Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows....

[Avocuddles]

Hi,

Starting a thread for ladies in early pregnancy after one or more miscarriages or stillbirths. A safe place to let off steam and hopefully grow healthy rainbows together......

Also just got my 3+ on CB digi! Never had that before, I was so nervous I've waited til 5+4 to do it! Never got past 1-2 on the last one

Thanks everyone for the good luck vibes! Ok so we've had a rethink, and we're going to wait it out to the 6.3 day mark and switch it to next Saturday. I think it's such a small chance to see anything on the ultrasound now and might cause more anxiety than not. (I know you can see things via an internal but I darent have one of those again as I MC straight after having one last time! Maybe linked, maybe not- don't want to tempt it!)

I'm with the 'no change' crowd on the boobs. I think mine started to change around 6 weeks tho last time, I've heard each time is so different tho. Was really happy to be sooo exhausted yesterday... It's awesome when a symptom shows up! Xxx

@TunnocksTcake snap! Got to be a good sign right?? 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

@HighHopes20 yaaay! 🙏🙏 I really really hope so!
My boobs feel enormous today, they seem to be expanding sideways 😂

I'm still breastfeeding a toddler so have big boobs that are numb to feeling at the moment. 🤣

@TunnocksTcake @HighHopes20 yay to the 3+s!

@SW83 try not to connect the internal scan with the negative experience - I had similar the first time round but was reassured that the scan in no way caused the loss, but that it might have helped to get things 'moving'. Similarly my second miscarriage was only a few days after a scan but it was clear from that ultrasound that things weren't progressing properly so the scan itself made no difference 
It's still likely that you might need an internal at 6 or 7 weeks so just make sure when you go for your scan that you tell them about your anxiety so that if they do need to give you an internal scan they can be as sensitive as possible. If you 100% don't want an internal you may be better off waiting until around 8 weeks, but you could always call and ask?

I have a retroverted uterus which means that externals aren't likely to be much use for at least 8-10 weeks. My fertility clinic makes it clear that they only offer internals to all of their 1st trimester patients as it gives a far clearer indication to them of measurements etc, so I'm 'looking forward' to my appointment with dildo cam in just over a week.....

@Knotemma I am another crazy person, so conscious of every single twinge!
I've never experienced sickness in pregnancy before but felt a little queasy at bedtime last night then woke up around 5am feeling really sick - does this sound like morning sickness? DH fetched a bowl I put next to the bed but fortunately I eventually managed to get back to sleep and felt a lot better when I woke up....

@TunnocksTcake my boob pain is on the sides too! I'm an F/G cup normally so dread to think what they could end up like....

I wish my boobs would grow! It just seems to be my nipples that get bigger in pregnancy 🤣

@avocuddles I'm an f/g too! Realised when I had a shower earlier my bra had given me a little cut in the middle yesterday. Bras are so expensive at this size anyway I can't afford to keep buying new ones 😰
I'm feeling more sick today, also got really bad heartburn eugh

Congrats on those tests, @TunnocksTcake and @highhopes20 that must be a relief :)

I’ve hardly felt queasy at all this pregnancy (apart from the classic gag when brushing teeth, can’t escape that!) - then today I’m feeling so sick!! Partly grateful and partly wishing it would go away.

Snap @Avocuddles I have a tilted uterus too, makes it so difficult for ultrasounds! Another reason I’m trying to wait as long as possible before having an early scan - I had one at 8 weeks last time, but even at almost 11 weeks they still couldn’t quite see what was going on until I then miscarried. I’m at 6w4d now. Hold on hold on :)

Hope you’re all feeling ok today ladies

@Avocuddles I'm feeling slightly more sane but still very tired. Only woke up once in the night because the darling kitten is totally out of routine because I've been up through the night with morning sickness. If I don't have something to eat immediately before I go to bed I'm waking up between 3 and 4 in the morning to throw up🙈.

I'm not going to lie, as much as I hate throwing up, I do take a weird amount of comfort in it.

Brilliant news on the 3+s!

I'm not good today. I've woken up scared stiff about having an ectopic. No reason, just panicking 😔
I'm 5w exactly today and its 4w 3d until my scan.

I'm still considering booking a 7w scan but I'm reluctant for some reason.

Thanks @Avocuddles ... yea they said the same to me but I can't seem to let go of the notion. The thing is, on my scan everything was ok measurement wise and they found a heart beat. Less than 24 hours later I MC'd... so I don't think I'll ever be convinced in a way. I'm the same as you uterus-wise so I guess I had better hold off until 8 weeks. Agonising! :-) xxx

@SW83 yes holding off is probably your best bet to avoid the internal - having an external too early (especially with a retroverted uterus) would just lead to more anxiety if nothing is visible.... stay strong, these early weeks are so tough!

I'm 6 weeks today and have 1 week to go until my scan. Definitely entering peak anxiety stage now as my previous pregnancies both ended between 7 and 8 weeks, but trying to just keep going.

Hope you all have a good week ahead!

Thanks @Avocuddles :-) Really hope this week goes ok for you, I know how difficult the anxiety is. Xx

@Avocuddles I'm having my scan tomorrow, I'm bricking it 😫 I really hope it will go well and that I will be bang on dates. So worries!

Feeling so nauseous now, which I'm happy about. Hope it stays this way 🤢

Is your scan on Monday next week?

Hi all, hope you all had a good weekend...I'm having a bit of a bad day today. I'm 7+1 today and this is when my last baby stopped growing. Got another scan next Monday and had one last week which seemed good but I still can't stop worrying today. Too many bad memories that I'm struggling with today

Aww SammiLou I know how this feels! :(
On these types of days, I find it helpful to think about what I can let go of or not do, that will make my day a little calmer. I.e. Cancel a meeting I don't need at work, or just ordering a takeaway instead of cooking etc.
A memory is a memory and not an indicator of the outcome this time. Each pregnancy is different and with that, a new probability and firm likeliness of a positive outcome.
Xx

@SW83 thanks. I'm working from home today so that's something but am in back to back meetings I can't get out of unfortunately. I'm still getting nausea and dizziness symptoms so I suppose that's a good thing - my symptoms started to die down last time. I know I should try to stay positive, it's just so hard sometimes. Just got to get through this week and hopefully see the heartbeat again next Monday x

Sorry things are tough @SammiLou2312
I agree, some self care for you is needed today!

I'm still a bit of a mess. I've run around like mad this morning trying to distract myself. Starving now!

@SW83 “ A memory is a memory and not an indicator of the outcome this time. Each pregnancy is different and with that, a new probability and firm likeliness of a positive outcome.” I think I need to print this out and keep it with me at all times! Such wise words, thank you.

@SammiLou2312 its so hard isn't it? On the day I lost my second pregnancy I just kept myself really busy all day so it would go by faster. But you can also take time to grieve that loss too if you feel the need. Either way look after yourself and allow yourself some treats

@ SW83 I think I also need to print that out or etch it on my brain somehow, thats such a lovely saying for this difficult time.

I am feeling sicker and getting more boob soreness as the days go on which is reassuring. Although with my MMC symtoms didn't disappear at all so I dont know why its reassuring! Had an awful nights sleep last night, woke up at 3 needing a wee and never got back to sleep. Such a zombie now. Was hoping to get some exercise in today but not sure I'll make it.

It’s so hard not to worry. I really feel cheated of the excitement I wish I had, like other people x

@Littlegoth Me too! I have had 2 friends tell me recently that they are pregnant and they are just so excited I'm so jealous. However, I feel like I will just be all the more grateful for this baby if it sticks, and I will even be glad when I am sick and feel ill!

Best of luck to everyone with their upcoming scans this week - sending positive vibes!