The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

Thanks @TwittleBee and sorry you are having such a difficult time. Rest must be nigh on impossible with a toddler

@Seahawk80 I have been very honest about my situation (and a little bit fierce at the same time!). One of my friends said I made the situation awkward at a party in the summer and I lost my shit a little bit and pointed out the only one making it awkward was the relative stranger enquiring about my reproduction plans - I mean, honestly.

I do think that most people just don't get it, unless they have lived through it in some way like all of us on this thread have.
I also agree with @Rubyroost in that losses are all different and it seems quite obvious that losses become more difficult the further along you are. Everyone deals with loss differently, and I'd like to take away the positive from 2019 and say my losses have made me more resilient, but I know that not everyone of us is lucky enough to say that.

I so desperately want us all to have our happily ever afters. I go through long spells of complete euphoria in this pregnancy but there is a very real voice at the back of my head reminding me that we're not safe and home dry yet.

Thanks @frillyfarmer I’m glad you’re doing well and it’s good if you’re able to enjoy your pregnancy and get excited. I loved being pregnant with my daughter. The fact is, as well all know unfortunately, there are no guarantees in life so I think we just have to enjoy what we have and hope for the best! I worry I’ll never have another child but the odds are on my side and who knows where we’ll be in a year! You’re right that we are doing well if our losses have made us stronger and it’s good that we are able to support one another as well 💕

Hi all. Totally selfish post from me. Feeling very anxious and tearful all day ahead of tomorrow. DH has also had a go at me because apparently I'm doing too much and should be resting, but he doesn't understand that not only do I want to be as organised as possible, I also need to keep busy to take my mind off of all my anxieties. So he hasn't really helped me today and has actually made me feel worse, but I have spent some lovely quality time with DD. Feel so sad that it will never be "just us two" again, even though I want Little Brother so badly. Just think I'm tired, nervous and emotional. Hoping I manage to sleep tonight!!

Ps As I'm not sure how tomorrow or the next few days will go, and when I will be able to post again, I want to wish you all the best ahead of your section on NYE @Laney79!! I hope you're not as much of a wreck as me tomorrow! Will be thinking of you and hope to see you on the other side with our rainbows xxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue of course you're feeling anxious! Good luck for tomorrow, I'm sure it'll go very smoothly and a better birth than last time. Soon your little one will be able to help you with your other little one. Bet she will love it. I know Im going to use and abuse my toddler when my little boy arrives. He'll be getting nappies and wipes etc. It'll be lovely having two. 😍
I'm currently crapping it as I have 28 week scan tomorrow. I wish I could just enjoy this ignorance if baby kicking and everything seeming fine. Worried that he'll be huge or they'll find something else. And if he's big ill start thinking there's something abnormal going on.

I've still managed to avoid the flu, even though my boyfriend still can't move off the settee after a week. Little one is finally eating again after a week. We postponed Christmas lunch, but it looks like the turkey etc is staying in the freezer until the foreseeable

@frillyfarmer you're so right that people just don't get it unless they have lived through it. I had a really good NCT group and 5 of us are still close. We're quite unusual in that the "babies" are all 2.5 and only one of us - we'll me now too! - is even pregnant again so most of us are TTC atm. They all knew about my TMFR and were great but one friend just had an MMC and she called me to tell me but also apologising that she didn't get it until she experienced loss and said she would have done more

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue good luck for tomorrow!

I think even some who have been through it dont quite get it though, as in they dont understand everyone experiences grief differently? I've never friend who had to go through 7 rounds of IVF to get her first daughter, so you think she would understand some of the difficulty around TTC and babyloss, actually complain to me how her 2and baby would be ruining her christmas because of how clingy she is! And by clingy she means likes to have cuddles with her mum over anyone else. Took everything to not scream at her.

Good luck for tomorrow! Really am very excited and hopeful for you. Hope to hear all about it before the New Year but if not, Happy 2020 @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue !

That was meant to read *I've a good friend (no clue how "a good" got switched to "never")

Best of luck @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - hope it all goes as smoothly as possible!!

Don’t stress too much about sleep - remind yourself that as long as you are lying down and relaxing as best you can your body is taking some rest from that even if you struggle to actually fall asleep. Pop on a podcast or something while you lie there to take your mind off things.

Just a quick flyby from me...sorry not to properly respond but anxiety and hormones are going nuts so in full on selfish mode 

@Squiff70 I'm really pleased To read your update about Ava. I have everything crossed for you.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue im sure it will go brilliantly for you tomorrow! I'm feeling v anxious now (especially worried that they'll be awkward and try and send my fella away-my consultant has said he can stay as I'm petrified of being left alone in hospital), and actually really sad that I won't be pregnant anymore stupidly! I know some hate it but I love feeling the baby move, even when it's painful! I too have been in tears, so I reckon we're both In the same boat! Do let us know how you get on.
Xxx

Best of luck to you both @Laney79 and @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue you will soon be holding your babies. I remember you both after your losses and I’m so happy that you’re about to meet your little ones.
@Squiff70 I’m really sorry to hear you received a spiteful text, what an awful thing to receive and from someone who you would think understands. Thank you for updating us on your beautiful girl, really glad she is stable and I just hope she gets stronger and stronger.

A couple of comments over Christmas from the in laws that made me laugh- “you can drive up here with the baby! People go on long haul flights with their newborn!” And “you don’t need a pram! We just used a carry cot and put him in the car.” Hah!

Good luck tomorrow @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue! Hope all goes well. Not long now til you get to cuddle your baby!

Good luck for NYE @Laney79. I don't think it's unusual to miss being pregnant especially after what we've been through because the end of a pregnancy has been such a negative thing for us. I really miss feeling kicks and not having migraines but the next stage is so much better!

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas!

Good luck @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue and @laney79 can't believe babies are starting to arrive now!

@squiff70 - lovely to hear the update on Ava, she's a real fighter. You are coping so well with all that is being thrown at you. X

GOOD LUCK @Laney79

Scan today. So head is actually off the scale and abdomen is just on it. Legs are average. Can't help but worry, midwives said fine and they would tell me if they thought anything wrong. I should trust them shouldn't I?!

Best of luck @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue and @Laney79. I'll be thinking of you both tomorrow!

Good luck @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue and @Laney79.

@Seahawk80 congratulations on your BFP and welcome to the thread. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

@Bluebelltulip lovely to hear you're home and DS is doing well.

@frillyfarmer sorry you had to go in for reduced movements but glad to hear all is well. It's so scary isn't it!

@Twittlebee I really hope you don't have to go through the NICU journey again and that this baby goes full term and is delivered healthy.

@Squiff70 oh my goodness, I am disappointed someone could say/text anything like that to you. That's so insensitive. Sorry too you haven't had any new baby cards. I'm disappointed you've had that but not shocked, sadly people say insensitive things .............thinking of all the things people have said to me over my two losses. Like "get over it and try again", "at least you know you can get pregnant", "it's for the best as had it survived then it would be disabled", oh and the one from my friend who is having her own fertility problems and knows it took 5 years to fall pregnant with our first one "my situation is way worse than yours, at least you can get pregnant" said a month after my second mc. It saddens me when I hear insensitive comments.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue and @Laney79 wishing you both all the best of luck for your deliveries! Thinking of you both! Can't wait to hear more rainbows have been delivered safe and well and see a cute photo!

@Rubyroost glad your midwife is happy with your scan. Yes you should trust them but it doesn't stop you worrying. Totally get the worry there. Do try to remind yourself that they would say if there was anything to be concerned about.

I'm so exhausted, barely slept last night, mixture of Bubsy kicking and just can't get comfortable. I'll be comfy for about 45 mins then need to shift. I'm feeling huge but at the same time worrying baby isn't growing enough. All I want to do is sleep. Also find that laying down I sometimes feel sick. I'm back in the office after NYD and not sure how I will get through the next 3 weeks before I finish work. I just keep telling myself this will all be worth it if Bubsy arrives safely and healthy and that DH and I have been trying for a family for 6.5 years now so this is what we really want. DH has said that if we lose Bubsy he doesn't think he can face trying again and I agree. It's been such an emotional rollercoaster to get to this point.

Thanks @InDreamland, sorry you are feeling rubbish and that you are so worried. 6.5 years is so long, no wonder you feel anxious. I hope that the next few weeks go quickly /
Smoothly for you. How long will you have off work before your due date?

Thanks @Seahawk80 my last day at work I'll be 36 weeks exactly.

@InDreamland that's nice. I had 3 weeks mat leave before I was induced with DS and I'm so glad I had that time for myself to relax and nest a bit

@Rubyroost definitely trust the midwife. And stay away from google (my go-to if I’m worried). My friend’s newborn’s head is also off the scale- he just has a big head (not that you can tell, he looks perfect). Hard not to but try not to worry :)
@InDreamland almost there. Push the “what if” thoughts out- we have had them too what with our fertility issues and whether we could put ourselves through more heartache. Sounds like you have an active, happy baby in there and a low risk pregnancy. Everything feels worse when you’re tired. Also I ordered our buggy from John Lewis and got them to price match- £125 off. Might be an idea for you when you’re ready to place an order.

@Rubyroost I’m measuring big too, have been along or just above the 90th percentile line on my chart since they first checked me. I’ve been a bit nervous too as they didn’t check me for GD but since they haven’t found any sugar in my urine and his growth has been consistent none of the midwifes have been concerned either. So trying to just remind myself that a) they know better than me what to worry about and b) so many growth measurements are wrong!

@InDreamland Any chance your nausea is related to heartburn? I feel sick when I lie down but taking Rennies clears it up quickly.

@InDreamland I don't think you're going to lose bubsy. If you have him now, he will be fine. Apparently 34 weeks is like term- same risks. Silly aren't we, you're worried yours isn't growing and I'm worried mine is too big.

Thank you both @coconutlatte44 @Mistymeow I think I just worried that it was way off the scale. His abdomen is about 90 and head is 97.5 but when I saw it it was well off the scale and panicked. When I compared it to 20 weeks it was in the 96th percentile so I guess it's not grown drastically and has almost kept to the line. I think that's what worried me. I thought it was growing faster and faster.

I did Google 🙄 I think it's more likely to be just a massive head rather than any abnormality, but I guess my experience of chromosomal issues is jading my view.

My toddler has a massive head, but didn't really in the womb. Me and my partner also have massive heads. 🤦‍♀️So logically that is the likely scenario.