Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 2

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up a new thread to keep the 🌈 conversation going....

Hi guys this is my first post and I'm sure you'll be kind. Just wanted to rattle your brains.
My first pregnancy - I had a miscarriage 4 weeks ago today - they found a mass in my tube and I miscarried naturally. I was monitored every 48 hours for 2 weeks hcg bloods. Last Monday I was discharged mainly due to corona risk. By this time my bloods had dropped to 28 and a scan showed Id probably had a period and they saw a follicle on my right ovary as though I was about to ovulate they said it all looked back to how it should and my body looked like it had reset. On that day they did my bloods again and they had jumped back up to 31??? The doc was as surprised as me but still discharged me. We did the deed and then 3/4 days later I spotted again for 3 days. Just as I think my body gets back to normal I start to spot!!!!
Today 2 weeks on I'm not sure whether I feel pregnant or my hormones are still whizzing around. Im planning to do a test in the morning but in the back of my head I think it would be too early to show regardless. 2 weeks ago when I was discharged I didn't have any symptoms and felt normal - I can't work out whether it's all psychological? I've cried tonight at nothing and have been lightheaded ! How were your hormones after miscarriage? Early pregnancy?
Tia

@MOGMOGMOG85 I recognise your name from the TTC board, so good to see you here! It's definitely a nervewracking time and the first weeks go so slowly. I'm now coming up to 15 weeks, third pregnancy after two losses at 7-8 weeks. The NHS wouldn't give me any early scans after my first loss, but this time round I was under the fertility clinic and even though I was fortunate enough to conceive naturally they agreed to scan me at 7 and 9 weeks which certainly helped to ease my mind. I hope you can get some extra support if possible as it's such a tough time, and as someone who has taken several years to get to this point I can sympathise with how issues TTC add even more pressure.

Re the dreaded Coronavirus, I've had it (not officially diagnosed as wasn't hospitalised but the paramedics who visited me were convinced and I had every symptom going...), and have to say that during the illness all I could think about was my own health as I felt so rough. Now I've nearly recovered (17 days on from initial symptoms) I'm worrying about the baby and whether the disease has impacted on it but trying to stay calm and work on the assumption that everything will be ok. Fortunately I had my 12 week scan just before I fell ill and all looked good then so fingers crossed. It's wise to take precautions and try to distance yourself as much as possible, but remember that if you do get it, the odds are still in your favour that your symptoms will be mild. Based on speaking to my GP / others I know who have had mild symptoms, I was pretty unlucky for someone of my age (36) in terms of how poorly I was, though am very grateful that it wasn't any worse.

@Bellsx lovely photo and glad all went well.

@Mimba1 hope you're ok. My miscarriages were both similar to yours, I know it won't necessarily reassure you but this pregnancy (now at 14 +5) I felt pretty much exactly the same as the other two and the symptoms definitely came and went over the first few weeks. It wasn't until at least 8 weeks that I started feeling queasy and having permanent boob soreness, before then I was constantly panicking about loss of symptoms but it all turned out ok. As you say all we can do is take it one day at a time, the early days are so painfully slow but try to remember this is a different pregnancy, different egg, and there's no reason to think it will follow the same path. Good luck!

@Jonsey1987 I was never offered any blood or scans after either of my miscarriages so can't comment from that perspective, but in my experience it took my body a couple of months to get back to anything resembling 'normal', and my emotions / mental health definitely took a while. My cycles have always been irregular but they were all over the place after the losses. I conceived again a couple of months after my first miscarriage, but after the second one I took a few months off TTC to try to give myself time to recover and I do think this helped on multiple levels. On the other hand there are examples here of people who have conceived quickly and successfully so never say never! Just try not to put too much pressure on yourself, your body is amazing but it has been through a lot recently. Hopefully you'll have a rainbow baby on the way ASAP.

Hi @Avocuddles - I do remember you, and wow 15 weeks is amazing! Are you feeling confident yet that you'll make it this time? I think getting past the milestones that have sadly been set by past miscarriages is absolutely huge, you must be thrilled! God having those early scans must have been terrifying. I know I feel sick just thinking about getting my scan, I can't tell you how awful my previous one was.

Such incredible bad luck that you had the coronavirus!! I'm so glad you pulled through and the fact that pregnancy is still intact is brilliant. I'm obviously no expert but I understand that symptoms in even newborn babies are so insignificant that it barely counts, I'd hope your little passenger is safe and barely got touched, and will be protected by your immune system now. Still what an awful and unnecessary dimension of worry for you! xx

I don't know how I'm going to survive until my scan - I wish someone could just knock me out and wake me up in a couple of months I really do. I'm going to try and ignore symptoms as I do know they don't mean anything, but I also know that awful feeling when a symptoms stops. Last time in week 6 my breasts were so painful it was unreal and then it just faded off (except for the odd stabbing pain in my nipples) which I will now be looking out for :( I really want to think positively, but I can't deny that my previous experience has left a huge imprint. I mean already I'm not really excited as I was last time. I just feel a sort of sense of dread about it. Perhaps for me being positive about it risks opening myself up to more pain, but I actually know from the previous one that you can't avoid pain as much as you would like to should the worst happen :(

Ugh I'm such a downer. Look forward to going to work tomorrow, it's hard to stay distracted when you're on lockdown and nothing to do!

Is there anyone else out there as early as me atm? 4+1? xx

@mogmogmog85
Congrats. I can imagine you feel anxious and I'd feel the same as you. Have you set any milestones - maybe 12 weeks? Are you going to go for an early scan? X

@MOGMOGMOG85 I had a very similar negative private scan experience to you during my second pregnancy - there was a heartbeat but it was measuring significantly behind my dates which I was very clear on. They just insisted that my dates were wrong and sent me on my way feeling incredibly anxious, sure enough within a few days I started bleeding and miscarried a week later. This has completely put me off the idea of going for any more private scans - much as I would like to see my baby again soon for reassurance, I don't feel confident that they would give me good treatment if things didn't look right
I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to be positive in order to protect yourself from pain. I didn't really acknowledge the pregnancy at all until my first scan at 7 weeks, and only after my 12 week scan have I started to contemplate the possibility that we might finally get to bring home our child. 16 weeks is my next psychological milestone, then 20, then 24, but I'm pretty sure I won't stop worrying until they're born!
Do you have a job where you're actually still going there or are you in the work from home brigade? I'm finding working from home very tedious, I have an office based job and am very bored at the moment but know it's all for the best...

I'm only 5+2 @MOGMOGMOG85 so only very slightly ahead of you. Counting every day as a win at the minute! I wanted a reassurance scan but everywhere is shut, and your stories have put me off a bit as well...if I get a bit further down the line I will perhaps speak to the midwife about it when I have my booking in appointment.
I'm also finding wfh really tedious @Avocuddles - keep telling myself I'm lucky but it's really hard work at the minute

Hi @Jonsey1987 thanks for your kind message! Well last time my embryo was 6 weeks but didn't miscarry until 11 so i guess if i get past 11 weeks without bleeding I will start to feel a bit better. Probably not fully better until I get a scan. I'm gong to ask the midwives for an early scan but they may not be willing to give it as i've only had 1 miscarriage and i expect they are understaffed at the moment. I guess the corona will decide for me! Never getting a private scan again, I trust the EPU 100% - guess I'm lucky there I know some people even have bad experiences at the EPU, but there was a woman there - Wendy - who I'd like to give a medal to if I could!

@Avocuddles I'm so so happy for you. I guess realistically we're not going to be 100% relaxed until baby is safe in our arms, but I've got such a positive feeling for you now at this stage! I work as a gardener on a huge estate on my own so I am so so lucky I get to be outside and I encounter no-one all day. It's safer for me to be working than to be going for my daily walk I'd say as there's no-one around. It must be so hard staying at home all day to work, I really feel for you. I don't understand how my partner is staying sane he's been working in the spare room for almost a month now and only seeing my face for company! I'm so glad, for my mental health, that I get an outlet at this difficult time, if I was stuck at home with him twiddling my thumbs and with all the hormones plus the anxiety of what happened before I think it would be a nightmare for our relationship!

@Whiffle77 ok I'm going to buddy up with you then :) We are the babies of the group, I'm sure more will join soon :) I'm hoping the midwives will be understanding if we explain our circumstances? Nothing wrong with emphasising a little bit words like 'anxiety' 'mental health' etc..

What is everyone doing about coffee? I love coffee but feel bad to drink it. I'm having a decaf now but even feel bad about that! Is this rational or is decaf fine?

Decaf is absolutely fine. I am a coffeeaholic but cut way back to one a day + a few decaffs, I now drink just decaff and surprisingly dont miss it!

@Mogmogmog85 you're absolutely fine with decaff, you can have 200 mg of caffeine a day without a worry, so 2 normal cups of instant. I was a massive coffee drinker pre pregnancy, though I've been on decaf for over a year. I've found that with morning sickness and the change in my taste buds I just can't face it any more which upsets me a lot! So I'd say enjoy it while you can still drink it!

@Knotemma @Whiffle77 @MOGMOGMOG85 decaf Yorkshire tea is the thing keeping me going at the moment!

@Avocuddles I'm off tea as well most of the time, but I normally live on Yorkshire tea decaff! I'm down to my last few bags so will have to go to a proper supermarket soon. We've been managing with what we can get from our local coop mostly, as that feels less intimidating than a proper supermarket

Decaff Yorkshire Tea is brilliant! Really struggled to get hold of decaf a couple of weeks ago and managed to find PG Tips. I thought it would be rubbish, but to be fair it is decent! I drink builder tea normally, so would have it strong, without milk.

Ok ok - what about this? uk.lush.com/products/cleanser/cup-o-coffee is it ok to put caffeine on my face? This face mask makes my skin so nice...

Also whilst I'm airing neuroses - is anyone going to the shops still? I was going to avoid it, but sort of trust myself more than oh to get the right bits and also stay away from people and not touch my face etc... :D

@MOGMOGMOG85 it wouldn't cross my mind that the facemask would be an issue! I've been enjoying lots of facemasks recently, it's good to have a bit of pampering and probably more so than ever at the moment....

I've managed to avoid the shops because I was fortunate enough to get a couple of Ocado shops booked before everything went too crazy, my final delivery is today so if I don't manage to get another then I'll go to Asda next weekend. There's a Tesco express at the end of our road and I would have no concerns going in there, they're only letting a few people in at a time and operating a one way system so the whole distancing concept seems to be working ok there.

@AnxiousLady1 good to know that PG is an acceptable fallback option! Some decaf tea is frankly disgusting..... Tetley's was like drinking dishwater

I just realised PGTips corrected itself to Pregnant Tips. Seems apt I guess!!

I've been doing food shopping but using the smaller local store, just so there's less queuing and fewer people around. I do think that I'm going to have to go and do a proper super market shop though, we're running out of basics like cat litter, decaf tea and coffee etc that I can't get elsewhere. I'm just being careful about distancing, washing my hands well when I get home and not touching my face while I'm out and about

@Avocuddles haha ok I will chill out about the facemask then!

@Knotemma I think I'll have to go to supermarket at some point to, will just leave it as long as I can xx

So after being worried a out loss of symptoms, ive had a scan and a heart best today. At the scan seen a small haemorrhage above the placenta? She said it was nothing to worry about but obviously i came home to google it and have now scared myself 🙈 has anyone had this??

@Pippop21 I haven't had a haemorrhage myself but several friends who have had healthy pregnancies did. They're fairly common and in most cases don't cause any issues at all, though it's possible you might have bits of bleeding. Most of them seem to clear up on their own and aren't a cause for concern. Because I've had a bleed and spotting the pregnancy I've read up on them quite a bit and haven't found anything alarming. So pleased that your scan went well, hopefully that will help you with something positive to focus on.

@Knotemma i have stopped looking now as all im finding is the words "increases risk of miscarriage" and i already have that with having had two previous ones so can do without the extra worry of having something else thrown in the mix lol! She described it as a small bruise? In I'm going to keep telling myself that and pay for private scans to keep me reassured!

In other news I've had some very mild nausea today and i feel a little more tired than usual! I'll be booking my next scan for in two weeks time when i'll be 8+4 and then again another 10+4 i'll probably keep having them until i can feel baby moving around tbh haha! Its going to cost me a bomb but i need to, to keep my anxiety at bay xxxx

@Pippop21 so glad your scan went well! It's totally understandable that a word like 'haemorrhage' would scare you! But if the nurses said it was small and didn't look worried that should reassure you. It's possible that some of the stories you've read online are about a totally different size and type of haemorrhage so don't assume you'll be the same! I don't know anything about haemorrhage but I know from my large fibroids that I scared myself to death thinking I'd never conceive and googling absolutely everything. In the end it took me a bit longer than usual but this is my second conception so I didn't need to worry about that bit.. try to focus on that everything was positive at the scan as far as the baby was concerned, I know it's so hard though xxx

@Pippop21 I say have as many scans as you want, if they reassure you. Yes it is more costly, but I'd just rationalise it by looking at fact you won't be spending money elsewhere on socialising/travelling etc in the current CV situation. X

@AnxiousLady1 i mever thought of it like that! Haha so that makes me feel its ok spending the money! Cheers! Haha xx