Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 3

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up placeholder for new thread.....

@MrsMGE you absolutely don't have to decide yet - even wait and see how you feel closer to 9 weeks and you could always make a last minute booking if you decide that's what you want. The covid-19 is really adding such another layer of stress and difficulty for us all at the moment. I know why they have to have restrictions and I just hope they're really taking good care of all the women who end up needing urgent care, but it's not easy particularly on those of us who have previous reasons to be anxious :( xx

Woke up today feel scared n nervouse....12 week scan today I should be 12 weeks 4 days....but feel convinced this morning I will get bad news they will tell me no baby no heartbeat and i will go home devastated and worst part i dont know why as have had no bad symptoms at all. Had a scan at 8 weeks which showed healthy baby with heartbeat. Why am I so scared...its giving me a panic attack every1 i say I'm nervouse to just says be positive i have been all these days but I lost it today...just wanted to let my emotions out somewhere without being judged thank you xxxx

@Ibaadsmummy thinking of you today and have have everything crossed that all is well with your little one xx

@Ibaadsmummy I get it...anxiety is always really bad for me the week leading up to a scan as I found out about my last MMC at a scan. Even though I have had positive scans throughout this pregnancy so far and have had the odd movement sensation, I am also terrified of my upcoming scan on Sunday. All I can say is I wish you the best of luck and hope to hear good news from you later today x

Thank you soo much.its at 3.20 stupid time.....wish it was early just want to get it over with xxxc

@Ibaadsmummy thinking of you for today. Scans can be so scary and anxiety provoking - we get it. They can also be amazingly exciting and bring some relief and I SO hope you experience that today xxx

Good luck today @Ibaadsmummy - it is normal to feel anxious about your scan even if you haven't had bad news before. It will be here before you know it and I hope it brings you good news. Let us know how you get on!

@Ibaadsmummy I really hope things go well for you today. I know it's scary, but your doing amazing and you can do this. I know it's hard to think positive, but try to keep yourself calm, maybe do something nice for yourself this morning, an extra tasty breakfast or an hour with a good book to help take your mind off things. Fingers crossed for a lovely scan x

@Ibaadsmummy will be thinking of you this afternoon - I hope the scan is a positive experience and can give you some reassurance, you've come such a long way but hopefully this will be the time at which you can start to see some possible light at the end of the tunnel.

@MrsMGE hope you're feeling a little better today. One day at a time.....

@Avocuddles I am, thank you. I had a day off yesterday (planned long before the lockdown) and clearly this doesn't help when it comes to being worried and overthinking. Yours and other ladies' posts have really helped me, don't know where I'd be without you My head is in a better place today. I've looked up some private scans near me and I'll decide in a week or so whether I want one or not. I wouldn't say I have any classic symptoms today, but I'm feeling a bit rotten/hungover/only fancy bland beige food, if anything, and randomly, tangerines. Not sure if this is pregnancy-related, but it isn't my usual.

How are you doing? Xxx

@MrsMGE that pretty much sounds like the full extent of my MS. I always described it as feeling hungover, and all I wanted was food to feed the hangover - all beige. Haven't ate so much white bread in 10 years. Aside from the occasional puking incident I didn't get much worse than this. So definitely sounds like pregnancy symptoms to me. Xx

Oh that's interesting, @AnxiousLady1! I've not had this feeling before. Also DH showed me a minor cut to his finger this morning and I nearly vomited, I think I'm feeling fragile and it's tipped me over the edge (it really wasn't a bad injury! 🤦🏼‍♀️). I'm feeling progressively worse today as well, it reminds me of the travel sickness I had on a boat in Australia once and let me tell you those waves were something else 🤢 xxx

@MrsMGE Yes the whole time I felt rough, I kept describing it as a hangover without the great night before 😂 And when I'm hungover I only want beige food, which was how I was for a number of weeks (from about 8 weeks). I follow one other thread on MN (women due the same month), and there were loads on there at same stage of pregnancy with the exact same feeling. So while it feels rubbish for you, it's also a positive 😊 And the motion sickness feeling is definitely MS!

I should also add that a family friend had HG on both her pregnancies, and her sister didn't have a single bit of MS when she had her pregnancy. Just some headaches in first trimester. So it really depends on the person/pregnancy I think, as it doesn't seem to be genetics 🤷‍♀️

@MrsMGE I didn't have any physical sickness just nausea on and off during the day (and not every day). Lived on plenty of water and sucking on ginger biscuits lol!

@AnxiousLady1 I seem to have developed a taste for tangerines too lol. My mum seems to think its my body craving vitamin c

Hi, I'm new on here and haven't had a chance to look through the whole thread but I am 7 and a half weeks pregnant following 3 early miscarriages in 8 months so this seemed like the sort of thread where everyone will understand that you panic over every twinge, every bit of spotting and every time the morning sickness subsides a bit. I'm especially jumpy as it is usually around now that I lose them. If anyone has any good tips so not being a panic stricken, stressed out wreck I'd be very grateful....

@Ibaadsmummy good luck on your scan today!

@MrsMGE I'm glad to hear that you're feeling some symptoms today! 😄 I know it's always a bit more reassuring! I've been super breathless today and had have a lie down after lunch... thank god for WFH 😃

This lockdown is such a drag now, sorry for the whine! My DH:s job might be in jeopardy 🥺🤦🏻‍♀️ bad timing, we will find out for sure tomorrow. Are all your ladies/partners jobs safe currently?

@SammiLou2312 Tangerines are the best 😁

@AnxiousLady1 I know, I'm happy I'm feeling worse (I know it doesn't make much sense, but you know what I mean). It's really reassuring what you've said. I've now managed to have a bowl of homemade soup and some Marmite on toast, this has really helped me!

Welcome @Vicola, it's definitely your safe place. We're very close in dates, I'm 7 weeks, following an MMC and an early miscarriage. Normally I'd say keep yourself busy, but appreciate it's more difficult in lockdown. It's time to be creative with filling your time as much as possible. Are you working now? I find working both helpful and needed, my mind would be all over the place otherwise. Any hobbies you could refresh now to make the time go faster?

@SunStruck I'm sorry to hear re your DH. Would he be able to find something else now/after the pandemic? Are you going to be OK? My DH is a senior keyworker within the public service and he's extremely busy now, anticipating a further increase when the lockdown is lifted. I think his position is probably safer than mine, whilst I'm doing OK, it just depends on everyone else's businesses. The longer we're in lockdown, the higher the risks for everyone, unfortunately, I don't for a second believe that everything will be as nornal after this pandemic, sadly xxx

@Vicola gentle congratulations and welcome. Are you getting any additional support from the recurrent miscarriage clinic or anything like that? Hopefully after everything you've been through you're getting the support there you need. We have many mantras on here, I think two of the favourites are "today I am pregnant" and "this is a brand new pregnancy with a new egg and a new sperm"

I do alot of mindfulness on difficult days, trying to really focus on my breathing as there are lots of studies that show there is a link between calm deep breathing and the fight or flight response.

A key thing to try to remember is that symptoms come and go, you're hormones are pretty much constantly fluctuating, so try not to read too much into it if they change.

And last but not least, come here, get stuff off your chest and chat. Everyone is lovely and supportive. This forum really helped keep my sane in the early weeks x

@MrsMGE mine feels like a hangover most of the time too, weird food requirements, knackered and a bit sicky! I felt more sick most of past week but that seems to have eased now 🤞 I think everyone feels it so differently though. I have friends who have been very poorly, and friends who have breezed through!
Sorry to hear about your husbands job @SunStruck when will you know? Both our companies are in a bit of trouble but currently neither of us expect to lose our jobs. I am finding lockdown harder this week though like you - I know I am lucky but it is hard, and it feels almost never ending. I'm also worried if us pregnant people will be on lockdown for the whole pregnancy!
Welcome @Vicola - complete echo what the others have said, this is a lovely thread and I've found it very important in not losing it. The mantras too have been very important - I breathe in and say "today I am pregnant" in my head, and breathe out and say another mantra in my head. It sounds silly but it grounds me and concentrating on your breathing always helps.
Just had my booking in appointment which went well, and got my 12 scan date. Feels more real this week after that and my scan.

@AnxiousLady1 @MrsMGE
my morning sickness was very mild - I was never once physically sick, just felt like I was a bit hungover for most of the first trimester with occasional waves of nausea if I hadn't eaten for a few hours. Beige food definitely always did the trick, along with sucking on hard boiled sweets such as pear drops!

@Vicola this is definitely the thread you are looking for! We can all empathise with obsessing over symptoms and twinges, I think it's impossible not to after loss. My miscarriages were at 7 and 8 weeks, I'm 18 weeks now and whilst the anxiety isn't as bad as those early weeks were, it's certainly still very present. In terms of symptoms my pregnancies have all been pretty similar other than the fact that this one kept going! As others have said keeping busy and occupied is helpful for making the time pass quicker. Like @Knotemma I've become a fan of mindfulness. I dial into a session run by someone at my work twice a week and would definitely recommend checking out some mindfulness / meditation videos online. I like a site called insighttimer.com which has loads of free ones which can help you to relax and control your breathing when everything gets too overwhelming.

@SunStruck sorry to hear about the uncertainty over your DHs job, fingers crossed it will be ok. My DH and I are quite fortunate that our jobs are both in 'key worker' sectors (local government / retail head office) that are relatively safe at the moment, but so many of our friends have been affected that we know we should count ourselves lucky.

@avocuddles yes the sweets worked wonders for me too! When I had to be on work calls I had packets of polos on hand. Murray Mints were also a trusted friend.

How is your DH doing?? Have things settled again healthwise?

@Whiffle77 Re lockdown, I agree it is getting harder, it's been a long time now. Early March feels like a different century. I try not to moan about it because I know there's a huge number of people who are severely affected. But I agree, from the point of view of us being pregnant and potentially not back in work before summer/autumn 2021, it's rather crazy. I can't get my head around it tbh and try not to think too far ahead as it's such a strange and overwhelming prospect. I split it into a number of milestones, in relation to the pregnancy, birthdays, anniversaries etc. I'm counting down to the nearest milestone and it's the only thing that keeps me calm and collected about this whole thing! Xxx

Hi ladies. Welcome @Vicola this is such a wonderful safe space for us all to share our fears and anxieties but also positive moments so you're very welcome.

I am currently in agony, I've done my back in. I've suffered back problems for years but when I was pregnant with Isla last year I was doing yoga classes and lots of swimming so I didnt have any problems at all with my back. The last couple of days though I can barely stand up so I'm just icing it and resting. I can't take any ibuprofen either which sucks. I'm hoping it'll ease off soon and then I'll start doing some yoga stretches.

I'm also in two minds about doing another private scan this weekend. We have our 12 week scan next Monday but DH can't come so he suggested doing another private one so he can be there and we can get reassurance just before the 12 week one. I want him to be involved and reassured but I get so worked up before a scan that I'm not sure I can put myself through that twice in the space of two days. But I was on my own when they scanned me during labour and found out we'd lost Isla so maybe seeing everything is ok this weekend will help. Argh I'm so torn I don't know what to do. Can someone else make the decision?

Hey ladies thank you for reassurance this morning.....baby seems fine strong heartbeat...and dating as 12 weeks 6 days so 13 weeks tomorrow...hopefully this horrible sickness will subside soon xxx thank you again all xx