Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 2

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up a new thread to keep the 🌈 conversation going....

@Treaclepie19 so uncomfortable! But it's comforting to feel that something is happening :)

@Bellsx we are both 14 weeks 😄😄😄 ok that is great, so hopefully it will pop in the next coming weeks! Is this also your first?

@SunStruck I had a lot of ligament pains around 13/14 weeks. Not been as regular this week but still get odd twinge x

My symptoms are vanishing, no longer feel at all pregnant and this is what happened last time! I dont think in can cope

@Pippop21 I had this with all 3 miscarriages around 8 weeks, and the same again in this pregnancy. Between 8 and 9 weeks my terrible morning sickness stopped completely for 2 days, my boobs deflated and I was convinced it was history repeating itself. Luckily I had a scheduled scan which showed all ok, and everything was back with a vengeance 2 days later. At 11 weeks ish my morning sickness eased off, boobs went down and again I thought the worst but was proved wrong again. Just my experience but I finally believe that you can’t just go by past history and symptoms can snooze. Call your midwife, or even the epu if you are under them and see what they can do to reassure you. I’m sending hugs, we all completely understand how scary pregnancy can be. Thinking of you xxx

@Littlegoth the only thing i havent had is cramps. I had them the day i tested all evening and through the night, since i had symptoms remain a few days after that but now nothing, theyve just been dying down for about 3 days now. Im 6 weeks today but i just know its gone/going. Epu wont do anything coz of this corona crap

Hope you're ok @Pippop21 but like @littlegoth says, symptoms can come and go as your hormones change so much; and every pregnancy is different. Give your gp or hospital a call if you are really worried though.
I'm trying to tell myself this as I dont have many symptoms this time round, last time I had awfully painful boobs and this time fine. But I would worry however I feel I think so it is what it is.

@Whiffle77 i was trying to be positive but its just so hard. I dont feel like i'll get any support at the minute with this CV going around. Im not bloated, and im also getting spots on my face that i usually get before my period. This will be my third miscarriage if thats whats happening and i honestly dont think i'll be trying to conceive again. Im obviously just bot meant to have any more babies. I just cant handle it any more with my anxiety. Its emotionally killing me and making me more ill

Oh @Pippop21 I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. Have you given your GP or EPU a call? That's the only way you will know for sure and it might help ease your anxiety a bit. It is very easy to assume the worst, but that doesnt mean the worst has happened. The odds are all in our favour.

@Pippop21 sorry so see your feeling this way and so anxious. This is my 8th pregnancy, all previous 7 have been a mmc, so my anxiety is off the scale. I’m 10+5 now. But from 6 weeks, I’ve had no sickness, Didn’t even feel nausea, headaches stopped, I honestly didn’t feel pregnant. But every scan I’ve had (weeks 6,7,8) have all been ok. I’ve had mild cramping on and off, like my period, and just started with acid reflux in the last 48hours. My midwife and consultant it’s ok for these symptoms to disappear, it’s ok for you not to have them at all, everyone is different. I know that doesn’t offer much comfort, but I hope it helps you a little bit. Hope your ok.

@Pippop21 also could you try and speak to a midwife, and see if they would offer / or put someone in touch with you for your anxiety?

I have a midwife for my anxiety but shes off today (figures) i did speak to someone else but they said the same as EPU (as i have also called them) basically they wont/cant offer me a scan as im not getting cramps and im not bleeding. I have now called window to the womb and got my scan moved forward from the 16th to this sunday so i'll know for sure whats going on then.

My nipples still have some kind of sensation/tenderness in them but my heads that far up my a£&e that i cant tell if its wishful thinking and im imagining it or there isnt really anything there. I'm also aware that the HCG hormones can remain in the system for a while as last month i tested 3 days after my week bleed and i was still getting positives when i actually wasn't pregnant at all by then so it means nothing anyway!

I cant believe they expect me to wait until my 12 week scan to possibly be told the pregnancy hasn't progresses past 5/6 weeks!! Knowing my mental health status with my anxiety that i already medicate.

Any positivity i had has gone, i'll just have to sit tight and see what the scan on sunday brings but this is putting my off trying in the future and my partner is adamant werent not going to stop until we gave a baby 😭😫

@Pippop21 I know how hard this is, but deciding it's all gone wrong with no evidence will just drive you round the bend. Have your previous MCs been MMCs?

Your mental health is really important, but deciding that it's gone wrong based on a change in your symptoms won't help you, especially because symptoms come and go and change constantly. I had days where I felt great, and I'm pretty sure I have suffered with Hyperemesis gravidarum this pregnancy. I get how hard it is to stay positive, this is my 4th pregnancy and it was only really at 12 weeks that I started to calm down a bit. Even with early scans I was still on edge and in a mess. Try not to make any decisions about the future while you're in this state of mind.

I sincerely hope that everything is ok for you and that you have a positive scan on Sunday x

@Knotemma yes this is my 4th pregnancy. My 1st resulted in my son hes now 10 my second was a MMC AT 12+5 weeks the day before my 12 week scan (i was 12+6 at the scan and they found no heartbeat) i had medical management and a overnight hospital stay. My 3rd was a miscarriage at 5ish weeks and completed on its own. And this is my 4th, lost all symptoms, have well to much energy than i should do, no bloat and i am getting spots as i do before my period is due.

I understand that assuming isnt going to help but thats my anxiety that makes mw think in that way so unfortunately im not able to change my train of thought. Believe me i wish i could and i am trying really hard too xx

I’m so glad I found this thread! I’m 14 weeks with my second, after our daughter died 20 minutes after birth in August. Thankfully this baby doesn’t have the same condition, and I only saw them last week on my scan but Someone please tell me they are the same - constantly terrified and anxious and tempted to book scans every 5 minutes just to see them?!

@anon20something. Firstly welcome and congratulations! Secondly, I think I can speak for everyone in this group when I say you are not alone. We all feel like that lol. Sending you best wishes for a healthy happy pregnancy x

@Pippop21 hope you are doing ok. I know it's easier said than done but I echo what @Knotemma has said, please try not to think worst case until you know for sure...the stress isn't good for you. My symptoms have bounced around all the way through this pregnancy so it's really hard to know from them what is going on. Fingers crossed for your scan on Sunday. Sending virtual hugs x

@Anon20something welcome to the group that should really be named worry warts and dreaming of rainbows! 😅 im so sorry for the loss of your daughter so hugs as that must have been awful 😭 but concratulations on your current little bean xxx i would of been lost without this group! I used it last month also when i miscarried xxx

@SammiLou2312 thank you, i am trying bot to stress, still no cramping or blood loss and my breasts seem to be sore in other areas this evening 🙄 however i still dont feel pregnant at all.

So i had a phone call from the gp who basically said the same as epu and the midwives that she can put a referral theough for HCG bloods but she thinks they'll knock them back as its not an emergency and i need to either book a private scan or sit tight until my 12 week one all due to corona!!! Its terrible the serious lack of support given at the minute!! I feel like were all just being left to "suck it up and get on with it" so to speak! Xxxx

It really is so difficult at the moment. I know that they're trying to protect people and minimise everyone's risk, but I'm really surprised that with your medical history you can't get some appropriate support. Blood tests would go a long way to helping ease your mind if they show the HCG increase. Honestly I'm surprised it's not something they could do with a finger stick, like so many of the newer tests out there. Unfortunately we just have to try to keep our chins up, do as much as we can to keep ourselves calm and in a decent mental and physical state and hope that this whole blooming thing blows over sooner rather than later.

@Pippop21 I think you've just found the name for thread 3!
I completely understand your stress and frustration at not getting any extra reassurance. The caveat I would give however is that having been very ill with Coronavirus myself, the anxiety you may end up experiencing if you become seriously poorly will be even worse - I genuinely had several days where I was fearing for my life and in that instance much as I would do anything for the baby, it was all about me and my health and being able to make it through for my husband and family. You need to make sure you are looking after yourselves and your well-being above all, mentally and physically. Am glad you have a scan lined up for the weekend - will your partner be able to come? My own private scan experience in the past wasn't great (during my second MMC pregnancy window to the womb fobbed me off and said everything looked fine even though based on my dates I knew it really wasn't), but it did help me in so much as it made me feel prepared for what did follow. I hope you have an understanding sonographer - make sure you mention your previous losses as soon as you go in and that may make them more sympathetic. Symptoms do come and go throughout the first trimester, I hope all is fine for you this time round and you get the reassurance you long for.

I told my team at work today about the pregnancy which felt like a big step forward, even if things go wrong I'll be wanting their support now and it was nice to get some congratulatory whats apps even I don't share their confidence that I'll be bringing home a baby in 6 months or less. 14 weeks / second trimester feels significant, yet with no bump or movements yet it's a weird time as I don't really 'feel' pregnant at the moment.....

@Anon20something I completely understand how you feel! I was tempted to book another scan but DH isn't keen on the idea - his view is lets sit tight until 20 weeks. Will wait and see if I manage that! I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter, you have definitely found the right place to chat to likeminded ladies. It's weird to think there are people out there who actually enjoy pregnancy and don't find it terrifying!

Thinking of all of you and hoping you're in good health. I'm not sure if any of you are into mindfulness / meditation but I would recommend the website insighttimer.com for some good, free meditations. One of my colleagues actually has several of his meditations on the site and they are a godsend for relaxation / anxiety relief - might be worth a try in these strange times even if you are a sceptic....

Went for a private scan on Sunday, baby is now measuring a few days ahead at 10 weeks 6 :)

Have my 12 week scan and NIPT next Thursday.

@bananamuffin99 that's brilliant news!

@Avocuddles @Pippop21

This is such a supportive thread. I’m so sorry that weve all had to go through losses. I count myself really lucky that I got to have 20 minutes with Lily. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling really anxious - pregnancy is so stressful! Mine with lily was such a rollercoaster so I’m permanently terrified! I’m sure I’m starting to feel movement (lily never moved after 25 weeks as she wasn’t able to) which is nice but it still doesn’t feel real!

I have absolutely everything crossed for you both. Xxx

So had dull aching and nausea at 4 am and nothing since?? 6+1 today breasts are more tender???

@Pippop21 glad you've had some more symptoms this morning. Hopefully these will ramp up a little next week. I found mine got stronger from 7/8 weeks. Keep the faith x

@Anon20something how far gone are you?

@UrsulaSings I’m so sorry for the loss of your first baby. X

Hospital have confirmed that it's only me allowed for my scan on friday, no partners or kids allowed in the department.
Gutted and so is OH but can understand why they're doing it, doesnt make it any easier.
Scared of bad news if I'm on my own