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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Am I rude for not wanting my boyfriends parents at my scan?

134 replies

Aliyah30 · 17/12/2019 15:29

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a while now and I recently found out that I’m 7 weeks pregnant. I only officially met his parents 3 months ago and I have a scan next week. He’s asked me can his mom come in the room while I have an internal scan done, I said yes. But I’m starting to regret saying yes, it’s not that I have anything against his family, I’d just prefer it if it was my family in there rather than his. Am I being unreasonable?

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Prevegen4U · 17/12/2019 17:17

As someone who has a daughter in law I cannot imagine wanting to be there for a internal scan. If she asked me later on in the pregnancy if I wanted to see a routine scan I might say yes, but I'm not sure. It is something for my son and her to treasure.

PlasticPatty · 17/12/2019 17:22

What a ridiculous idea. You don't have near-strangers present for your internal!

Tell him you'll only start to consider it if he lets your mum rummage around in his genitals.

PerspicaciaTick · 17/12/2019 17:23

I've known my lovely MiL for 33 years and have never taken her to any of my medical appointments. Do people not have personal boundaries any more?

elliejjtiny · 17/12/2019 17:24

Absolutely not being rude at all. I'm assuming your mum was there to support you rather than because she thought it would be a fun day out. I love my MIL and have known her for nearly 18 years but there is no way I would want her in the room when I was having an internal scan, or anyone who wasn't a medical professional or dh. I'm sure he won't be inviting your parents to watch him have his genitals scanned, prostate examined or vasectomy.

bengalcat · 17/12/2019 17:27

Most departments limit to one person in addition to yourself .

Clangus00 · 17/12/2019 17:32

Dear God no.

PotteringAlong · 17/12/2019 17:32

If you’re having repeated internal scans at this gestation then I assume a problem has already been identified and, as they wouldn’t know about the baby, I’m going to assume it’s your medical needs. So no, she doesn’t get to come to your medical appointments just because your mum does.

user1480880826 · 17/12/2019 17:35

Oh my god, no!

You need to set some boundaries. The fact that your partner even asked this questions says a lot about his respect for your body. This is an experience for you and your partner, not you, your partner, their parents and the next door neighbours. You need to have serious words with your partner otherwise this is going to get out of hand very quickly. Next he’ll be asking if they can be at the birth, at home the second you get back from hospital etc etc.

diddl · 17/12/2019 17:35

Op, you don't really think that it's rude to not want anyone other than who you choose at an intimate examination, do you?

Well, even a non intimate examination/consultation.

It's entirely your choice who is with you, or if you go alone,

christma5 · 17/12/2019 17:39

I'v never seen multiple people at scans apart from private ones (usually the 3D ones) and it's usually because they're strict on numbers. Just say no. Also don't be worried about the internal, you are covered and so no one can actually see anything.

Cacklingmags · 17/12/2019 17:48

Bloody cheek. Set your boundaries now or she will be in the delivery room feeling if you are fully dilated.

katy1213 · 17/12/2019 17:50

It's not a spectator sport.

diddl · 17/12/2019 17:52

Has this definitely come from her or is it your bfriend thinking that it's her turn?

I'm sure that there are some MILs who would ask, but most wouldn't I think!

Greenglassteacup · 17/12/2019 17:54

It’s very weird that your boyfriend’s mother wants to be there while you have a probe inserted into your vagina. Why are you having multiple internal scans?

Katlia · 17/12/2019 18:18

Agree with it not being a spectator sport. I sent my dh out when I had one at 5 weeks. Going for another on Monday and I'll probably do it on my own too. I can see why you might have either your mum and your partner for support if you feel you need it but anyone else is a bit silly. These are medical appointments not entertainment.

MerryDeath · 17/12/2019 18:30

for an internal? yuck no. or any tbh. at 7 weeks there is bugger all to see anyway. sounds weird to me, and she should know better than to ask. if you aren't happy say no absolutely not unreasonable.

MerryDeath · 17/12/2019 18:31

also it probably won't be allowed. ffs it's a medical procedure not a cinema screening. some people are batshit good luck with her as a MIL

Branleuse · 17/12/2019 18:35

That is really weird that he wants his mum there.
Tell him youre sorry but you have had time to think about it and you definitely dont want anyone else at the scan except him. This is a private intimate medical procedure.

Jesskir89 · 17/12/2019 21:25

I would not have my mil in for an internal scan no. I took her to my 16 week external scan but no way would I have for an internal. Also I was only allowed 1 person in at any scan.

shutupsteph · 17/12/2019 21:35

It's definitely not rude and at this stage that's not much for her to see other than your foof in all it's glory!

InDreamland · 17/12/2019 21:37

It is a medical examination (an intrusive one at that), not a spectator sport! Hell no! Especially not someone you barely know. I think it's unreasonable to expect to be able to attend someone's medical appointments at all and your boyfriend should not be entertaining the idea.

You should request that you attend her next smear test and breast examination.

The only person who has attended any of my appointments and scans for any of my pregnancies is my husband. If he can't make it then I go alone.

Love51 · 17/12/2019 22:00

I get the impression that your boyfriend is thinking of this as a 'bond with baby activity' rather than an 'Aliyah's medical appointment'. You may want someone with you for support. Usually with pregnancy related appointments that is the baby's father, but it doesn't have to be. Every part of pregnancy, up to and including the birth, is about you, as it is your body. You don't have to accommodate everyone's wishes even after the baby is born, but certainly don't start people pleasing at this stage! It is much easier to stop people walking all over you if they perceive you to have boundaries.

jessyjo2 · 17/12/2019 22:20

I wouldn't like that either. Hope he hasn't already told her that she can, akward telling her u changed ur mind. Will she intend to b in ur pockets after baby born?

lucie8881 · 17/12/2019 22:49

Is there a possibility your BF may not have told your in-laws that it's actually an internal scan?

If he's just referred to it as an early scan so MIL may not realise realise how intrusive it would be having her present.

If they do know it's internal and they still want to come along I think they are definitely pushing boundaries. I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with my MIL attending attending any maternity appointments or scans, and we get on reasonably well.

nowaypose · 17/12/2019 22:51

No way. I have had bad news at two 12 week scans, the last thing I would have wanted or needed was my MIL there. It’s a medical scan, not entertainment.

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