Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 2

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up a new thread to keep the 🌈 conversation going....

Not wanting to jinx it but I haven't been sick in over 48hrs!!! Its only a few days but I feel so much brighter in myself. Hopefully meaning I'm into the apparent 'easier' 2nd trimester!!
Albeit good you still worry that something wrong now its disappeared! Cant win. Although feels like I'm lying on a ball when I roll on my stomach in bed by accident so a reminder there something there which is nice. Hope all is well with everyone today

@Rachael321 glad you are feeling better hun. Hope it is a sign of easier things to come x

@Rachael321 pleased that you're feeling better, I feel like in spite of a rough night I'm starting to feel a bit brighter in myself. I'll be 12 weeks on Monday, which is massive and then only another 3 days until my dating scan, which feels manageable. I'm also craving burgers... All of the time 😂 which is new. I can't necessarily eat the burger when I get one. But I can't stop thinking about them... Once this nausea and sickness calms down I'm definitely going to drive to Newcastle for a Five Guys burger with everything on 😂🙈

@Knotemma mmmm I love a Five Guys, we're lucky enough to have two branches in Leeds....
Glad you're feeling a bit better in yourself and getting very close to the 12 week milestone now!

@Rachael321 glad you're feeling better too. I'm really looking forward to (hopefully) getting to the stage where there are physical signs of the pregnancy. My stomach is pretty rounded but I was overweight to start with and haven't put on any weight at all yet (in spite of a lot of eating) so imagine it might be a while yet before I show. I'm taking weekly belly photos though in the hope that eventually there might be some visible progress!

Hope everyone is having a good / relaxing evening, it's been a long week at work for me and I for one am very much looking forward to a lie in tomorrow.....

@Knotemma I'm onto burgers too. I was vegetarian before 😳
I had one today at the pub and I feel so sick tonight 🙈

I'm off to bed soon, feels like I'm just going to sleep my way to October. My poor 4 year old must be wondering why I'm so lazy all of a sudden.

I think the only somewhat craving I have is for chocolate pudding...was all I could think of the other day so now we have a tonne of flake pudding pots in our fridge just in case lol

@Knotemma @Treaclepie19 @SammiLou2312 the other night I NEEDED nachos and today it was a Gregg's fudge donut. Both of which I have had and enjoyed every bite!

@Rachael321 yesterday I had such a craving for dairy milk fruit and nut. I ate a whole bar 😳

@Treaclepie19 sometimes you just need to eat a whole bar of chocolate. I had a horrendous nightmare last night... I was being eaten alive by small animals. I had to read for over an hour to calm down.
I'm a bit anxious today, we're going to tell my husband's best friend that we're pregnant. They lost there son to still birth 18 months ago and have been really struggling to get pregnant since. While I know that they're going to be thrilled for us, it's also hard for them and I hate that this news will hurt them, because they are amazing, supportive people who we love. But DH has decided it's the right time and we want them to have some processing time before we start to tell people in a couple of weeks all being well.

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend and that everyone craving a good burger gets one!

I’m feeling so down at the minute, and struggling to be positive. I think this is a combination of the shock has worn off, I’m feeling lonely, and my symptoms have gone.
I had my scan last Monday, and she said everything looked fine, and there was a heartbeat. (I’m only 7+1) I’ve had no bleeding, and the cramping has also stopped. Next scan is on Wednesday. But my anxiety it through the roof. This is my 8th pregnancy. 🥺 although all my previous MCs where between 2011-2015.

@Knotemma the dreams are awful aren't they?
That's going to be hard, I hope they're as okay as they can be. It's a tough situation and I've been on both ends of it.

@DressingGown87 it's all the waiting isn't it? It's awful.

@Treaclepie19 the last time we were pregnant we were all away together and I was only about 6 weeks. We just decided that if anyone asked we'd be honest, and the girls had my life (in a good way) offering me brie and pate and stuff and then they asked DH outright and it was all really nice and because we were away they got some processing time away from the "real world".

But we've all had a bard time since then with pregnancy and it just makes it that much tougher. We just have to tell them though, because we're starting to think about who we're going to tell after the scan on Thursday and I'd gate for them to find out through gossip.

@DressingGown87 the waiting is awful. This morning I got myself into a state convinced it was all going wrong. Next scan is Friday and hoping I finally get a lid on the anxiety all being well.

The relief each time wears off far too quickly but hopefully the more positive results we get, the longer between anxiety xx

@littlegoth @Knotemma yep the waiting is driving my anxiety crazy. I’ve had the hardest 12 months of my life, spent a lot of time last year getting help for MH, when my relationship ended and I lost my step children. So I already had depression and anxiety, before this shock pregnancy.

I’m struggling with that to do to keep my mind busy, but at ease. I’ve gone on so many holidays, nights out, the gym, spa days, walks up fells, and one of my jobs is very physical. These things where my coping mechanism with life before the pregnancy. I’ve been told to stop for the time being, as I’m high risk. Plus doing too much, is making me exhausted. This stopping still isn’t helping. But I understand that I’m in such a lucky position, to have fallen pregnant naturally! With only one follicle on my right side! Just wish my circumstances where slightly different and I wasn’t alone.

The last week felt horrendous. Sickness, tiredness - im sat here at 7pm struggling to keep my eyes open. Hoping it's all positive signs but bleurghhh.

Sorry to hear so many of you are feeling awful. I'm distracting myself from my anxiety by updating the list with up-to-date weeks for everyone 😂🙈. Might make it a weekly distraction task - this is my Saturday night now!!

@teaandtantrums90 5wks (due 07/11/20)
@DressingGown87 7wks (23/10/20)
@Hagster 7wks (due 19/10/20)⁣
@seaduck 7wks (due 18/10/20)
@tmc14 8wks (due 15/10/20)
@Aria2015 8wks
@Treaclepie19 10wks (due 04/10/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 10wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 10wks with twins⁣ (due 02/10/20)
@Littlegoth 10wks (due 01/10/20)
@TunnocksTcake 10wks (due 01/10/20)
@SunStruck 10wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Scout20 10wks (due 29/09/20)
@avocuddles 10wks (due 28/09/20)
@LilMrsS 11wks (due 24/09/20)
@Knotemma 11wks⁣ (due 21/09/20)
@SammiLou2312 11wks⁣ (due 20/09/20)
@Hoping2020 12wks (due 18/09/20)
@UrsulaSings 13 wks (due 07/09/20)
@Pugmum19 14wks (due 31/08/20)
@Rachael321 16wks (due 20/08/20)
@Bellsx 16wks (due 20/08/20)

Sorry if I've got anyone's weeks wrong. I've also noticed a couple of people are missing, just wanted to say please add yourself if you want to be included. I didn't add anyone myself in case you preferred not to for now ☺️.

Sorry, it looked ok in a browser but the app seems to have removed all formatting 😳

@DressingGown87 it sounds like you've had a really rough time of it and it's not surprising that you're having a hard time when so many if your normal coping mechanisms aren't available to you. I find yoga nidra really helps me when my brain just won't shut up. It's basically a guided meditation, you set intentions, breath and focus on specific body parts, working in really relaxing each area. You literally lie down for 20mins to an hour to do it. There are loads here www.doyogawithme.com/yoga-meditation I really like the ones by Jennifer piercy.

Well telling the friends has gone really well, they were very supportive and lovely and genuinely over the moon for us. I feel like it's a big weight off having them know, that way when we do start "announcing" (won't be doing anything on social media, but might send out messages to people we don't see that often) I'll know that they've had some processing time for when it inevitably comes up.

I lost my baby at 12 weeks in October. We felt ready to Start trying again in january and just found out yesterday that I’m pregnant again so second month trying it worked. Super early only about 4/5 weeks and although I’m happy it happened so quick I underestimated how nervous/anxious I would be. I’m constantly waiting to see blood and every pain or crampy stomach really has me feeling so scared.

@Pushingnic welcome and congratulations on your bfp. We are all expecting rainbow babies so completely understand the nerves you are feeling. I'd love to say it gets easier but I'm still having my moments of checking for blood and questioning every symptom (or lack of symptoms) and I hit 12 weeks tomorrow. What I can say is you are in the right place. I think I would legitimately have gone crazy had it not have been for the ladies in this group over last couple of months! Everyone is supportive and so lovely. Wishing you a sticky bean and a happy healthy 9 months x

@Knotemma so glad it went well with your friends. Are you looking forward to telling everyone next week? We are waiting until after my scan on Thursday to be certain everything by still looking good x

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend and those who have been feeling really anxious have been able to relax a little ☺️

@Sammilou2312 it's weird, I'm not sure how ready I am to share. The friends we've told today are 2 couples that were both very close to, who've both gone through losses, so wanted to give the some breathing space and processing time. I'm looking forward to telling aunties and uncles, and some of my friends, but really concerned about one friend in particular who's really bad for gossiping. A mutual friend found out she was pregnant last Christmas and everyone knew within a few days. She totally stile her thunder and wasn't particularly kind about it (I know because I'm one of the people who she told, when she'd been asked to keep it a secret). I know for a fact that she's going to be offended that I didn't tell her earlier, but I honestly don't trust at all that she would keep it quiet. While I'm getting more comfortable with people knowing (on the basis that Thursdays scan goes well) I hate the idea of everyone knowing my business. I'm a very private person, where she loves a big splashy social media announcement. Honestly over the last 18 months I've distanced myself from her because she really didn't understand the way that I have dealt with my losses and has a tendency to be quite blunt and thoughtless in the way she addresses things... Like bringing it up in the pub while we're out, in front of other people. For me it's not about stigma, the people I want to know about what I've been through do, but the bloke at the table next to me in the pub doesn't need to know.

I feel like I've painted her as an awful person here, and that's not true, but she is thoughtless and wouldn't understand why i got upset about her telling her extended family my news.

So basically I'm a bit of a mixed bag about telling people. There's part of me thinking to just tell aunties and uncles and keep it for another few weeks 🙈. I'll see how I feel on Thursday

@knotemma I can understand that. Part of me has liked having our little secret over last few weeks but I'm kinda at the point where I really can't hide it anymore so I have been having to avoid friends and family as it is really obvious now so I think I'm looking forward to being able to tell everyone now. All depends on Thursdays scan though. Is yours in morning or afternoon?

@SammiLou2312 it's at 12, so at least I don't have to wait all day and won't have too much time to work myself up. DH is coming with me and I'm hoping that it's all positive. Honestly the way my symptoms have been I'm feeling reasonably good that it's going to be ok.

I hit 12 weeks today! Seems so strange to have gotten this far 🥰

@teaandtantrums90 5wks (due 07/11/20)
@DressingGown87 7wks (23/10/20)
@Hagster 7wks (due 19/10/20)⁣
@seaduck 7wks (due 18/10/20)
@tmc14 8wks (due 15/10/20)
@Aria2015 8wks
@Treaclepie19 10wks (due 04/10/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 10wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 10wks with twins⁣ (due 02/10/20)
@Littlegoth 10wks (due 01/10/20)
@TunnocksTcake 10wks (due 01/10/20)
@SunStruck 10wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Scout20 10wks (due 29/09/20)
@avocuddles 10wks (due 28/09/20)
@LilMrsS 11wks (due 24/09/20)
@Knotemma 11wks⁣ (due 21/09/20)
@SammiLou2312 12wks⁣ (due 20/09/20)
@Hoping2020 12wks (due 18/09/20)
@UrsulaSings 13 wks (due 07/09/20)
@Pugmum19 14wks (due 31/08/20)
@Rachael321 16wks (due 20/08/20)
@Bellsx 16wks (due 20/08/20)

Hi everyone. What a lovely group this is.

I'm going to be 6 weeks tomorrow so it's still very early days. I had a missed miscarriage in 2018. We found out at our 12 week scan than baby had stopped growing a few weeks before. It was absolutely heartbreaking.

I initially joined the Nov 2020 babies group but I can't quite cope with all the certainty on there. I just have no faith this pregnancy will end with a baby. I had some pain last week and (on my left side) and ended up at the EPU, terrified that it was ectopic. My scan showed that everything was in the right place. My gestational sac measured 14mm, my yolk sac is 3.3mm and there was a tiny fetal pole measuring 1.4mm. We saw a little flicker which the nurse said might be a heartbeat but it's too early to be sure. I was 5 weeks 4 days at the time.

Has anyone else been in this position? This pregnancy is all I think about and I seem to flit from hope to despair so quickly. Pregnancy after loss is horrendous - all the joy has been stolen from this experience :(.