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Original poster

Social services due to partner

175 replies

Bluesmum98 · 25/02/2020 17:11

I have social services involved due to my partner I also have had anxiety I saw my midwife today and she said I would need to be in the hospital longer as I'm under social services I'm petrified they will take baby as way from me it's my worst fear does what one have any experience with them

OP posts:
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Elieza · 25/02/2020 21:02

Please consider this child an opportunity for you to start afresh.

Away from him.

He is no good for you.
You can do better.

Put your relationship with your baby first. Guys like him are ten a penny. You can pick and choose later. Now it’s baby time. This could make you so much happier. You don’t need a guy like him.

Stressheadme123 · 25/02/2020 21:05

Doubt op will be back

IWishItWasSummer · 25/02/2020 21:05

I will not (and have not) jumped on the OP. What I will say is innocent children deserve much better than being in an abusive relationship between their parents. I truly hope SW remove this child and give them a chance in life.

CalleighDoodle · 25/02/2020 21:06

You make a choice op. A simple choice. Your child or your abusive boyfriend. If it is the boyfriend, youre not ready to be parenting without ss.

ILoveAnAgathaChristieMurder · 25/02/2020 21:09

As an ex Social worker in child protection who has removed young babies due to domestic violence , I strongly urge you to continue working with SS. You have to prove you are able and willing to stop all contact with him. Do not lie and see him behind their backs. They do unannounced visits if you're on a CP plan. They will need to go through lots of assessments and court visits before a baby can be removed and they have to evidence why. Social workers do NOT want to remove children, they get no bonuses or anything in case you read those things.

Janus · 25/02/2020 21:10

Bluesmum98 I hope you take all this advice in a positive way, everyone is trying their very hardest to be open and honest with you so you can make the right choice here. We (well my definitely!!) are probably all much older than you, I have a daughter only a couple of years younger than you, so I’ve seen a bit more and heard of this before and wouldn’t want you to make a mistake that could make you unhappy for the rest of your life. Please see it that people are trying to help you here.

IWishItWasSummer · 25/02/2020 21:13

Can I just say, please do not say anything on this forum that may give the OP any ideas on how to avoid SW involvement. That would be putting a child at risk and I’m confident not one person not his forum wants that.

thelaststraw123 · 25/02/2020 21:13

From a parent whose children were removed as I didn't engage with social services in a dv relationship, please listen to what the other posters are saying!
You need to leave him and stay that way.
I'm in the process now of getting back my life after a year in refuge. I'm now seeing my children, and SS are looking at upping my contact.

Don't make the same mistake I did. You will never forgive yourself. I haven't and I don't think I ever will.

Bluntness100 · 25/02/2020 21:14

I wish I think you hit a nerve based on what the op was posting yesterday, hence why she lashed out. It wasn’t really what you wrote.

She is very young I think 21, ans before anyone jumps on me, I know that’s no excuse, but a young pregnant woman trapped in an abusive relationship with a much older man, who hits her, cheats on her, lies to her and where she likely thinks she desperately loves the loser, is a difficult situation, that I’m sure social services will try to work with her to support her to get her out, or deal with the consequences if they can’t, ensuring the baby at least is safe,

goodytooshoes · 25/02/2020 21:17

@thelaststraw123 thank you for posting so honestly, OP you need to listen here as this could be your story if you continue down this road.

@thelaststraw123 I hope one day you manage to forgive yourself and heal the divide caused. ❤️

goodytooshoes · 25/02/2020 21:18

Sorry for the bold fail in my last post

TiddlestheCat · 25/02/2020 21:20

I can see the reasons why they would be keeping an eye on you. As a victim of domestic violence and will be a single mother (with anxiety), you are vulnerable. They will want to ensure that you are able to cope. Other factors will also come into play, and could include whether you are young, whether it is your first pregnancy, whether you have a stable place to raise your baby, what other support you have. From what you've said, you are co-operating and working with SS. As long as you continue to do so, I would be highly surprised if your baby would be taken from you. Please express your concerns to your midwife so that the source of your anxiety is recorded on your medical notes. Best of luck.

Buttons4me · 25/02/2020 21:21

I don't think op is coming back either because people have spoke the truth to her and op knew only too well she's still with her partner. I hope ss do there job correctly on this one and see her lies.

CalleighDoodle · 25/02/2020 21:23

@TiddlestheCat it is violent relationship. Op is still living with her abusive partner who spends all his money on drugs.

Mysocalledlifexx · 25/02/2020 21:24

Leave him if he has hurt u in any way ,u and you baby deserve better.
you & your baby can start a new life together & in time u will find a amazing guy to be with.
Dont lose your baby because of him,u will regret it.
Wish u the best .hope u get the help u need to keep u & your baby safe.x

Mysocalledlifexx · 25/02/2020 21:27

Wow yeah drugs & babies just dont go together

Verily1 · 25/02/2020 21:28

It’s your baby or your boyfriend your choice.

RedRed9 · 25/02/2020 21:31

I have my own house he lives here but he also has his own house he can stay at
from the OP yesterday^ on another thread.

thelaststraw123 · 25/02/2020 21:33

@goodytooshoes I was in the same situation. Drug addict boyfriend, would spend mine and his money on drugs. I got into the same cycle and didn't do anything social services asked of me.

I'm now fighting to see my children more regularly, but it has taken a YEAR of me only seeing them every two months, it's now going to six weekly in the hope of going to monthly in the future.

It was only after I went into a refuge and had the support of some amazing people that I finally felt strong enough to put my life back together.

OP if you are still reading, feel free to pm me if you would like to talk. I've been where you are and I know how hard it is. But please get help from SS and please leave him. You'll never get past it in your relationship and you'll end up resenting him as you'll know why your child isn't with you.

GeordieTerf · 25/02/2020 21:49

I hole you're okay OP. Good luck and best wishes. Thanks

summerrain34 · 25/02/2020 22:22

Sorry had to take a few hours to sit and read book rather than engage with people online who clearly sit in here for fun judging people of course I don't want my child to be in a negative environment or be given any ideas to get social services out of my life so again comments like that assuming I'm someone that wants to just get them of my back are uncalled for @wishitwassummer you again with your snarky comments " doubt I will be back " I know when to give myself an hour or so and step away from an online forum and get some clarity I have really cooperated with social services and reached out and for help from loads of different places I'm finding it hard and the last thing I need is to be judged you don't know me personally and I'm not the same as every other case I'm not a statistic and I'm definitely not ashamed of anything I have gone from to not feel like I can come back on mumsnet sorry it took so long for a reply :)

summerrain34 · 25/02/2020 22:23

@redred9 what did you get out of copy and pasting that thread was it to try and embarrass me god their really are some cruel people on here

LovingLola · 25/02/2020 22:25

So are you still with him?

summerrain34 · 25/02/2020 22:26

@buttons4life no not at all I just have better things to do then argue with people on the internet that's extremely unhealthy for a pregnant women ps you don't get to me at all so all the negative energy your putting into wishing my child gets taken away is wasted I'm an externally lovely person and will make a wonderful mother just because iv been in an abusive relationship and had to put up with hell for a year dosnt give you the right to think I'm a bar person

Kirkman · 25/02/2020 22:27

You are ashamed. Because you lied.

You made out your partner was long gone and he isnt. You have only been actually doing what SS want you to do in the last 20 hours. If at all.

Unfortunately, yes you are statistic. We all are. And you are following a pattern than thousands of women have followed before. You may think you are different or unique. But that's fact is non focus are. We make the same mistakes, others have. Make the same wrong choices as other.

No one was nasty. You took it personally, because you were lying when you made out the partner was long gone.

He clearly isnt. Being abused is horrendous. It's an awful situation. But if you cant pr wont put the child first, SS will

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