't stand listening to it when I was in labour (I'm still bitter about the money I wasted!). I also really wanted a waterbirth/bath but as soon as I got in I wanted straight back out. I suppose I'm a good example of what some folk have already said about being flexible and not having a fixed idea of what it'll be like :)

Another thing I didn't know was that pushing can help with the pain. It took me a few seconds to steel myself to push with each pain because initially it hurt more (thank fuck for gas and air) but when I was in the actual push itself it wasn't painful.

On the topic of everyone having different experiences, I didn't have any afterpains and my bleeding wasn't too bad (I just used Always nights pads). Peeing and pooping afterwards were fine too. I did find the placenta removal a bit nippy though, it was more of a sharp stingy pain and I hadn't expected that!

Nobody told me about the excruciatingly painful burning sensation that you can have as baby’s crowning. And another one for how long it took for the placenta to be delivered and how I nearly had to have surgery just to get that out.

Prepare to any eventuality and don't bet on your birth plan. I went overdue and was induced and the had EMCS. I didn't prepare for such a long stay and didn't pack enough pjs and underwear (I stayed for 10 days in total If you have a c section, prepare for a huge bloating afterwards and actual gas that you can't pass. It's the air trapped in your guts after you've been stitched up. It was the most painful experience post partum in the first 24-48hrs after surgery.

I was ill when I went to my induction and ended up with c section. Coughing after surgery is not fun at all. Press a pillow tightly to your stomach and then cough.

Also, I didn't know that I should have had tightening socks for the surgery which prevent blood cloths in legs and varicose veins. I had mine put on me 3 days after c section to the horror of obe MW who noticed I went to the theatre without.

Post-natal wards are just incredibly hot and full of visitors. Prepare that some mums will have 8-10 family members visiting at a time ( I remember my shock that nurses and midwives actually allow that to happen)

If you had oedema in the last trimester, monitor your catheter. Mine was constantly full.

Surprises:

1. I was told labor would start like "gently rolling hills." Nope. Zero to 60, here.
2. That I would never be so happy to get stuck with a needle in my life (epidural)!
3. Yes, it is possible a baby's head can be too big to get through your pelvis.
4. The jelly belly after birth.
5. The mesh panties.
6. Being terrified to sneeze after my C/S.

I must add it was winter too- my chunky summer born dc2 didn’t need wrapping up quite so well- good thing too since he had a huge head and the newborn hats wouldn’t fit!

Your vulva will look like a novelty jelly cast of itself straight afterwards. I never knew such swelling could have taken place. But they get you to wash yourself in a bowl afterwards (get rid of some of the blood and whatever) and when I looked I was so shocked. Everything was at least 3 times as big and it does literally look like a novelty jelly cast of its former self! I was so not expecting it I cried!

The night sweats are horrendous
Your plug looks like snot!
You can say no to anything your not comfortable with - wish I'd known this.
Induction can take days and still fail
Breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone- don't beat yourself up if it doesn't. (Fed is best)
You can still ask for skin to skin in theatre if you have a c section
You can say no to visitors for as long as you like.
It can be very overwhelming how quickly people try to visit- you need time to look after you and baby.
Take flip flops for the shower room- lots of gross stuff goes on that floor

I agree with a pp the post natal wards were boiling- I was so uncomfortably warm and had brought full pjs with me- ended up sending dh home for lighter clothes

My body pushed my baby out, it was weird!

Being stitched up hurts more than giving birth.

When you get there your body starts pushing for you. It's a very weird feeling and it took me a while to work out I was actually pushing.

It's normal to have a wobble when you transition to pushing. I begged for morphine and an epidural, declaring the baby would be an only child.

Tena pants are actually better for the first few days of bleeding and a godsend at night. I felt much less likely to leak.

The night sweats. No one warned me I'd wake up drenched.. slept on a towel for a good few weeks!

Your first poo post birth will be fine (they give you something to soften it). Be careful with the ones after as I got complacent, forgot to look after myself and thought I was birthing another baby

I completely lost my appetite for a couple of weeks after. I knew I needed to eat but couldn't manage more than half a meal. Don't worry, it comes back!

Good luck though, there's nothing quite like the moment your baby arrives x

NHS sweet tea is nectar of the gods.

Oh, I’ve remembered another one - not wanting any clothes on in the birthing pool. I had to move out of the birthing pool: thank god for the midwife who suggested that I might look back and be happy I covered my modesty . And I am so glad - I was wheeled through some sort of reception area with people in, what a sight it would have been! (I am such a prude normally)

It CAN go quicker than you think. I had a homebirth alone with just DH. Visited by a midwife an hour before delivery who said it would be hours and hours before anything happened. DD arrived an hour and 20 mins after she left.

Delivering the placenta made me swear more than the baby. Grim

Nobody told me that I may not be able to feel my bladder afterwards. It took three weeks to be able to tell whether I needed a wee again. Not fun.

If your baby has a tongue tie then breastfeeding can be more painful than childbirth. But surprisingly lanolin works better for bf pain than paracetamol / ibuprofen.

Buy big pants for afterwards and maternity pads/ heavy super long towels. You will bleed for up to 6 weeks afterwards.
If you tear/ need an episiotomy, pooping for the first time afterwards is a scary experience. If peeing is painful, pour a jug of warm water over your nethers whilst you go. It helps.
When pooping for the first time, using a wad of tissue/sanitary towel pressed against your stitches helps so you don't feel like you're going to split them.
Lansinoh nipple cream is a must if you are breastfeeding.
Labour is quicker if you move around (if you can).
Take a flannel in your birthing bag and have your OH wet it with cold water to cool you down. Its amazing how hot you get.
Gas and air is amazing.
They make you pee after birth in one of those little cardboard hat things. Don't be surprised haha.
Also if you need stitches don't be surprised when you get a suppository!
The bath or shower afterwards is almost as amazing as the tea and toast that you get.
Try and get a private room if you can. Shared rooms are not much fun.
Bounty photos- some love them some hate them but they usually come round soon after birth. They are optional,don't feel pressured into buying them.

• after pains! Mine were as bad as heavy contractions especially when breastfeeding. Only had them with one of my 2 DCs though.

• first wee/poo can be quite bad. I had a small tear that didn't need any stitches with baby no1 and it stung for weeks whenever I peed. I would genuinely dread going for one. Wee in the bath if you can or have a jug and pour some lukewarm water on as you go I think it helps to stop the stinging. Baby no2 I had 0 issues.

• don't worry too much about having a thorough check up after (saw poster mentioned finger up bum) and do contact your health visitor/hospital if you think any things amiss! my midwife didn't check and I had an undiagnosed anal tear and as a first time mum just got on with it and thought it was normal even though going to the toilet was the equivalent of passing razor blades and bled for about 2-3months.

• there's a break between contractions. Make the most of it. Brace for the next one and remember it will pass and you will get a small break again - remembering they only last a few mins and I get to have a break really helped me.

• make sure your birthing partner knows what you want and has your back as it's easy for midwives to push things on you when you can't really advocate for yourself fully. Of course do listen if they say you need an emergency c section for the baby but anything that's not an urgent emergency and you don't feel 100% about you can question/have your partner question.

• birthing on all fours or kneeling holding onto something makes it easier. We learned that in our antenatal classes and also tested on myself - you'd have to read up the reasons but it's something to do with gravity and the tail bone making more room I think. I know sometimes there's a medical reason you have to be on your back etc but I would always be on all fours / kneel if given the choice.

• walking/moving around helped me lots. I would've gone crazy having to have contractions laid in bed.

• don't forget food. Depending on what time of day you give birth you might only be offered some toast and you will be HUNGRY.

If you tear (or 'grazed') having a wee for about the first week after OMG it stings so bad! Jug of water needed definitely

Oh and when it comes to pushing you bear down and push and yes it does feel a bit like you're going to have a poo - don't let it stop you.

Bring the comfiest pjs / loungewear and undies you can. For some reason I jumped into a pair of leggings straight after birth and I had to get changed within 10 mins because they felt awful.

I found the really big cottony pads you can get from the hospital or boots own ones are the best for postpartum bleeding - I tried to use always brand ones which were really uncomfortable and itchy.

If your bladder is too full during labour it can slow things down. Midwives forgot to monitor this with me & 8 hours later realised I hadn’t passed any urine. Contractions were coming too fast to get to the toilet so they inserted a catheter, emptied my bladder then took it out again!

The night sweats, oh dear god. And the smell

I was having my 3rd baby before a midwife told me that as soon as you realise a contraction is about to start you should start breathing the gas and air, otherwise it reaches the peak of its working after your contraction is over.