Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 3

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up placeholder for new thread.....

So pleased you had a good experience @Shefliesonherownwings what a great pic!

I don't think any business will be able to reopen without complying with social distancing. Therefore in theory, it should be safe for anyone up to 28 weeks to return to work. I think the way we work will change significantly anyway - we have a team of people looking at it like your work @Avocuddles. I suspect there will be teams split/changed working patterns/shifts etc. We are still a very long way from returning to "normal" even if this advanced stage of lockdown ends, companies have a lot of work to do to put guidelines in place. Provided social distancing is maintained, I will plan to return to work and won't tell my boss/team until after 12 weeks. It is all a bit confused though. That also assumes my work will let me back, some may have policies not too but will just have to see.

@MrsMGE I'm glad the other ladies gave very good advice so you feel calmer! Let's not worry about this just this second, we don't know how things will play out yet. How are you feeling nowadays, are you feeling sick/tired? ❤️

@didslysquiddlydoo @Avocuddles @TunnocksTcake I'm having mine on Wednesday 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm rooting for you all on Monday! ❤️

@Shefliesonherownwings congratulations on a great scan, such a cute picture! 🥰

@Shefliesonherownwings I meant to say, I think I recognise you from one of the fitness threads. Delighted to hear (and see!) your good news, congratulations ❤️

@SunStruck Thanks. This fear of scans is something I am struggling with after what's happened. I know I'll be the same before every scan, no matter when it's going to take place. I've been pushing this idea away for as long as I could tbh.

I have better and worse days, although I'm happy to have the symptoms. It's quite 50/50, for example I felt pretty rough yesterday (nausea, smell sensitivity, food aversions), today I'm better, only very slight nausea & tender breasts. Some days I don't really have any symptoms at all, it's a mixed bag. How are you doing these days? How is DH coping, is he still working full time?

Thanks @Avocuddles and @sunstruck, I appreciate your comments. It did go away straight after I've been to the loo so hopefully it's just that, haven't had it at all today so fingers crossed. Maybe I've just ate too much bread as I've been existing pretty much on carbs for a few days due to complete lack of energy!!! I had a really busy day at work so have been able to put it to the back of my mind anyway so that was helpful & really got my anxiety under control (until the next wobble!)

@MrsMGE unfortunately I think we will always be worried and scared before scans after what we've been through! I'm still worried for my next scan next week at 20 weeks. I think that when you've been in that super unlucky "MMC-group" once you'll always think it will happen again. We really need to remember our mantra though.... new sperm, new egg. Today I'm pregnant!

I bet you're relieved you feel symptoms even though it's on and off! Make sure you take it easy when your body tells you to. I'm doing well thanks, tired some days but I just make sure I have a short nap in the afternoon - the beauty of WFH 😂 otherwise sore back etc but I've heard that's normal in 2nd trimester! DH is fine thanks, still working full time as am I so it's all good (just salary cuts for 3 months but I'd take that any day over redundancy!).

Agree completely with everyone worrying about work. I think the RCOG guidance doesn't help as I think it's really wishy-washy, basically all suggest/recommend/encourage so there's no real teeth to it and employers won't feel compelled.⁣
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I know this is probably stupidly early and feels like getting ahead of myself (even at 17 weeks) but is anyone thinking of signing up to do NCT/ Positive Birth Company classes? I'm not going to sign up to any until if 20 week scan goes ok but just looking into options, haven't ever got this far before so not thought about it. Seems very expensive and might all be online? Any advice welcome and if it doesn't feel appropriate to discuss here I'm happy and grateful for people to message me. Thank you!⁣
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Updating my weeks (and @tmc14 as we're basically the same date!)⁣
⁣
@Bellsx 23wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 23wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 20wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 19wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 19wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 19wks due 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 19wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 19wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 18wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 17wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 13wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@Whiffle77 8wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 8wks (due 13/12/20)⁣

@hagster I did the positive birth company online hypnobirthing course with my first baby, he's now 18 months. I found it amazing, I went into the birth feeling totally prepared & looking forward to it. The only thing I'd say is I found it quite anti c section, I ended up having to have an emergency one & nearly felt like I'd failed because I had honestly thought the only way to give birth 'properly' was vaginally. Just something to bear in mind. Otherwise I would definitely recommend it, plus your partner can watch his bits in his own time as they have to play a major part in the birth.

@Hagster congratulations on 17 weeks! I've bought the positive birthing company digital pack, it was only £40 and I feel like that's a good compromise when it's probably all going to end up being online anyway. I've watched a few bits and also started listening to the pregnancy affirmations on a night before bed. I've also started following a doula on YouTube called Bridget Teyler. She has loads of postive birth stories, short videos on breathing, different types of pain management etc. She's American so not everything applies, but it's very inclusive and she just seems nice and kind!

scan day tomorrow and I feel like I'm awaiting my execution. Can I list my symptoms in detail to let you know why I'm so worried? I started getting nausea at 4 weeks peaking at 6 weeks - I never actually threw up but just very restrictive food aversions and nausea. I still felt nauseous until a couple of days ago but less intensely than at 6 weeks. The last couple of days I haven't even felt very hungry although I think I am still having food aversions as without the intense hunger it's harder to persuade myself to eat anything (and I am not usually avoidant of eating!!). I haven't really felt tired this pregnancy apart from a couple of days at the start. I have been getting tired in the evenings but not much different to normal. My breasts only ache slightly in the evenings - that has been consistent. They are still fuller. And my digestion is def still super slow. I haven't even been very emotional this pregnancy. I am crying more, but I don't seem to be having mad mood swings like last time.

So, I'm not feeling confident at all. I'm glad all this crappy wondering and worrying will be over tomorrow one way or another. I so hope I get a nice surprise like a lot of you seemed to after feeling this way, but I just can't help but feel that the symptoms tailing off isn't a good thing. Ah, I'm going to be so so gutted if it's another missed miscarriage :'( and I don't want to have to deal with it at all. I just wish I had a way to undo the pregnancy rather than go through it :( I'm due some good luck in my life so I'm really hoping that I'll get some but I very much know life doesn't work that way.

My scan is in the evening - I will come on here and let you know either way :( xxx

@Hagster i bought the digital positive birthing company pack back when lockdown started - it was on a deal for £12 so I thought I'd get it and bank it for later!

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'll be thinking of you for your scan and really hope you get the good news you deserve. I've said it lots of times over these threads but please try not to put too much weight into symptoms - I've pretty much never felt pregnant throughout this pregnancy - no sickness, no cravings, no aversions, etc.. I had some very slight nausea for about three days at around 7 weeks and that was it - it disappeared and never returned... I know it won't really ease your anxiety but symptoms can mean very little re the health of a pregnancy.. I'll have everything crossed for you xx

@Hagster I'd signed up to NCT prior to lockdown, although the course doesn't start until July they've already informed us that it will almost certainly be online based rather than face to face and provided a partial refund to account for this. I'm also planning on finding some hypnobirthing resources online - although my birth will be consultant led and inevitably 'medicalised' I figure it may still be helpful in particular as my anxiety levels seem to be creeping up as the lockdown / pregnancy progresses..... I will definitely take a look into the Positive Birth Company resources as sound like decent value.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I will be thinking of you tomorrow, I know it's easier said than done but please please please try not to dwell on symptoms. I've had two MMCs (both of which passed naturally within a few days of diagnosis) along with the current pregnancy and to be perfectly honest up to the point at which the initial signs of miscarriage started (bleeding at 7-8 weeks) my symptoms were much the same in all three pregnancies. It's such a horrid time and impossible to not try to interpret every single twinge or lack of. The odds are in your favour that you will have a successful pregnancy - I certainly struggled to believe it when others told me that after fertility struggles and two losses but for the majority of women, even those who have had far more losses than me, things do work out in the end. Hopefully this will be your successful pregnancy, in fact hopefully all of us are growing rainbow babies right now. All we can do is try to maintain that glimmer of hope because if we don't have that then the world is a very tough place indeed..... wishing you all the best and looking forward to hopefully hearing some really good news from you....

For everyone discussing hypnobirthing, I bought the positive birth book on Amazon for about £8 and loved it! Gave birth at 38 weeks knowing she wouldn’t survive long after birth but can honestly say it was the most amazing, positive and enjoyable (?!) experience. Everything I read helped me feel really in control cause it explains what happens and why your body does what it does and I felt was more aimed at educating you that you do have a choice and what those are. Like we chose not to have any monitoring which I didn’t know was even an option! The breathing deffo helped too - she was back to back and managed the whole thing with the breathing exercises to focus on (the gas and air distracted me!). Honestly would recommend to everyone! X

@MOGMOGMOG85 Hey lovely. Good luck for today, will be thinking of you. Really, really, don't pay attention to your symptoms, it isn't an indicator of a healthy pregnancy. I had symptoms in my first one right up till the day I took the tablets to miscarry and the baby was gone for weeks. It's not an indication of things being good or bad. I have at least two friends who had practically symptomless pregnancies too and they were fine. I'm not preaching at all, you know I have my own anxieties and I understand yours very well. There's not much to hang on to at this stage so we focus on things that are visible, like symptoms. But it's not an indicator in reality, unfortunately it's a waiting game. I hope today goes really fast for you. Deep breaths and calming thoughts ❤️ Have a cuppa. Take care xxx

PS - really sorry about your pet rat, sending you big, big hugs ❤️❤️

*tomorrow apologies for the typo

*tomorrow not today, sorry about the typo xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 oh I remember how you are feeling so well, I really feel for you. Even though I had had 6 scans before my 12 week one I was convinced my lack of symptoms meant it was all going wrong. Please don't rely on symptoms, every time I went for an early scan and mentioned lack of or drop in symptoms the drs didn't even write it down, they take that little stock from them. I only had a background feeling of being hungover, nauseous and wanted to eat all the carbs but I think honestly you get used to the symptoms, especially if they are mild.
Only 1 day to go, you can do this x

@MrsMGE scan anxiety still hasn't left me either even after alllll the scans I have had. We have been through trauma and it is to be expected that we will feel this way. Every time I get freaked out I tell myself that at least after the scan I will know either way, and can stop living in limbo.
I had to admit to work that I was pregnant the week before I had my 12 week scan, on the day the lockdown for pregnant ladies was announced and I never returned to work. I thought this would be the most obvious thing ever but not one person guessed! And I work in a v small team of 5!

@hagster I booked Nct after 12 week scan but expect it will be via video now. I have also been recommended the positive birth company by a friend and will be signing up when 20 weeks has passed. I was really looking forward to meeting other mums and the social side of it but I guess that will have to wait.

Thanks @TunnocksTcake. I've decided to cancel my early scan. I was thinking about it all day yesterday, woke up today and concluded that it won't give me the level of reassurance I need and not for as long as I need it, and I'd rather wait. Plus the lack of D&C option now is a big no-no to me.

I can imagine even if you wait and things go ok, the worry never really leaves you because there's this 1% statistic still there, but from what I read, a second trimester MC is due to different (and very unlikely) reasons than the first trimester MC, and in most cases these can be acted upon early to protect you and the baby. This has given me quite a bit of reassurance actually. Do you feel worried quite regularly now or do you feel a bit more relaxed? Xxx

Omg guys I just needed to share - I was sitting on the sofa after indulging in some jam on toast and suddenly got loads of big flutters in my tummy - I laid down and lifted my top to see actual movement happening across my stomach!!! 🥰

@didslysquiddlydoo so amazing!!! And so jealous 🤣 Nada here yet... yesterday I thought I felt something after dinner but in the end I think it was just my intestines processing the food 🤣
Any other if you 19 weekers definitely feeling any movement yet? 🥺

@MrsMGE great you've made a decision to cancel the early scan as it made you feel so anxious, I hope you feel better after having made this decision ❤️ try to keep busy at home for the next coming weeks and hopefully time won't feel like it's standing still!

@SunStruck @didslysquiddlydoo I think I'm probably starting to feel movements though as it's all new and strange i wouldn't say I'm 100% certain. It's usually when I'm relaxed or lying down and feels kind of like a bubbling / popping feeling? Yesterday afternoon I was gently pressing down where the feeling was coming from and I'm pretty sure I felt something bulge out at me, I stared down for ages then but never had anything else quite the same, just the gurgling feeling.....

@MrsMGE I've found second trimester anxiety comes and goes. We've had a lot of other stuff going on health wise recently so my anxiety has generally been diverted towards that, but I'm still pretty worried thinking about the scan next week and cautious to say 'we're having a baby' as I'm not sure I'll believe that until they're safely here with us. But it's definitely not as bad as the anxiety in the first 12 weeks, and the first 9 in particular.....

@didslysquiddlydoo Aw that's lovely (also a big thumbs up from me re jam on toast, that's my go-to meal now! Plus a bit of cheddar on top 😄)

@SunStruck Thank you, sista 😘 Honestly, it felt like weight lifted off my shoulders. I explained to the scanning place and they completely understood. I might regret this in 4/5 weeks time, but if it's bad news then maybe next time I'll decide differently. I think I had my priorities wrong, worrying about it being known to people so early. In reality, who cares? I need to care about myself and the bean, that's it. Even if people know and rush with their congratulations then I'll have to accept that, they mean well and I know they'll support me throughout, whatever the outcome. I have to look at the positives.

@Avocuddles I can totally understand your worries, you and DH had so much going on health-wise in the last few months. It's never good timing, but obviously far from ideal now! I just hope this is the end of worries for you and the second half of your pregnancy will be much more relaxed ❤️❤️

@SunStruck it's definitely hard to distinguish at first and it's only really in the last few days I feel more sure that it's movements - I thought I was feeling them regularly last week but in hindsight I think a lot of that was gas 😂

@MrsMGE totally agree with @Avocuddles re second trimester anxiety. It's definitely still there but so much less than that first trimester - hang in there xx

@Avocuddles yep same for me - usually when relaxed and like popping or bubbling! Today was definitely the strongest I've felt it and was more like a little wave in my stomach - haven't seen the movement again but exciting all the same, can't wait for you to experience it!

@didslysquiddlydoo I had this last night!! Boy goes wild about 7pm for the last week (I’m 19+3 now) and last night I saw my tummy move! Felt like he was flipping haha. Second in 6 months so I’ve been feeling him since about 15 weeks x