The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

Told you he wouldn't come early tho, I think you do late ones like me. 👍

Congratulations @Bluebelltulip xx

So nice to see the lovely baby news - congratulations @KnitKitty and @Bluebelltulip!

@Twittlebee your walk sounds lovely and I hope with rest the bleeding slows again soon.

@InDreamland thanks for asking - I'm ok thank you. Made the decision to TTC again, am still in first cycle post MMC so cycle dates are a complete unknown but we've been on holiday so plenty of 'relaxed' opportunity! Hope to be back here as a fixture rather than a visitor again one day.

Love to all x

Thankfully bleeding has slowed again just to spotting this morning, taking that as a good sign and now strictly staying on rest. Just feel for DS being cooped up with me.

What's everyone's plans for NYE?

Oh huge congratulations @Bluebelltulip I can’t believe how fast time goes and the penguin babies have started to arrive

Merry Christmas to all of you. I know it’s hard if you’ve had a loss but I try to be grateful for what I do have and that helps sometimes. Easier said than done, other times. Love to you all 💕

Haven’t RTFT but I scan through occasionally to see how you’re all doing and hope you’re all well

Hope you’re ok @Twittlebee

Merry Christmas ladies! Sorry not been on for a few days. It's been so busy and I've been exhausted. Feeling more human today though. Seemed to get a little more energy yesterday afternoon. Hope you all had a lovely time enjoying the festive season. Sorry to read though that there have been some tears for the ones we've lost, I think most of us have felt it with it supposed to being a first Christmas for lost ones. I lit a couple of candles at church on Christmas morning for the two I lost as well as all those babies lost. It gave me some comfort.

@Twittlebee @Kayjay2018 thank you for the vote of confidence. I think I am just starting to get a bit scared of getting it all wrong and being a clueless FTM.

@Twittlebee glad the bleeding as lightened again. You definitely need to take it easy, I feel like ordering you to have bed rest now until baby is due! NYE I am planning an early night ...... with a lie in on NYD. DH is on duty NYE for the London fireworks so I'll be home alone and TBH I'm looking forward to a quiet one in bed. Are you planning anything nice?

@Rubyroost hope your boyfriend and DS are feeling better. Great that you've not caught it!!!!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I can't believe in a couple of days time you'll have your rainbow!!! So exciting!

@Bluebelltulip huge Congratulations!!!!!!! Yay!!!!! I'm loving all the rainbows we're getting on this thread now.

@ReeRi keeping my fx for you that you will have a 2020 rainbow x

@SunshineCrocodile hope you get a new years BFP!

So ladies, you'll be proud of me. Finally took the plunge and have purchased something for Bubsy. I'm 32+4 today and whilst I had no plans or intention to get anything, DH and I took a stroll up to the high street (I wanted to only buy ribbons for next Christmas wrapping as I like the expensive nice ones but won't pay full price for them so always get them in the sales). Whilst on the high street we popped into Next to see if there were any shirts for DH and I wandered into the kids section. I picked up a really cute 4 piece set of vest, sleepsuit, hat and bib for a newborn half price at £6.50. DH said to buy it ....... then I also picked up an up to 3 months set of 2 sleepsuits also for £6.50. Can't believe I bought them! Hope I don't jinx Bubsy now but felt whilst SIL is giving us tonnes of baby stuff I want to buy Bubsy something brand new.

Bubsy has been really active recently so I hope that is a good sign and the kicks have been rather strong, DH has been shocked at how strong some of them are - he got kicked in the face yesterday lol. I am feeling some heaviness/pressure now lower down, especially walking around, I wonder if Bubsy is starting to move down a bit. I've also had some bump tightening occasionally which I'm trying to work out whether it's BH or Bubsy stretching.

@Squiff70 hope you are okay and Ava is making progress. Thinking of you x

@InDreamland Thank. Shopping for baby is so exciting! xx

Hi everyone, hope it's ok if I tentatively join? Got a BFP on Christmas Day and still can't quite believe it! I have a little boy who is 2 and a half and our second baby was due on 2nd January but I had a TMFR in July. I'm sure I feel the same as everyone else (happy but terrified!) I just keep thinking that although it's scary / stressful if I wasn't pregnant then there would be no chance of another baby. I hope that everyone had a good Christmas x

Massive congratulations to you @Bluebelltulip, so thrilled for you!!

Sorry I haven't kept up so just a quick one from me...

I am really utterly pissed off to see somebody posting on this thread who sent me a text before I went into labour saying "at least you get to take your babies home". Losing your baby doesn't give you the right to say that to others - you know full well I lost twins at 19 weeks in January and now my second son has passed away whilst my second daughter is fighting for her life so kindly sod off. Thank you.

Congratulations to @Seahawk80 on your Christmas Day BFP! What a gift! I really hope everything works out for you!

Gosh, how times change. Not many months ago, many of us were on the TTC threads and now the babies are appearing. Time flies.

Ava is continuing to make progress. The has sepsis and e-coli and is still recovering from major bowel surgery from having NEC. She's still critical but stable and, if you don't mind me saying, absolutely gorgeous. She's 5 weeks and two days old today and for anyone who didn't know, was born at 22+5. She had a bleed on the brain at one day old and sadly it means we will have a few difficulties when she's older but we're trying hard to focus on the positives.

@Squiff70 You’ve been through so much and I hope your daughter is doing well. I’m sure she is gorgeous and I look forward to seeing a pic if you decide to share on here. I have NC by the way - I am the one who had the full term loss in Feb and have the rabbits
🐰🐰 I’m sorry someone on here upset you (I was just checking my texts to check I didn’t inadvertently say something like that!) but I’m sure it wasn’t meant that way. Take care

Thank you @Squiff70 . I read some of your story and I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. Congratulations on your babies (I hope that is ok to say...my sister was born with severe facial disfigurement and I always remember my mum saying she was so upset that no one said congratulations). I'm so sorry to hear about Elliott. Ava sounds like such a fighter but I can only imagine how stressful things are.

Thank you @seahawk80 - hardly anyone has said congratulations and it's hard not to hear those words. We haven't had a single card from anyone and it makes me sad that when Ava is older we don't have any 'new baby' cards to show her. Your words mean a lot, genuinely, so thank you.

Wow I am actually shocked at someone saying that? @Squiff70 . People say really weird things. I hope they meant it in a kind way. It's like how someone said to me, after my so died, "at least I got to hold him" ... yeah after he died... I guess people think they're trying to be comforting?

I am amazed at how much Ava has been through at so young. I am very relieved to hear that bleed on the brain resolved itself, my son never was able to shift the blood on his, but equally concerned for what it might all mean for her future - its just so unknown when they're this young and still very much developing isn't it.

Hello @Seahawk80 lovely to see you here!

I'm feeling really down. I just dont know how I'm meant to be on rest for rest of this pregnancy. Not so much for my own sanity but for DS1's, it's been so hard looking after him past 2 days on my own whilst trying to ensure I'm not doing anything remotely strenuous. Usually I'm running around with him. Also convincing myself it's all for nothing and we are going to lose this little baby anyway. I'm just so terrified of going through NICU journey all over again.

@tweedlebee I don't think there is a nice way to say something like that. She didn't mean well, she was being spiteful and I am still disgusted that one mother could say that to another mother when both have lost babies. I'm so sorry somebody said that to you too. I'd be crushed if somebody said that to me. I held Elliott just before, during and after he passed away so I understand just how hurtful these comments are.

Anyway, sorry for my quick rant. I'll go back to my usual mellow ways!

I'll try and have a proper catch up over the next few days. Keep up the good work. I think you're all amazing and very brave too.

@Twittlebee sorry I got your tag wrong!

I’m sorry you’re feeling down @Twittlebee (I was Ree on the other thread BTW) I don’t think there is a way to get away from the anxiety once you have had a loss. I think people do mean well when they say things like with saying “at least you got to hold him”. I have found, though, that I have appreciated more the people who have said something. People don’t know what to say. And we are at our lowest points when we here these things. I’ve definitely cut ties with people for not being supportive though.

Anyway I’m probably overstepping. I do like to pop onto this thread to see how you are all doing.

All the best for 2020 and maybe I will join you properly at some stage.

@Squiff70 rant away, it's a safe space - well at least it should be. Really hope all is as well as can be with your family.

Ah hi Ree @BunnytheBlueWhale - dont think you're overstepping at all btw. Really hope you can join us properly here too in 2020.

I'm scared what it will mean for DS1 too if we were to lose this baby. DS often talks about Roy and says he wishes he could see him. We were at the park the other day and he said he wanted Roy there to play with. Had us in tears! He is already growing an attachment to this baby, he has been drawing him pictures and getting his blankets out ready and saying how doctors will help look after him.

@Twittlebee Thanks. That is tough for your DS. We know how the loss affects us and it is hard to think of that sort of experience on a young child. I do believe children are quite resilient and really hope you have a healthy new baby at home soon to bring some joy to your family again although Roy will always be your missing piece as our DD is for us even if we have more children

Argh @Squiff70 I'm sorry, that's so shit and I can't imagine why anyone would do that. Awkward silence filling conversation is one thing but seeking to upset someone through text is really something else - no one expects you to be mellow about it. I'm glad to hear Ava is still fighting on and I keep you in my thoughts.

@BunnytheBlueWhale it's lovely to see you again - I follow you all on the original thread but don't post. I hope 2020 brings you your rainbow.

I hope everyone has managed to enjoy the festivities and is resting up. I'm 31+2 and have just spent the morning in the assessment centre for reduced movements. Little tink has done a complete shift last night so she's head down and everything is OK! Watching Peter rabbit with my toddler and contemplating eating yet more unnecessary chocolate!

Just a quick one from me. @Squiff70 I'm glad to see that Ava is making progress, my thoughts are with you. I'm sorry that you have had comments like that it's not what you need at all. I had a lot of people saying 'at least you have DD1' which sucked. Also sorry to see that you having had new baby cards for Ava. We got our first one for DS yesterday and I felt sad that we didn't have that for DD2. @Twittlebee it's really tough for young children to get there heads round, DD1 has been asking where baby DD2 is again now that DS is here.

We have now been home 24 hours and he is doing well, being weighed again tomorrow. Thank you for all the congratulations.

@Squiff70 and you are surprisingly mellow considering what you have gone/ are going through. I have my fingers crossed for little Ava, she has come this far already, bless her.

I'm going to be honest, I didn't say congrats to you, I think if I had been in the same situation I wouldn't have wanted to hear congrats as I wouldn't feel like there was much to be celebrating. I'm sorry... I guess people don't always know what to say or what the right thing would be. Maybe that's why they're not buying cards, saying congrats because they thunk it might upset you. I'm sorry there's a poster on here that's upset you, I think sometimes when women experience loss they think they have a right to say anything as what they have gone through is the same or somehow worse.

I can't even imagine losing twins and then Eliot at such a late time. I know they say a loss is a loss, 8 just don't believe it is though. If course my losses were painful, but the one I had at 9 weeks was worse than the one at 5 weeks and the tfmr I had at 13.5 was worst of all. I'm sending you thoughts and strength. X

@Squiff70 I'm sorry about the cards. My mum said a neighbour came over with a card (my sister was born at home as they had no idea anything was wrong) and then took it away again! I think people just don't know what to say or do. I think it's so important to talk about baby loss to open up the conversation but it's hard too. When people say "any plans for another " half the time I just say not yet - DS is too much of a handful and then afterwards I think I should have been honest (or said none of your business!)