Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 3

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up placeholder for new thread.....

@tmc14 that all makes a lot of sense. I like the idea of having birth preferences, rather than a birth PLAN. I think a lot of people get so tied in notes if things change. I know that I would prefer to labor in water, because I am a water baby (DH regularly calls me his mermaid because of how long I spend in the bath 😂) and I would prefer in those circumstances to just use gas and air.
If a water birth isn't possible either due to capacity or medical need I would prefer to use a tens machine for pain relief. I'm also going to have time conversation with DH re asking for different) additional pain relief in the middle of a contraction, because obviously that's when the pain will be worst and I'll less likely to advocate for myself well.

Honestly if at the end of it all things change and I have to have all the intervention, c section the works none of that will matter as long as I have a healthy baby at the end of it. But I feel like starting from a position of strength and understanding that might change is a good place to be... Who knows how I'll feel 20 weeks from now!

@Knotemma my birth was a bit different due to my baby’s condition, but I was expecting something very medicalised as we potentially needed neonatal present and I couldn’t have certain drugs for her breathing issues etc... when I expressed that I wanted it as calm, few interventions and as natural as possible with hypnobirthing aspects even on labour ward (thankfully we had our own room slightly away from everyone which was amazing) but they went above and beyond to make it as non medicalised as possible. But I felt so looked after and they were there if I needed it. They stuck to my birth plan pretty tightly too! It was lovely actually! You deffo can have the birth you want, just have to ask for it and keep an open mind to whatever changes can and do pop up! Hope you get what you are hoping for and that we all do!! So happy to see so much good news, especially at the minute! X

@AnxiousLady1 Ah! It's not out yet unfortunately, due in November 2020. It's this book:

www.foyles.co.uk/witem/health-wellbeing/pregnancy-after-loss-a-day-by-day,zoe-clarkcoates-9781409195948

Oops, the link didn't work. The title is Pregnancy After Loss by Zoe Clark-Coates.

@MOGMOGMOG85 really pleased for your scan, congrats! I had a fibroid found when I had my private scan a few weeks ago. Did they mention them at your scan? If not that probably means they have gone down, by the sounds of it they can fluctuate in size loads. No one mentioned mine in any previous scans so it must be very new. They will check more at 12 weeks apparently, it depends so much where is is located so I'm choosing not to bother worrying about it now - I have enough to already worry about!!
@MrsMGE that looks a great book, just released a bit too late for all of us (hopefully!).
Interested in everyone's comments on hypnobirthing too - I'm a long way away thinking about that, but I've seen the positive birth book recommended loads of MN. Cant hurt to at least give it a read later on!!
I feel so much more human this week which is great. Looking forward to a long weekend though- especially a sunny one! And interested to see what lockdown changes they make on sunday. Hope everyone is ok!

Apologies for the last post, it apparently decided to copy the whole page instead of just the stuff I highlighted...I have asked Mumsnet to delete it lol!

Second attempt at updating my weeks...hope you are all doing well. I've noticed there are a few ladies above me whose dates haven't been updated in a while...has anyone heard from them at all? x

@Bellsx 23wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 23wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 21wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 20wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 19wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 19wks due 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 19wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 19wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 18wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 13wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@Whiffle77 8wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 9wks (due 09/12/20)

@MOGMOGMOG85 that is brilliant news, congratulations! I had cramps afterwards, I had to have the vaginal scan because my womb tilts backwards and it had settled right at the back and I was quite crampy for a day or so. Lovely picture too. Great news.

Updating... 25 weeks

@Bellsx 25wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 25wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 21wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 20wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 19wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 19wks due 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 19wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 19wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 18wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 13wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@Whiffle77 8wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 9wks (due 09/12/20)

Congrats @Rachael321!

Have any of the ladies that are further along had any thoughts about when to start maternity leave? My work need to me to provide dates within the next week or 2 and I have no idea. Part of me was thinking beginning of August so I had time to relax and get things fully sorted before baby arrives mid September but the other part of me worries that won't give me much time after she arrives where I am still getting some pay... I do have some annual leave that I will probably still have to take before mat leave starts but honestly have no idea what the normal time to start mat leave is...

I was thinking that @sammilou2312 there are a lot on the list who don't even pop in briefly...hopefully they are having a very anxiety free pregnancy now and haven't felt the need to come on to MN?

@sammilou2312 I have submitted my mat leave request it's all very real!!
My plan is stop 31st july, take 2 weeks annual leave and start mat leave on 17th august with baby due on 20th. And return at the start of april!! Getting married in march aswell!

But obviously not everything goes to plan...

@SammiLou2312 I'm taking 3 weeks annual leave from 17 August, then starting mat leave 7 September, with Goblin due on the 23rd. I'm really lucky to have lots of annual leave, and the expectation is that I use this year's leave before I go off. I'm taking 12 months and am able to spread my pay out, so I'll have something coming in every month. I would suggest asking for a copy of the mat leave policy and have a chat with your HR team if you can.

You should also be able to amend you dates when reasonable, so if you decided to work until the week of, but 4 weeks before realised that was going to be a struggle they should let you start it earlier. I think it's generally easier to pull it forward than to push it back

@SammiLou2312 With my son I stopped at 37 weeks. I had two weeks annual leave and mat leave kicked in at 39 weeks. But I was two weeks late, so it was actually quite boring just being at home waiting. But then I was too knackered and huge to work (it was quite a full on job with lots of events). So I think it depends what kind of job you do really. I'm now self employed, and so will be working until the last minute (plus I know I'm unlikely to go over 40 weeks this time, so timings are a bit more accurate), and can choose to do less work towards the end. It's a very hard decision to make though!

Ladies, has anyone else been suffering with
bad headaches?

I've always been prone to headaches, I used to get menstrual migraines when I was on my period and dehydration headaches a lot. I actually didn't really get them at all when I was pregnant last time.

But since the weekend I have had this headache that I cannot shift. It comes and goes but today is back with a vengeance. It's more painful on one side but is also across the whole of my forehead. I've been drinking loads the past few days to stay hydrated, I've been sleeping ok and I've taken some paracetamol here and there but it's not shifting. I'm currently back in bed with tiger balm and an ice pack on it. It throbs occasionally too.

I'm guessing its hormones but it's making me feel nauseous as well. Has anyone else had the same? Any tips for a cure or should I speak to my gp?

@shefliesonherownwings I had this once or twice, I found that a warm wheat bag over my eyes really helped. I've also seen people suggest a cold compress? Mine lasted for a couple of days, like you I was well hydrated etc. Then it just stopped again (touch wood)

@shefliesonherownwings I had this last week and took myself to bed at 6 o clock. It was building all day and by then it was properly throbbing and making me super nauseous. I found when lying in bed it was okay (movement made it worse), so when I got up for the loo it was like a snow globe effect 🙈 I was also well hydrated etc but gather it's totally normal.

I have my 12ws on the anniversary of my MMC 🤦🏼‍♀️ It's officially in the diary and a booking appointment via phone tomorrow... It's got real all of a sudden

Afternoon all!

@MOGMOGMOG85 so happy your scan went well and had given you the reassurance you needed. Not long to go until the next one now!

@SammiLou2312 I'm planning on working until 11th September so two weeks before my due date, taking one weeks holiday and then starting May leave on 18th. I think I'm likely to be working from home for the foreseeable so not really much need to finish earlier as I'm feeling knackered I'll be able to work flexibly around how I feel.
We're going to use shared parental leave so I will take 9 months then my husband will take 3. I can carry over holiday into next year so although I'm returning full time I'll hopefully be able to use holiday days to work 3 or 4 days a week for almost 6 months so little one will start nursery part time at 12 months then go up to full time at 15 months.

@MrsMGE glad you've got a date now. I have the anniversary of my first miscarriage in a couple of weeks time. I've found as time passes I do think less and less about those dates but I'm sure they will always be imprinted on our minds no matter what. A few weeks ago was the due date of my second pregnancy and although I'd been thinking about it for a while, when the actual day came I completely forgot about it - one of the benefits of losing track of what day of the week it is I guess! Hopefully your scan will be a really positive experience and that day will be reframed in a happier light for you.

@Whiffle77 thanks for your reply. I've read about a lot of people who get them appearing during pregnancy. Mine were def there before - I was aware of them since fertility investigations, and had them properly investigated by a specialist a few months before conceiving. There are 3, about 5, 6 and 7cm respectively, so they are pretty big! They've def not shrunk, but don't seem to have rocketed up either, perhaps growing slightly bigger. I'm hoping this means they are not the type that balloon (I've read stories from women who start with a 5cm one that balloons to 18cm in as many weeks!). Last time I was pregnant the sonographers told me that I was likely to experience degeneration - its basically where they outgrow their blood supply and bleed into themselves, killing the tissue and releasing toxins. Its apparently very very painful akin to appendicitis and you have to be in hospital. Apart from the pain I think it's unlikely to affect the pregnancy although it can cause early labour... anyway I'm trying not to worry about that, I've seen so many women who had degeneration but didn't lose the pregnancy. Don't worry about your one - if they didn't mention degeneration it's probably a small one and not likely to affect you - loads of women have fibroids its when they get big they can cause issues, although by no means insurmountable ones. Mine aren't in a bad position as far as I can tell so I think degeneration is my main worry. I am going to be monitored by a gynaecologist through the pregnancy to keep track of how they develop/change. I'm not overly worried but the way women describe the pain is quite alarming, every one of them says it dwarfs labour!!!

On another note is anyone else on here a front sleeper? And if so are you trying to sleep on your side? I am worried how I'll fall asleep when I get bigger? Also is it safest to sleep on your side? Does anyone have a pregnancy pillow they could recommend?

@Avocuddles I know it's way too early for me to consider my parental leave but I was wondering if I did shared parental leave with OH and returned to work for a few months while he takes over if that would be long enough for me to be able to keep my maternity pay? I def can't return to work after the baby arrives, but I'd like to keep my maternity pay if possible! I guess I need to check their policy.. wondered if you knew about it! xx

I dont know why but today I've had the sudden urge to start washing baby stuff and putting stuff in hospital bag and start getting organised!

But theres something in my head saying it's too soon!!
Think it's been brought on by having to call 999 the other night as I was in agony with stomach and chest pains! Which turned out to be trapped wind and severe gastric reflux!!! I was mortified.

@MOGMOGMOG85 it depends on your maternity policy. They can't make you pay back statutory pay, but if you take an enhanced package (I get 6 months full pay) you either have to return to work for a set period of time or pay back the extra normally. I have to return to work for a minimum of 26 weeks. However I could go off on maternity leave again in that period and "stack" my time up for the end of the second maternity period.

@Rachael321 I keep thinking about doing some laundry, not that we've bought much by way of clothes yet. What I need to do is declutter the room that will become the nursery, but that seems like too big a task 🤷‍♀️. But I really could do with sorting it before I get to big

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm a front sleeper and it's only in past week or so that that has become problematic. I've bought a massive long pregnancy pillow which is comfy but trying to put off using it for as long as possible as it takes up half the bed! In the short term I've got a small cushion which I try to prop under my side when I go to sleep to stop my natural instinct to roll forward. I imagine sleep will become quite uncomfortable as time progresses but the giant pillow is ready and waiting!

Re mat leave, as @Knotemma says, your statutory pay is protected (or moves to your partner if they take over within that period) but if you have any enhanced benefits through your employer you'll need to read their own policy. Mine is similar to @Knotemma, I get a top up payment once I've been back at work for 26 weeks as long as I've taken no more than a year.

@Rachael321 I've only found out very recently that laundering new clothes was a thing! So much to learn.... There's no harm in being organised, get things done whilst you still have the energy!

@Avocuddles I had heard of it but wasnt sure so I asked my mum!! I have since bought fairy non bio to get started!

My thinking is get it done now while stuck at home and on top of all housework and washing instead of trying to squeeze it in.

@Rachael321 thank you for updating my weeks again, for some reason I can't do it on my phone as I don't have the paper clip option so have to go on the laptop which I don't do very often and then when I do I forget. Welcome to all the new comers and congratulations to those who have had positive scans recently. I had my 25 week midwife appointment today and all is good, got to listen to baby again as well which is just the best! Starting to think that I should really be getting things purchased and organised now, we have already bought a new car seat and the cot but not much else to be honest so tomorrow I think I'm going to write a list and get bits ordered. Any of you made any purchases yet?