Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 2

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up a new thread to keep the 🌈 conversation going....

Hi @Doughnut100 sorry for your loss and welcome.
I feel the same @mimba1 especially as statistically my MC was very unlikely - so all the stats of MC going down each day etc doesn't reassure me much now. The least likely thing happened last time, so why not this time? I struggled to sleep last time as I had a real sense of impending doom, which is how I felt before my MC last time but I'm trying to ignore it, there is no reason for it this time. In my heart of hearts I feel I should be celebrating and embracing being pregnant, as even if I only have them for a short while they still deserve celebrating...
I will be 6 weeks tomorrow so will be glad to have made it to another week. I'm also very gassy!!! And pretty bloated. I have some alcohol free peronis which are really good, I've also had alcohol free gordans g and t which are good. Bought some prosecco for this weekend, but nothing beats the real thing! Really looking forward to a few days off, work is hard at the minute.

I'm liking the sound of all these nice alcohol free tipples, I'm off to brave the supermarket after work, so will have to have a look for something nice! I had an elderflower mojito mocktail when I was pregnant with my first that was epic... Might see if I can grab the ingredients.

I'm pleased to see the forecast is looking up, I definitely want to spend some time in my garden if I can, there's lots of work to be done out there 😂.

I totally get the feeling of emptiness or numbness around being pregnant. Within my circle of close friends we've had lots of losses at different times and for different reasons. While I'm more confident now, because historically my issue has always been early, but I don't think I'll truly believe it until there's a baby here. I keep looking at things to buy and stopping myself. But at least I have some ideas for things we may want

I had a call from the midwife today. My screening results have come back high risk at 1/110. I'd already privately opted for the harmony test which I had on Tuesday so all I can do now is wait for those results. It's just really knocked me and I know I'll be worrying until I get back those results. It's just Sod's law that I was actually starting to feel positive after seeing the baby wriggling in my last scan.

Logically I want to tell myself that the odds are good for everything still being ok but I take little comfort in odds having been on the losing side of them before when it comes to pregnancy.

@Mimba1 @Doughnut100 another 36 year old here though I'll be 37 this year. I try not to worry about age too much - yes it may have been a contributing factor to my previous losses / fertility issues but then again it might not. My sister in law is expecting her second child at 41 and as you say there are lots of positive stories on here about much older mums so we should be fine.

@Doughnut100 I'm sorry you're having a difficult time getting the support you need for your thyroid condition. Is there any treatment / medication you would expect to be getting that you're not yet? You're doing the right thing by giving your midwife direction, the only thing I can suggest if they're not helping is speaking to your GP and seeing if they can sort out your consultant referral. I'm consultant led due to history of blood clotting which means there would be a very high risk to me if I wasn't on blood thinners. The consultant appointments and blood tests have been cut right back due to the current situation but I'm hoping that by the time I need more frequent appointments and scans (third trimester) things may have settled a bit.... Hopefully your 12 week scan will be a positive experience and help put your mind at ease. It's not uncommon for symptoms to start easing off / changing around 10 weeks - I think mine probably peaked at around 9 in terms of nausea and tiredness. We will all be crossing our fingers for you!

@AnxiousLady1 @Mimba1 @Whiffle77 I'm a big fan of some of the alcohol free drinks out there, it's great that there are a lot more options available now. Favourites including the Tesco slim line 'g & t', cedars alcohol free gin mixed with a nice tonic, or the brewdog beers including raspberry blitz, punk af and nanny state. The best 'wines' I've found are natureo (red, quite expensive....) and for fizz freixenet 0% which is even available in my local Tesco express!

@Aria2015 I know it won't help but the odds are still really good! When do you get the harmony results? I really hope it's good news when you get them. Hang in there - everything is probably just fine.

@Mimba1 thanks. I had the test Tuesday and the bloods got to the lab yesterday so probably won't find out until middle of next week. I was looking forward to the long weekend as I've been working really hard and wanted to just relax but now I wish I was working and my mind was occupied as I know I'm going to be worrying.

That time of the week again, time to update!! 21 weeks already, still cant quite believe it!!

@MOGMOGMOG85 4 wks (due 13/12/20)
@Hagster 7wks (due 19/10/20)⁣
@Doughnut100 10wks (due 05/11/20
@teaandtantrums90 10 wks (due 07/11/20)
@DressingGown87 10wks (23/10/20)
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)
@tmc14 13wks (due 11/10/20)
@Aria2015 10wks
@Treaclepie19 14wks (due 07/10/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 13wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 13wks (due 30/09/20)
@Scout20 14wks (due 29/09/20)
@SunStruck 15wks (due 28/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 14wks with twins (due 28/09/20)
@avocuddles 15wks (due 27/09/20)
@didslysquiddlydoo 15wks (due 26/09/20)
@TunnocksTcake 15wks (due 26/09/20)
@LilMrsS 14wks (due 24/09/20)
@Knotemma 16wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)
@SammiLou2312 16wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)
@Hoping2020 16wks (due 13/09/20)
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)
@Rachael321 21wks (due 20/08/20)
@Bellsx 21wks (due 20/08/20)

Welcome @Doughnut100 and @Olliesmumx

@Aria2015 so sorry you have had worrying results but as others have said it's still less than a 1% chance and as you have already had the further test you will find out soon enough. I don't really know how they work but I've read a lot of cases of high readings where baby has turned out to be fine. What was the NT measurement? Shame it will be playing on your mind over the weekend though x

I was also verrrrryyy gassy and bloated until quite recently. I feel like my bump has got a bit smaller the last couple of weeks but realised it's because the bloat has gone and now it's just bump and pudding! Still get heartburn and indigestion but not as much.

I have now gone 24 hours without a sniff of spotting so feeling relieved. Hoping it stays away for good now, or at least if it does come back at some point I will know it might not be the end of the world.

I really want my 20 week scan date now, I have my 16 week appt on 20th when I will actually be 17 weeks and still not sure if that is going ahead in person or over the phone. I kind of want to ring and find out but know they are busy! I know they do the scans from 18+6- 20 weeks so hoping it's on the early end and not late like the 12 week one!

@TunnocksTcake thanks. The NT measurement was 2.2mm at 12w 6d. The midwife said that was a good measurement so I was feeling quite relaxed.

The midwife today said my age (38) with my hcg levels were what had put me in the high risk category.

I'm glad I did the harmony test, especially now, but this weekend is going to be such a struggle anxiety wise.

Had my 12 week scan today, baby is absolutely fine and measuring 1 day ahead at 12 weeks 2. Had my NIPT bloods done, with the Easter weekend I won't get results for about 9 days. I do feel optimistic, but obviously I can't be overly so, feel like I need to stay grounded a little while longer.

@Aria2015 sorry to hear about your results, but hopefully the NIPT will come back with postive news.

@Aria2015 sorry that you've had worrying NT results. At least the bloods have already gone for your harmony, so you're not having to wait until after the long weekend to get the blood drawn (trying to find you some small silver linings) I've not personally had experience of having a high risk come back from the Nuchal, but lots of women on the forums seem to talk about getting high risk from nuchal translucency and then the NIPT coming back perfect. I've got everything crossed that this will be the case for you x

Thankyou !! it’s defiantly been the worst experience I could ever imagine. I have a 4 year old son who was so looking forward on becoming a big brother I was at the GP today getting bloods done and also had to take another PT .. get results Monday! It’s weird as I never had any pregn symptoms even the weeks the baby had been dead in me, and also after the MC, now 3 weeks on getting sore boobs and back. Obv couldn’t have ovulated as I’m still getting a faint second line, I had a D&C after the delivery so I doubt there’s any preg tissue left inside.

Hi hoping I can join, I'm really early pregnancy 3+5 today and I just can't stop worrying and jumping to worst case scenario. I had an early loss at 5weeks in October and I'm worried it'll happen again, today I had some really sore lower back ache and it's only just gone with paracetamol, also I'm not sure my boobs are as sore but they're still heavy... I'm just needing some reassurance xx

@Avocuddles and @Mimba1 thanks for your replies. @Mimba1 I think exactly the same - the more positive news the more likely I'm going to be the one with bad news. It happened during my first pregnancy where I joined a group of excited mums to be on here and everyone kept getting the green light and then my miscarriage happened. It's such false logic though. We've had these negative experiences, where we've been the minority percentage, the thing we assumed we would not be, and we now assume that will always happen. The feeling is worse if you've had any other bad things happen in your life that seem to be such bad luck/chances. Also, it's not like a set percentage of the women in here are going to have bad news, we are just a very very very very tiny cross-section of all the pregnant people in the world right now and so our odds will be nothing to do with others on here. It's good to call out that illogical thinking and at least rationally know it's not right, even if we do still feel it xx

@Mimba1 I'm sorry that you're approaching the day of your last miscarriage, that must be horrible :( I've got a few dates hanging over my head. 6 weeks is when the embryo stopped developing, 8 weeks is when I found out, and 10+4 is when I started bleeding. I think I'm going to be nervous for each of them. Another date coming up for me is my due date for my last pregnancy which is on Saturday :( looks like you're a couple of weeks ahead of me @Mimba1 and I'll be cheering you on from here! I'm crossing everything for you, you've got this! Oh I also read what you said about the over 40s group and found it really strengthening so thank you! I'm be turning 35 around the time of my 12 week scan (we hope) and just anxious about my chances diminishing - doesn't seem fair as I started trying at 32 when in theory I should have been ok xx

@Whiffle77 congrats on making it to week 6! Your post made me reaaaaaaally thirsty! I'm not wanting coffee any more but I def still want alcohol, which is weird, I'd have thought you automatically don't want it, but no! Alcohol free prosecco sounds great, especially in this weather!

@Aria2015 best of luck for your results. I know it means nothing but the odds sound really good, but totally understand you worrying of course. Is there anything you can do over the weekend to take your mind off it? I don't know like what - being inspired by the other conversations on here delicious mocktails and watching something super cheesy? I'm going to try and track down a star is born tonight, I've not watched it before :)

@bananamuffin99 and @Rachael321 congratulations on your positive scans and making it to 21 weeks!

Hi @AliSxo and welcome. I found out at 3+6 on Saturday and I'm now 4+4 so we're pretty close! Glad to have another super early person on board, we can go through this journey together. I'm sorry about your loss :( I lost a 6 week old embryo in September last year and it's felt like a lifetime trying to get pregnant again and going through all that grief. Lets celebrate the fact that we're here (well I'm trying to do that, but I also have a lot of anxieties and totally understand!!!). At this stage having any symptoms would be unusual so don't worry. Last time my boobs didnt start hurting until 5ish weeks and my hormones were sky high so it was totally random. From reading other peoples comments here symptoms are TOTALLY random, some people have them, some dont, sometimes they come and go... I know it's hard not to worry though. If my breasts stop hurting and I get less tired at 6 weeks like I did last time I'll be scared :( xxx

@doughnut100 I think our due dates are just days apart but I'm also glad of lockdown, I definitely would have had to be signed off if I had to go into work the sickness is terrible! I've called my GP today to ask for sickness medication because I can't hack it!! I thought I would have it easy in regards to sickness as I wasn't sick with my son really, boy was I wrong!
How are you finding the first trimester c

@MOGMOGMOG85 thanks for replying, we can go through this together :) same I felt like it's taken me a while to get pregnant again and I was worried it wouldn't happen. I'm hitting mini milestones, once I pass 5 weeks which is when I miscarried last time I think I'll ease up slightly, It's so hard to be excited I feel sort of silly when I do but I don't want to let my anxieties ruin this for me. I noted I had back pain last time I was pregnant so I'm worried now as a week after I got the back ache I started bleeding. However I'm trying to reassure myself they're not related, I've had no cramps or spotting xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 i hope you manage to have some relaxing time this weekend. Due dates are always going to be hard even if we have new pregnancies. My second due date is next weekend (18th) and although I'm over the moon about this pregnancy I still can't help feeling sad as I think about where I could have been now.

@AliSxo welcome! Sorry to hear about your previous loss, you're in a safe place here amongst lots of friendly ladies who know exactly what rollercoaster of emotions you'll be going through now. Just remember that this is a brand new pregnancy, new egg, new sperm, and hopefully your rainbow baby is beginning their journey to you. As @MOGMOGMOG85 says, symptoms come and go so much in the early weeks so try not to worry too much about interpreting them. Best of luck for your journey and we look forward to supporting you through it!

@bananamuffin99 glad your scan went well, fantastic news.

@Aria2015 my nuchal measurement was also 2.2mm which is apparently well within the 'normal' range. Sorry your blood rest results have not been as reassuring as you would have hoped; as others have said they still indicate that there's 99% likelihood that all will be fine and hopefully the NIPT will improve the odds and provide you with some reassurance.

@Rachael321 over halfway there now!

Thank you so so much @Avocuddles that's such a lovely message it made me feel really happy xx

Not a good day today 😪 woke up with a lot of blood, went to the EPU and they did an abdominal ultrasound and couldn't see anything (no sac, anything!) Said I might not be as far a long as I thought and to go back next friday for another scan. Since about 3pm I've had lots more blood and cramping - it's strange there is a lot but it's never in my underwear only when I wipe but still lots of it! So I'm feeling like this journey is over for me now. Will see what happens tomorrow and hope for the best 😪 get there one day!

@fmturn I'm so sorry to hear this, how many weeks did you calculate you were? Xx

@alisxo I track ovulation as I have massively irregular periods. I thought I was 6+2/3. Its possibly late implantation but the cramps and blood are not filling me with much hope!

@fmturn try and stay positive, lots of rest, you're doing the best you can and it may be that you're not as far along as you think hence the no sack but you're just having some early bleeding which can be normal in early pregnancy xxx

Sorry I've not been around much lately. things have been a little crazy and I think I'm going somewhat crazy from being stuck at home all the time lol. So many new people joined lately. Welcome to all of you and gentle congratulations to you. Sorry to any of you who are struggling at the moment, sending virtual hugs.

I am officially in maternity wear full time now. My normal clothes just do not fit at all anymore. Updating my weeks:
@MOGMOGMOG85 4 wks (due 13/12/20)
@Hagster 7wks (due 19/10/20)⁣
@Doughnut100 10wks (due 05/11/20
@teaandtantrums90 10 wks (due 07/11/20)
@DressingGown87 10wks (23/10/20)
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)
@tmc14 13wks (due 11/10/20)
@Aria2015 10wks
@Treaclepie19 14wks (due 07/10/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 13wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 13wks (due 30/09/20)
@Scout20 14wks (due 29/09/20)
@SunStruck 15wks (due 28/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 14wks with twins (due 28/09/20)
@avocuddles 15wks (due 27/09/20)
@didslysquiddlydoo 15wks (due 26/09/20)
@TunnocksTcake 15wks (due 26/09/20)
@LilMrsS 14wks (due 24/09/20)
@Knotemma 16wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)
@SammiLou2312 17wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)
@Hoping2020 16wks (due 13/09/20)
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)
@Rachael321 21wks (due 20/08/20)
@Bellsx 21wks (due 20/08/20)

@MOGMOGMOG85 sounds like we've had quite a similar journey - I started trying when I was 33. Wish I'd naffing done it when I was 23 now (not that I knew my husband then)! I know what you mean about dates although mine are slightly different - last time the baby stopped growing at 5 weeks (I think - honestly I wasn't taking it all in). I saw it on the screen when I should've been 7+6 and it was 1.2mm. Basically nothing. I can't help thinking this baby might be dead already and I just don't know. I only had the scan last time because I'd had bad cramping on one side and they wanted to rule out ectopic. They were running late, the waiting room was absolutely packed and I was sat next to this young girl getting an abortion. She was telling her friend how she was allowed to do it at home this time. It just seemed so sad, and I felt so old and broken sat next to her. I am absolutely dreading going back to that hospital for any reason. Hardly the worst story on here I know but I haven't really talked about it. I think I'll put that back in its box for now and find a nice mocktail!

@fmturn I'm so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you and really hoping for the best for you.

Sending you lots of really good vibes and thoughts @fmturn really sorry you are having some troubles. It's a horrible waiting game but try and take it easy as much as possible, we will have our fingers crossed for you