Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows....

[Avocuddles]

Hi,

Starting a thread for ladies in early pregnancy after one or more miscarriages or stillbirths. A safe place to let off steam and hopefully grow healthy rainbows together......

Afternoon ladies, hope everyone's well. Glad to hear everyone is feeling sick!!

@SW83 I also love that sentiment. One of the doctors told me after my surgery that 'every pregnancy carries it's own story, good and bad'. Sounds morbid in a way, but he meant for me to make sure I'd grieved my loss before trying again; that having had one loss doesn't necessarily mean you'll have another, but that it doesn't protect you either....

@littlegoth totally. At the moment I can't imagine feeling relaxed enough to enjoy any of this pregnancy. I hope that'll change...

For me, I had my first scan on Saturday. It was a very early one, to rule out an ectopic - I'm high risk because I had my ovary and fallopian tube removed in summer as an emergency. It was way too early to see much, but they did find a gestational sac and yolk sac, and in the right place. Next scan is on Friday, so hopefully they'll find a heartbeat - seems like we're virtually all having scans on Friday?!

@TunnocksTcake also, same. I'm always struck by how people automatically equate a positive test with a baby - I miss that blind optimism!

Also struck by how many of us have a retroverted uterus?!

Thanks everyone for your kind words...trying to keep my mind occupied for now. Am sure I will feel a little better next week. @Littlegoth I so wish I could be excited too but am so scared to let myself get excited again. Fingers crossed little pip sticks and keeps growing this time x

@Avocuddles I've hopped over here just until I know what is happening with this pregnancy were still not sure if it's ectopic / blighted ovum or just a little slow getting going. Off for third hcg bloods so hopefully will know more tomorrow. I was hopefully 6 days ago when my spotting stopped but since getting extremely low hcg numbers Thursday and Friday I'm no a tall confident it's going to end well. But for right now I'm pregnant!!

• not at all (blooming phone)

@Mumlili9 I've been following your story on the other thread, you've truly been on a rollercoaster experience over the past few days but glad to see there's still some hope. Waiting is the worst isn't it! I'm approaching the stage where I lost both previous pregnancies - 6 weeks today and they both happened between 7 and 8 though had probably stopped developing a week or so earlier. I just wish there was a crystal ball we could share round to know one way or the other. I'm crossing everything for you and hope the bloods show the right progress xx

@SammiLou2312 sorry you've had a tough day. It's so hard dealing with bad memories.

@SW83 wise words!

I'm feeling a bit down today. I made a pals complaint to the hospital after my last 12 week scan as the sonographer was horrible and made a bad day worse. They were great about it and gave me the email of the directors secretary to book my scans. I'd emailed her to arrange them and she was really helpful but when I said can you make sure the sonographer knows my history and why I'm so anxious she just replied "your wishes will be taken into consideration". I just feel a bit crap, all I want is for someone to understand that my 12 week scan with DS was a huge shock and ok he was fine in the end but it was still traumatic and then last time it was just as bad and the baby was ok. I know scans are a medical check but for the majority of people the 12 week scan is a good experience whereas mine have always been scary and sad.

@Seahawk80 thank you...when is your scan?

@Seahawk80 well done for making a complaint - it's not right for you to have such a negative experience when surely as medical professionals the sonographers should be more than used to dealing with anxiety and scans that aren't the 'happy' experience we would all hope for.
Make sure you talk to the sonographer about your fears as soon as you enter the room and hopefully your next experience will be a positive one....

I think the trouble is these health care professionals do their jobs everyday and become blasé to it all. They forget that there are real people on the other side suffering the trauma of what they are saying.

I also complained but about the EPU and now I have to go back there on Monday for my scan. Their response to my letter was excellent but let's see how it goes next week.

On a more positive note I'm really enjoying eating more healthily (less snacks and no alcohol) and I'm walking everyday. I'm also doing pelvic floor exercises each evening and god knows I need to do them!

Morning everyone, how are you all feeling? My nausea is coming on in gentle waves throughout the day and really kicks in in the evening. Sleep doesn't feel restful as it's constant vivid dreams. And my boobs are rather tender. Finally got my 3+ weeks on CB to ☺️

I only feel nauseous when I’m hungry at the moment which is a lot more than usual! In previous pregnancies the (all day) morning sickness usually starts around 6-7 weeks.
I had such bad period type pains last night that I was sure I was going to wake up in a pool of blood, nothing yet thankfully.

I've managed to sleep through the night 2 nights in a row! Nausea and sickness are rough, but spoke to my manager yesterday to let her know what's going on and she's been very supportive and has given me the option to work from home as an when I need to, which is great.

I'd been really good and not poas since Friday (I was doing the daily) but felt the need this morning. They're just Amazon cheapies, but seeing a good strong positive definitely helped my mindset this morning.

I hope you're all feeling reasonably ok, I know this week is stressful for a lot of us xx

@Avocuddles thanks, I made it clear that I wasn't complaining because I had bad news, it was the conduct of the sonographer throughout the scan. Part of the reason that I'm so stressed is because last time they were brilliant at first, arranged to see my as early as possible as I was so stressed about the scan but then the sonographer was horrible. I just really hope they get it right this time. I still haven't cancelled the private harmony test and scan as I am still thinking about just paying but it's stupid to pay £400 just to go somewhere else.

I know what people mean about associating places / things with bad news. Apart from the false alarm at my first scan witg this pregnancy I've only ever had good news at the EPU so although it's stressful I am fine there. The scanning building however fills me with dread and makes me feel sick. It's a shame because I'm at kings and the building is new and modern and filled with light - super fancy for NHS and I just sit there shaking.

@avocadoincident I think you're right, some people do just get numb to it and forget they are dealing with people, although that makes me think they are probably in the wrong job.

Have my booking in tomorrow and I'm feeling so low about everything I think I'll just sob my way through it!

@avocadoincident forgot to say good luck on Monday

@knotemma I am seriously jealous of your sleep! I keep waking up at 2am then not getting back to sleep at all/ for at least a couple of hours 😫 I am awful on no sleep!

My boobs are hurting more like inside now, was just on the sides before but feels more deep rooted. They also feel like actual balloons! Getting nausea in the mornings and a bit during the day. Back ache still there but cramps have significantly lessened which is slightly freaking me out but I'm sure they will come back.

We booked our early scan for the 15th last night. Will be 7w3d ish. Feeling a bit better having that to aim for.

Hmm so symptom wise it's still light for me. I think? Definitely no sickness - I've never felt it with my 2 previous MCs either. I seem to have one day with energy and one day pretty exhausted. Maybe some twinges in my boobs at night and they feel a little bigger. I might be peeing a bit more too... hard to tell! Definitely get the mild cramping every other day.

I'm 6 weeks on Thursday xx

@SammiLou2312 next scan is 10 weeks on 12 feb and then the dreaded 12 week scan and harmony results are 25 Feb. Just feel like life is on pause for this month 😩

@Seahawk80 fingers crossed for you at your scan. I know what you mean about the waiting. Time seems to move so slowly... Had my first scan last Monday and have another next Monday (I have to have fortnightly ones ATM due to number of miscarriages) but it feels so long ago I had last one and so far away to the next one lol

I'm sorry you've been feeling down @Seahawk80. I really hope they take your concerns seriously.

No nausea or sickness or anything here. I'm just fed up today.
I've been trying to make a drs appointment the past few days because I'm stressing over all the cramping. No luck.

Really sorry too @Seahawk80 fingers crossed xx

Treaclepie - how many weeks are you? I know it probs won't relieve the worry, but I've read soooo many articles etc of women just not having many symptoms and it being ok. Also cramping being a sign of the uterus expanding and is v common xx

Thanks everyone. I think it's being made worse by the fact that I'm really not enjoying my job so I'm sat here bored and stressing and I really miss DS. He isn't enjoying nursery and we are in the process of moving him but it feels so awful to take him somewhere he doesn't want to go so that I can go to a job I don't like. Sadly not working isn't an option financially. The problem is now isn't the time to make a move job wise and any moves / promotions within the company are all the other side of London and I just can't make the commute work alongside childcare.

@Treaclepie19 I have had so many cramps, including some that took my breath away. After my initial scan where I thought it was not a viable pregnancy I would think oh here we go, miscarriage starting but then they would go again. I think it is normal and honestly the pregnancy that ended in TMFR and this pregnancy have been much worse than my first, I think it is almost worst second / third time around. I hope this helps x

Thanks @SW83. I'm just being silly, I'm only 5+2 so hopefully I'll be eating my words. It's 4 weeks and a day until my first scan. So not too long (feels forever 😂)

I just had my 6 week scan today, all fine with heartbeat - measuring 6+1 😃

Going back in 2 weeks... relieved for now but I know things might still change! I'm just glad it measured ok!

@Treaclepie19 you'll probably eat your words... I felt nothing a week ago but so nauseous now 🤣 desperately trying to "feel" what I might be ok to eat... difficult!

Sorry posted too quickly. When are the rest of you lovely ladies having your scans?