Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 3

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up placeholder for new thread.....

@Ibaadsmummy really pleased that you've had a good scan, fingers crossed your sickness starts to calm down.

@Shefliesonherownwings I know what you mean about putting yourself through the stress twice in a short period of time. What I would consider is the impact it would have. So if you go for the private scan first with DH then you'll know what's going on. You'll potentially be better prepared for the scan at the hospital where you have to go alone? And that might reduce your anxiety for the NHS scan maybe? Honestly I don't know the answer. I'd love to go for a scan with DH but the lovely place we used in early pregnancy is now closed due to covid (their only sonographer works for the NHS) and honestly that's the only place other than hospital I'd consider going, even though friends have had good experiences at window to the womb. Try not to feel pressured about it and maybe write a list of pros and cons?

@Ibaadsmummy congratulations on the positive scan news. So happy for you xx

@Shefliesonherownwings I completely get the whole getting worked up before a scan thing. My 20 week scan is on Sunday and I am fretting like crazy already. I do think part of that is the fact I have to go alone too tho...I can't make the decision for you but...maybe it wouldn't be so bad going alone if you have gone with your OH a couple days earlier and have seen everything is ok? It really is a personal choice but I would suggest speaking to your OH about your feelings and concerns too as well as his. I know my hubby won't admit it as he just wants to know we are safe and understands why they are banning partners from scans but he is in pieces about missing out...there is only one private scan place open near me and they are still miles away plus not allowing partners either so that's not really an option for us...I am going to ask if they will let me record some of my scan so hubby can see it potentially. Maybe this could be an option for you?

That's great news @Ibaadsmummy really pleased for you!
@Shefliesonherownwings that's a tough one, maybe your anxiety for the nhs one would be far less if you had just had a private one? It is a hard time. If it was bad news, I think they will then let your partner in but I know that's no comfort. It is a really tough time to be pregnant at the minute! A pros and cons list like @Knotemma suggests would be a good idea too. At the end of the day its whatever makes you and your partner feel least anxious.
@MrsMGE yes I'm trying to count just the days too, but it can be easy to get carried away sometimes. I'm a real homebody anyway but really missing my friends now and some variety in life! What will be will be I guess.

@Ibaadsmummy so glad your scan went well and baby measuring in line with expectation. Hope you can relax this evening - and don't forget you're almost a third of the way to your rainbow baby now!

@AnxiousLady1 DH is doing ok touch wood.... He had a very small nosebleed this morning but that's the only one in five days and he was back working (from home of course!) today. Thanks for asking, it's been super stressful but starting to calm down a bit more now.

@Shefliesonherownwings I understand your anxiety re scans. I'm feeling quite worked up about my 20 week scan today in a couple of weeks time (12 weeks seem so long ago) and the fact that I'll be on my own, however as others said I know that DH will be in the car close by and if there was anything up I'd be able to get straight on the phone to him and hopefully have him join me. There is no reason to suspect it won't be a really positive experience for you on Monday, but we all know what the fear is like. My own private scan experience during my second pregnancy was bad and I personally would rather hear bad news in a hospital setting in the worst case scenario, though if all was good then I'm sure the private scan place (window to the womb) would have seems fine. Only you can decide what is right for you, but either way you will hopefully get to see a lovely healthy baby wriggling away.....

@Whiffle77 I miss my friends too. There's only so long that you can go with seeing them on the screen & messaging on WhatsApp etc. I miss my favourite coffee shops and brunch places a lot, too. I'm super sad I probably won't be able to go swimming in this pregnancy or have antenatal yoga in a group. I'm sad this isolation might continue even with a newborn and I know at some point I'll start finding it very difficult. But then I try to ground myself and think that we don't really know what the future holds, it might not be the worst case scenario and we won't miss out on absolutely everything. We'll do what's needed and cross every bridge as we come to it. There's still time for things to get better. One day at a time as @Avocuddles always reminds me ❤️

Evening all, I've missed so much!! Too much to catch up on.

Been a stressful week for us, OH had an accident at work and now off for 6 weeks minimum!! At the same time I was getting set up working from home. Everything all over the place!!

Hope everyone is well!

@Rachael321 that doesn't sound good, I hope he's on the mend.

@Whiffle77 @MrsMGE. I totally get what you're saying on the quarantine front. I will admit that I've been naughty and twice driven the 6 miles to my parents house to go for a socially distanced walk with them. I did however find that it did me the world of good from a mental health point of view, just seeing them and being able to speak to them in person. I think it really helped my mum too, just being able to see that I actually am doing way better because she hasn't really seen me properly since the morning sickness started to calm down at 13 ish weeks.

I'm trying not to think about it too long term, because we just don't know what will happen and I personally try not to speculate because I tend to have a worst case scenario mindset

@knotemma hes ok, very sore and very lucky!! Had almost 2 tonne of timber fall on him, several broken ribs and broken collar bone!
How are things with you

@Knotemma I don't blame you. I too tend to be the prepper for the worst eventuality and it's not always all that helpful when there's a lot of negativity around. My parents don't live in the UK. I've not even told my mum that I'm pregnant again because I know she'd be really worried about how it's gonna go & covid & being far away from me. It's enough that I'm worried about her and find it really depressing I won't be able to fly out to see her and she might not be able to come and see her first grandchild either. It's awful tbh. Again, I try not to think about it and just pray the virus will go away sooner than we all think, or someone will develop something that will allow us some normality. I don't know why this situation is suddenly hitting me harder this week.

Hope you're all having a peaceful evening xxx

@Knotemma I don't blame you for seeing your parents, of mine were close by I'm sure I'd have been tempted to do the same. Mine are almost 300 miles away and I haven't seen them since the new year. @MrsMGE I didn't tell either of our families until after the 12 week scan, I did confide in a couple of friends who had supported me through my miscarriages but I didn't want to set our parents up for a possible disappointment. We were supposed to see them at Easter, it's weird to think now that there's every possibility we won't see them until after the baby is born. It will be the first grandchild for my parents so although they're not in a different country I do empathise with how you must feel. I just hope that by September there is some return to 'normality', though trying not to be too optimistic as don't want to set myself up for disappointment.....

Thank you so much every1...was a strange scan nothing like my last baby atmosphere was so strange and uncomfortable made it hard to enjoy... hopefully by the time baby comes this crazy phase of life will be calmer and near the end x

@Rachael321 things here aren't too bad, I've had a bit of a backslide on the morning sickness front after about 5 weeks of feeling pretty good, which isn't ideal. DH has now been furloughed and is doing quite a lot around the house which is really helping.

@MrsMGE it must be really tough having your parents out of the country. I can understand wanting to wait to tell them to reduce their worry.

@Avocuddles we're really lucky that we're within 10 miles of both sets of parents. We live just far enough away that we aren't in each others pockets but close enough to help each other out which is nice

@Ibaadsmummy congrats on a good scan!!! ❤️

@MrsMGE @Avocuddles @Whiffle77 I think we will know by today! I'm really glad to hear that your and your DH's jobs sound safe ladies! I'll be honest to say that it will most probably not be difficult to find another job, the problem is if my DH will like it or if it will be a step down in his career so to speak. Salary wise too. We moved here for a reason and that was to save 💴 so we can go back to the UK eventually and buy a house, get some international experience under our belt and continue our careers. If he will go down a lot salary wise it's a bummer, especially since I want to change my line of work after we've had the baby (very stressful sales environment). Oh well just need to wait and see, a lot of people have it worse than us!

@Whiffle77 I am also a total homebody but it is really getting to me now 🤣 I know this sounds ridiculous but I feel a bit robbed of my first pregnancy. I wanted to travel one last time before the baby comes with DH on a relaxing holiday (already planned) and then go back home to see everyone for one last time before our lives will obviously change forever! I haven't been back home for ages (over a year) so was so looking forward to it. And as vain as it sounds, to show off my (hopefully here by then) glorious baby bump in June 😣 I mean as this is the first pregnancy everything is obviously quite exciting, not the same thing when Skyping/zooming family and friends! Ok rant over, I realize all of this is very much First World problems and there's people losing their lives and loved ones, so I'm keeping a lid on my feelings in real life.

@Shefliesonherownwings back sounds so painful, I know you can take Tylenol and this is what they recommend for round ligament pain so I'm guessing it will work well on the back too? I understand your DH wants to see he baby too and I agree that the prospect of going on your own at the 12 week scan might not be so overwhelming if you have had a scan before with DH by your side already? ❤️ that's what I would feel but everyone's different of course!

@Rachael321 that sounds absolutely awful, your poor DH!!! I hope he recovers quickly.

@Avocuddles I'm glad to hear your DH is doing better! Did they ever go to bottom with why he bleeds so much?

@Knotemma I hope the sickness subsides soon,
You've really had it bad!

@MrsMGE I hope you're feeling better mentally today? We are lucky we have our fur babies in all of this, I would have gone crazy without them in lockdown 😅

Morning! Updating my weeks. 17 weeks now!!
My scan is Monday. We've been self isolating just in case because we've had tickly coughs on and off. Seems to be hayfever but better safe than sorry. I'm scared they won't let me have my scan though, goijg to ring them today.

Just off to read back

@Bellsx 23 wks (due 20/08/20)
@Rachael321 23 wks (due 20/08/20)
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)
@SammiLou2312 19wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)
@Knotemma 18wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)
@LilMrsS 18wks (due 24/09/20)
@didslysquiddlydoo 18wks due 26/09/20)
@TunnocksTcake 18wks (due 26/09/20)
@avocuddles 18wks (due 27/09/20)
@Sunflower1608 18wks with twins (due 28/09/20)
@SunStruck 18wks (due 28/09/20)⁣
@Scout20 14wks (due 29/09/20)
@Littlegoth 17wks (due 30/09/20)
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Treaclepie19 17wks (due 07/10/20)⁣
@Aria2015 10wks
@tmc14 16wks (due 11/10/20)
@Hagster 13wks (due 12/10/20)⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)
@DressingGown87 13wks (20/10/20)
@rachelrainbow (11 weeks, due 1/11/20)
@teaandtantrums90 12 wks (due 07/11/20)
@AnxiousLady1 12 wks (due 07/11/20)
@Shefliesonherownwings 9 wks (due 10/11/20)
@Whiffle77 8 weeks (due 04/12/20)
@MOGMOGMOG85* 7 wks (due 13/12/20)

It's my week update too, even though I feel like I've gone back in time with the morning sickness 🤢. I'm really lucky that work have once again been understanding, I do feel bad for taking time off when I'm working from home, but at the same time it's out of my control and can't be helped 🤷‍♀️

@Bellsx 23 wks (due 20/08/20)
@Rachael321 23 wks (due 20/08/20)
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)
@SammiLou2312 19wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)
@Knotemma 19wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)
@LilMrsS 18wks (due 24/09/20)
@didslysquiddlydoo 18wks due 26/09/20)
@TunnocksTcake 18wks (due 26/09/20)
@avocuddles 18wks (due 27/09/20)
@Sunflower1608 18wks with twins (due 28/09/20)
@SunStruck 18wks (due 28/09/20)⁣
@Scout20 14wks (due 29/09/20)
@Littlegoth 17wks (due 30/09/20)
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Treaclepie19 17wks (due 07/10/20)⁣
@Aria2015 10wks
@tmc14 16wks (due 11/10/20)
@Hagster 13wks (due 12/10/20)⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)
@DressingGown87 13wks (20/10/20)
@rachelrainbow (11 weeks, due 1/11/20)
@teaandtantrums90 12 wks (due 07/11/20)
@AnxiousLady1 12 wks (due 07/11/20)
@Shefliesonherownwings 9 wks (due 10/11/20)
@Whiffle77 8 weeks (due 04/12/20)
@MOGMOGMOG85* 7 wks (due 13/12/20)

Wow so much has happened, just caught up.
@Rachael321 so sorry to hear about your dh's accident, that's really scary. I hope he recovers quickly.

My DHs job is safe, but mine I'm not so sure about. I work for a company that supplies temporary power for events and I would say 80% of our income is summer festivals, we've had a couple of bad years and needed this year to be a good one. It's a small family business and everyone except the owners have been furloughed. They are positive about the future of the company but who knows about my job personally. Hopefully the fact they won't be paying me for Mat leave will ease their financial strain and mean they can keep me on for next year when hopefully it's all better. It's badly affected our industry and lots of festivals waiting for Boris to say mass gatherings aren't allowed so that they can claim insurance.

I can't remember who it was but I had no physical sickness at all, just felt hungover for about 3 weeks from 8+. Tired, felt sick like when you're too hungry and if I didn't eat it got worse but it was just sort of background nausea. Headaches, tiredness, big boobs, that was about it!

Im doing surprisingly well at home, I miss my friends and family but time seems to be flying somehow which is good, I need my scan in 12 days to come quickly without me noticing! Kind of wishing I had let dh open the letter and tell me the day before!!

@Knotemma sorry you are feeling rough again. It will all be worth it in the end! 💚

To those struggling with not seeing family, I am in the same position. My family are all back in Ireland (I live in London), and DHs family are a 4 to 5 hour drive from here. So in one sense I've always been mentally prepping myself for this being difficult without family around. I just hope people are allowed to travel again before the baby is due! Lockdown is driving me a little crazy too, but there's also a part of me compartmentalising it. I don't allow myself to focus too much on what's happening as I channel all my worry into the pregnancy 😂

Question for those of you working from home - At what point did you tell your employers about the pregnancy? If you have that is. On one hand I want to put if off as long as possible, but on the other hand I'd feel bad if the Government said "everyone can return to work except for certain people (incl pregnant women), and was forced to tell them under that circumstance as a "Oh by the way..."😂

@AnxiousLady1 untold my employer at about 6 weeks, but they've been an amazing support through all of my pregnancies and losses. I'm glad I did, because within a week of telling them I was really struggling with morning sickness and that allowed me some flexibility before I ended up having to take time off. Honestly it's totally up to you. I only told my 2 managers and kept it quiet from everyone else until after I was 12 weeks

@AnxiousLady1 I told work at 6 weeks as I was having to have extra scans and genetic testing. They were fab. 19 weeks and working from home now, they’ve said when the office reopens I can continue working at home as long as I want to given the situation - I did ask if this was possible tho! X

@AnxiousLady1 I'm another one who told work very early on. Due to my high risk and medical history I had a lot of appointments in the first twelve weeks, my manager was aware of both of my losses and the fact we were about to start fertility treatment (which we didn't as things turned out) so I let her know at some point between 5 and 6 weeks, then told the rest of my colleagues at 13 weeks. I suspect that when people do start returning to the office pregnant ladies will still be advised to work from home, i would love to be back there within the next 6 weeks or so but feeling like it's increasingly unlikely

@Knotemma and @Anon20something That's really great your employers have been so supportive. On the one hand I am holding off telling them (in case the worst happens), but on the other I wonder if I'd be better off letting them know if it did - so there might be some understanding. I didnt tell them about my MC last year and when I went for ERPC and had to take time off they didn't ask any questions. I'm just unsure how supportive they will be. It's a sales environment, so bottom line is most important. But I'm in a non-sales role and a member of senior management - essentially one of the only ones not put on leave during this lockdown. In the 10+ years the company has operated there hasn't been a single employee that has taken maternity leave either (small company but high turnaround). I've worked there over 5 years and I don't know how my role will be covered when I'm off - so I'm unsure if they would be happy for me, or ultimately make it a little difficult to take reasonable maternity leave.

That said, the above scenario is obviosuly the least of my worries at the moment! I was just curious how the rest of you ladies had already addressed it with employers .

@anxiouslady1 I personally told my manager around 5/6 weeks. I had to have surgery following my MMC in November last year so needed some time off so work were aware of this, so when I found out I would be needing lots of early scans and appointments with this one it made sense to tell work asap so I could take time off for them. My manager has been amazing about the whole thing. I am currently working from home and will probably continue to do so until I go on maternity or a vaccine becomes available...

@AnxiousLady1 I’m sales too, so I know how stressful it can be! Ultimately though, you and little one are most important and you do have an entitlement to maternity leave. Whatever you decide, I hope all goes well! :)

I've not told my employer yet, being at home has helped in that I haven't had to! My manager was very supportive about my MC and I doubt he will be surprised I'm pregnant, but we have an awful lot on at the minute so I don't want to add to his stress!
Advice seems to have changed a bit in that only those over 28 weeks seem to be advised to stay home, other key workers have the choice up to 28 weeks. I suspect when my office reopens it won't be everyone full time again, and social distancing will still be enforced so I would like to go in a bit. But have to wait and see I suppose, anything could happen! I will likely tell my boss after my 12 week scan, i manage a team so would have to tell them soon after so they didnt find out through the rumour mill.
Depends a lot on what you do and how you feel about your boss i guess, and whether you need to - i might've if i was still in the office as i couldn't have just gone for a nap in the office 😂

Hi everyone. I'm pregnant for the third time. The first time I had a miscarriage (MMC discovered at 12 weeks, baby was 8.5 weeks) and the second time I had a lovely daughter. I had lots of complications during my last pregnancy and - being 44 and overweight - am kind of already bracing myself not to get to term with this one. In fact I am probably mad to have tried for another in the first place. I was on one of this thread's predecessors back in 2017 and it was a lifesaver, so here I am. Due end of 2020 with everything crossed...