November 2020 Babies - Thread 5

[NoseringGirl]

Another new thread! Reckon we can get all the scans into this one?

@SqidgeBum your sister in law sounds like a piece of work

That’s interesting @EBM20 they must have just done that as my scan was last Wednesday and DH was allowed in. I emailed ahead and asked before booking rather than going on what the website said, could you try that?

But I will say I don’t think men need to see scans to feel involved, it’s not essential. They’re involved if they choose to act involved. Bonding comes from interacting with their child (the Babies documentary on Netflix had some really interesting points about this, maybe watch together?)

@EBM20 This is how I feel too. If this is our only child, I don't want OH to miss out on all the lovely moments!

For those who are worried about DHs or DPs not feeling involved as they dont go to the scan, I wouldn't worry. The scan is one moment of many, like buggy shopping, trying to figure out how a carseat goes into the car, painting the nursery, and of course labour (where this job is to do whatever he is told haha). My DH said he didnt feel like the baby was real until she arrived, even after 3 scans and feeling kicks etc. When its crying at 3am, it will feel real lol. The scan is really a very small moment and I feel it's a bigger things for us mums as it is happening in our body than for the men.

@BuffaloCauliflower It only seems to be certain ones the one closest to me is saying no partners but theres one 2 hours away that is saying partners can come within reason, I'm hoping in a few weeks it may change, I've got my NHS scan in 2 weeks

@BuffaloCauliflower @seventhrow
It would be weird if it all happened on the same day!

I agree it's nice to have someone to talk to...I have only told one close friend who is already a mum as I felt I needed to have someone to talk to and annoy with questions lol. We've held back telling our family yet as we are living with the hope that within a month or so, we will be able to visit close people who present no symptoms. I've always had a plan on how I want to tell people and it invovles face to face, so I am hanging fire and seeing what happens.

I only have to go into work one day and week and work from home the rest of the time so it's pretty easy to lie low!

@EBM20 must be franchises with individual managers making decisions. It is a shit time to be pregnant for this sort of thing, but I keep reminding myself we’re so much better off than pretty much all women for the whole of history and the whole planet. Even now most women around the world don’t get any scans or much antenatal care at all. Even with all this were lucky

Of course I don’t mean we can’t be upset that this isn’t really the pregnancy we signed up for. Just trying to keep some perspective

@BuffaloCauliflower I think these are some really good points. When I was worrying about my booking appointment when I got there and the the maternity department seemed to be closed (it was Sunday), my mum just said "I don't think I saw a doctor or midwife until I was half way through, about 20 weeks". We are all very precious about things these days...

My aunt is a maternity/preemie ward sister and she says that there are huge advantages to new mums not having visitors and partners around the whole time. The mums can all concentrate on their babies and their health, and they've all pulled the curtains back between the beds and the women are supporting each other. Less family hassle, less women worrying about the men. She has infuriating stories of women giving up their beds for their partner to have a nap in whilst they sit in the chair "but he's tired"! Not frustrated at the women, but at the men for forcing their precedence on their partner and child.

@SqidgeBum your SIL sounds like a right dick 😳

Awaiting yet another call back from the GP, going to push the suppositories subject. It’s getting rather uncomfortable now 😳

I managed an early viability scan privately before all the policies changed, so my other half was allowed in, but now I can't find any that will allow a partner to go in also. We were really glad we both had that together, as we knew he would likely not be allowed in the 12 week scan (which is tomorrow), but it was only a tiny dot with a flashing heartbeat then, so still feel like he's really missing out by not coming tomorrow, especially as this is our first too. If you find anywhere please let me know. Have you asked whether you can face time the scan screen at any of the private clinics? I know my NHS department aren't budging on that and it's still an outright ban.

I agree @seventhrow. My mom said the other day that she never had a scan on me and only had one on my sister at the end for some medical reason that she cant remember lol. She said it's great I am getting scans! We have to look at it that way.

Also, I (secretly) agree with your second comment, about the men. When I had my DD, my DH had been through 48 hours without sleep and not enough food, and he was so many once the adrenaline had worn off, I sent him home at 4am to sleep. He didnt come back in til 1pm the next day, and the morning me and DD had to ourselves was actually lovely. I just sat on the bed and watched her, and then I rolled her down to the breakfast room. When DH came in I did feel like I was looking after him a bit (he had only held one baby before in his life). Admittedly, I let him have a doze on the bed while i was on the chair in labour! When i think back, it was ridiculous. Dont get me wrong, he is a great husband. He is just an awful person without sleep. I think as women and mothers we naturally put everyone before us.

@seventhrow yes there are definitely benefits to women being able to just hunker down and be with their babies in their early days. I’ve already heard there are reports that early breastfeeding struggle/failure is down because women are able to just go to bed and be close to their babies without worrying about visitors etc.

I never thought DH would be able to come to the scan as I think it would have been pretty inappropriate to bring our toddler DS with us and we don’t have any family help so DH would always have had to look after him.

It was nice for him to see the scans in my first pregnancy and I totally get people feeling sad about their partners missing out, but time will fly and they will see the baby in real life soon enough. Once they can feel the kicks I think it becomes more real than just a picture on a screen as well. My DH said he felt like he was just watching a video with our first scan last time - it seems incredible that there is actually a baby in there!

I think I feel like it's missing out because neither of us feel like we can really believe there's a baby in there still. I know it sounds a little silly

@Becca65 doesn’t sound silly at all. It’s is all soo theoretical at the start when you can’t feel them in there! Once you’ve seen them it will change, and you’ll have pictures.

Hello ladies quick question
Just looking at the app I used to track ovulation. Can't get this out of my head, but if we conceived earlier than we thought, then there is a chance I could be over a week further in pregnancy than I originally thought.
My scan is next Thursday and I'll be exactly 13 weeks based off my last period.
There is a chance I could actually be 14+ when my scan happens if I conceived earlier.
Should I be worried? It's really important we have it done early enough to get all necessary checks. I feel like I've gone down a rabbit hole and I'm making mountains out of mole hills?? What happens on the off chance we are over 14 weeks? Do we not get the tests?

@SqidgeBum - That's quite like my mum and dad when my sister was born! Best for dads to get some sleep so they can be useful :-). My dad drove Mum in at about 1am, once she was settled with a bed he curled up on the floor to go to sleep so she sent him home instead. He came back in at 7 and Laura was born at 11. For me it was a bit different... I was a home birth. Mum, Dad and the midwife were sitting watching Friday Night Live, and when it finished Dad turned off the tv and said "right... shall we get this going then?" I was born two hours later and came out in three pushes. I am desperately hoping that I have the same easy birth experiences!!!

Sorry, having a momentary flash of anxiety!! Doesn't help the 6 year old I look after hit me in the stomach yesterday and I've been really emotional ever since.

@Natopp what’s making you think your ovulation is likely to be that far out? Your scan is booked from date of last menstrual period as well, not your ovulation

@LozEliza congratulations! That's one of the clearest scan pics I think I've ever seen! Was that nhs or private?

You can have the quadruple screening test instead of the normal tests at 14-20 weeks, but it only attempts to screen for downs, not Edwards or patau. I think it's just a blood test without the nuchal measurement, so there would still be an option of you wanted the screening tests

Try not to worry @Natopp. My 17 month old has been elbowing and thumping me for weeks. She basically lives on my stomach bouncing up and down. Women are designed to be pregnant while being abused by their other children lol. The baby is very well protected in there.

With regards to ovulation, I am in the same boat. I have a feeling I conceived and then had an implantation bleed and am a few more weeks along than I originally thought. But that's based on period dates, not on ovulation. You always go by your last period when calculating how many weeks you are.

Well I've managed to stay dressed for about 2 hours, now in back in pjs and back in bed. How can i go from feeling scarily normal for 2 weeks then back to feeling like crap?

@Natopp snap again, I was hit and kicked this morning and told the mum I was really struggling with the long days and was very tired. No reply to my message. Then she saw me run off to throw up while I was feeding the kids and when I came back didn't say anything either. Great day!