Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Gender disappointment

135 replies

nancydrew89 · 29/01/2020 07:33

I 100% thought I was having a girl and had been on nub theory Facebook pages. They all thought I was having a girl as well.
So last night we had a gender scan and was told it's a boy.
I'm happy he healthy and growing well. But I had my heart set it was a girl.

I wondering if anyone was told they were having a boy then at the 20 week scan you were told otherwise?

Also anyone else in the same shoes? How did you overcome this?

Have attach potty shot scan to this.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HappyGoLuckyHippo · 29/01/2020 08:29

You'll adjust to it being a boy in no time (probably days!) and when he arrives you'll feel like he was always meant to be yours. Don't worry and congratulations on expecting a beautiful bouncing baby boy!

Whattheother2catsprefer · 29/01/2020 08:30

That's exactly why a lot of hospitals refuse to tell but then people decide to self diagnose through nub theories and old wives tales about how they are carrying (hint apply a bit of critical thinking as to how the tiny genitals on something the size of a walnut/peach etc could actually have any affect on the shape of a bump?), wedding rings on threads etc.

GrannyBags · 29/01/2020 08:41

There are some harsh replies on here OP. I understand that you have had you mind focussed on one thing and now you need to change that. Some people don’t mind but for some it will take a little time. I always wanted a girl. Looked a girl clothes, imagined a pink pram etc. As soon as I fell pregnant I knew it was a boy. I knew this would be my only child so had to let go of my ‘Chloe’ dreams and change my thinking. I love my son to bits and never wish he would have been a girl. But at the start it was hard so I get where you are coming from.

Babyg1995 · 29/01/2020 08:48

I experienced this with dc2 I convinced myself it was a girl it was another boy the disappointment lasted all of 2 minutes .
Pregnant with dc3 went to gender scan and it's a girl this time I was convinced it was another boy we were really pleased we had our girl at last .you will come round op congratulations

Babyg1995 · 29/01/2020 08:51

Meant to add I've had a few scans this pregnancy and every time I've asked them to check again that it's definitely a girl I just find it hard to believe still

CatteStreet · 29/01/2020 08:53

The thing is, some of the replies are harsh because this kind of loss of perspective over a baby's sex is tiresome and quite hurtful to some people (those who have suffered infertility, baby loss, loss of a child, for example, or those whose own parents had wanted them to be the other sex and let it show) and it's also a depressing indictment of our continued societal inability to free ourselves from gender stereotypes. I personally also find the preponderance on these types of thread of people wanting girls rather troubling. Reading between the lines of some of the comments you see, it seems to be about wanting a mini-me who will happily share in the mother's interests and will be available to the mother throughout her life (which leads straight back to more sexism - the 'a son's a son...' nonsense). We all have narcissistic traits but as parents we need to try and indulge them as little as possible.

OP, I'm genuinely sorry you're upset, but you do need to recognise that your upset isn't rational or healthy. Chances are you'll look back on this with incredulity once your little boy is born, but there is a small proportion of people who indulge and grow this so it remains a problem later on - now is a good time to nip it in the bud. And despite a PP's scoffing, what you are having, primarily, is a person, who will be just as they are and wonderful.

hiimmumma · 29/01/2020 08:55

If you care that much either way your better off not finding out until it's born so that you can't possibly be disappointed!

I'm having my second boy and was convinced it was a girl too like you as I felt so different to last time.
Yes It would be nice to have one of each but there's so many benefits to having two the same gender. Sharing and room, toys, clothes, hobbies etc etc as they grow up.

My son is so excited to be getting a brother and I think same sex siblings are naturally closer as they get older.

Try and focus on the positives.
Once your baby is here you won't care.

DillBaby · 29/01/2020 08:57

I knew before I even clicked on this post that it would be someone who wanted a girl but was having a boy. Every single one of these gender disappointment threads is the same. What have people got against boys! Seriously OP, a child is a child - the only thing you won’t be doing is dressing it up like a doll, which shouldn’t matter.

JacquesHammer · 29/01/2020 08:59

Allow yourself time to “grieve” for what you wanted then look forward to the rest of your pregnancy.

You’re a person with normal feelings, don’t worry

CatteStreet · 29/01/2020 09:06

FWIW, I have two boys and a girl (who I was so sure was going to be another boy that I had the middle name Reuben planned for her because it means 'see, a son' ) and they are all completely different personality-wise. Their sex, as far as I can tell (the boys are teen/preteen but the girl is only 4), has very little to do with it.

AJPTaylor · 29/01/2020 09:11

I hear you. I had 2 girls and wanted a boy. Didn't find out until she was born. Tbh that way you are just pleases to have them!

Nomorelaundry · 29/01/2020 09:23

I'm sorry OP. When I was pregnant with DC 2 I was sure it was another little boy. I'd actually had a dream of my son and his brother playing. So I was pretty shocked when I discovered that she was a girl.
I went to the loo after the scan and cried.
I desperately wanted a brother for my little boy. He was so wonderful and I really imagined being a mum of boys.

Take time. Let your head settle around it.

I now have two wonderful girls (again convinced DC3 was a boy 😅 but we discovered that at birth) with DC2 being princess obsessed and absolutely wonderful. She is the absolute opposite of what I envisioned. But I honestly couldn't adore her more and I am now so happy to have two little girls and one boy.

GD is recognised. You can't help it. Don't try and squash your feelings all the do then is fester.
If you want to cry do it. Talk to your partner. I was lucky to have w DH who was very supportive. It was slightly easier for him as he wanted DC2 to be a girl so it was nice to see his joy.

If you feel after a little while like your feelings and emotions aren't picking back up please talk to your midwife.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 29/01/2020 09:24

Why is it always girls that women pine for? Boys are brilliant.I thought I was having a girl for some reason and when we found out it was a boy we were so happy.Is it the dresses and doing their hair that people want or is there more to it? Genuinely interested.

JaxOdin · 29/01/2020 09:25

Ive never posted before but I really identify with your post OP.
I went through exactly the same, Convinced I was carrying a girl, everyone told me I was carrying a girl, then found out He was a boy. I was so upset, and really did need a little while to get over the disappointment, seeing DH so excited really helped. It wasn't about having a mini me, I just imagined it was a girl right from the start and it was a shock. Now it seems silly that I got so upset. DS is now four months and I love him to bits. Don't feel bad that you feel disappointed and don't let the negative comments get you down.

Sleepyquest · 29/01/2020 09:29

I opted not to find out. Was convinced it was a boy. She wasn't and it was a lovely surprise for us, but I would have been happy either way. I think maybe you should stop focussing on gender/sex whatever the right word is and focus on a healthy baby! Let them confirm at the 20 week scan if you must

You don't need to paint a room blue or pink or buy everything blue or pink either!

Redroses17 · 29/01/2020 09:30

I have three, two of which are boys and they are lovely ,sweet and wonderful each in their unique way, and if they said boy at nearly 18 weeks you can be pretty sure your precious little one is a boy as you can tell clearly from 16 weeks in most cases. Maybe the way to over come what you are feeling is to prepare for your little one , start looking/ getting baby bits , think of names , or if you want to have baby shower , to have just a healthy happy baby truly is a blessing , and I’m sure when you meet your little one you’ll love them to pieces , sending hugs to you

Original poster

nancydrew89 · 29/01/2020 09:47

It is truly a blessing having another baby as I had an ectopic pregnancy last year.
I think its just adjusting to having another boy. I never thought I would be a mum of all boys. I think it stems back to being the only girl in my family.
But yes you are all right. Im sure once I start telling more people it will settle in more!

I do need to stress that I am super excited about having a baby and it doesn't matter the gender. I just think I had prepared myself for a wee girl. But a wee boy is just as fun!

OP posts:

Bezalelle · 29/01/2020 09:59

I suggest you take a look on the infertility board on here, then have a good think about this "disappointment".

I'm sorry but I have very little sympathy for this "problem".

Nomorelaundry · 29/01/2020 10:03

Other infertility has zero bearing on the Op and those of us who have felt this. OP herself has been through an periodic pregnancy. When I was pregnant and upset I looked on other boards and read stories from women who'd been through several rounds of IVF and finally got their pregnancy only to be crying over the sex. It can happen to anyone.

nicciw87 · 29/01/2020 10:06

Hi OP complete understand I'm pregnant with number 4 have 3 boys already was absolutely convinced this was a girl whole different pregnancy etc when I found it was another boy I was floored for a couple weeks the disappointment was real and guess what no matter what anyone says u are entitled to feel this way. I found sitting talking to me bump and calling him he really helped me start to bond with this wee one so try that. And I really feel for all these people who have fertility problems it must be a horrible thing to go through but really if u have nothing nice to say to the OP don't say anything at all. Subject of post was gender disappointment so people knew what it was going to be about they really didn't have to click into it and then make negative comments

SallyWD · 29/01/2020 10:12

First of all I have genuine sympathy for. Secondly it does make me very sad that whenever there is a gender disappointed thread it's always because the OP has found out they're having a boy! Why are boys so often seen as second best? I have a DD and a DS. My DS is much more affectionate and loving than my DD but that's irrelevant. All kids are different, they're not defined by their genitals. Allow yourself to grieve, acknowledge your feelings of disappointed and know that you will love and adore your little boy once he's here.

JacquesHammer · 29/01/2020 11:03

Other infertility has zero bearing on the Op and those of us who have felt this

This. I hate it when “infertility” is used as a stick to beat other posters with. Way to heap even more on someone with infertility!

DillBaby · 29/01/2020 11:33

Is it the dresses and doing their hair that people want or is there more to it? Genuinely interested
This is the crux of it imo. Boys clothes are crap, the high street stores make very little effort and there’s much less choice. The Instagram generation wants to dress up their little girls and take photos - it’s harder to do that with a little boy.

Plus they think a little girl will share their interests. They want to go to ballet not to football, play with dolls not dinosaurs, and they don’t listen when you say boys and girls both do those things. They think a daughter will grow up and be their BFF and they’ll have girly spa days and shopping trips, which of course you can’t do with a son (?)

Nomorelaundry · 29/01/2020 11:37

That's so weird to read. Because I adored boy clothes. I don't really like the girls stuff. Not very practical. I have a football obsessed son who literally eats and breathes it. From the moment he wakes up to what we're talking about at bed time. And my daughter is a princess with ballet classes. As I said I adore her. She is absolutely perfect. But I wanted the boy stuff. I wanted the clothes and the outdoors lifestyle and although my daughter grew alongside her football obsessed brother she chose her own path. But I do pine for a little redo of the awesomeness of raising my little boy.

SallyWD · 29/01/2020 11:40

Yes I agree it's all about expectations. My friend had a DS first then wanted her second to be a DD so they could clothes shopping together. Her husband also said on a different occasion "It'd be lovely if we had a daughter so Jenny (name changed) had someone to go shopping with". It made me think - I'm 45 and have never been clothes shopping with my mum! I love my mum but would prefer to go shopping on my own and I'm sure she feels the same. I'm close to my mum but my mum is equally close to my 2 brothers. I honestly don't believe I have a different relationship with her because I'm female.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread