The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

Oh goodness, sorry missed lots of posts this weekend, I've been so busy.

@sadtoday21 hope you and baby are all okay! Bit worried you've not updated on your hospital trip. Hope everything is alright and baby is making up for movements today. It's so scary isn't it.

@RedRobin7 sorry to read you're having a difficult time with your DH. It's a hard one isn't it with MH and you need some positive support but at same time understand he's probably having a difficult time too but it's so tough on you to not have that support for your worries and anxieties that you really need. Hope he realises quickly that he needs to be there for you and gets the support he needs professionally to enable him to support you in the right way. Can you speak to your MW about it? Really hope your 20 week scan is all perfect, remember that the odds are in your favour, keeping fx for you.

@TinyPaws glad your scan went well. Plenty of time still of baby to flip back over to be head down. I know that feeling of being pregnant forever, I totally feel like this has been the longest pregnancy ever. Think partly because when we got the BFP for this one it was the 3rd pregnancy in 12 months, it takes a while as we all know for bodies to recover following MC so feel like I've been pregnant since May 2018!

@Twittlebee please speak to someone IRL, could your midwife help to ensure you get the right support for your MH as well as being healthy for baby? I also think getting signed off work so you can just focus on you and baby is a good idea.

@Rubyroost so sorry you're having all this anxiety. Try to remember you are being looked after and monitored by a good consultant and please please please stop Googling (I know, should take my own advice). Keeping fx for you that baby is absolutely fine and happy in there. I'm having the opposite worry of loads of people telling me my bump looks small and can't believe I'm 38 weeks. Only midwife hasn't said anything but doesn't stop the worrying. Sending you positive vibes. Hope you speak to your consultant very soon so you can talk through everything and hopefully get some reassurance.

@fnej01 hope packing the hospital bag was easy, well done on getting baby's bag packed. That a good number of outfits for baby you have, I'm sure you'll end up with loads as gifts too. On the subject of autoimmune conditions and other issues that seem to affect women who MC, I do agree that it feels like it affects more than the stats show because a lot of ladies will end up on MN and post about the problems they've had, we get less info about those who have an easy time TTC and straight forward pregnancies. Sorry you have mild polyhydronmios, hope it doesn't create any complications for you and baby.

@Mistymeow thank you. I can't believe how close it is either and my anxiety is really ramping up as so scared about everything going wrong at the end now. The anxiety dreams are just awful, keep having various different dreams about losing this baby is different scenarios.

@ChikiTIKI lovely to hear from you again. Sounds like things are going well for you and baby. You're heading for the finish line now, how are you feeling?

@frillyfarmer it's nice of your friend to want to do a baby shower for you but totally with you on where you stand about them - I'm exactly the same. She really should respect your wishes and not gone ahead with trying to do one.

Oooh just noticed we've been moved back to the pregnancy boards! Yay!

@InDreamland @TinyPaws @ChikiTIKI thanks so much for checking on me! The ctg was ok, I was just really shaken up yesterday and then exhausted today. Baby seems to be moving again tonight so I’ve just started to calm down really. Will catch up properly with everyone tomorrow! Hope you are all keeping well x.

@sadtoday21 so pleased to hear baby is okay. It is so scary isn't it. Hope you get plenty of rest and baby keeps kicking away.

Morning all, what a rather blustery weekend! Lost parts of our fence and shed, our neighbours' walls fell down and rather too many trees were lost too!

oh yes I do understand those feelings there @TinyPaws ! Always have them during 1st and then back again in 3rd trimesters towards my DH! Feels so irrational half the time but the other half of the time its like they are trying to provoke a reaction! Get that baby moving back down by doing some of the suggested exercises to flip babies, there is loads of time left! Good luck

What a relief @sadtoday21 that all seems to be okay - do always go in anytime you feel any concerns though, always better to go get checked for sure

Good luck @Rubyroost at trying to keep those water levels down, wish I had some advice but its really unknown to me. Just hope baby can hang in for another 2 weeks FX

I did manage to get through last pregnancy all okay but I found exercising really helped me @Mistymeow and I cannot do that this time which I think is making me feel so much worse.

We probably are @RedRobin7 ! I am SHOCKING at recognising MNers on social media though haha! I often get random DMs on instagram with people recognising me as Twittlebee (clearly I must share too much outing stuff on here haha!). That is super tricky with DH, its not really an excuse for his behaviour to be slack on the chores (btw, they are clearly both of your, equally split BUT he should be certianly doing the bigger share of them because he isnt growing a fricking baby which is effort!). Sorry he didnt understand how you might actually want him to stay to give you comfort either regarding the scan if it was to go wrong (FX it doesnt of course!)

@frillyfarmer that is frustrating that your thoughts on baby showers werent quite fully appreciated or considered by your friend. Good thing you caught wind of it!

@InDreamland anxiety dreams like that are truly horrid, difficult to shake them off arent they too for rest of the day.

Regarding my MH, unfortunately I cannot afford sick pay at all so just going to have to power on through.

Hi Ladies I’m so sorry I’ve not been on here in a while. I managed to lose the thread and couldn’t find it until today. I will have a proper read through and catch up. After skimming I’m sorry to hear some of you are having complications.

As for me, I’m 31 weeks and have had the surprise of baby being 98/99 centile. He was an estimated 3 pounds 7 at 28 weeks at 5 pounds 4 this week at nearly 31. My GD test at 29 weeks was negative though I’m repeating in a couple of weeks. I also have mild polydramnios. Annoyingly they don’t want to see me back in clinic for four weeks so I’m worried about the excess fluid getting worse.

@Rubyroost @tinypaws and @Mistymeow I see you have been dealing with GD. I’m so sorry to hear this. I have a sneaky suspicion I might have it too but so far it’s undetected in any tests. It seems off for baby to be so huge, especially now I have the excess fluid.

Anyway looking forward to chatting with you ladies now I’ve found you! xx

@TinyPaws yes, occasionally I get super irritated by DH and things he does but not sure TBH if is linked to pregnancy hormones or just I'd be annoyed anyway. Hope your DP is now being more supportive as I remember she wasn't being very helpful or supportive a while ago.

@Twittlebee yes the storm was awful. Our garden furniture was blown everywhere, think we were lucky though there doesn't look like there's been any damage to much else so far. It's still really rainy and blustery here today on and off so my plan to take a stroll up to the high street is postponed to tomorrow. Sorry you can't take the hit on sick pay so you have to keep working. Please just take it easy and get all reasonable adjustments you can to support your health and baby's health too. Wondering whether some meditation or something gentle like yoga might help? I'm hating these anxiety dreams, they feel so real.

Is anyone doing anything nice on Friday? I really don't have the appetite to try going to a restaurant (our normal Friday night routine) that will be banged out, overpriced with a rubbishy set menu. Sounding like a misery guts I'm not really into VD anyway but will be 39+3 on Friday too so really not feeling up to what will be on offer in any restaurants. Think it'll be a takeaway with DH instead.

Can't believe I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow. Still no sign that baby is anywhere near getting ready to make any kind of appearance. I'm feeling so wiped out today. Reckon I'll be the first on this thread to go majorly over due date. Gonna sound so ridiculous and selfish now but I really don't want to go more than 1 week over .........I would like to have the best possible chance of being in a decent enough state to look human and feel I can celebrate my birthday next month. If we go right to the end of when we can go overdue then baby will only be 10 or 11 days old. Think my birthday (which is a significant one) will be a write off. Of course the main thing is a healthy happy baby but really would be nice to have baby and be able to celebrate my birthday. I also really want to avoid the leap year.

Mat leave officially starts tomorrow, today is my last day of annual leave.

I'm just rambling.......... my head is all over the place at the moment. Overthinking everything.

@InDreamland 39 weeks! Where is that time going! Although it feels like its dragging for you? I hope you dont go over either, you dont need that worry either!

Had a total shit day at work, director has said I am basically being demoted because my pregnancy is getting in the way of my duties... this is all because I didnt answer my phone to a client whilst i was in a fricking consultant appointment! I dealt with the matter as soon as I was out of the hospital but what is even more frustrating is that it wasnt even my project, I have just been covering it for a couple days whilst my colleague has been ill!

@Catconfusion lovely to see you here. Sorry youre also having issues with big baby and the dreaded polyhydriamnos.
My baby is now 98th percentile and head is off the charts which I find worrying. Apparently mine was mild and has now increased to moderate in a week (either that or first scan was inaccurate) 31 cm 😭I'm also scared it's increasing and I just don't know about it. My belly feels like it's getting bigger and harder every day. Definitely get tested again or get yourself a meter from amazon and track your own levels.

Again no joy at contacting anyone at the hospital so it seems I'll get scanned by a specialist consultant in fetal medicine at a fetal medicine unit 60 miles away, rather than my own NHS hospital. Bloody ridiculous as it's NHS all the same and I'm sure she's more costly than a big standard sonographer. If I don't hear anything I'm contacting her tomorrow.

Wtf @twittlebee they can't do that, it's a totally illegal. Do you have a union who can represent you, at the same time you don't want to get stressed out about it as you're doing so well keeping that baby in x

@InDreamland it's really normal for first pregnancies to go over. But you never know, you could just suddenly go into labour tonight too. To be honest @Indreanland whether you celebrate birthday at 3 days or 11 days old you'll probably feel exactly the same. It'll be fine.

@Twittlebee bloody hell, another case of a woman in pregnancy being discriminated against. Can you get this in writing? You could call Maternity Action to see if you have a case. Understand if you don't want the hassle. This is the last thing you need. Hope your work situation improves.
@TinyPaws I also feel a bit irrationally irritable towards my other half. I don't like the mess and feel he could do more to help! But on the other hand he is pretty much doing all the cooking. I blame hormones. When is your next appointment?
@Rubyroost how are you getting on with the diet? I must say the insulin is really working for me as all my levels have been low since injecting. I really hope you get through to the NHS consultant. You need some answers and reassurance.
@InDreamland I understand not wanting to be overdue. It won't be long now though! I have a meal booked on the 14th for tapas, hoping that will be ok with the GD (will avoid the bread and fill up on meat and fish!).
@sadtoday21 sorry you had a scare. This stage is so nerve wracking. I hope you don't have any further episodes and can breathe easy. Not long now.
@catconfusion so nice to hear from you. Maybe baby is just big? Are you quite tall? My baby is the opposite so I get why you're anxious. It's not nice having a complication but it does mean additional care and monitoring so there is some reassurance to be taken from that.

I had my growth scan today. Sonographer said all is fine in her opinion, she's growing on her 50th. She said it looks like she's dipped ever so slightly but she believes it's all in the normal range, but will check with MAU. I don't know whether to be worried or glad she's been super cautious. She's smaller than most babies (I am very petite) but measuring normally on her growth line.

@Mistymeow all my readings have been good. Apart from I got a 7.9 1 hour after breakfast today. It went down to 5.4 after two hours, but I'm not keen on such a high spike so I'm going to have no carb brekkie and get my carbs from lunch and dinner. Tomorrow is sausage and egg. All my levels apart from that and after I had porridge have been fine so I'm hoping I can just stay on 500mg metaformin and it will be controlled. 🤞
Great news on your growth scan, that all sounds good. X

It's just such a shit day and I dont even have my mum being supportive, she is all like "well if maybe you stopped getting pregnant etc" and "your lucky they didnt just fire you after Roy died" . I feel so fricking shit. I cant grow my babies safely, I cant do my job right and I cant bloody afford anything. I so stressed. I cant stop crying since i got home. I sorry to offload I just need to vent.

I’m absolutely shocked @Twittlebee that’s discrimination and just really unfair. I hope it gets resolved.

@Rubyroost sounds similar to me in terms of size though the tummy and head are similar centiles. I’m sorry to hear yours escalated so quickly which is why I don’t like the fact I’ve been sent away without monitoring for four weeks. I too feel like my tummy is getting bigger and tighter rapidly. It’s so uncomfortable. My GTT isn’t for two weeks either. They’ve said not to change my diet but I don’t want to make things worse if I do have it. I might get a monitor as you say and check my levels myself in the meantime. I’m sorry to hear you’re having to travel to get seen by a fetal medicine doctor. That sounds really frustrating.

Thanks @mistymeow I’m pretty short and DH is average height. I was happy to accept he’s just big until they found the polyhydramnios at the last scan. Now it just seems a bit odd, especially since my tummy is so uncomfortable. I wish it did mean more monitoring but they sent me away for four weeks. I’m going to ask the midwife tomorrow if anything can be done to get me in sooner. Good to hear your baby is on her 50th centile. Small or big is a worry. I’ve tried not to google but it’s hard when you don’t get much time with the consultant. I know the chances are all will be ok but it’s tough especially after previous losses not worry. Fingers crossed for us all! xx

Ladies - I am still reading although bad at replying. The post natal thread is quiet, probably as everyone is so busy.

Anyway I couldn't not post. @Twittlebee your mum is being silly and I'm not surprised your hurt, because it's really insensitive and bloody rude! (Sorry, I know that's your mum xxx) Your work are arseholes. None of this is down to you and it's not your fault. Your body is amazing in that it is fighting to grow and keep this baby despite all it's been through. You are also stronger than you give yourself credit for. Cry and vent and let it all out. Then please try and rest and do something nice for yourself, just something small like a nice bath. I'm fuming on your behalf - you do not need or deserve any of this!

Sorry to read so many of you are having complications. I wish you didn't have these extra worries and I am thinking of you all.

39 weeks @InDreamLand!!!!!! I am so fucking excited for you!

Lots of love to you all xxx

Thank you, of course DH comes home and runs us a bath to share and allows me to let it all out onto him. So grateful for him, especially so in times like this.

I am doing OK thanks @InDreamland.

I am glad the baby is breech so if I go in to labour they hopefully won't leave me for ages before doing the C section. It is however very uncomfortable and I am now worried about waters breaking and cord prolapse! I wonder if they will scan me to have a look at the position or not nearer the end, given I am having a c section anyway. I think I will ask for a scan if there's a chance the baby is footling breech.

Are you all enjoying the storm? Trees allover the place where I am and yesterday when I left work there was a showering of hailstones.

Argh this thread has completely disappeared from my "I'm on" list now 😩

@Twittlebee I'm sorry about your mum, she's wrong of course and bloody insensitive, but then I do think pregnancy loss and loss of children isnt something anyone can understand unless they've been there. It sounds as though you have a supportive DH but I'd just give your mum some distance for now- you don't need that negativity.

@InDreamland it's my 30th next week, I haven't organised anything because baby could arrive at any point, but I've just decided we will celebrate with a party in the summer time when (hopefully) baby is here and I can have a few glasses of bubbles. This Friday I am cooking us a special meal at home, to be fair we usually avoid dining out on Valentine's Day as it's so busy and restaurants seem to put their prices up ridiculously for cliche set menus, I might had a glass of red with mine - go wild!

The storm has caused so much damage here! We're farmers and we've got trees down all over the place and a huge section of cast iron guttering has fallen from the house - three storeys up. Can't believe it didn't smash a window or wipe out some stonework, not good!

37+4 and my BH have been really constant the last couple of days.

Well my constant ringing has worked and I have a scan for Monday. The obstructive midwife had not passed the message on though, so it's a good job I badgered them again yesterday. Phew!

That’s great @Rubyroost but so annoying they would be obstructive in any way when you just want to be monitored.

Do you think I should push to be seen sooner? I’m 31 weeks and know I have mild polyhydramnios and an extremely large baby. They don’t want to see me for 4 weeks currently. It seems such a long time. I’m seeing the midwife later so I’ll see what she says too. xx

They initially said mine was 20cm and then a week later consuktant said 31! 😳😬 I don't know whether initial sonographer got it wrong or whether it increased so quickly in one week. I'm hoping it didn't as I find that scary particularly as I started to watch my blood sugars etc. I think she said I needed extra monitoring because it was quite marked. But I did think the regs were two weeks once polydriamnos diagnosed. Midwife will measure and check you for size I guess, perhaps she could refer you for another scan. It's worrying isn't it?! I would deffo push for an extra scan though.

@Catconfusion I think its crappyvtgey left your gtt test that long too. I was in the next day once they saw the accelerated growth. Despite me requesting gtt several times previously when baby was already on 99th percentile

90th

Thanks @rubyroost it is worrying. I think they are leaving the GTT because the one I took at 29 weeks was negative so I will be 33 weeks when I take it again. I wanted the test at 25 weeks as worried she would be a factor and I felt big but they wouldn’t do it.

Yes everything I’ve read suggests monitoring every 2 weeks. Mine is very mild at 0.2 over the normal cut off but baby is huge at 99.8 centile so I’m worried it will escalate quickly.

I hope your scan goes well on Monday and it’s gone down now you’re in control of sugars. I will push for another scan and get the MW to measure me. The bump is very uncomfortable. x