Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows....

[Avocuddles]

Hi,

Starting a thread for ladies in early pregnancy after one or more miscarriages or stillbirths. A safe place to let off steam and hopefully grow healthy rainbows together......

Funnily enough @knotemma I was going to suggest a hinch list! Haha :) good luck!

An updated list!

@Hagster 5wks (due 19/10/20)⁣
@tmc14 5w4d (due 15/10/2020
@Aria2015 6wks
@TunnocksTcake 7 wks (due 01.10.20)
@HighHopes20 7wks (due 3/10/20)⁣
@Treaclepie19 7wks (due 4/10/2020)⁣
@Sunflower1608 7wks with twins⁣
@SunStruck 8wks⁣
@avocuddles 8wks (due 29/9/2020)⁣
@Scout20 8wks (due 29/9/2020)
@Nooodles 8wks (due 23/09)
@SammiLou2312 9wks⁣
@Knotemma 9 wks⁣
@Seahawk80 11wks⁣
@Rachael321 13 wks (due 20.08.20)

Good luck with your scan @sunstruck - I have one this afternoon too... Hope the booking appointments go well @knotemma and @sammilou2312.

Good luck to @Scout20 and @SunStruck for your scans today!! Will be checking back in later to see how you both got on!

I don't feel brave enough to add myself to the roll call yet 🙈

Hello everyone, new to mums net.
I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby. My daughter was stillborn at 41weeks+ on 14th August 2012, I then welcomed my beautiful rainbow baby boy on 4th August 2013. 1st pregnancy was hard I suffered from awful sickness 24/7 for around 4 months, this helped with the no smoking, no coffee and in general that pregnancy would have been seen as a perfect one on my behalf aha. But we lost her the day we were to meet her.
Then I feel pregnant not long after, now that pregnancy I did everything differently but wrong I carried on smoking (did try to stop but couldn't) drank coffee daily but ate healthy and looked after myself. He turned out perfectly and pieced back most of my heart. I was scared during the pregnancy but never worried.

Now this time round I'm absolutely petrified something will go wrong. I've had awful 24/7 sickness since about 5 weeks along, I've stopped smoking, not any caffeine since 23rd December. The scan came around and I was expecting them to tell me there was nothing there, I was adimant that I wasn't pregnant but actually dying.
You'd think after the scan I'd feel better but no it's gotten worse. I've a small bump now (I know it's for later pregnancy bigger bump) I'm terrified I'm sleeping on the wrong side because they didn't tell me with Lilly-mae that I should sleep on the left hand side and now at night I'm laid here thinking how I laid on the wrong side the night before we went to hospital to be induced with her.
I didn't work while pregnant with son but did with my daughter. And I'm working 40+hours so my minds is telling me I'm going to lift something I shouldn't or bend down to pick something up wrong.

I'm scared, really scared and can't be happy or excited about this baby. I don't know if it because it's so much like my pregnacy with Lilly-mae thats causing me to feel this way or because I've been nagging my partner for another baby for years and now it's happening. My mum and partner think this is the reason. It just feels like they don't understand me or what I'm feeling. I'm not very good at saying my feelings out aloud, maybe that's why I've joined here to be able to let it out to woman who understand how it feels to be pregnant and scared I guess.
It does feel good to let it out 😁

Thank you ladies, all fine here and the bean is thriving! Took lots of blood tests today (ths, rubella, toxoplasmosis, HIV and some other things) so waiting for results. So relieved!

Good luck on your scan @Scout20 !

I'm back in 2 weeks now....

@Mj28 welcome. You've had a horrible time of it from what you've shared so far and you're obviously having it rough this time around with anxiety and fear. Try to be kind to yourself, you're doing all of the right things. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to lose your daughter and you're allowed to have all of these feelings. Come and rant at us whenever you need to (god knows I do 🤦) in the knowledge that we'll only ever try to help and support you. Have you spoken to your midwife about how you're feeling? I find it very difficult to talk to family because they're all to close to it.

From my point of view booking appointment went very well today, she's confirmed I'll have consultant led care, my scan for 12 weeks is booked and I've got my notes, which has never happened before. I'm still going to book myself a private scan I think, she's told me I can self refer to the epu if I have any concerns like pain or spotting, but this is very much about my anxiety, so feel like I don't want to ask for the scan and get one in the pace of someone who needs it more. I'm feeling a bit more positive, had a bit of fresh air and grabbed some shopping on the way back so going to have something to eat and try and work through my hinch list ☺️

Hi,

Is it ok to jump on?

Ive just got my BFP on the 13th after a MM in October at 12+5.

Im absolutely bricking it to say the least! I cant get excited cause ive already convinced myself its a chemical pregnancy, i have no symptoms really other than the odd bork in the morning, last week i was bloated so assumed i was going to come on and had some period cramps and lower back ache friday but now absolutely nothing not even bloated!!!! Ive tested every day and now using the CND but not the week indicator one incase my weeks indicator hasnt changed (it said 1-2 weeks on thursday which would be right as conceived around the 28th-31st jan xxx

Welcome @Pippop21. You are amongst likeminded company of bricking it ladies - I was only four weeks pregnant when I started this thread and am eight weeks now but the anxiety is definitely still very present..... I tested pretty much every day until six weeks so definitely understand your pee on a stick obsession - there's something comforting about seeing them get darker but by then you're about as dark as you'll ever get.... I wish you all the best for this pregnancy and hope you're here for another eight months!

@Mj28 so sorry to hear about your awful experience. It's understandable that pregnancy is an incredibly difficult time for you and this is definitely the perfect place to air all of your worries.
Have you considered counselling to talk through your anxiety with a professional? I had a couple of sessions after my second miscarriage and did find it very helpful. It's natural to be scared but if there's anything that can be done to make it easier for you to live with that fear it would be worth exploring if possible?
Definitely don't worry about whether sleeping on your right may have caused issues - although a small number of studies have shown it to be preferable, the general medical view is that it's sleeping on your side which is key, not so much the side you sleep on. www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/im-pregnant/sleep-position-pregnancy-qa

Do your work know about your pregnancy? If it involves manual labour / lifting would it be feasible to request a change to your duties?
It seems as if your pregnancy is going well on paper, the loss of your daughter was a tragedy but there is no reason why you won't be holding your rainbow baby in your arms in six months time. I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I say I'm rooting for you.....

@SunStruck @Scout20 hope the scans went well! Let me know how big your babies are now - I'm intrigued as know mine should be about the same.....

@Knotemma big fan of a hinch list! Hope you managed to tick a few things off (and of course you can retrospectively add updating your Mumsnet friends to the list!)

@SammiLou2312 hope the booking appointment went well. I have mine tomorrow.....

@bananamuffin99 when is your scan? I hope it all goes well. My recent scan measured 6+3 and showed a strong heartbeat so hopefully you'll get to see one by then!

@Aria2015 hope you're feeling a little more positive this afternoon. As the others have said symptoms seem to come and go all the time in these early weeks - I had some nausea at six weeks then nothing for about a week, but now I'm having queasy feelings a few times a day. I'm never sick but I'm not really the kind of person who easily vomits anyhow - even when I used to have a shocking hangover! One coffee is definitely nothing to worry about. Enjoy feeling ok whilst it lasts!

@avocuddles thanks. Been keeping busy as I can today which has helped. Still not feeling anything symptom wise - pregnancy is the only circumstance where I'm desperate to feel like crap lol! Just got to hang on until my scan Thursday. Hopefully I'll know more about which way the cards will fall then! Eek!

@avocuddles thanks! I'll feel a little better when my CBD changes from 1-2 but at the moment im fearing another MM or chemical! Just cant get the negative thoughts out my head! 😢😢

Hey guys my booking appointment went really well. Midwife is lovely. She confirmed I will be under serious monitoring all through pregnancy including extra scans throughout. Spoke to her about the pains I have had since yesterday, she thinks it's a pulled ligament so nothing to worry about ATM. If pain gets worse I've to go to epu. My blood pressure is low apparently which explains why I am dizzy and getting vertigo all the time so just got to be careful if I feel like I'm going to faint (apparently my mum was a fainter when she was expecting me lol). Took a load of bloods for testing and got my flu jab so all set for now haha. Hope you all are doing well x

Evening all! Hope everyone is as well as can be!

Felt generally brighter in myself today, sickness still lingering, but generally felt 'lighter' in myself and not so downtrodden as I have been. Hopefully means I've broken the back of it now and heading into the apparent "easier" 2nd trimester !!

Breaking thing down into smaller chunks just now;

• 3 weeks until consultant appt. 10th March.
• then 3 weeks until 20 weeks can and I'm halfway there!! 3rd April.

Have a long weekend booked for the week after scan too so something to distract me and to look forward to!

@Rachael321 that sounds like a good plan!

I've booked a private scan for Friday evening, just because I can't wait any longer for a peak at the bean.

Then it's 3 weeks until my 12 week scan. Then another 3 and a half weeks until my first consultant appointment.

Breaking it down like that has actually really helped, the next 6 or 7 weeks feel manageable, especially because we've got a little break the week after the consultants appointment ☺️

Hi to all the new members btw (sorry only just catching up with other messages). Not sure if you want to add yourselves to the list we have, I've just updated it with my EDD...

@Hagster 5wks (due 19/10/20)⁣
@tmc14 5w4d (due 15/10/2020
@Aria2015 6wks
@TunnocksTcake 7 wks (due 01.10.20)
@HighHopes20 7wks (due 3/10/20)⁣
@Treaclepie19 7wks (due 4/10/2020)⁣
@Sunflower1608 7wks with twins⁣
@SunStruck 8wks⁣
@avocuddles 8wks (due 29/9/2020)⁣
@Scout20 8wks (due 29/9/2020)
@Nooodles 8wks (due 23/09)
@SammiLou2312 9wks⁣ (due 20/09/2020)
@Knotemma 9 wks⁣
@Seahawk80 11wks⁣
@Rachael321 13 wks (due 20.08.20)

@didslysquiddlydoo you should add yourself babe, we are all routing for you just like you are for us xx

@Knotemma glad it's not just me that thinks that helps!!

Seems so much more manageable that way. Baby steps

@Rachael321, the midwife did suggest just looking a week or two ahead, rather than trying to think to far ahead and getting overwhelmed. Like yours she was really lovely, she had a student with her and they were both really kind and patient.

I'm so glad, because my three friends live one village over and all had the same really flaky midwife, who they could never get hold of and always seemed to be on holiday 🙈😂. I think that had made me particularly nervous for today.

I've booked our little break, we're going to an off-grid cabin in Wales for a 4 nights just after Easter, so it's nice to have something good to look forward too... I'm hoping the sickness is sorted by then or the composting toilet might be a bit interesting 🙈. But it's nice to have something to look forward to.

Just catching up on the last few days ladies and so pleased to read so many positive posts with excellent scan news!

After our positive scan on Friday, I’m trying to keep my anxieties at bay and not over-analyse everything but my symptoms have changed a little and it’s hard not to. Next scan is a week on Friday so just have to make it to then. One step at a time is the only way I’m managing this just now. Even next Friday seems like an age away. Wish there was a little window so we could just keep an eye the whole time!

For those worrying about symptoms, please try not to, easier said than done I know and struggling to follow my own advice just now but...they haven’t indicated anything for me on my journey so far: 1st pregnancy, hardly any symptoms, missed miscarriage. 3rd pregnancy, lots of morning sickness throughout, also a missed miscarriage. I know people who have had successful pregnancies with no symptoms, some that have been sick throughout and everything in-between so try not to let symptoms rule your life. I’m trying really hard, reminding myself that worrying isn’t going to change the outcome.

I think everyone on this thread is doing so incredibly well. Being pregnant when you’ve gone through what we all have is so hard, so worrying and so all-consuming. Praying for those rainbow babies for everyone to make it all worthwhile!

Also adding myself to the list:

@Hagster 5wks (due 19/10/20)⁣
@tmc14 5w4d (due 15/10/2020
@Aria2015 6wks
@TunnocksTcake 7 wks (due 01.10.20)
@HighHopes20 7wks (due 3/10/20)⁣
@Treaclepie19 7wks (due 4/10/2020)⁣
@Sunflower1608 7wks with twins⁣
@SunStruck 8wks⁣
@avocuddles 8wks (due 29/9/2020)⁣
@Scout20 8wks (due 29/9/2020)
@Nooodles 8wks (due 23/09)
@Hoping2020 9 weeks (due 18/09/2020)
@SammiLou2312 9wks⁣ (due 20/09/2020)
@Knotemma 9 wks⁣
@Seahawk80 11wks⁣
@Rachael321 13 wks (due 20.08.20)

@Avocuddles of course, my sac measured bang on point at 8+1 for yesterday, and the embryo measured 7+6 which the Dr was very happy with. Embryo CRL measured 14.48mm.

When is your next scan? Mine is in 2 weeks at 10 weeks. My MMC happened at 9 weeks so I'm quite worried, but the Dr reassured me and said it is all measuring on point this time and I'm on a protocol of progesterone and aspirin, so all should be fine... 🤞

If all is well at the 10 week scan she will book our Harmony test for the same week.

Morning @SunStruck. My next scan is on Monday at approximately 9 weeks. It's crazy to think that my embryo has already (hopefully) doubled in size since the last scan 9 days ago!
Off to the midwife booking appointment this morning which will be a long one due both DH and I having lengthy medical histories. Hoping that it's all worthwhile this time.....

Ps glad that everything is looking good for you @SunStruck! I'm going to ask the midwife about the harmony test this morning....

@Avocuddles good luck at your appointment! 😄 yes I think a NIPT test is really important (at least to us due to my age) for our peace of mind. I would hate waiting for the combined test at after 12 weeks and then get a skewed result due to age, and having to do NIPT anyway. This way we will hopefully know before the 12 week scan if all is looking fine.

@SunStruck @Avocuddles harmony / nipt is a good idea if you can afford it. With DS I got terrible odds. The NHS testing is good at picking up issues but the downside is it throws up a lot of false positives. I've been on both sides of it now and see why they need to do it but given how worried we are anyway it's a horrid thing to go through. I'm currently really stressing about my results. I'm managing things by thinking ok, this is the last Wednesday before I find out etc.

Anyone had their flu jab yet? Don't know whether to have it done or wait til after results next week. Guess it's good to have it whatever......

@Seahawk80 I've booked mine for Friday. I'll be 7+5 but they were happy to do it.

@Seahawk80 I had my flu jab the same day as my 12 week scan

Hello everyone, just catching up been sooo tired in the evenings I can't remember what I've read. Then I spend half the night awake in the early hours which is soo frustrating. Glad everyone is having positive scans and midwife appointments.

Hello @Mj28, you have had an awful time of it. It is completely understandable that you are so anxious. Do keep in touch with your midwife and consider counselling, I am actually thinking about it myself after 2 pregnancy losses and losing my dad within a year. Just having space to talk through whats going on in your head with someone who isn't close to the pregnancy will help I'm sure.

Hello @Pippop21, good luck for the next few weeks, it is a really scary time but remind yourself that you are pregnant today and keep testing if you want to, just stop at 6 weeks as it can get lighter at that point! I also wouldn't listen to symptoms - as hard as that is - they can be very misleading and your hormones fluctuate so much at this point.

@Rachael321 I have also been breaking my weeks down and it is really helping. Can't even imagine being past 12 weeks yet.
I have my midwife appointment this evening. Really hoping I have a different Midwife from last time so it all feels like a new pregnancy, I'm feeling nervous about going back to the midwife hospital (its a birthing centre different from EPU) and have hated driving past it since my MMC. I should have asked when I booked in but I forgot.
Then waiting for a letter for my scan next Thursday so that's only a week and will be just before I'm 9 weeks. Then only 3 weeks til 12 week scan