What do they not tell you about labour...

[BabyB19]

17 weeks to go until I meet my little one, with antenatal classes cancelled until the end of never Im trying to prepare myself as much as possible for labour, does anyone want to share their experience with me? Anything I need to expect that I may not have been told...? ❤️

Oh and they don't check your stitches after the birth. I presumed they were supposed to hurt and burn like crazy and ended up with an infection that ate into my thigh. Check your stitches

That it can go horribly wrong. Please do your research and be prepared for the worst case scenario.

I am still recovering from giving birth in 2018.

My feet swelled up so badly post-birth that I looked like I had goblin feet. You literally couldn’t see my ankles- even flip flops wouldn’t fit me.

If your waters go before hand they will continue to dribble after the initial gush until baby arrives. Also maternity pads are useful to soak this up while you wait for admission. I wish I had known this and didn't look like I'd pished myself in the waiting room

I’d say try not to create too many expectations about what it will/won’t be like. I panicked as my early contractions were really painful and intense, because everything I’d been told was that they’d start gently and then intensify, and I panicked that I wouldn’t be able to cope as it was the start. If I’d known that was a possibility I think I might have been mentally better prepared. As it turned out the pain didn’t really get any more intense, think she was back to back.

I also had a relatively fast first stage, ridiculously long second stage (8 hours in my notes). Baby born in theatre, forceps delivery, I remember chattering teeth (adrenaline I guess) and vomiting when it was over (despite the midwives saying I wouldn’t as they’d given me some anti sickness meds).

Not so much labour but breastfeeding after (if you plan on doing). Nobody told me that the milk could take days to come in. I expected it to be instant. As it turns out baby wouldn't latch anyway and nobody could help so after days of trauma and tears ended up formula fed.

If you opt for a hypnobirth you might need your birth partner to explain this when u arrive at hospital (or 'if' - not sure if you're going for a home birth). I seemed so calm that they were keen to send me home but when they examined me I was 5cm and baby was well on his way! Your partner may need to explain you've practised relaxation exercises or they may not take you seriously.

It never occurred to me that it would take longer to push out the placenta (45 mins) than the actual baby (26 mins). Wish I'd been prepared for that! Everyone told me it would naturally just kinda 'fall out' with minimal effort but they were wrong, it did actually require a lot of effort on my part! I had a water birth but you have to birth the placenta 'on dry land' as they say.

Postpartum recovery tougher than I imagined. So painful to wee. Poring warm water helps.

I'd built my hopes up for the first shower after birth to be this wonderful thing but honestly it was crap! A little drippy shower and I was in a lot of pain. Hopefully the facilities at your hospital are better but try not to get your hopes up like I did in case u end up disappointed.

Sometimes when there is no cry it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. When my son was born there was no initial cry that everyone tells you about, my son was just very peaceful and that's ok.

If you want to breastfeed (no ideal about formula sorry) you need to do it every few hours even if that means waking the baby. We let our son sleep through during his first night at hospital and if other posters think that's ok then I respect their opinion but we were personally told to wake the baby to feed him by our midwives so we went with their advice from then on (after a week or so he found his voice anyway!).

Can't think of any more surprises. Every labour is so different anyway. Good luck. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat

Don’t have your heart set on a birth plan, it very rarely goes to plan and can make it worse for you if you expected things to be a certain way.

Keep moving through labour, difficult if you’re on monitoring but if you’re not, try and stay upright as it will move labour along.

Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel that rush of love as soon as baby is born, it’s completely normal and it will happen.

Lots of people recommend taking a jug for your first wee to stop the stinging, pour water down there at the same time! I never found that a problem though.

Get some lactulose and senna indoors ready for afterwards. I needed to go on iron tablets which constipate you, and I had an episiotomy so having a poo after labour was worse than any contraction I had.

It feels like you still have a baby inside afterwards when your uterus is contracting.

Missing your bump - this was a huge one for me. I loved being pregnant and I felt lost without my bump for a long time. I had bump envy of other pregnant women even though I had my beautiful baby!

Good luck! It’s the most amazing thing. I’m 36 weeks with my second and can’t wait to meet him x

Hope you are OK @Theyweretheworstoftimes? Sounds like you had an awful experience!

Labour was fine in comparison to breast feeding. No one told me breast feeding would be so painful.
I gave up.

If you have any stitches down below, a sports drinks bottle with warm water to hand is must. Either trickle it over yourself while peeing, or squirt it directly on to your stitches post pee to help with the stinging.

The first poo post labour was almost as painful as labour itself. The breathing and relaxation tips that got thrown out the window during labour came in handy.

Diamorphine is a hell of a drug. I can honestly say I slept for the vast majority of active labour. I might not have been very coherent when asked questions, but at least I was pretty well rested when it came time to push.

The night sweats post labour were incredible. I soaked through my pyjamas and had to sleep on a towel for a few nights.

The night sweats! I had those for weeks afterwards, it was so grim!

I didn't know I could ask for an epidural as soon as I wanted (I was induced) I thought I had to wait until I needed it. When I finally asked for one it failed and I dilated so quickly there wasnt time for another before pushing. Next time I'm going to ask for one the moment the drip goes in and just chill.

You wake up a few days after the birth looking like a page 3 girl when the milk comes in. Make sure to take some enormous bras in case you have to stay in for a few days.

Good luck!

Seconding (or thirding) the lochia. Seriously it's the gift that just keeps giving. I just felt like I was oozing grottily from the moment I went into labour until two weeks later.

I too had an EMCS (it was fine) and I too thought theyd the just suck it out.

It's fine. But it's worth being ready for.

I had a great labour experience, you can ask for a copy of your birth notes to take home as they will take your notes from you at the hospital. The day was such a blur it was very interesting to read back what was happening with it all time stamped.

I did hypnobirthing and part of the course was finding out you don't have to go along with everything they tell you and you have much more control over what's happening to you.

I was prepared to be in labour for AGES. Everyone I spoke to, even at the antenatal classes, I was exorcist to arrive and hang around for hours! I got to the mat unit and he arrived 25 minutes later.
They kept trying to put me off going in because I was only 37 weeks and the contractions were erratic, they had to pop his waters as he was tearing me and. My mucas plug came out it triage while the midwife was checking how far along I was

I don't think anyone expected him to arrive that day...

Expecting not exorcist

Weirdly when I got to the hospital I was told to push almost straight away.. and I was giving pathetic pushes at first. I didnt get that I needed to push until my eyes popped out my head and I literally had to stop for air.

Most people this is the obvious lol! But for me it just took a while to get into the rhythm.

You might do the biggest poo of your life just before you go into labour. I literally flushed the loo and contractions started.

Not every labour is a build up of contractions, mine started at every 3 minutes and kept bloody going like that for hours.

Having a poo float past you in the birthing pool while your husband pretends not to notice is embarrassing.

Your jaw will hurt from the clenching, grimacing, yelling and sucking on the gas & air tube like your life depends on it.

Refering to forceps as "salad servers" does not lighten the situation. (My DH, not me).

That first poo afterwards is a blessed relief.

Baby's first few poos are black and tarry. Get someone else to clean it up if you can.

The bleeding goes on for weeks.

Your hair falls out for months.

Do not look at your vulva in the days after birth. Just don't. Seriously.

Surprises for me were:

• The placenta is huuuuuuge. I actually found it really interesting to look at afterwards.
• if your waters are trickling and you’re not sure if the colours right, they like you to keep your pads to show them (I didn’t know and just threw them away!)
• same with after the birth, I got told off for throwing my pad away! Not sure if that’s across the board or unique to my situation
• similarly I had to show them my first two wees in a jug. Horribly embarrassing but never mind!
• hesitate to write this as don’t want to scare you but I had no idea how stretched my clitoris would feel as baby was on her way out!!! I was so terrified it would be ruined forever and would lose it’s magical powers lol
• that everything does take a long while to settle and recover. I felt swollen and strange in the vulva area for months afterwards but am fine now

Second one on the way so am preparing myself to do it all again!

Good luck op, I’m sure you’ll be fine! Very brave of you to ask!

Yes @Helpme090 ! When they told me it was time to push (which I’d been telling them for ages it seemed), I found I had no idea what to do and tried out a couple of feeble little pushes. Definitely took a while to get into a rhythm .

Agree also with @Colouringinbook - do not look at your healing vulva and vagina afterwards!! I did and nearly passed out (all fine now but it is unrecognisable in the days after birth)

You can ask midwives to check your stitches for you

I had a “heavy show” and was literally sitting in a small pool of blood. They weren’t remotely concerned.

I threw up throughout my labour and they had to give me tea and water to give me something to throw up.

The minute your other half goes off to get a sandwich, as nothing has happened for hours, the baby will be born and thrust into his arms as he comes back through the door clutching his lunch,

This is more for after - it’s normal and ok if your feet swell up with excess water and if you have night sweats. I thought I had a major infection when I woke up completely soaked through the first night.

@Magpiefeather I'm so glad you understand!!! I felt so silly that when it come to it, I didn't know how to push properly. My mum was in front of me role playing exactly what to do. Then I was away and told to slow down pushing because it was happening too fast.

10 months later here I am realising labour was the easy part lol.

If you do enough gas and air, you will hallucinate. I thought I had already delivered DS long before I actually did - but they kept telling me to push, so I did, just to be polite. Then I started thinking DS was a tiny alien flying around the room in his little flying saucer. I may even have waved to him.