Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Am I rude for not wanting my boyfriends parents at my scan?

134 replies

Aliyah30 · 17/12/2019 15:29

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a while now and I recently found out that I’m 7 weeks pregnant. I only officially met his parents 3 months ago and I have a scan next week. He’s asked me can his mom come in the room while I have an internal scan done, I said yes. But I’m starting to regret saying yes, it’s not that I have anything against his family, I’d just prefer it if it was my family in there rather than his. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 17/12/2019 16:20

Oh hell no. Totally undignified. Do you want your potential FiL to get a close up of your vag?

It's essentially like having a dildo with a camera on the inserted in your vagina.

This is something you never want to share save with your most intimate associates. Not people you're unrelated to and only met 3 months ago!

Though I suppose someone might get a thrill!

Louise91417 · 17/12/2019 16:21

Beyond weird to request this

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/12/2019 16:21

Internal scan! I'm not sure I'd want my husband there.

CosmoK · 17/12/2019 16:23

Just because you're allowed two people in there doesn't mean you have to have two people there.

At 7 weeks there isn't much to see anyway so nobody is 'missing out' on anything.
It's very bizarre that they want to be there

christmasbow · 17/12/2019 16:24

No way I'd have wanted anyone there but my dh. Also I'd question if you are prepared to have any kind of reaction to an outcome you weren't expecting at the scan in front of your mil?

Swirlygirl · 17/12/2019 16:25

An internal one?

The knees up, naked from the waist down, condom on the end of a prob internal scan?

No chance. Why are you having internal ones anyway how far are you?

Swirlygirl · 17/12/2019 16:26

Ah just seen 7 weeks.

Still why are you having an internal one?

Span1elsRock · 17/12/2019 16:28

I had an internal scan done at a gynae clinic, and asked DH to leave the room. It's horribly undignified and not a spectator sport.

You may also get bad news, many including myself do during pregnancy ...... why on earth would you want someone you only met 3 months ago there for that? Weird.

saraclara · 17/12/2019 16:32

No no no! Seriously, no. You've known her for five minutes.

Okay, he's your partner's mother, but ask him if he'd appreciate your mother being there watching while he had a probe put up his jap's eye!

Winterdaysarehere · 17/12/2019 16:32

Ask him if he would be happy with his genitals hanging out in your dm's company?

Fanlights · 17/12/2019 16:34

Ask your boyfriend whether he'd like your parents to be in the room when he has a prostate exam.

This is a medical procedure, not a 'Meet the Grandbaby!' photo opp.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 17/12/2019 16:35

Sorry I realised only his mum wants to come.

Still I'd say no.!

mclover · 17/12/2019 16:37

That's weird! No way. Like inviting her to your smear. I'm pretty sure as a fellow woman she wouldn't be keen either. Maybe she thinks it's an external scan?

Once the baby is more established (20 weeks plus) go for a private scan that's all geared up for grandparents coming too and go for lunch after and coo over the pics

DappledThings · 17/12/2019 16:40

I took my mum to my 36 week scan with DC2 because DH was working away and my parents has come down to look after DC1 while I was at work. In the same circumstances I might have invited MIL.

Can't imagine asking a second person to be there if DH was ever though.

enjoyingscience · 17/12/2019 16:42

Hell no. I can’t believe they even asked tbh. And at seven weeks you’ll only see a tiny pulsing for. It’s not at all like a 12 week or 20 week scan - there’s no ‘baby’ to ahhh at yet.

Frenchw1fe · 17/12/2019 16:46

When my dil went for her scan I had known her for 4/5 years. We happened to be visiting so gave them a lift to the hospital and when she got called in asked me to go in too as well as my ds.
I was surprised and felt very priveliged and absolutely would never have assumed I should be there.
If you don't want dp's mum say no. It's your body, your choice.

gingergittable · 17/12/2019 16:51

What? He's being ridiculous.

I had to have ds (who was 3 at the time) at an internal ultrasound and that was bad enough.

FairyOnTheTree · 17/12/2019 16:53

Fuck that! No, just no. Internal or otherwise I would not have my MIL at an early scan.

I find this incredibly intrusive. If you want your own mother there for moral support then that's your perogative but early scans are to monitor the health of the baby, they aren't a fun trip out for a gawp at an ultrasound screen.

The first trimester is such an uncertain time, not the time for PIL to be muscling in as spectators.

Why are you having so many scans? It's been a while since I last had a baby but in my day you only got 2 ultrasounds: 12 weeks and 20 weeks?

knewyouwerewaiting · 17/12/2019 16:57

Does he actually know what an internal scan involves? I know you said he was at the first one, but maybe you were covered up and he was oblivious.

redforport · 17/12/2019 16:58

I love my mil to bits but I wouldn't want her there for an internal scan.
Maybe a normal one.

Also assuming it's a high risk pregnancy since you're having extra scans I wouldn't want someone I barely knew there in case there was bad news.

WingingIt101 · 17/12/2019 17:06

As someone who had an early internal scan with just their husband present (regardless of who was allowed by the clinic) - I wouldn’t have wanted anyone in the room that wasn’t either a medical professional or that I’d invite to take a look at “it” in any other circumstance!! They do absolutely give you as much dignity as possible however it’s intimate, private and your body.
Frankly you can change your mind 10,000 times between now and the day and everyone else has to respect that. If they can’t then your partner should be having a clear, firm conversation about boundaries. If they can respect it then brilliant - you’ll have a wonderful network around you who are just excited!

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 17/12/2019 17:09

No No and no, far too intimate

Equanimitas · 17/12/2019 17:10

Tell your boyfriend he's welcome to arrange an inspection of his genitalia and invite his mum along, but she doesn't get to come along whilst you have an intimate medical procedure.

Yetanotherwinter · 17/12/2019 17:11

Omg there’s no way I’d allow this. An internal scan is so intrusive. I was horrified to see there was a man operating the equipment! As much as I love my mil there’s no way I’d want her to see me stripping off and feeling so exposed and vulnerable. That said it’s entirely your decision. If you are feeling unsure you can always say you didn’t realise it was an internal scan so would she mind not coming.

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/12/2019 17:15

I think there is a MASSIVE difference between allowing your Mum with you for a medical test and a virtual stranger @Tigger001. I've had one of these, no way would I have had even my lovely MIL there.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread