November 2020 Babies - Thread 4

[Sakura54]

Another new thread for the Nov mums to continue our discussion. It’s nearly time for our dating scans!

Had a private scan today, DP couldn't come in which was upsetting but there's a little baby and I got to see its heart beating away, and it even had a little wiggle while they were doing the measurements. I'm measuring 8+1, even though by dates I would be 8+6, but that's further along than I thought I was as last time it was measuring 2 weeks behind so it's catching up!

@seventhrow what makes you think they’ll be really pissed off? Tbh they’ll just have to deal with it! I’d write yourself some enhanced maternity pay if you can too, set a good precedent (I work in HR and was part of creating our enhanced maternity pay, but won’t actually be entitled to it myself 😬 thankfully we’re ok on SMP)

@seventhrow no, I don't think you sound ungrateful. So what if other people are struggling? We all have our own circumstances and struggles. I'm with you and I've said on here before that I've never wanted kids, but it’s something that needs to be done IMO. I’ve never felt broody, so waited until I was 30 to have my 1st and I'm only going through this crap again as I don't want an only child. You are lucky to have your MIL. I have my family, in-laws plus a great DH, but I still tell/warn friends and anyone that will listen what absolutely hard work parenthood is lol. I wouldn’t have a 3rd even if someone paid me!

What’s made you decide to get two early scans @Addler?

@ParisInTheSpringtime and @MoreGinPlease2020 hello! There seem to be a lot of us on this thread!

@Addler did the 2nd private scan make you feel at ease? I'm considering getting a 2nd one as my lack of symptoms make me a tad nervous and this is my first time being pregnant so not sure of what my normal is and I have to wait basically 4 weeks for my hospital scan so not sure what to do 🙈

@BuffaloCauliflower Recurrent pain and bleeding throughout this pregnancy, all symptoms that I had early on (and I had pretty much all of them!) disappeared and I had a miscarriage at 8+6, which is what I am date-wise today, in January. And measuring 2 weeks behind at the last one I just wanted to be reassured that it was still growing even with the no symptoms and pain and bleeding.

@FirstBaby2020 yes it has in the sense that when I start getting anxious about having no symptoms or having some more pain and bleeding I can say to myself, well you had all that before and it's grown perfectly well since the last scan and the heart was still beating. Hopefully this will make the next month easier waiting for my NHS one

@FirstBaby2020 I’ve had similar anxiety and thought a lot about an early scan, but realising it doesn’t make any difference to the outcome whether I get a scan or not really helped. You cab see a heartbeat at 6-8-10 weeks and then still suffer a loss, a scan won’t change that. Also they’re seemingly not offering any medical management for missed miscarriages at the moment so in the event something is wrong there’s not really any option but to carry on anyway. I still have 3 weeks to go to my scan too, I am low on symptoms and nervous too, but choosing to focus on positivity and asking other women for their stories of low symptom but healthy pregnancies (I have a whole thread if you search my name)

@burntpinky We're everywhere!

In terms of my friends, it's a mixed bag but then I am 36. Some already have one/two children, others aren't there yet but are in serious relationships/engaged and are thinking about whether they want children. I was 33 last time I was pregnant (ended in an MMC) and then my relationship ended as well. I met my now fiancé 18 months ago and we decided now was the right time to start trying (mainly because I told him I couldn't wait much longer and bless him, he was happy with it) - although we didn't expect to get pregnant the first month of trying...

@Wise0wl and @seventhrow we didn’t want to change too much and we’re out for lunch (boozy for me as I wasn’t breastfeeding or driving but DH stayed sober) within a week of DC being born. We also had him on a boat and in a beer garden for lunch within 2 weeks.

You can def still have a life, it sometimes just takes a few goes at things to figure out what works and what doesn’t - eg, we went to France on holiday and made the mistake of trying to put DC down at 7pm French time which was only 6pm UK time - after 2 nights of battles we reanalysed our mistake and used UK time and he was fine!

We also tended to go out for a (boozy) lunch then just have bread, pate and cheese etc for dinner as by this point he was 1 and so needed to be home for bedtime whereas when they are little they will tend to sleep everywhere and anywhere so you can generally get away with dinner out. And there’s always babysitters!!

We did change slightly the kind of holiday we go on for some of our holidays in that we are now picking child friendly hotels but there are some lovely ones where you can still have a great adult time and loads of cocktails etc!

@Addler that makes sense. I had a loss last November at about 5 and a half weeks, haven’t had loads of symptoms this time (though nauseous today!) but thankfully no bleeding or worrying pain so I’m holding on to that

I had ds at 21, dd st 23 now number 3 at 35. At least I dont look so young this time I still looked about 16 when I was in my early 20s so got a lot of the "stupid teenage mum" looks which really used to wind me up.

@charlottethevet you're right! I checked out my stomach, which is still relatively flat, and there's a faint brown line. I'm also very pale, despite not being white lol.

Oh dear, I'm another lawyer (though I deliberately avoided the City!)

Congratulations on your scan, Rara.

@seventhrow I didn't see your post, but losing yourself is a valid concern. I dislike being pregnant, I don't particularly enjoy babies, and my friends' kids are all older so they're at a different stage to us, but 5yo DS is the absolute joy of my life. He's like having a drunk/stoned best friend - he asks questions like 'does the Easter Bunny believe in God'? And he gives amazing cuddles.

We're lucky that DS's grandparents all want to be involved, including DH's step-mum who is separated from his dad, so we have no shortage of babysitters when we want some time to ourselves!

@seventhrow Same boat as you. Have worked for company for 7 years and in the 12 years company has been running, nobody has ever taken maternity leave. I'm fairly senior and one of the only people not put on furlough at the moment. I was also instrumental in increasing the maternity package a couple of years ago. I dread telling them on one hand, but then I also think they are not my priority right now and I'll be looking after number one!

@Addler @BuffaloCauliflower Thanks guys both reassuring I suppose theres no way to prevent things from happening if there going to happen in the end. I've decided I'm just going to wait until my next scan as I feel if I get another private one I'll just want to constantly get them which will drive me insane 😂 Just have to wait it out and hope for the best 😊 Is anyone else feeling tired and want to nap but when you try to you cant?😭

@seventhrow and @AnxiousLady1 totally agree. Since I've been there (3.5 years) nobody has gone on mat leave from the core team, let alone the SMT, and I've got a role that's slightly different to others at my level which makes me feel more at risk (as it's more based on being present in the office, which obvs you can't do on mat leave...)

I'm also baffled by the policy so will need to talk through it. When are you both going to tell work?

Congrats @Addler!

And @burntpinky your stories of boats and pubs and cocktails give me real hope, thank you

@Sakura54 - haha yey! Join the pale linea nigra group! :D

@FlashesOfRage congratulations! I'm so so glad to hear that your twins are ok at 12 weeks. I've been doing so much googling and now I'm convinced that by the time I get to the 12 week scan (about 3 weeks to go) one or both of our twins will have disappeared.
Do your twins share a placenta or have their own? Do you have more appointments booked in than normal? Sorry so many questions!

@burntpinky I love this! This is how I aspire to be as a parent. I will be 32 when I give birth. All my close friends have children and they completely changed. They never go out even for dinner, never go on holiday etc which is fine as that's their choice. But I love to travel and go out etc and just don't want parent hood to completely stop all that. Was great hearing about your experience

@BuffaloCauliflower It's true that having an early scan won't change the outcome but for me it was a life saver. I was feeling super anxious which I think was messing up my IBS (as resolves day after scan) and I think the anxiety was also making me wake up early and made my nausea worse! So on balance for me the reassurance on my mental health outweighed that. Although you can still have miscarriages after an early scan actually once you see a heart beat this risk drops and is really tiny. The 12 week decision by the NHS is actually quite arbitrary because the difference between 8 and 12 weeks is tiny once you have a heart beat - in fact a miscarriage is classed as loss before 20 weeks, so that risk just gradually goes down naturally with time heart beat or not as 21 weeks it will be 0% risk of miscarriage as this wouldn't be classed as a miscarriage as it's beyond 20 weeks.

Sorry that was longer than intended but I think it's completely personal decision!

Big apologies for not replying to each of you lovely ladies separately. I just feel too sick to write much lol 😂💖 I really appreciate the kindness and support of you all whether the news is good or bad or if there is no news and it’s just anxiety lol! 🙏

@Audio30
I completely understand 💐 I’ve spent weeks expecting one to fade out at least. It’s strange how quickly I went from being amazed and grateful to be pregnant at all to being greedy and absolutely definitely wanting to be a twin mummy 🤣

My two are completely separate (Dichorionic/Diamniotic) so they each have a placenta. You’ve had at least one scan I guess but did they tell you which type you’re having yet? Have you got a booking appointment date? That’s when you should find out more about your care.

I will have a consultant appointment (probs on the phone) at 14+3, I’ve had it hinted that I may have a cervical check around 16wks (previously had a LETZ of my cervix for CIN3). Apparently I will also get a 10min phonecall at 16wks from a midwife just to check in. My 20wk anomaly scan will be June 15th.

They’ve given me a standard schedule of check ups for Di/Di mums where I live. It might be different elsewhere and the midwife said with covid it might end up different for me 🤷‍♀️💖

Back from my midwife appt. Not hugely successful, she was only able to get half the bloods she needed so gotta do the rest at 12 week scan.

I am sort of in the middle of my friends having kids. Quite a few have kids older than me and quite a few don't have any. I am 35 and had my first at 32.

Our life has changer in that we are in more, but that is through exhaustion rather than ability to go out. Our families are willing babysitters and me and my siblings have had kids at the same time which is nice. Grandparents get to look after kids the same age!

This excersion has exhausted me though, threw up when I got home and now back in bed feeling very sick.

@SqidgeBum, I’m also a secondary teacher.

@Pink15, I’m glad you’ve written that. You’ve made me feel a little less worried. I’ve had a previous miscarriage at 6 weeks. I’m now 11 weeks pregnant but had a bleed (pale pink and only when wiping on three occasions at 8+4) . I’m holding onto hope that because I saw a heart beat (at a epau scan after the bleed), it it’s likely it'll be ok at my dating scan (booked in for 13 weeks). Over the last week I’ve had quite a bit of pain (mainly on my right hip bone), and some tummy ache (which I think is due to gas and constipation-the joys of pregnancy eh) so I’m literally on constant worry mode. I cannot actually wait to get to 13 weeks so I can hopefully see everything’s ok.