Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 2

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up a new thread to keep the 🌈 conversation going....

Yes I completely understand. To be honest that was me 6 months ago, we got far too ahead of ourselves! I find myself getting really emotional about the fact that I'll never be able to enjoy a pregnancy like a normal person 😔 Does it get any better!?

@Whiffle77 I'm the same. I had awful breast pain from the very start last time. This time nothing! I know all pregnancies are different but it's hard for my crazy brain to rationalise right now! How have everyone else's pregnancies compared symptom wise?

Thanks @didslysquiddlydoo. Sorry to hear about your scan. So difficult at the moment.

I think I'm feeling sick for the first time but I'm double guessing myself - after my MC I still felt nauseous for weeks, long after my BFN. Eventually realised it was the pregnancy vitamins causing nausea and I hadn't had any real morning sickness - it's really made me doubt my own body. I almost want it to get worse (I'll regret saying that no doubt!)

Do any of you get counselling? I'm meant to have a video conference with my therapist later today (work referred me for anxiety last year) and I don't know whether to tell her I'm PG. I don't really want her to know but the session seems a bit pointless if I'm hiding the biggest thing going on in my head?

Omg @TunnocksTcake your bump is amazing! 🥰. I feel the same re bloating and indigestion - seems to actually get worse as soon as I go to bed!!! 🙈

@Ldawg I think it does get better... hang on in there - the first twelve weeks are SO difficult but I did start to slowly feel a bit more hopeful after that 12 week scan...
In terms of comparisons re symptoms - in my 11 week miscarriage I had pretty much zero symptoms. In this pregnancy I also had pretty much zero symptoms PLUS bleeding and so far this one IS positive... it's so hard not to compare but I don't think symptoms are particularly reliable!

@Mimba1 thanks - it is difficult but we will all get through it! I would recommend talking to your counsellor honestly about what's going on for you - I'm wondering why you don't want her to know? You'd be telling her to discuss your feelings about it - shes there in a professional capacity - id recommend looking at it as telling a GP / midwife and ask yourself why you wouldn't want to tell them?...

@mimba1 I would only tell her if you feel comfortable and ready. There's no fixed timeline and there is so much else that's anxiety inducing at the moment that I'm sure you'll still have things to talk about.

I find the pregnancy vitamins really difficult to take during pregnancy, had no issues taking them in preparation though. I found going back to basics and just taking a folic acid tablet worked best for me. I also had a soluble multivitamin every over day or so, when I could stomach it. The Sainsbury's own brand ones don't contain vitamin a. I was also recommended by the midwife to just take a regular cheap multivitamin rather than the posh pregnancy ones when my morning sickness was at its worst.
It's awful feeling like you can't trust your body and your symptoms, but it's really important to remember that lots of women have successful pregnancies with next to no symptoms.

@Ldawg I don't think you ever get the naivety back, it's always a different experience. I've learned to treasure the good bits and focus on them when I get in my own head. I'm finally able to say baby outloud, that being said he or she is always goblin when I talk about them. We've just started to talk about this as something that may end up with us having a child if I'm honest. But all of our losses have been early, so everyone has a different experience of when it starts to feel real

Thanks @didslysquiddlydoo for the welcome.

@TunnocksTcake that is a lovely bump!!

I just feel tired and hungry, I didnt feel sick last time and dont so far but wait and see.

I dont get counselling @mimba1 although my acupuncturist has offered me some phone support now I cant get to see her, I found seeing her almost like a therapy session. I would tell her I think, if it is feeding your anxiety then it seems right to? But ultimately it's your choice and what you feel comfortable with

I never got offered any counselling at all after my first baby died (she was full term) but I’ve found Instagram and forums like this so so helpful!

Symptoms wise, I was so so ill with really bad cramps and sickness until about 12 weeks with my first pregnancy, this time round I’ve had no cramping, nothing apart from headaches! I thought with only having 3 is months between pregnancy’s that I’d feel worse, but it’s so so different! 15 weeks and I have quite the bump tho, and it’s way higher this time round!

@TunnocksTcake lovely bump!

@Mimba1 I am under perinatal counselling, for many different reasons, mainly because of anxiety, the fact I’m on my own (and in lockdown), because I’m high risk and Because I was already on the MH radar after suffering a breakdown last year. I’ve found talking to them good, and it has helped. They’ve also arranged all my early scans (every two weeks) for my anxiety, and I get weekly checks (now telephone) with my midwife. I would suggest talking to them as they probably can help, and help you deal with the anxiety, especially if your pretty much symptom free, like me.

@Ldawg hang in there. I don’t think I will ever truly get the anxiety free pregnancy, I dreamed of. I’ve found the more it’s progressed, the better it’s becoming, but again most of my losses (apart from one) where before 12 weeks. I’m 11 now. I think the above support mechanisms have helped me, and talking to people on here and in real life. I hope it becomes easier for you too. I’ve found trying not to overly analyse my symptoms, and compare my pregnancy to others or previous has helped. I’m pretty much symptom free, and keep thinking that’s this is negative. But as my midwife keeps telling me it’s normal. People will tell you when they feel rubbish, and not necessarily when they feel great.

@Anon20something aww another lovely bump!!

@Knotemma @TunnocksTcake ohhh loving the bump pics 🥰

I will brave one tomorrow to post I think... it's really weird, my bump is tiny in the morning (looks like I'm just fat or thick), but massive in the evening after I've eaten all day 🤣 I'm 15 weeks on Monday.

@Avocuddles sending you love and hoping you're feeling much better and stronger! ❤️

@Ldawg it does I promise! I had 2 losses (1 mmc at 10 weeks which was the first), and I'm feeling quite fine now at almost 15 weeks because my 12 week scan was great (the NT screening), and I also did a NIPT test that came back super low risk on everything it tested for. I was a wreck before the 12 week scan though! For me it didn't get better until that (and the tests) because I'm 36 and worried in general after 2 miscarriages (first baby too).

Has anyone put on weight yet? I'm a bit concerned because I haven't at all, and I know I have to (and should have) by now. I'm eating a lot (and definitely more carbs than pre-pregnancy as I feel I need it), but still nothing. I do exercise for at least one hour a day 5 days a week though, but this is less than I did pre-pregnancy and definitely less intensity. I also eat more calories now than pre-pregnancy as I'm not trying to be in deficit. I did however drink a lot of wine pre-pregnancy so maybe this is why?! 🤣🤣

Sorry I forgot to welcome all the new ladies!! 🥰 this is definitely a safe thread! I completely agree with the "September Birth Club" thread comments, I couldn't believe I saw a thread like that when I had JUST tested positive (which means all the ladies must have been about 3.5-4 weeks pregnant!!). I'm jealous if the naivety but I will unfortunately never be like that again. I have to say the hardest part is making it past the date of your miscarriage (in terms of weeks), and then the 12 week scan. I don't feel very anxious now though, but i know I will do before my 16 week scan again. Scans naturally gives me anxiety (as well as relief when it's done) due to the precious miscarriages...

@SunStruck I’ve actually lost 5lb since I got pregnant again! I lost weight all the way through with my first baby - mw isn’t worried at all as I have big babies anyways, Lily was 7’2 when she was born at 38 weeks and this baby is measuring bigger at 15 weeks.

Until around 30 weeks I should add, by then I obviously put it on and was huge 😂

@Anon20something that's a lovely bump too!

That's how I'm feeling @sunstruck aside am counting the days to make it past 8 weeks which h was my previous loss, and then 12...but that drives me round the bend so at the minute I am just concentrating on getting through each day. Made it to five weeks today, so that's another little milestone
And yes a lot of my calorie intake used to be wine haha...but I am making up for it a LOT with biscuits and bread at the minute!

Thanks guys 😊
@avon20something that's a great bump! Mines all low down, but I am tall so maybe that's why?

@ldawg I wish I could go back and have a naive, carefree pregnancy again, that's how I was with my first which was a MMC and I felt like such an idiot coming out of the scan after they told me there was only a sac.
Looking back, although I've had fairly mild symptoms both times, the sickness and tiredness was stronger this time but the boobs were worse the first time. I didn't have any bloating with the first. All the times I've been to the EPU with this one and complained of disappearing symptoms they have said that you just can't rely on symptoms at all and they come and go and change daily. I had so many freaky outs where I thought my boobs were smaller only for them to return the following day. The first 12 weeks sucks and takes FOREVER but you just have to take it one day at a time. I'm still scared of having a MMC at 14 weeks, I don't think the fear ever really leaves you but it gets better.

@sunstruck I put on 4 lbs in the first few weeks before the booking appt but at my scan I had only gained one more pound on top?! Very strange. My boobs went up 2 sizes in the first week though so I'm partly blaming that! I haven't been able to exercise anywhere near as much since about 7 weeks and it's basically stopped now due to the virus and I have dodgy knees so I can't run. I'm eating more but mainly because I was permanently on a diet before so just increased calories so I'm not in deficit.

@SunStruck @Ldawg I wish I could just enjoy being pregnant again and have that naivety. Everyone now (family included) keep saying how great it is that we’ll have this baby and they don’t have the condition my first daughter did, but i just can’t be as confident as them that this baby will make it home, and I feel so guilty because they look great and fingers crossed everything will be fine, but I had that with my daughter when the first scan we found high nuchal after cvs etc was all fine, then she stopped moving and we found out about her condition and that she wouldn’t make it at 30 weeks, so I’m just always so anxious something will come up again! I wish we could all just have anxiety free, happy healthy pregnancies and enjoy it, it’s just so hard! I only had my scan last week and I’m going crazy with what ifs already and have booked a private one in 2 weeks!

@mimba1 I'm still having weekly counselling after losing our first last November. She was a full term stillbirth. I'm 8 weeks now and I think I am going tell my counsellor next week.

I didn't want to say anything because I didnt want go tell anyone but I'm struggling quite a bit at the moment with my mood and anxiety and I figure that if things don't work out, I will need her help anyway. You could always tell her but if it's not something you want to talk a lot about then say that to her as well and I'm sure shed understand.

Hi all,
Wow, so much to catch up on... Welcome to the new ladies. Definitely the right place for anxiety and concerns... All the bump pictures are lovely.

Yesterday I turned 12 weeks. Quite a milestone, although my last scan was at 7+1 so obviously I don't know what, if anything, is going on in there. I think I feel like everything is ok, my jeans are tight, I'm still tired and feel rubbish (although that could be general life anxiety just now!) but I will find out either way at my scan on Monday. Will be strange going on my own, but I think I'm ok with it. My husband is obviously upset but it is what it is. It's been a very long 5 weeks since the last one... Will update myself on the list:

@teaandtantrums90 7wks (due 07/11/20)
@DressingGown87 10wks (23/10/20)
@Hagster 7wks (due 19/10/20)⁣
@seaduck 7wks (due 18/10/20)
@tmc14 12wks (due 15/10/20)
@Aria2015 10wks
@Treaclepie19 13wks (due 07/10/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 13wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 13wks (due 30/09/20)
@SunStruck 14wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Scout20 14wks (due 29/09/20)
@avocuddles 14wks (due 27/09/20)
@didslysquiddlydoo 14wks (due 26/09/20)
@TunnocksTcake 15wks (due 26/09/20)
@LilMrsS 14wks (due 24/09/20)
@Knotemma 15wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)
@Sunflower1608 14wks with twins (due 28/09/20)
@SammiLou2312 16wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)
@Hoping2020 16wks (due 13/09/20)
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)
@Rachael321 20wks (due 20/08/20)
@Bellsx 20wks (due 20/08/20)

Concerning times here, I am self employed, can't work at the moment and can't claim help as I haven't been self employed long enough. And my husband's work are now talking about furloughing/cutting hours etc. So we really need to look at some numbers tonight and see where we are. Not the best time to be planning for maternity finances, but hopefully we'll be ok.

Hope everyone has some nice lockdown weekend plans, do weekends even count anymore?! Will be nice to have help with our toddler from my husband, and I've got one work project to finish and a course i"m studying for. Trying to not go insane from too much inside time!

Love to you all x

Hi all, not been around much recently. Have been run into the ground working from home and juggling looking after my 4 year old. Hopefully will get some time this weekend to catch up on the thread properly.

I had my 12 week scan today. All looked good. NT measurement was 2.2mm which they said was fine. I'm decided to get the harmony test done on Tuesday though. Just feel like I need to have it to feel relaxed (hopefully!).

Scan pic came out quite nice. I'm 12 weeks and 6 days today and have a due date of 10.10.20.

@SunStruck I've lost 8lbs. I always do in the first trimester. With my 4yo I lost about a stone and a half.
I made up for it by eating whatever i wanted once the sickness was gone 😂

Glad all is well @Aria2015 😊

@Aria2015 glad all is well, lovely to see another new scan picture.

I've had a call today to say my consultants appointment will now be a phone appointment. Honestly not sure if there's a lot of point in that when she can't see/examine me at all, but I understand why, it's just frustrating.

I'm once again spotting on a Friday. This is three weeks in a row now and I'm convinced that the goblin is just trying to ruin my weekends. I've got a touch of discomfort and the spotting is light again like last week, so I'm managing to keep myself positive. Its such a tiny amount that I'm not feeling concerned, though obviously I'll be keeping an eye on it. Under normal circumstances I'd be straight on the phone to the epu, to try to go in for a scan, but given the circumstances I think I'll be staying home unless things get worse.

Hope you're all having a less stressful Friday afternoon than me 🤦

@knotemma - How strange that is happening 3 Friday's in a row?! More that it's always on the same day of the week...Definitely think baby is playing tricks. Hopefully you're not too stressed. As you said, the first week it happened, you had a scan, and all was well.

@anxiouslady1 it's really strange that it keeps happening on a Friday. There hasn't been anything specific that I've done, haven't changed anything that might have irritated my cervix or anything like that. I'm weirdly calm about it, but that might not last. The first time I was a total and utter mess. I'm definitely going to mention it to the consultant on Wednesday, the past twice it's been there and then gone again (hopefully) so I don't think it's an indicator that anything has gone wrong. I know some women are just lucky enough to bleed during pregnancy, it seems that I may be one of them. I'm going to have another quiet weekend with lots of rest and see how things go

Had my 20wk scan today, everything as it should be and measuring perfect, they have no concerns! Such a relief, and managed on my own, was very nervous and felt sick going in but that soon disappeared when the little one was wriggling about quite happy.
Also had my whooping cough vaccine today