Gender disappointment

[nancydrew89]

I 100% thought I was having a girl and had been on nub theory Facebook pages. They all thought I was having a girl as well.
So last night we had a gender scan and was told it's a boy.
I'm happy he healthy and growing well. But I had my heart set it was a girl.

I wondering if anyone was told they were having a boy then at the 20 week scan you were told otherwise?

Also anyone else in the same shoes? How did you overcome this?

Have attach potty shot scan to this.

I was in the opposite position, I didn't have a preference but had convinced myself I was having a boy and was surprised when sonographer told me we're having a girl. I wasn't disappointed but had to let go of the image I had and try to imagine something else. It's worth remembering that no matter what you imagine, your baby will grow up to have their own likes, dislikes and interests, you could end up with an independent and sporty tomboy or a thoughtful, creative son.

I want the bond with a hypothetical daughter my mum had with me - The hypothetical daughter will have their own personality and the relationship won't be the same as yours with your mum because you're different people

On the contrary my daughter is basically a carbon copy of me the relationship she and I enjoy and treasure is absolutely the same as countless generations of family women have had with their mothers.

I had one dd and really wanted a boy. I convinced myself that dc2 was a boy and even picked out a name for him ( Sebastian). When I found out it was another girl, I cried for three days. I was angry with myself because I was having a healthy baby , yet I was crying. The guilt was overwhelming.
Dd2 is fifteen now and I really can’t imagine her being male. She is feisty, funny and seriously intelligent .
For those telling posters to go to the infertility forum,

My friend was infertile for ten years. When she found out that she was expecting a boy she was upset

JacquesHammer
That's lovely you're so similar, but you don't know what a daughter's personality will be like if they're not even conceived yet and you're currently expecting a boy.

To be expecting a boy and being disappointed that it's not a girl who doesn't exist and could have any personality and any relationships possible would be silly. There's nothing to say that having a girl instead of the boy who has been conceived will be like mum, nor that the relationship will be the same mother/daughter one because they'd be a person in their own right, so why be upset?

For all the women hoping to be BFFs with their daughters, that's lovely if it happens but a lot of pressure to put on someone. I'm close to my mum but we don't speak every day or go shopping together, and a few of my friends who do the mum-daughter activities like shopping or spa weekends have admitted that they do so out of a sense of duty rather than because they enjoy it.

@LolaSmiles missing the entire point there 🙈

And FWIW, I actually agreed with you that it is illogical....lots of feelings during pregnancy are.

Not really missing the point.
There's two sexes. Within those sexes girls and boys can, and will, have a range of personalities, a range of interests, and form a range of relationships.
Any adult being disappointed that their unborn child has one set of genitals over another is being ridiculous as there's nothing saying that their preferred sex child would be anything like their imagined child, no saying they're going to have the idyllic mother/daughter relationship, no saying they're going to get the girl/boy experience they wanted, and a lot of the disappointment seems to stem from what people think a boy/girls is stereotypically.

You're right lots of pregnancy moods are irrational, though for me there's a responsibility to point out how silly it is rather than validate that it's totally normal to pine after a girl.

On another note, this thread has really made me wonder how mums' attitudes to having boys probably has some effect on the number of nightmare MIL threads we see.

I personally dont understand how some1 can de disappointed and maybe cos I have tried for 7 years to have a baby which I have my little boy now...I wouldnt of giving a crap if if it was a girl or boy once my baby was healthy that's all that matters... how would ur little boy feel when hes older known you were disappointed he wasnt a girl ??? I dont mean this to come across as rude or anything but I personally dont understand it!!!🤔🤔

@LolaSmiles most of my comments were in response to those talking about how children should be raised to be gender neutral, how boys and girls are the same except for their genitals and how terrible it is to dress your baby in pink or blue. None of which I agree with.

The rest, about boys and girls all having different personalities and not always conforming to the same stereotypes is exactly what I've been saying so we're basically arguing the same point.

We also agree with the fact that it's illogical, we just have different ideas of how best to confront/react to that.

My mistake sel. I wondered why you were on about gender neutral.

I think gender neutral seems to mean two different things depending on whether it's common sense or woke.
One view (certainly the one from my childhood) is that girls are girls, boys are boys and they can do all sorts of things, there's no need for pink Lego for girls, just Lego. Boys and girls would do their thing and parents weren't pushing very fixed ideas of masculinity and femininity. We all just got on with things.

The modern "look at me" gender neutral is to argue they're so unique and amazing that they would never use anything pink or blue ever, often going out their way to take the opposite sex stereotypes and impose them on their child to prove how liberal they are.