Gender disappointment

[nancydrew89]

I 100% thought I was having a girl and had been on nub theory Facebook pages. They all thought I was having a girl as well.
So last night we had a gender scan and was told it's a boy.
I'm happy he healthy and growing well. But I had my heart set it was a girl.

I wondering if anyone was told they were having a boy then at the 20 week scan you were told otherwise?

Also anyone else in the same shoes? How did you overcome this?

Have attach potty shot scan to this.

Why is it always girls that women pine for?

In western countries in contemporary times. Vast swathes of the world - in many Asian and African countries it is quite literally the opposite. In fact the country I’m from, prenatal sex determination is illegal because female foeticide and female infanticide are so rampant a couple of the stars have entirely skewed the sex ratio. I won’t get into any more details about the violence inflicted on women carrying girls, or girls, or female foetuses or infants in my country of origin except that it’s so strange to now live in the Uk and see this entirely different other “problem”.

I think and heard that's it's much more unlikely the sonogropher gets it wrong when he/she declares it's a boy!
When my DS was born I was so in love I desperately wanted another boy when I became pregnant 9 months later. I thought of two brothers being there for each other and I just thought it would be perfect.
I 'get' how you feel as I was a little sad I was having a girl.
Now, I wouldn't change a thing.

Go and a get a cute little boys outfit, ready for him and think of some good boys names, To get your head around it. The trouble is it sounds you pinned your hopes on a dubiouse theory. So go back to the FB pages and tell them it was wrong.

Welcome to the internet lol.

But anyway OP I think from reading your other posts what you have felt is something other people have experienced as well so its not unusual, even if other people won't let you say it out loud. It seems more like you're surprised than disappointed, and you have a pretty healthy reaction to it as well compared to some other threads I've seen. It's good you take the negative comments in your stride, you seem nice x

@nancydrew89 - I have three boys and no girls, and I can absolutely promise you that it is lovely.

I never found out the sex in advance, and each time I was pregnant, we had both a boy's name and a girl's name in mind - it was always the same girl's name, because we really liked it. When I was pregnant with dc3, I really struggled to find a boy's name that I liked (mainly because I had foolishly used my three favourite boys names for the first two boys), but dh came up with a boy's name that felt perfect, instantly. It felt so right, that I think I would have been disappointed if ds3 had actually been dd1, so I can understand a bit of how you are feeling.

In some ways it might be better that you have found out now - you have the rest of your pregnancy to deal with your feelings and move past them.

My boys are 22, 24 and 26 now - two have graduated and left home to start jobs, and the third graduates this year, but has basically moved out because he has a job and a girlfriend (and a busy social life) in the city where he's studying, but I look back at the years of raising boys, and I have so many happy memories.

Some of them are funny - like learning to cope with the amount of Lynx Africa that a teenage boy can spray in one go (so much that you can taste it, three rooms away and on a different floor ), or breaking up a fight, and asking the one who threw the first punch why he'd hit his older brother, only to be told "Because he was looking grumpy, mummy!!" - and surprisingly this hadn't made his brother less grumpy! Or when they are taller than you and get to patronise you whilst getting things down from high shelves for you.

Or there are all the lovely hugs you get from boys - especially when they are taller than you, but still want hugs from their mum.

I love my boys, and I am sure you will love yours too - but you have every right to be feeling a bit disappointed now - your feelings are valid. Let yourself feel the emotions, and then you will be able to move on from them, and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy and your lovely, squidgy new baby!

Good luck.

I was convinced that I was having a boy. At a late scan (32 weeks) I was told I was having a girl. I was very shaken and just had to have time to adjust ( Looking back I have no idea what I had to adjust to). By the end I was just happy to have a healthy baby and it wasn’t important what sex they were. As it turned out, they had made a mistake and she turned out to be a boy, which was even more of a shock, but he was alive and healthy, so can’t complain.

Sorry I've not replied for a few days. I've taken a few days for me.
It doesn't matter what we are having. It's a baby that was made out of love. I was just taken aback.

But my partner now is like "what if they have for it wrong?" So we looked at other baby boy scans and I found the one from my first (I didn't have a underneath shot for him). None of them looked like mine.

The baby's legs were over the top of its head! We can see 3 white lines and then another 3 white lines. All the other BB scans you can tell it's a turtle head.

I'm going to attach it to here. Just out of sheer curiosity. As I said it doesn't matter what sex the baby is as long as it's healthy and happy!

So..... having been disappointed by a group of randoms with no medical training, you think the professional has it wrong and your response is to ask... a different group of randoms with no medical training? 🤔
Why would you/your husband think the person whose job it is to determine this is wrong but joe blogs off the street knows better?

I agree. The sonographer is right.
If you really need peace with this. Book a private scan today.

I was literally just asking opinions. If you read it was out of sheer curiosity what other people thought. I think it looks like a boy. But I also know they can get it wrong. I have another scan on the 10th February.

If you read it was out of sheer curiosity what other people though.

In the context of the thread, that’s quite hard to believe.

I think you have to bear in mind that the sonographer is basing their opinion on a moving image whereas you (and everyone on the internet) are just looking at a still shot.
Mistakes do happen but they're rare and it is nearly always a girl turning out to be a boy, not the other way round.

I was literally just asking opinions
Yes, again, opinions of people who have no qualifications to give them. It makes about as much sense as saying I have a mole on my leg, best pop out and ask the postman his opinion about whether it’s cancerous.
And I agree with @PurpleDaisies

Do you have a picture of your 12 week scan? I think the pic you posted looks like a boy.

It isn't gender...it is sex.

I'll have a boy if you don't want it...I'll probably never have babies.

Posts like this make me so angry.

I'll just shut up.

Sorry my Aspergers brain obviously isn't cut out for this.

@MyuMe

Then don't click on threads that are very clearly titled @MyuMe

Sorry @MyuMe I didn't mean to tag you in that

Oh no op please dont be disappointed. Two boys will play together lovely and have lots in common hopefully. Boys are amazing and love their Mums. Once you have your second boy and that dynamic I bet you wouldnt change it for the world!

@Adelais I meant to tag you in previous post!

@MyuMe I'm sorry you can't have children - I have struggled to get pregnant and have an ectopic pregnancy.

This wasn't suppose to be a negative post, which I feel like it has become - I literally was asking opinions - yes you aren't qualified. Yes you are strangers. But I thought mums supported mums. Not attacked them. I feel like that was wrong of me that someone might be like "I get what you mean - but 100% boy".

I was just carrying on the thread I have originally posted instead of starting another one. I have had a few days since I found out it was a boy.

Just think aswell the baby you have bonded with hasnt changed, it's the same baby boy.

I was curious whether the nub looked girly but looking at your 12 week picture it’s hard to tell as it looks quite ambiguous.
Congratulations on your boy, I’m sure your son will love having a brother.

But a wee boy is just as fun!
I hope you don’t pass on this 2nd best attitude to him when he’s born.

Aw it is disapointing when you dont get the baby you imagined and then you feel guilty for feeling disapointed,

When he arrives you honestly wont care,

Im not saying this to make you feel bad just telling you about my experience. My first pregnancy i was so excited for a girl, it is all i wanted. When they told me i was having a boy i started crying, then in the next breath they told me theyd found some problems. He came early at 25 weeks and died 2 hours after he was born

I still feel guilty now, i still feel like me not wanting a boy did that to him. Logically it was because his kidneys and lungs hadnt formed, even if id of been desperate for a boy the outcome would of been the same but i still feel like an evil cow for it

Honestly once the shock and disapointment wears off you wont care, especially when he is here. Boys are far more loving than girls too. I had a DD 2 years later and a DS 2 years after and girls have terrible attitudes 😂

Id have more sons than daughters anyday now but when i didnt have any i never thought id enjoy a boy, turns out i do and he makes me laugh like no one else can, hes lovely x