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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Am I rude for not wanting my boyfriends parents at my scan?

134 replies

Aliyah30 · 17/12/2019 15:29

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a while now and I recently found out that I’m 7 weeks pregnant. I only officially met his parents 3 months ago and I have a scan next week. He’s asked me can his mom come in the room while I have an internal scan done, I said yes. But I’m starting to regret saying yes, it’s not that I have anything against his family, I’d just prefer it if it was my family in there rather than his. Am I being unreasonable?

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EmrysAtticus · 17/12/2019 15:31

Have you checked how many people are allowed in? At ours the room was really small so only one allowed in.

It is your body and your scan so you get to choose, noone else. Most people only have the dad with them in my experience.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 17/12/2019 15:32

It's not usual to take any family to a scan tbh. Just the parents.

SundayMorningSun · 17/12/2019 15:32

It's a medical procedure and you are the patient - it is completely your decision. I would not recommend having people in the room for an internal scan - the staff are very careful to protect your dignity, but you're still half naked.

Have you checked how many people are actually allowed in the room? My hospital allows only one person anyway.

Buy a scan picture and show them after. Much better all round.

Stupiddriver1 · 17/12/2019 15:32

Tell him she can only come if she's happy to drop her knickers and sit there with her fanny out in front of you. Of course its OK to say no.

Even if it's an abdominal scan it's still OK to say no. It's a medical appt, not a day out. She can look at the scan photos like everyone else. Most hospitals seriously discourage this anyway so she may not be allowed in.

QueenofPain · 17/12/2019 15:32

Probably not allowed any more than one person anyway.

dementedpixie · 17/12/2019 15:32

The only scan I invited anyone else to was a 3D one. Was just dh and I at the other routine ones. I wouldn't want parents at an internal scan tbh

Thattwatoverthere · 17/12/2019 15:32

TBH I wouldn't have wanted anyone other than me and OH, especially at an internal scan. Are you allowed more than one person with you?

QueenofPain · 17/12/2019 15:34

Also, in the very unfortunate event that you got any bad news, would you want her there to hear it all immediately or would you want to be able to talk to your partner about things privately before you had to tell anyone else anything?

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 17/12/2019 15:34

Say no. This is only the beginning- you need to learn to set your boundaries now before it’s too late and they’re pushing themselves into every aspect of your pregnancy and birth and life every after!

I think it’s rude that she asked.

Hanab · 17/12/2019 15:35

It’s an internal scan that is way more private imho ... can’t she wait for the sonar /ultra sound ( gosh its been years! What is it called?)

Does she want to be there just to make sure you are pregnant? Stranger things have happened 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tableclothing · 17/12/2019 15:36

You are not being rude!

Cannot imagine having my in-laws present at an internal scan (or an external one, tbh). It's your medical procedure, not a spectator sport.

Will it definitely be an option to have more than 1 person accompanying you anyway?

LochJessMonster · 17/12/2019 15:36

You don't usually have grandparents in the room for a scan.

but if you allow your parents there, then do spare a though for his mum who will be missing out on stuff for her grandchild just because she had a son not a daughter.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2019 15:36

Tell him you've looked into it, and you really don't feel comfortable anyone but him / your Mom bieng their as its much more intrusive than a regular scan.

Tigger001 · 17/12/2019 15:37

I had my mum in with our scan (and my DH)

But if you feel uncomfortable with it, then that should be respected.

abbs1 · 17/12/2019 15:37

I would just say you've checked and only allowed one person in the room with you so you are taking your boyfriend. Maybe get a photo if she wants to see. I wouldn't have had my MIL at my internal scans. Too private for that and it's your body so she needs to respect if you change your mind.

lovelilies · 17/12/2019 15:38

Fuck that! No way would anyone but partner and sonographer be there ESPECIALLY if its an internal scan.
The world has gone mad if anyone thinks this is a normal thing to do.
What if its bad news?
Just no. No. Never.

champagneandfromage50 · 17/12/2019 15:38

An internal scan? Seriously and you said yes? I have only ever had my DH in the room for my scans and the idea of his mother being in the room for an internal fills me with horror

GummyGoddess · 17/12/2019 15:39

No, I would not want my own mother in the room while I had something shoved into my vagina.

eurochick · 17/12/2019 15:39

I can't think of anything worse than having my husband's parents there while the sonographer applies a condom and lube to the probe then shoved it inside me while I'm sitting there naked from the waist down with just a bit of couch roll over me😳

Tigger001 · 17/12/2019 15:39

Oh, sorry posted too soon. If you are having your mum in there, I personally think its unreasonable not to allow his if it is the regular scan on your stomach.

misskick · 17/12/2019 15:40

A internal scan and he wants his parents to come along, I would say no and in invite them to one of your routine scans further into your pregnancy.

crumpet · 17/12/2019 15:41

You should do what you feel most comfortable with. My Mum came to one scan, and MiL to another - I was happy for them to see, given that scans did not exist in their day. But equally I did not feel that I had to include them.

WeirdPookah · 17/12/2019 15:45

An internal scan is uncomfortable, undignified and should be totally private. Absolutely crazy of them to expect to attend.

Justasconfusedwithnumber2 · 17/12/2019 15:47

Absolutely no way if it were me. Worst nightmare really. I would tell them only one person can come and let her wait outside

LuluPDB · 17/12/2019 15:48

For your first scan, and with it being internal, please please say no. Let yourself and your partner enjoy seeing your little one on the screen for the first time. It's a really special moment between the two of you and I couldnt imagine having my mum/mil there. Maybe you could compromise and let her come to another scan, when you're a bit further along?
Good luck with the scan and congratulations x

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