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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Social services due to partner

175 replies

Bluesmum98 · 25/02/2020 17:11

I have social services involved due to my partner I also have had anxiety I saw my midwife today and she said I would need to be in the hospital longer as I'm under social services I'm petrified they will take baby as way from me it's my worst fear does what one have any experience with them

OP posts:
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summerrain34 · 25/02/2020 23:28

I'm am concerned of the issues with him that's why I told the social services about them in the first place it was me that told them he was on drugs and was absuive towards me because I wanted help I wanted
To get out of the situation they didn't know any of this I wasn't a shy girl who believed he loved me and told them everything was okay I have never made out things were okay .

Panpastels · 25/02/2020 23:31

I assume social services got involved due to the police involvement? It's good you were honest. But women in your situation can be easily manipulated and they will be cautious due to this. I do hope it works out for you!

FrivolousPancake · 25/02/2020 23:41

I would have sympathy for you OP but I’m really struggling with where your priorities are at. Less than 24 hours ago you were more concerned about jealousy for this thug and his ex than the issue at hand.
That speaks volumes and makes me worry for your son in the future regarding the choices you’ll make.

summerrain34 · 25/02/2020 23:43

It's fine I didn't expect anyone to feel sorry for me was just feeling low last night and wanted some friendly advice clearly it was a mistake . I do priories my child every penny I have goes on him I spend a lot of my time making everything perfect for him eating healthy drinking water trying to stay calm . It's just iv steuggled with my realtionship

Stressheadme123 · 25/02/2020 23:49

So are you cutting all ties with him then and leaving his visitation rights upto the social?

QueenOfOversharing · 25/02/2020 23:49

My child would never ever be in an unhealthy environment

Do you realise how pregnancy works? Your baby IS currently in an unhealthy, stressful, potentially violent environment. He does not begin being your child when you give birth - he is being affected by this right now and has been for the duration of your pregnancy.

I was abused by my son's father when I was pregnant, so I'm fully qualified to tell you that you are not protecting your child now and SS are obviously hugely concerned. I had zero contact with my ex, I moved homes, I moved hospitals, and I had no SS involvement. Because they could see my son was my only concern. You cannot say the same.

So don't deflect the attention on the PP who rightly said your child deserves better. Accept responsibility, and think about your baby - not you! SS are not there to look after you - you're a grown up - they are there to be the voice of reason for a child who clearly needs protection.

Blame me now for straight talking, but as someone whose ex tried to kill her while pregnant, I'm more than qualified to say that almost every PP on here is only concerned with the safety of your baby. If that offends you, think about why.

I wish your baby every chance at happiness & I truly hope you keep him safe.

FlaskMaster · 25/02/2020 23:51

Is this your first baby op? Because if it is you are in for a massive shock - in a good way. The second you hold your baby for the first time, you will love him more than you can even imagine loving anyone right now. You can't possibly understand how strong and overwhelming that love is until you've given birth.

You need to block this guy 100% right now so social services know you're serious about keeping your baby safe. Don't worry about him at all, let him sort access out through social services and don't engage with him at all. Treat him like the abuser he is, he is a threat to your baby. He's not your concern, your only concern now has to be your baby.

As soon as the baby is born you will understand exactly what I mean, but it will be too late to start to comply with social services then, they will have already got the evidence to take the baby away. Don't let that happen. Block the guy now, demonstrate that you're 100% a safe, protective parent for your baby starting now.

FlaskMaster · 25/02/2020 23:56

It's just iv steuggled with my realtionship You don't have a relationship, you have an abuser.

Marmaladesandwiches27 · 25/02/2020 23:59

Firstly, your mindset for your baby sounds great, well done for taking the massive step to leave your abusive ex whilst pregnant- really not easy.
Genuinely trying to calm your anxieties here OP as from personal experience I know that it really doesn't help anxiety, esp in pregnancy, to feel as though the world is against you, but I think the point made initially by PP about if a child was born into an abusive relationship then SS are right to remove, didn't read to me as they felt your child specifically should be removed, more that if there was one in that situation then of course everyone would just want that child to be safe? Unfortunately the thread just took a bit of a nosedive when others maybe just didn't realise that you're probably just extremely worried/anxious which is what was coming through in your replies.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy now you've made a much safer environment for your baby, and I echo PP who suggest to simply keep complying with absolutely everything SS suggest and leaning on your mum for support when needed l, and then you can't go wrong.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 26/02/2020 04:35

externally well educated ...what does this mean? External to what? Outside the regular school system?

Rtmhwales · 26/02/2020 05:16

Reading the posts I think she means 'extremely' when she writes 'externally'.
Externally educated. Externally triggering.

Kirkman · 26/02/2020 05:49

Op either you lied the other night saying you were with still with him or lying now.

Why wouldn't you say you have split with him but struggling? Why say he lived with you and look for advice and sympathy in a situation that wasnt true. You went on a board where women trapped in abusive relationships are crying out for help and claimed to be trapped in one yourself. When in fact you were several steps down the road. People still would have spoken to you. Still supported you. Instead you misled people.

Or you are lying now and still with him.

All your posts can not be true. MN can be a wonderful place. Several years ago I posted about my own abusive relationship. People on MN helped me see I needed to get out, they supported me when I did and have given me a wealth of advice and support in the several years since. It can be a great place.

But by lying, you arent getting decent advice and it's making people doubt your story. Dont take the piss out of people and pretend you situation is different from what it is.

If you actually read summers post she says that social services would be right to remove a child in your situation if you were still with him. After trying to support you leave. I agree, They would be right.

But you arent with him and havent been for several weeks. So why would you take that as, she is saying YOUR child should be taken away? You have left. Social services intervention is working. Its removed a woman and child from an abuser and supporting the woman in not taking him back.

You say you left, therefore, you are not in the category of people that Summer said, should have their children taken away. She also said she was glad SS was involved with people in your situation. and you should be too. Because in all likelihood if they were involved you would be still with him.

The only reason you would take it as she said that your baby should be taken away, is if you were still with him and were not planning on leaving him. And yes, SS would be right to remove a child if you stayed and refused to leave him. But you say you have left, so that's not you.

And stop stressing about his ex girlfriend. If you arent with him it's not your issue. Not your problem. You have a baby to prepare for. You have a difficult road ahead, new baby plus the freedom programme. Your ex boyfriend having feelings for his ex girlfriend is so far down the list of priorities, it should even be in your head space.

Wereeaglesdare · 26/02/2020 05:56

I posted when I didn't realise the situation. And you lady need to get your shit together pronto!! Because I don't know what the hell you are doing but you are seriously under estimating the powers of social workers. They will most likely have meetings with all the professionals involved in your care and then they will all decide the best course of action. You will not get a say if proven to be untrustworthy as in lying about your relationship.

Sorry but you being pregnant doesn't protect you from judgement. This older disgusting excuse for a man is not worth the little man you will be raising. Follow the advice from the women on here that have been in your boat and gone to lengths such as moving places to get away from violent bullies. I don't want you to lose your child because your young and think your in love. Your not in love you will find that out after and I hope to god u find it out with your child in your arms. You cannot make this man be interested in your life and your baby and thank the lord that he isn't because now he has no rights and you can raise this child safe away from him. Start making massive steps to show you are away from him. Moving ur mum in is not good enough. I hope you wake up soon positivity is great but you need a reality check.

Bluntness100 · 26/02/2020 06:22

Op, I hope you’re ok this morning.

I think you can understand people’s concern. Firstly you were telling everyone how much you loved this man, would always pick him, were jealous of his ex, how he was cheating on you with her, how he smoked weed all day, took money and didn’t repay it, then less than twenty four hours later you proclaim to not be with him.

You start a thread telling us social services are involved and you’re worried they will remove your child. That they got involved because he was hitting you and the police were called, then you tell us they didn’t know any of this and you told them. It’s all over the place.

I don’t understand why this man would rely on you, or what for, that also seems contradictory, and more likely you rely on him, emotionally. Maybe you’re scared to go it alone, or mistakenly feel you love him.

However as you keep changing the story, it’s hard for anyone to be able to comment accurately other than to answer the questions posed.

Firstly if a man is violent towards you, cheating on you, and is fundamentally a stoned skint loser, then it is best not to try and continue in the relationship. Your future self will thank you,

Secondly when it’s so severe that social services need to get involved as they are concerned about the safety of your unborn child, be it from concern about your own ability to cope with a child, through to the fact the father is unstable, it is best to work with them and do as they request.

Not doing so could result in them removing your child. Potentially permanently. Something you would regret for the rest of your life, something you’d never get over.

It’s common to desperately think you’re in love with someone who treats you terribly, to rely on them when facing single parenthood, even more common when very young, if you couple that in with potentially other issues with yourself that maybe you’re not revealing, and a much older man, then it’s a disaster waiting to happen.

One dat you’ll look back and think oh god what was I thinking, but right now you need to try to work with social services, do what they ask, be honest with them, get the help you need, and try to get yourself to a healthy place mentally to be able to cope with your new baby,

I honestly wish you the best of luck. Please keep posting here. Yes some times people will tell you the brutal truth, and it will not be what you want to hear, but the people posting can give you the support I suspect you’re missing in real life.

Soontobe60 · 26/02/2020 07:26

Wise words, @bluntness100

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 26/02/2020 08:02

@rtmhwales so not that well educated then. To be fair, trying to decipher her posts gave me a headache.

ShesCurly · 26/02/2020 08:20

And I don't think Iv had a name change fail I think my names fine actually thank you very much for trying to make a smart comment

I wasn't making a smart comment, it's thought of as nice on forums to let a user know when they may have accidentally posted under a different name to their original post.

This is in case people can then link them to other threads they don't want to be linked to, which is what's happened here so I was giving you a heads up.

I was being nice and you threw it back in my face, there was no need for it.

JudyCoolibar · 26/02/2020 08:55

I'm not with him I struggle with not having contact but we are by no means together he relies on me and I find it hard creating a boundary

Your child relies on you infinitely more than your ex does. Whatever you find hard, reflect on the fact that you would find it infinitely harder to have your child taken into care. So that boundary needs to be in place from today, and it needs to be one where you never have anything to do with your ex again.

goodytooshoes · 26/02/2020 09:08

Putting it plain and simply:
Anyone can get over a two year relationship with a boyfriend.
Not one mother could get over losing her child.

Especially when she realises she lost that child over a two year relationship with a boyfriend who abused her.

It's easy for all of us looking in because we aren't besotted with him. Time is ticking OP.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 26/02/2020 09:12

OP everyone here has agreed with the poster who you've been really nasty towards. People just haven't put it as bluntly.

If you're just going to argue with everyone and say your babies not in a dangerous relationship, then why bother to start the thread if you're just going to disagree with everyone?

These comments may not be want you want to hear, but you need to listen to them.

I really hope it all works out for you, but you do need to do what SS say for a long period of time to prove your situation is stable.

GothamProtector · 26/02/2020 09:14

You wouldn't get a say on wether or not your child gets adopted. By that point they would find you incapable to be a mother to him or her.

And if you continue down this path. That very well may happen.

Buttons4me · 26/02/2020 10:11

I think your still with him that's my opinion on here. I'm not coming back to this thread anymore after this post as I can't be bothered Read it all and I think the only person to of been rude on here is the op. Quite rude to other posters who have tried to be helpful.

Devlesko · 26/02/2020 10:16

If you aren't with him and you can prove this to ss then you will have no problem. They'll only take your baby if you are still with him, and not keeping baby safe from a violent man.
Dump the aggressive violent man, prove to ss this is the case, get to keep your baby.

WingingItSince1973 · 26/02/2020 10:16

Have just read your post from yesterday and you are clearly still with him as you are asking for advice about him and his ex girlfriend and said that he is still living with you. You dont mention ss at all in that post just how much you want him???!!! We had social services involved because of my daughters now ex boyfriend. They would have taken grandson away from her but she went above and beyond to prove she had split from him and wouldn't allow him in her and son's life. It was hard at first and she did break the rules and they found out! Her ex was that bad that he was only allowed supervised contact with just myself or ss supervising. Not my daughter as they thought she would be too emotionally involved to not protect her son. If you have social coming every week that is serious. My gs was on a child protection plan which meant weekly ss visits and health visitor. Plus 4 weekly group meetings and 6 week conference meetings. Dont underestimate ss or their ability to find things out. Plus they also can detect if someone is lying. Family court decided my daughter wasnt a risk to her son and kept him but ex had to do risk assessment and anger management before they even considered contact. He refused and we havent seen him for 2 years. Thank goodness!!!! Put your child above him now! You have posted about still being with him as of yesterday so I can see why ss are very much involved. They do remove babies at birth and rightly so if the baby is at risk so please do everything they are asking and dont think you can sneak behind their backs x

Devlesko · 26/02/2020 10:23

I'm not with him I struggle with not having contact but we are by no means together he relies on me and I find it hard creating a boundary

This is why ss are involved and if they take your baby this will be the reason. Until he is out of your life completely and you are stable to care for a baby ss will be in charge of your baby, as that's all they are interested in, the right of your child.

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