Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 3

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@Whiffle77 - Yes I think I would have had to tell them sooner had I still been in the office, as I went through a couple of weeks in the first trimester where I felt fairly rough. Travelling on the tube etc would have been far from ideal at that stage.

I'm ultimately torn between wanting to shout it from the rooftops, and not wanting to tell too many people yet as I'm still quite nervous about the pregnancy going well. I think if we were allowed to return to work soon I would still be a bit nervous about it. Being in the office is fine, but my only transport option working in the city is the London underground which is a nightmare under normal circumstances. I'd have to either continue WFH or change my hours to go in late and leave early to avoid all the busy travel times (if possible).

@CarterBeatsTheDevil welcome and congratulations on your pregnancy.

@AnxiouxLady1 I can understand the tube being a concern. I honestly don't see me making it back into the office before mat leave which does make me sad. But because we're essential they will be bringing the more operational teams back in first, whenever that happens and honestly I don't think they'll rush because in general this new way of working is working out really well.

So ladies I just did a thing. I've bought a travel system 😬 I know 19 weeks is early, but it was almost exactly what I've been looking for and in a sale with £200 off. I also suspect it's end of line as it's Joie x Mothercare. So that's coming tomorrow. I really hope it arrives before we have to leave for my scan, definitely didn't think that through

@Knotemma is your 20 week scan tomorrow? Will you be finding out the sex? Great on buying the travel system. Super exciting!! I can't wait to get to stage where I start buying things. I think it will help to be more excited and maybe less nervous about the pregnancy. I've procrastinated a couple of times during the day and looked a little at things that my pregnancy app has notified me about, and then I tend to catch myself doing it and stop.

@AnxiousLady1 yep it's my anatomy scan tomorrow. We're not planning to find out the gender, we'd prefer to have a suprise. I'm mixed between looking forward to tomorrow and anxious. While I've got no reason to think anything would be wrong it's still on my mind.

I'm definitely starting to get braver about ordering a few bits. I'm trying to stay away from clothes and blankets, because I know those are really common gifts, so I've just gone for some little vests and sleep suits. I'm aiming to start out minimal and build up once the goblin is here, I'm not planning to do the nursery properly until we're ready to move them out of our room, though I think I might upcycle my old pine dresser into a "changing station" it's currently my sewing machine table though so who knows. I have to admit I fell a bit sick having made a big purchase 🤦😂

@Knotemma - best of luck with the scan. I know we all hold our breath during scans and I expect my 20 week one to be no different. I definitely want to know the sex, but I think that's the OCD part of my brain. I love being organised and planning (probably not ideal with pregnancy and newborns haha!). But that's another reason I am looking forward to starting to shop. I am someone that always makes lists - for everything. So I will take great joy in having a list of things I need to get and researching things. I was the same when planning our wedding. The organising didn't stress me at all. I really enjoyed it!

Don't feel nervous about the big purchase. It's brilliant to be able to enjoy these parts of the pregnancy (where you will have spent the first trimester so nervous). You've made it this far and deserve to enjoy the nice parts. x

19 weeks and deffo feeling anxious too! I have bought some bits but I just had a total panic attack about potentially not getting to use them again :( haven’t had any little pops since this morning which I know is totally normal at this stage but just feeling so anxious, think it’s with things starting to feel very real! I have my anatomy on the 14th (I’ll be 21 weeks) and just wish it would hurry up so I can see him again xxx

@Knotemma congrats on your first big purchase. We bit the bullet and bought travel system and all the nursery furniture plus a few other bits around 5/6 weeks ago...I was a tad paranoid about the lockdown coming in and potentially not being able to get anything delivered before Pip arrives (btw, I always giggle a little when you refer to your baby as the goblin lol!). Hope you have a great scan tomorrow. You have more restraint than me. I'm hoping to find out why we are having...I have a feeling it's a girl but who knows. Will depend on if Pip stays still long enough for them to get a clear view. Pip is a right wriggler apparently. Does anyone else have a feeling of what they might be having?

How do we make the time go faster?

So I had some old blood - and was checked out in EPU. They estimate me to be between 5w - 6w (I have irregular periods). They saw a sac and yolk but no foetus yet or heartbeat.

I have to go back in 2 weeks so should be approx. 7 -8w and hopefully should see a heartbeat.

I'm really scared that its not going to be there - time is going so slow. Is this normal to feel anxious after my last miscarriage I feel like it stolen the joy of pregnancy from me?

Hi @optomistic66 and firstly welcome! Yes it is totally normal to feel that way...not going to lie the anxiety still rears its head and I'm at 20 weeks tomorrow. On the other hand, I'm at 20 weeks tomorrow after 4 miscarriages and a MMC over 10 years. Just try to remember, this is a different egg and a different sperm so a different pregnancy so it will hopefully work out well. Also...today, you are pregnant!

You are in the right place here, we have all been through losses and this group is a massive support for both good and bad times, even if you just need a place to rant xx

Thanks @sammiLou2312

Honestly I've become so anxious now that I worry over little thing even though I know the outcome is out of my hands now.

Its not helping being at home

@SammiLou2312 thank you! They have been the goblin since our nine week scan because it looked like they had pointy ears... DH said elf but I said they had been so naughty making me poorly that they had to be a goblin.

I was really nervous about buying a stroller/puchchair online but honestly the way things are going I feel like it's unlikely that we be going far to have chance to look at that type of thing, so just bit the bullet when the price was right.

@Optimistic66 those first weeks are awful they drag by so badly. We had scans at 6+5, 9+1(private), 12+1 and 13 +5 (after a bleed) and the time between them seemed forever.

As @Sammilou2312 says you're definitely in the right place and it's a brand new set of circumstances. We all talk at some point of another about the fact that you lose the naivity that everything will be ok after a loss (or losses). It definitely does get better but I still have wobbly moments at 19 weeks.

Not having much to occupy your time won't be helping either... I'm a big believer in trying to learn something new/pick up something you haven't done for a while with all this extra time, so I'm currently knitting and crocheting. Best of luck to you with everything to come and don't be afraid to come in here and have a good vent when you need to x

@AnxiousLady1 I haven't told my employer yet and won't do until after the 20 week scan. I was hoping to tell my manager face to face when back but I'm not sure if pregnant women will go back anytime soon at all now so I'll probably
Just do it over the phone. I'm also working in a sales environment (and a sales role), but it's a good business and I've been here for 5 years. But with sales dropping off due to the market situation I'm not sure if it helps me or not to say I'm pregnant 🤷🏻‍♀️

For all the lovely ladies wishing us well today, DH had a significant pay cut for 3 months but no redundancy yet. We both had a pay cut now which is annoying when the baby is here soon, but it's better than no job at least! He's still not out of the woods though, his industry is super volatile 😥

I told my employer at 6 weeks after my first private scan but that was because I had just started talking to her about coming back to work after losing Isla and pregnant women had been told to stay at home so I needed her to factor that into the planning.

I wanted to say thanks to those who offered their thoughts on booking a private scan this weekend before our 12 week scan on Monday. I spoke to DH who totally understood my concerns and said he would go along with whatever I wanted. I know though that he is gutted not to be at the 12 week scan and it'll be hard for him to just wait outside so I have booked a private one now. I am still worried that everything may look ok on Saturday but not be ok on Monday and we'll have been lulled into a false sense of security but I'mi'm just going to keep my fingers crossed and hope that the private scan will help ease some nerves for me. Fingers crossed!

I had a really hard day, got home and started cooking, opened a bottle of wine for the food - then poured a tiny glass for myself. Had 4 sips before deciding to google exactly how naughty I'm being then poured the rest of the glass away in horror. Now I feel bad :( anyone else caved and had a drink?

Sorry girls apologies I haven't caught up with the thread, had a v busy day, only just shut my laptop. I'm not planning on telling my employer until I have to, which I suspect will be at the point of office workers being encouraged to stop wfh and return to the office. I'm hoping it will be after my 12ws.

@SunStruck I'm pleased for you and your DH. I know it's not an ideal timing, but as you say, it could be worse, plus he can start looking for something else in the meantime. He has a decent amount of time to think things through and decide what he'd like to do, this isn't all that bad. I hope you're not stressing out about it too much? ❤️ Xxx

Hi all,
I am new to this forum and have never posted on anything like this before. I don't really know what I am looking for by posting but I feel so alone with these thoughts I wanted some support from fellow mums!
So here is my story
Around 13 years ago I suffered from an Ectopic pregnancy, it was an accidental pregnancy and I wasn't in a serious relationship at the time. When this happened I ended in surgery and never really gave much thought that my right tube had been removed (I really don't think I understood the seriousness)

After that I met what I thought would be my forever partner and fell pregnant again not planned and that resulted in the healthy birth of my twins who are now ten.

After this I separated and met the actual love of my life (current partner) we spoke about having children and being (34me and 41) decided to try last year. We fell pregnant straight away and had an early scan which showed a heartbeat and baby. Unfortunately I returned the following week to find out the baby had stopped beating and opted for a D&C. I went in for surgery and suffered an internal bleed from it. This meant a subsequent surgery and 7 days in hospital. It was awful just terrible.

I thought last month i was over it and would like to try again so we did and again I fell pregnant straight away. I have just found out and am petrified something bad will happen again. I made the mistake of not showing my partner how sad I was by the last experience that I cannot explain the anxiety of this time. Also, neither of us want to be happy just in case something bad happens. I am a nervous wreck that any twinge could be an issue and every day seems to drag.
I guess I am looking for some positivity and reassurance.
I am just pregnant so who knows but I wish I didn't feel this way

@victay welcome and gentle congratulations. It's sounds like you've had a tough time of it. I would start my saying this is a really supportive group, we'll always try and pick you up and hopefully make you feel a bit better. We've all been in the same boat and no how scary a time early pregnancy (and pregnancy in general) can be following a loss.

I would recommend talking to your partner about how your feeling, even if it's just to tell him that you're very anxious about having the same experience as last year. Having that support at home will really help. We have lots of mantras here and I am a big supporter of mindfulness to help switch of those horrible negative anxious thoughts. That's not to say you should try to force down the anxiety, I just think steering your mind away from the hurtful stuff helps. We're all at different stages of pregnancy and know that there can be really bad days. Remember to be kind to yourself and jump on here whenever you need to just get it all.ofd your chest x

Evening all, lots happening today.

Thanks for well wishes for DH

I told work at about 6 weeks due to changing department and training and dates of my appointments so told them pretty early as didnt have new manager details yet and didnt want to leave it last minute, with it being the turn of the year had no access to holidays or new systems etc.

@knotemma congrats on the travel system!! I collect ours on friday! Wasnt supposed to be delivered to store until 6-8 weeks before due date but it's there early so getting it to be on the safe side!

Also have all the nursery furniture (with nowhere to put it), baby monitor and a 2nd car seat!

@Rachael321 I've also ended up ordering the travel cot I'd gone on the website to look at initially 😂 I've had my eye on it for a while as a place for the goblin to sleep in our room as it has a bassinet bit in it, however the link on the website wasn't working for the sale price ... Then I got distracted 😂. They've since sent me an email with the correct link. So the travel system is coming tomorrow and the cot Friday. So that's our main purchases done with 21 weeks to spare 🙈. Like you I have no idea where I'm putting them

@knotemma everything is being stored in my mums spare room! We need to move somewhere bigger but that's all on hold just now !!

Evening all!

@MOGMOGMOG85 definitely don't beat yourself up over a few sips of wine. Don't forget that it's only in the past couple of years that 'official advice' has become so hard line, in many other countries women are still told that having an alcoholic drink a couple of times a week is fine during pregnancy. Although I haven't had anything alcoholic during this pregnancy (bar very low alcohol beers and ciders) if and when this lockdown is over I'm pretty sure a small glass of wine might be on the agenda. I have numerous friends (including medics) who happily would have a small glass of something throughout their pregnancies and they are definitely well informed people who would never put their child at deliberate risk. Please don't judge yourself, pregnancy is tough enough without adding unnecessary guilt into the mix!

@Shefliesonherownwings glad you've come to a decision you're both happy with, fingers are indeed crossed for you and hoping you'll share a scan pic with us all in the coming days!

@SunStruck glad your DHs job is still ok, pay cuts must be tough but far better than the worst case scenario I guess. I hope that it remains secure for the long term for you both.

@victay and @Optimistic66 the way you are both feeling is perfectly normal and every one of us here has felt that way / is feeling that way. The early weeks of pregnancy pass so, so slowly and all you can really do to get through it is to try to keep yourself occupied (easier said than done at the moment) and try to share your worries with your partner / a trusted friend as it's better to let it out rather than bottle it up. This is the perfect group to share how you are feeling in a reassuring, friendly and non judgemental place. Like @Knotemma I would also recommend trying out mindfulness / meditation - there are lots of free videos and resources online that can be really helpful in terms of enabling you to clear your mind and control your breathing when life gets overwhelming.

@Rachael321 @Knotemma I'm very excited at the thought of your purchases! I'm hoping that if the 20 week scan goes well I might feel in a place to start thinking about baby purchases. I've definitely been browsing but feel too scared to buy anything just yet, I'm not sure if I'll ever feel ready to be honest but eventually needs must!

🎶Ooooh we're halfway there!🎶 Updating my weeks 🥰

@Bellsx 23 wks (due 20/08/20)
@Rachael321 23 wks (due 20/08/20)
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)
@SammiLou2312 20wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)
@Knotemma 19wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)
@LilMrsS 18wks (due 24/09/20)
@didslysquiddlydoo 18wks due 26/09/20)
@TunnocksTcake 18wks (due 26/09/20)
@avocuddles 18wks (due 27/09/20)
@Sunflower1608 18wks with twins (due 28/09/20)
@SunStruck 18wks (due 28/09/20)⁣
@Scout20 14wks (due 29/09/20)
@Littlegoth 17wks (due 30/09/20)
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Treaclepie19 17wks (due 07/10/20)⁣
@Aria2015 10wks
@tmc14 16wks (due 11/10/20)
@Hagster 13wks (due 12/10/20)⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)
@DressingGown87 13wks (20/10/20)
@rachelrainbow (11 weeks, due 1/11/20)
@teaandtantrums90 12 wks (due 07/11/20)
@AnxiousLady1 12 wks (due 07/11/20)
@Shefliesonherownwings 9 wks (due 10/11/20)
@Whiffle77 8 weeks (due 04/12/20)
@MOGMOGMOG85* 7 wks (due 13/12/20)

@SammiLou2312 congratulations on 20 weeks! Epic milestone ☺️.

Anatomy scan day today, can't work out if today's feeling of sickness is pregnancy or anxiety related 😂 I'm going to treat it as pregnancy related and eat whatever I can get down my neck.
Whoever decided booking afternoon scans was a good idea must have been daft!

@Knotemma Good luck with the scan!

I'd to take myself to bed before 6 o clock yesterday with a migraine. Never had one before but it was rough. Even waking in the night I still felt my head pounding. I only realise it's pregnancy related as my friend used to get them all the time in earlier stages of pregnancy (she didn't get MS). Feeling tentatively okay this morning.

I got my 12 week scan letter through the post yesterday, it seems very far away right now. But I’m trying to keep positive.

I winced when it said 8.30am, but after reading some of your messages about afternoon scans, maybe it’s a good thing!