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Original poster

Am I rude for not wanting my boyfriends parents at my scan?

134 replies

Aliyah30 · 17/12/2019 15:29

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a while now and I recently found out that I’m 7 weeks pregnant. I only officially met his parents 3 months ago and I have a scan next week. He’s asked me can his mom come in the room while I have an internal scan done, I said yes. But I’m starting to regret saying yes, it’s not that I have anything against his family, I’d just prefer it if it was my family in there rather than his. Am I being unreasonable?

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MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 17/12/2019 15:49

No it's not rude, theres no way I would have wanted mil at an internal scan. Like pps have said you will be half naked, as much as they try to cover you I would feel very exposed.

You might not be allowed anyone else in with you anyway.

Wintersnowdrop · 17/12/2019 15:50

I wouldn’t want anyone in there for an internal scan apart from my dh. Absolutely say no.

GummyGoddess · 17/12/2019 15:52

The more I think about it the more I remember. They would be in the room while you remove your bottoms and knickers and then have a (tiny) piece of paper draped over your legs. Then in the room after while you have to wipe all the goo off of your vulva, get up and put your knickers and bottoms back on.

Dumptyhumpty101 · 17/12/2019 15:52

Nope! It’s weird that she wants to be there!

GaraMedouar · 17/12/2019 15:53

Aaaargh no - I wouldn't have MIL or DM in for an internal scan no way, or a normal scan for that matter or the birth. Unless you want to then say no, absolutely.

GrannyBags · 17/12/2019 15:54

I would find it a little unreasonable of her to ask if it was an external scan. Asking to be there for an internal scan is pushing the boundaries too far, especially as you don’t know her well.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 17/12/2019 15:54

She's the rude one for asking. How weird.

Original poster
Aliyah30 · 17/12/2019 15:55

At my hospital we’re allowed 2 people in the room maximum for the internal, for my last one when I was 5 weeks, I chose my mom and boyfriend. They didn’t see much obviously but I felt a lot more comfortable with them two rather than I would his. I just can’t think of a way to tell him without bringing his excitement down. I understand it’s his child too but I don’t feel comfortable.

OP posts:
SundayMorningSun · 17/12/2019 15:56

If you don't feel comfortable, then that's the end of it.

LL83 · 17/12/2019 15:58

Sounds like turns each because your mum has been. But it is clear that you would be more comfortable with your own mum.

Offer for his mum to come at 12 week scan? Or offer to show his mum the pic first?

Spied · 17/12/2019 15:58

No.
I think it's unlikely they'd allow more than one person in there.
I'd choose either your boyfriend or your dm ( although your bf might be awkward and use the 'why your mum but not mine card'. If so tell him to bog off- it'll be the start of things to come!)

Beck2277 · 17/12/2019 15:58

Could you not suggest she comes to a later scan when there is more to see? Book a 3d one or 12 week or something?

Rosepetals30 · 17/12/2019 15:58

I’d just tell him you’re having an internal and would rather be just him. You guys can figure out another scan sometime.if he argues it, remind him these scans aren’t for entertainment!

Blitzen2 · 17/12/2019 15:59

Generally it’s just you and your partner. They don’t allow other family members friends or kids. Tell your partner and his mother no it’s not acceptable

ferrier · 17/12/2019 16:00

Just take your partner.
Leave the mums out. No-one I know took anyone except their partner.

SilentAlarm · 17/12/2019 16:00

Say no. There will be more scans that won’t be internal. Invite her along to one of those.

kiki22 · 17/12/2019 16:06

At an internal scan not a chance I would want anyone there your lying with a huge plastic stick up your vagina it's undignified enough without an audience.

Tell him to pay for a private (external) scan she can come to if he wants her to see a scan and if you happy.

IamEarthymama · 17/12/2019 16:07

I have recently had an internal scan for gynae problems and it was just a little uncomfortable.
I may or may not have said Oh Fuck at one point.
I didn’t want anyone there with me apart from the amazing staff in B7 at the Royal Gwent who made me laugh and looked after me brilliantly.

So if it was an abdominal scan, you could think about someone other than your partner being in the room with you but for an internal scan it’s a no from me.

You may find that the staff say no.

Original poster
Aliyah30 · 17/12/2019 16:09

Thankyou guys, I just really needed an opinion! I thought I was the only one who thought it to be degrading but gladly not!

OP posts:
sue51 · 17/12/2019 16:14

Does your partner realise what an internal exam entails? There is no way I would have allowed my inlaws or parents to have been in the room for such a thing.

diddl · 17/12/2019 16:14

Oh dear.

In what way did he even think it OK to ask?

I think it's odd that 2 people are allowed tbh.

Are internal scans routine now?

Marylou2 · 17/12/2019 16:15

I didn't have my DH in the room when I had internal scans. The idea of his parents being there makes me feel ill. Not even for abdominal scans. It's a medical procedure not a family occasion. That's why they give you pictures. Hope it goes well.

TopOftheNaughtyList · 17/12/2019 16:16

Maybe explain to your bf exactly what happens during an internal scan and say you'd not feel comfortable having his DM there this time and compromise by inviting her to a later one. I'm sure you wouldn't invite your MIL to a smear test, so why take her to an internal scan?

notthemum · 17/12/2019 16:16

Christ No.

diddl · 17/12/2019 16:19

"Maybe explain to your bf exactly what happens during an internal scan"

He knows because he was at the last one.