Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 3

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up placeholder for new thread.....

@AnxiousLady1 pregnancy headaches/migraines are awful. Luckily I've only had a few, but I found a warm wheat bag over my eyes really helped ease it. A cold compress is supposed to help too.

Good luck today @knotemma hope all goes well! What a milestone. And happy 20 weeks @SammiLou2312
Hope you are feeling much better today @AnxiousLady1
Mine is too @Milkshake54 when the midwife suggested it she was wincing at me like she didnt think I would say yes, but I kept at the chance! Saves the whole day worrying then. Mine also seems a long way away but I'm hoping it will come fast. I feel in a strange position that time feels like it is dragging, but also like it has gone really fast. It is such a strange time to be pregnant, as time has a different meaning already just because of lockdown!

*lept at the chance!

@Knotemma ahhh good luck for your scan today!!! Are you finding out the sex if you can?

@Milkshake54 ahh I think early morning scans are so much better!!! You'll probably not be able to sleep anyway and there should be no delays as you'll be first one in! Plus you're not waiting around half of the day, feeling anxious!! Glad you got your date xx

@Knotemma Thanks for the suggestion! Pretty sure I have an eye bag lying around somewhere so will try that next time.

Morning scans are definitely better. I'd my 12 week one at 11 and even that was tough. First few hours that morning dragged. My next scan is at 9am so I'm pleased.

Updating weeks :)

@Bellsx 23 wks (due 20/08/20)
@Rachael321 23 wks (due 20/08/20)
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)
@SammiLou2312 20wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)
@Knotemma 19wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)
@LilMrsS 18wks (due 24/09/20)
@didslysquiddlydoo 18wks due 26/09/20)
@TunnocksTcake 18wks (due 26/09/20)
@avocuddles 18wks (due 27/09/20)
@Sunflower1608 18wks with twins (due 28/09/20)
@SunStruck 18wks (due 28/09/20)⁣
@Scout20 14wks (due 29/09/20)
@Littlegoth 18wks (due 30/09/20)
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Treaclepie19 17wks (due 07/10/20)⁣
@Aria2015 10wks
@tmc14 16wks (due 11/10/20)
@Hagster 13wks (due 12/10/20)⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)
@DressingGown87 13wks (20/10/20)
@rachelrainbow (11 weeks, due 1/11/20)
@teaandtantrums90 12 wks (due 07/11/20)
@AnxiousLady1 12 wks (due 07/11/20)
@Shefliesonherownwings 9 wks (due 10/11/20)
@Whiffle77 8 weeks (due 04/12/20)
@MOGMOGMOG85* 7 wks (due 13/12/20)

So our scan went really well, everything is where it should be, definitely have 2 arms and 2 legs. Looking away for the bits that could have given away the gender was so hard, not because I want to know, just because I was glued to the screen.
I told the sonographer right at the start that I was nervous and had a rough journey to this point and he was really lovely.
And I got lots of scan pictures, including a really good profile that I've attached. Definitely feeling a lot more positive again, hoping this lasts me until July and the next growth scan. I've also had confirmation that I have a high anterior placenta, so will probably feel movements a bit later, which is reassuring to know, rather than me starting to worry something is up. Hope you're all having a day

Great news on the scan @Knotemma and lovely scan pic! I definitely don't have the willpower to not find out the sex, but keeping it a surprise sounds great! How many weeks is the growth scan at?

@Knotemma such great news and what a gorgeous pic! Can't decide if I am excited or terrified about my scan on Sunday lol. We want to find out what gender baby is but am hoping that they can write it down so I can open it with my hubby when we get home x

@MrsMGE @avocuddles thanks, yes it's all okay for us! So many people have it worse atm. I'm not too stressed at all, we are in a good position compared to a lot of people 😕 How are you guys feeling today? ❤️

@Knotemma congrats on a good scan!!! Such a lovely pic 🥰

@SammiLou2312 good luck on yours soon! I agree earlier scans are better, mine is booked for 9 am on the 13th - I'll be 20 weeks and 2 days then!

Hey all!

Had my scan today and was put forward a few days woooo!

Updating my weeks

@Bellsx 23 wks (due 20/08/20)
@Rachael321 23 wks (due 20/08/20)
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)
@SammiLou2312 20wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)
@Knotemma 19wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)
@LilMrsS 18wks (due 24/09/20)
@didslysquiddlydoo 18wks due 26/09/20)
@TunnocksTcake 18wks (due 26/09/20)
@avocuddles 18wks (due 27/09/20)
@Sunflower1608 18wks with twins (due 28/09/20)
@SunStruck 18wks (due 28/09/20)⁣
@Scout20 14wks (due 29/09/20)
@Littlegoth 18wks (due 30/09/20)
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Treaclepie19 17wks (due 07/10/20)⁣
@Aria2015 10wks
@tmc14 16wks (due 11/10/20)
@Hagster 13wks (due 12/10/20)⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)
@DressingGown87 13wks (20/10/20)
@rachelrainbow (11 weeks, due 1/11/20)
@teaandtantrums90 13 wks (due 05/11/20)
@AnxiousLady1 12 wks (due 07/11/20)
@Shefliesonherownwings 9 wks (due 10/11/20)
@Whiffle77 8 weeks (due 04/12/20)
@MOGMOGMOG85* 7 wks (due 13/12/20)

Congrats @Knotemma and @teaandtantrums90 what lovely scan pictures! 🥰 hope you are both feeling good!

@AnxiousLady1 I'm 19+1 today, we've talked quite a lot about whether we would find out. We feel like there are so few surprises left in life and wouldn't be bothered either way. Plus I love babies in neutral colours and this way we won't be gifted loads of gendered clothing and stuff.

@SammiLou2312 I was in the same boat with the mixed emotions, especially with DH not able to come. But the staff were lovely and DH waited in the car. I took cake, so we could celebrate when I came out.

@SunStruck I'm really pleased that things are reasonably stable for your husband, while it's not ideal to take a pay cut at least he's still got something on the go.

@teaandtantrums90 that's a gorgeous scan pic and really pleased everything has gone well. You might want to crop the photo though, it's got your name and DOB on. I know everyone here is lovely, but I always thinks it's best to be safe (sorry that I'm a proper granny about these things)

Congratulations @Knotemma @teaandtantrums90, lovely scan pictures ❤️

I'm ok, thanks for asking @SunStruck, another busy day. I'll be ringing my doctors tomorrow to sort out my booking appointment. I'm still apprehensive about the whole thing, but I'll be 8 weeks counting from my LMP soon, so I need to overcome my doubts now, I guess!

@MrsMGE @Knotemma @Avocuddles thanks for your support ladies 🥰

@MrsMGE oh soon 8 weeks! How exciting... feels like yesterday I heard about your pregnancy! 😄 so what have you decided to do, early scan at 8 weeks? Or do you mean sort out your 12 week scan?

@teaandtantrums90 lovely scan pic... congratulations ☺️

@SunStruck I've talked myself out of having an early scan for now. Upon consideration, if this pregnancy progresses then I know I'd like to have the NIPT test and on balance, I prefer to minimise my exposure to healthcare premises right now. How are you feeling lovely? 😘 Xxx

Sorry guys haven't been keeping up with the thread at all. I'm 6 days away from my scan and had a total meltdown this evening. I guess it's predictable. My womb has been stretching and I felt really hopeful in the early evening that there is something in there. Then I got really tired and felt convinced I'm not pregnant, and my tired brain said "oh well maybe you're not pregnant" and then it dawned on me - I'm definitely pregnant, and there are only 2 possible outcomes, birth, or miscarriage or worse... I know it's basic but it just kind of hit me that I have to go through something if everything is not ok with the scan, and I don't honestly know how I'd cope with another miscarriage. I felt trapped and panicked. And then I started talking to my partner about how awful the last miscarriage was and he just went really quiet and looked so sad. I realised there is still a distance between us re: the miscarriage and it only got better because I started to feel better and get over it to an extent for the month or 2 before I fell pregnant. But deep down I felt very alienated from him at that time, and I think he didn't feel he could do or say anything to help and that I took everything he did say badly. So yeah, I think it's safe to say we're now both terrified of how we'd cope with another. Yay! I did tell him it's normal for couples to feel pushed apart by a miscarriage and very normal for men to feel like they can never do or say the right thing and to feel useless to help. Its a bit like talking to a stone with him sometimes though - he very much copes with his own feelings in silence (please tell me there's some others of you out there that have this annoyingly common male trait with your partners too!). I try to respect his way of dealing with things but sometimes my emotions come out (as tonight) and we have to talk about things and it's clearly very hard for him but he puts up with it and does the best he can to engage and not just run away and put his noise cancelling headphones on which I KNOW he would love to do! ... so anyone with a previous mmc coming up to a scan, it isn't rocket science but it seems very likely you will start to fall apart a bit in the final week running up to it... its been a whole month now since I got my positive test and its just been a month of constantly distracting myself, zoning out, pushing thoughts away, not focussing on that I'm pregnant, and I guess it gets harder over time. As I get close to the scan my two possible futures hang over me and I can't escape them :( and yeah, i was nauseous at lunchtime but its still nothing compared to how i felt at 6 weeks (a week and a half ago) and I still don't have major symptoms. I guess only time will tell and I'll find out very soon :( hope you've all been having a better evening than me xx

@Mogmogmog85 sorry to hear that you're feeling so low. It's strange because I don't think that the possibility of a successful pregnancy hit me until about 15/16 weeks. Honestly before that I had no belief that the pregnancy would progress.

I definitely know what you mean about having a husband who doesn't do well talking about feelings. He's extremely empathetic and feels things very deeply but has this ingrained belief that he has to be strong for me. I can always tell when he's having a bad day because he'll go into a room, close the door and have a cry. I've worked really hard on not allowing that, as awful as it sounds. But we're a team and we look after each other. So he isn't allowed to hide when he's having a bad day. I'm not pushy for him to talk/express anything, I just go in, close the door behind me and hug him. We're in the unique and awful situation that both of his best friend's wives have had multiple MC's the same as us, so he does have a good group of boys to support him and they really do look after each other. With 9 MCs between us it's definitely needed.

I would definitely recommend finding something that works for you to break the cycle of negative thought. For me that tends to be turning on a yoga nidra, as that means I have to focus on the track and follow the instructions. It really helps me to stop spiralling down that negative thought path that ends in a panic attack. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying"think nice thoughts", that's naïve, but I do think diverting yourself from catastrophising really helps to gain back some control x

@MOGMOGMOG85 I definitely empathise with you re having a partner who seems uncommunicative / didn't lend the emotional support you perhaps needed during and after a miscarriage. My first miscarriage hit my DH hard, he tried the strong and silent approach but after a few days broke down on the way to work. He was upset for a day and then brushed it under the table again. During my second pregnancy and miscarriage he seemed very distant, I guess he didn't want to get too invested in things as a self protection mechanism, but it just made me feel very lonely and alienated and the period up to my loss at 8 weeks and the following couple of weeks were very hard. Miscarriage number 2 left me feeling broken so I persuaded DH to go for counselling a month or so after the second miscarriage which was a turning point for us - I spoke honestly about how he'd made me feel and it did change his attitude when we started TTC again and he's been a lot more communicative and engaged during this pregnancy.
I didn't have any significant symptoms around 8 weeks other than slightly achey boobs and feeling a bit more tired than usual, please try not to panic yourself and remember that so many of us here can vouch for the fact that symptoms do come and go. I really do hope that your scan is a positive experience and gives you some reassurance - you may also find that your partner becomes a lot more engaged afterwards. In the awful worst case scenario I would certainly recommend counselling to help your relationship at a really stressful time - in fact it might be worth considering regardless? I found someone online who quoted pregnancy loss and fertility issues as being one of their specialities and she definitely helped us both to change our mindset and approach the ups and down pregnancy with a more positive mentality.

@MrsMGE 8 weeks is a good milestone, the past couple of weeks feel like they've flown by to me though imagine it's been a lot slower for you!

@teaandtantrums90 gorgeous scan photo, glad all looking good for your bonfire night baby!

@Knotemma I love your photo, I'm hoping I have a similar 20 week one to share in 10 days time! Nerves are kicking in, some days I don't 'feel' pregnant at all whilst on others bump feels a bit more pronounced and I feel a little more confident. I had a nightmare last night that I was having a scan and the sonographer thought I was there about my fertility issues and when I said 'but where's the baby' they said oh no you're definitely not pregnant..... woke up feeling awful but feeling a bit better now. Also had strange dreams about going ice skating so my imagination was clearly far too active.....
I haven't felt any movements for sure yet but have found that if I have a cold drink and then lie down or lounge on the sofa it does feel like there's sone kind of popping going on - I'm not sure if I'm imagining it though!

@Avocuddles I hate those realistic dreams where you wake up not sure if something actually happened. Luckily mine are less nightmarish now I had a few weeks where I woke up having been stabbed, shot, eaten alive... Not really sure where it all came from 🤷‍♀️. I'm looking forward to seeing all the new scan pics in the next few weeks, I feel like we have quite a few 12 and 20 week scans coming up
Hope you're all having an ok day x

@MOGMOGMOG85 Hope you are feeling a little better today. I'm another one that can relate to DH not showing emotion to try be strong for me. But as @Knotemma said, I also know that when we had the MC last year, he cried when he thought I didn't see. I also noticed he totally went off food in the days following. Knowing he was upset and trying to talk to him about it (and him not really talking too much about it), really upset me way more. I actually then found myself putting a braver face on it as I couldn't bear to see him down. But we have talked a lot since finding out I was PG again, and ultimately he's listened and reassured me through various wobbles. Until the 12 week scan both of us buried head in sand and we are obviously still incredibly cautious.

@avocuddles and @knotemma I've been lucky enough to not have any nightmarish dreams yet. I had one where I bled, and that was night before I spoke on here about having serious wobble. I'm still having vivid dreams though. But last night I was dreaming I was doing a jigsaw...not exactly riveting or something that needs to be psychoanalysed. I think my brain was just telling me it's super bored 😂

@Avocuddles @Knotemma @AnxiousLady1 I had a dream last night where I was pregnant with twins (im not!) and it really upsets me, reminded that I should have 2 babies now not just 1 :(

@Anon20something I'm sorry your dream was upsetting. Maybe it means a twin pregnancy is on the horizon for you one day in the future....!!!

Fab scan pics!!!

I'm feeling more movement every day now which is nice and reassuring.

Collected our travel system today, all 7 boxes!!! And it was my first day in maternity jeans!! All seems to be getting very real!

@Rachael321 congrats on getting your travel system. Loving the bump pic. Are you getting proper movements now like kicks etc or still just flutters? I can't wait to feel proper kicks and more importantly for my hubby to be able to feel them too x