The Graduates of TTC after loss thread #7 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle

[TwittleBee]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss.

We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth/neonatal death.

Plenty of births on the last thread, congratulations to you all!

Let's start a fresh roll call below? I'll collate as we go.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue yes I'll join the Facebook group, how do I do that, is there a link? Nice to see you still around lovey xx

@fnej01 sorry I must have misread! So Monday is the big day!! Are you feeling ok? Did they advise you to stop the aspirin? You'll prob stay on injections from day 1 of birth for at least 6 weeks, they'll discuss that if they haven't yet. Really excited for you!

We're all good - we're going to Spain on Sunday for first family hol - I swear I've spent 6 weeks packing and repacking her stuff. She's on solids now so life has changed quite a lot with that! Every new experience is awesome.

@squirrelnutkins1 you'll find good support in this group, we have all felt what you're feeling so rant away on here xx

@fnej01 I think I saw her on another thread but that was some time ago, by nice to hear how she is @hayleyfx

Hope it's ok to ask a non pregnancy related question.

I've learnt that my Sons nan (on dads side) has stage 3 lung cancer which is incurable. He will find out over the weekend when he is with his dad and their family as he is in the middle of GCSE mocks and they didn't want to tell him during this week (I have spoken to his dad and wife which is how I know). Does anyone have any advice on how I can best support him through the journey ahead (I was older when I lost my grand parents and so were they). I've not known anyone go through cancer and DS is close to his nan, this will hit him hard as he is quite sensitive. Luckily as an extended family unit we get on really well so I've said I will do as much or as little as needed and make DS (who is 16) available for as many or few visits as they want.
Just a bit lost as to what to say and do really, as he already has to deal with the baby arriving as he preps for real exams this summer.

@squirrelnutkins1 that’s great news. Sounds like you have also had a rough ride with medical procedures. Sometimes they just sneak through these little miracles! I know I got frustrated with my GP who kept saying “just keep trying” but he was right in the end. My placenta is also anterior but I have to say I feel her all the time, she’s like a little alien! So hopefully you will be able to feel yours regularly. Will you find out the sex?
@fnej01 oh sorry. Yes of course you are C section, my mistake, so many babies due soon. I hope you’re feeling ok- only a few more days. I also wonder how @hayleyfx is doing, she had a very rough time- I hope this pregnancy went well for her.
@yukka I think I arrived on the thread after your baby was born but I remember reading back and seeing how supportive you were and kept everyone feeling positive. I hope you have a lovely holiday with your little family.

@yukka I think I am as ready as I will ever be. Still some overarching fear that after all of this there still won't be a baby coming home, but trying to manage that.
Yes stopped aspirin last weekend, and have a plan as you say for clexane.

Spain eek keen to hear how the travel goes we are booked to go to Italy at 6 months. I can't believe she is weaned already! It's gone so fast. Have a great time x

@fnej01 aww gosh I know how you feel, even after dd was born I still had feelings that it wasn't real or she wasn't going to stay. It sounds nuts but after what we have all been through it's no wonder the fear exists. Know in your heart that you've got this far, the drs on the day will take care of you both. When I got to about 36w I was like, can we just get her out now?! I felt she was better out than in. Obvs she had her own plan and came at 38.4 anyway. I will deff be around on Monday to hand hold xxx

@Mistymeow yes I do remember you, thanks for your lovely comments 💐 How are you doing now?

@Kayjay2018 sorry to hear your sad news. Not sure if I have much advice, it's difficult as a teenager as it's often their first experience of loosing someone close to them. But perhaps you can try to explain that it's no-ones fault and it's sad that it's happened to nan, and the most important thing is for her to be comfortable. Perhaps he can spend extra time with her, will she be at home or hospital/hospice? X

@kayjay2018 sorry to hear your news. We have just found out my MIL has only a couple of months to live (throat cancer) and are discussing how to tell 14 year old step son. She is now looking visibly more frail. DH wants to wait until baby has arrived and deal with one change at a time for SS. Keen to hear how others will deal with this x

@yukka am so ready to meet them now. Thanks for the handhold. Am in today for steroid injection due to csection being slightly early, to support any respiratory issues.

@Twittlebee hope you're as okay as can be. Thinking if you.
@sadtoday21 no more pregnancy anxiety, woohhoo! Until the next one perhaps!! The worry over baby will be there, esp with your first, but the good thing is you can see them now. Had a little cry for you today, gosh the baby hormones ar e worse than the pregnancy ones. Do be warned!

Sounds like a good birth story. Well done you!! Sorry to hear about the tear.
@squirrelnutkins1 I totally understand how you're feeling. My pregnancy with my first although anxious I really enjoyed and felt like I bonded so strongly with my baby. That was after first loss. Several losses later and then pregnant again, I never felt the same. I had a period between 12 and 24 weeks where I had a happy pregnancy. At 28 weeks the anxiety started again and really increasedbat 32 until birth at 37. It's a roller-coaster ride. Never felt the same bond with baby at all, just couldn't quite connect emotionally. Tho I still enjoyed the kicking. It's a weird old game, but he's here now and adorable.

@yukka @fnej01 thanks it's tough. He hasn't lost anyone before and at the moment the news is so recent his dad doesn't know the full details. I had to speak to his wife in the end as he was so emotional telling me over the phone. My worry is overloading DS as baby is due the day before his GCSEs start and then adding this on top, is a lot for him to deal with.

@fnej01 I'm sorry to hear about MIL, it's hard enough on the adults let alone the teenagers 😕

Awww gorgeous congrats @hayleyfx she's adorable! Hope you are recovering well xx

@Kayjay2018 sorry you're going thru this ☹️

@Mistymeow ah that's good - can you remember how many weeks you were when you started to feel movement?

Scan went well. All looking nice and healthy 😊😊😊 and it's a girl 💕💕💕 it was amazing to see her spine and hands in so much detail. It really is a marvel!
I didn't get to see the consultant in the end. She did just ring me to apologise but didn't seem too bothered. I've got the details of a lovey bereavement midwife who said I can contact her anytime I need to so will do that when the anxiety flares up again.

@Rubyroost I'm sorry you've been thru such a lot ☹️ I'm kind of glad you've mentioned that because I don't feel any type of bond, other than desperately wanting her to be ok, but I don't feel love yet which I thought I would. How is your bond now? It really is a rollercoaster!

@squirrelnutkins1 congratulations on the good scan and having a baby girl!! We have avoided finding out what we are having and I have to say unisex stuff a bit limited in the shops

@Kayjay2018 thank you xx
I really like H&M and it's reasonably priced. A lot of the newborn stuff is unisex. I got a gorgeous white peter rabbit jumper and trouser set from Sains last week which I think is uni. It's hard tho cus a lot really is gender specific. We're not really into pink so hoping to find some non pink stuff too when we start looking properly!

Congratulations @sadtoday21 and @hayleyfx.

Hope you are ok @Twittlebee.

Welcome @Squirrelnutkin1, I found knowing I could my bereavement midwife whenever was really helpful.

DS will be 10 weeks old tomorrow which is going very quickly. Coming up to the anniversary of DD2's due date which is making me feel more upset again.

Congratulations @hayleyfx and @sadtoday21!

If anyone wants to join the Facebook group send me your email address in a direct message and I'll send you an invite :)

Thinking of you lots @Twittlebee xxxx

@kayjay2018 feel for you, it's hard to know what to do for right and wrong. We probably need to get on with telling him but it's his last real grandparent and the only one he's ever known. ( I say real as my parents are very much step grandparents). My DH struggled to cope with the news himself so is keen to get baby here safe first.

@twittlebee you are on my mind all day. Praying for you.

I had first steroid injection today. Second injection tomorrow and pre op assessment for Monday. Getting real now 😬

Congratulations @hayleyfx lovely to see your update that you are doing well. Enjoy every second. X

@fnej01 good luck for Mondaya. Those steroid injections are awful aren't they They're just precautionary, wonder if there's actually any need. My baby had agpar score of 9 and 100% oxygen in blood when checked over by pead later. Maybe the steroids added to that, who knows.

@squirrelnutkins1 oh as soon as they're out comes the overwhelming love, so I wouldn't worry too much about it or question yourself etc. I just felt very different with second pregnancy.

I am so sorry, I've no advice to give really @Kayjay2018 on such a difficult time for your family. Maybe talk to his school? They might be able to offer advice and support. GCSEs can be resat though, do remember that I guess.

Amazing news @sadtoday21 and @hayleyfx - hope all is continuing well?

They do fricking hurt dont they @fnej01 !!! Good luck for Monday!

Update from me, I had one scary blue light ride to a different hospital with the best NICU whilst I was labouring 10-15 minute contractions. I was given an oral drug, 2 doses, when I arrived though which have slowed it all down! Yay! However, the side effects are making me feel like crap so now they're having to monitor that as its messing with my chest. No real action plan other than "wait and see" but have had the talk on how any more blood loss will now mean a EMCS as a preventative for my life being lost to placenta abruption. If I start labour again then magnesium will be given and I'll be continually monitored as encouraged to progress vaginally until it's too much distress for baby or I bleed too much and then EMCS. Currently wide awake with chest pains still but thankfully not contraction pains or bleeding.

That sounds very scary @Twittlebee, my thoughts are with you and hope the side effects of the medication wear off soon.

Oh gosh @TwittleBee I'm sorry you're going through all this trauma. Do you have support there with you? Sending love xxxx

@twittlebee sorry you are still having such a difficult time. Thinking of you, and looking out for your updates. We are all here for you if you need to vent xx

@TwittleBee I hope you and baby are both ok. Thinking of you! X