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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender disappointment

135 replies

nancydrew89 · 29/01/2020 07:33

I 100% thought I was having a girl and had been on nub theory Facebook pages. They all thought I was having a girl as well.
So last night we had a gender scan and was told it's a boy.
I'm happy he healthy and growing well. But I had my heart set it was a girl.

I wondering if anyone was told they were having a boy then at the 20 week scan you were told otherwise?

Also anyone else in the same shoes? How did you overcome this?

Have attach potty shot scan to this.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Aimzxo · 29/01/2020 07:36

I'm sorry your feeling this way

When you say anyone else in the same shoes do you mean has anyone else experienced gender disappointment?

Maeve88Troy · 29/01/2020 07:37

not in the same shoes but just want you to know I'm here for you. Sending you hugs and hopes for acceptance.

Original poster

nancydrew89 · 29/01/2020 07:45

Yeh anyone else having gender disappointment.

The sonographer 100% right though it's a boy right? No doubting that?

OP posts:

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 29/01/2020 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thoughtlessinengland · 29/01/2020 07:48

It must be a disappointment. Do you think putting the scan into perspective may help? Was it a bad outcome for a 20 week scan you’d say? Do you think there could be an outcome you got at this scan that might have been worse? Does that sort of begin to put things into perspective?

sel2223 · 29/01/2020 07:49

Brace yourself for a barage of 'It's not gender it's sex' and 'boys and girls are the same' type comments OP.

FWIW, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm sure it's only temporary though and you will love your healthy baby boy the second you set eyes on him.

LolaSmiles · 29/01/2020 07:50

The mistake you made was spending weeks convincing yourself you were having a girl and relying on social media to confirm your thoughts. Just look at the millions of threads on here where a poster posts a negative pregnancy test, asks for line eyes and then loads of people pour out congratulations saying the line is so clear, only for the OP to return having had a 'miscarriage' (inverted commas because they were probably never pregnant and are now experiencing something more upsetting than a disappointing period).

You've said yourself you're happy to have a healthy baby boy so I'd focus on that and set aside any hypothetical girl you had in your mind.

Whattheother2catsprefer · 29/01/2020 07:51

Firstly most of you name is on show on that scan photo - imagine how your beautiful boy will feel if he comes across it in the future and discovers you were "disappointed" with him before he is even born? Next in nearly ten years of parenthood I have never thought "oh I wish my child had different genitals,". My son is kind, clever, funny, handsome, affectionate and I love every beautiful ounce of him. Stop hoping the sonographer got it wrong and love your boy.

Original poster

nancydrew89 · 29/01/2020 07:51

I'm sure I will too. I know I will love my baby no matter what. I just seriously thought we were going to have a girl.

I'm 17.6 weeks. So I've got another scan at the hospital on the 10th feb where I'm sure they will confirm it's a boy too

OP posts:

whiskersonkittenss · 29/01/2020 07:52

I felt the same. I dreamt that my baby was a girl for weeks, had a 'feeling' it was a girl...then at my scan was told he's a boy!
But it took a few hours to get over and now I can't imagine him being a girl or preferring a girl for whatever reason.
I am just very thankful he's healthy and that's the main thing 😌

GaaaaarlicBread · 29/01/2020 07:53

If it helps (although I don’t know how common this is), my friend had her heart set on a boy and was told it was a boy at all the scans. She did the room ‘boy’ style , standard boy clothes for up to 4 months, the baby only came out to be a girl !! she was devastated but couldn’t do anything about it as she’d planned everything ! At least you’re aware whilst he’s still in your womb 🤣💕 sorry you’re disappointed, it’ll all change when he’s here and you’ll love him just as much. But you may turn out to have the same experience as my friend ! But either way the baby will be loved dearly by you and will be very beautiful x

PurpleDaisies · 29/01/2020 07:56

Wow how awful. Wishing you strength to get through this terrible time
Just checking that this is sarcastic? Terrible time-really?

I can understand this is a shock and there’ll be an adjustment but fundamentally you’ve got a healthy baby that you will love unconditionally when they’re born. The confusion over their sex really won’t matter then.

Aimzxo · 29/01/2020 07:57

When I fell pregnant I was convinced I was having a boy, everyone said I was carrying like a boy, we were really naive and picked a boys name, only looked at boys clothes

Found out we were having a girl and ashamed to say it I was devastated, I was over the moon she was healthy and I didnt love her any less , it came as a shock to me as we tried for her for four years and I didnt think I cared either way

We had a gender reveal part the day after and seeing how excited and happy everyone else was helped

After a few weeks something clicked and from then on I was really happy she was a girl, shes now here 4 days old and sometimes I get a pang of guilt for feeling like that as now she is here I couldn't imagine her being a boy I'm so happy we had a girl

Google gender disappointment theres lots of books and articles

Just be kind to yourself I'm sure it will all click into place xx

Mamabear88 · 29/01/2020 07:58

I was the opposite, I was convinced I was having a boy and at my 20 week scan was told 90% sure a girl, she was! I wasn't disappointed but certainly taken aback. It took me a few days to get my head around it. Now she's here I love her more than anything in the world and wouldn't have her any other way. I'm sure you'' feel the same about your little boy when he arrives :) xxx

Original poster

nancydrew89 · 29/01/2020 07:59

I'm sure it will click too. I've already got a little boy and love him to death. And couldn't imagine him any other way!

I'm sure I'll be ok in a day or 2.

OP posts:

Lauren83 · 29/01/2020 07:59

Potty shot is a terrible phrase, also I thought your post was saying how can you readjust to knowing he will be boy after a few weeks of thinking he would be a girl but it seems you are hoping the sonographer was wrong which makes me sad for your son. Like PP said let's hope he doesn't ever know about this

misspiggy19 · 29/01/2020 08:03

The mistake you made was spending weeks convincing yourself you were having a girl and relying on social media to confirm your thoughts.

^This. No ones fault but your own

MNHQ

HopeMumsnet · 29/01/2020 08:07

Hi there,
We removed your photo because your name and location was on there - hope that was the right thing to do!

Original poster

nancydrew89 · 29/01/2020 08:13

No worries. I realised after I uploaded the photo it had it and then couldn't work out how to edit it!

But yes it was my fault for pinning all my hopes on a girl.

And yes if my little boy knew I was disappointed I would be crushed.

I didn't think I would get a barricade of negative thrown at me at this time in the morning.

OP posts:

Bookworm83 · 29/01/2020 08:16

That's exactly why a lot of hospitals refuse to tell you the gender.
I know I'm having a boy because I had the harmony test done at 12 weeks and they found the Y chromosome so definitely a boy, but otherwise I wouldn't have relied on the scan alone.
I'm sure you'll love your baby regardless of their sex, though it might take a couple of days to adjust.

MNuser12345 · 29/01/2020 08:22

It must be so heart breaking for you to be pregnant with a healthy baby boy. My thoughts are with you in this terrible time.

LolaSmiles · 29/01/2020 08:24

It's not a barricade of negativity OP. People have good intentions but part of "overcoming" as you put it is acknowledging where you went wrong.
For example, in my post I've mentioned the social media thing. Pinning your hopes on what some randoms on Facebook said was only going to increase any feelings if disappointment, whereas if you'd sat at home and thought "I have a feeling it's a girl, but would be happy anyway" then you'd hear he's a boy and whilst there may be a small "oh I was convinced he was a girl", what you ended up with was "I've looked at nub theory and it's a girl, let me think about all the girl things, it has to be a girl because the people on the group have also told me it's girl" so you've created this sense of it has to be a girl, which I'd imagine makes the scan confirmation of a boy a much bigger fall for you.

I'm sure by later today there'll be some unpleasant comments because these threads always go that way.

Originalusernameunavailable · 29/01/2020 08:26

I’ve got 2 boys and they are amazing together, honestly the best thing you are giving your eldest son is a partner in crime

I also had a daughter 6 weeks ago but I was convinced it was another boy.

sandyfoot · 29/01/2020 08:27

I had a boy after 9 months of thinking I was having a girl, every test etc and I was 100% convinced it was a girl. When a boy came out it really knocked me. I had always wanted a boy but this wasn't my baby. I spent 2 weeks asking my husband if the baby could have been swapped because this wasn't my baby. Fast forward a few years. My son is the best thing that ever happened to me and I wouldn't swap a single hair on his head. You'll be fine. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Thatsnotmymeerkat · 29/01/2020 08:27

Perhaps the lesson here is that turning to randoms with no medical training on the internet to confirm what you want to believe isn’t the best plan.
As for ‘overcoming’ this - you are carrying your second healthy child. Not really anything to overcome, is there?

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