The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

@TinyPaws good news about your polyhydriamnos. My biggest pocket was 13 cm and 31 total altogether! I feel like I'm going to pop. I'm ridiculously large. Larger than I was at 42 weeks with my current child. I'm so worried that the waters are multiplying out of control! I've got my sugar levels under control, but I don't know if that will help or not, I'm hoping so. If they just stay as they are then that is some progress.

Also I'm going to have to pack a hospital bag now I know I'm in danger of going into labour early. I was adamant that I'd be fine and baby would hang on. But this polydriamnos changes things. 😳At least I hit 32 weeks this weekend. I'm so scared about all the possible complications 😭

Sorry you're having such a stressful time of it @Rubyroost. At 32 weeks your odds are very good - if you make it to 34 weeks survival chances are as good as for a full term baby. Hopefully controlling the sugar levels will help, when is your next scan?

@Twittlebee brilliant news about the scan. So pleased. My sister suffers from psychosis and got through her pregnancy. It’s great you are not medicated but I hope you’re ok, what with everything you have been through.
@TinyPaws that’s very promising! Baby still has plenty of time to turn. It’s reassuring to have the extra monitoring.
@Rubyroost I totally understand, I’m worried what the GD is doing to baby’s growth. I’m on the Facebook group too and looks like it’s got some great recipes. My friend is type 1 and has been very reassuring saying the medical team will look after you and baby so well. It just gets harder as birth becomes closer to manage anxieties when you have a complication. Pregnant women are vulnerable, particularly those who have suffered a loss. We just think it’s going to happen again. But the likelihood is all will be well now that you’ve been diagnosed and are under specialist help. Do call up the team if you’re worried.
@InDreamland gosh it’s so close now isn’t it! You sound super organised. Looking forward to hearing about you meeting your much wanted little one x

@Mistymeow thanks. It's the combo of that and the polyhydriamnos that's worrying me as baby is massive as are my waters and I'm worried ill go into labour. I don't really fancy an emergency c section obvs, would have preferred a calm and organised one. Then I Google of course and apparently there's a risk with polydriamnos that if you go into labour early the placenta can fall into your vagina apparently and then the baby is at risk. Placenta abruption is also a general risk. I know... I shouldn't have googled! I'm so uncomfortable I'm getting tightening all the time and my bump is just incredible. I'm really getting fed up of people asking me when baby is due as well. They can obviously see I'm massive because of all the fluid.

Thanks @TinyPaws I'm 34 weeks on Saturday, so that's one good thing. My next scan is two weeks on Monday, but the consuktant I saw says I need one a week earlier now I've been diagnosed with polydriamnos. However the midwife I asked to pass on my message to the consuktant was an utter bitch and told me he'd ignore the advice and go with the hospital scans. Personally, I don't think he will as the consuktant is senior to him. She has said if they refuse to scan me then she will arrange to scan me at the nhs fetal medicine centre (the one closest to me) - even though I saw her privately. I think she feels that she has a duty of care as a doctor. So either way I'll get scanned a week on Monday.

Wow ladies sooo many posts! I can't keep up. Feels like you're all so close to having your babies and then there will just be a couple of us left on here!

@InDreamland I can't believe how close you are to your due date now. That's come around so quickly! Very excited for you!

@Squiff70 Lovely to hear updates on Ava. Hope the operation goes well xx

@TinyPaws I'm in touch with Knitkitty so I'll mention the board move when I reply to her later.

@Twittlebee I think we are on the same FB group for June/July babies 😊

One week today until my 20 week scan. I'm really anxious something will be wrong. People keep asking why we haven't bought anything yet and it's really frustrating when they seem surprised.

Also I think my DH wins d*ck of the week. He used to be this really nice caring guy but since his anxiety and depression after becoming ill, he's so much hard work. I asked him to help with some housework this week as he had two days off work - not annual leave, just no jobs to send him on. His response, "whose chores are they though? You're pregnant not disabled".... I just wanted him to hoover the stairs and clean the bath as it's a big L shape and I can't reach it all. I needed a bath last night so ended up trying to clean it as best as possible, put too much cold in and then ran out of hot. Just wanted to cry!

Then to add to that, we're visiting his mum 2 hours away after our scan next week to tell her the baby's sex. I said to him that if anything is wrong at the scan I won't want to go down to visit. He asked if he could still go. Seriously what is wrong with him? I can't believe he would even consider it. I've not spoken to him since Tuesday as I'm still waiting for an apology. Not sure I'll get one. I'm trying so hard not to allow him or my work to stress me out but it's hard!!

Hi Ladies

Apologies for late replies to your messages. Busy few days working and wedding anniversary

@indreamland so in fairness I have only about 7 baby outfits so washing all done and babies hospital bag is packed. Going to start my bag this weekend. Hope you are doing ok, and hopefully enjoying some mat leave.

@tinypaws sorry you have autoimmune issues too. It's so complicated isn't it. Like you I think the steroids have been the game changer in this pregnancy but I will never know. Hope you get on ok with the glucose monitoring? I will update about me after responding to all but I the doc said today GD often comes as a side effect of having had the steroids. I am 33+5 today so creeping ever closer to the 34 week mark.

@sadtoday sorry to hear you have a tough week coming up. Take care of yourself x

@twittlebee so glad to hear the contractions have stopped. Sorry you are struggling without your meds, make sure you call on IRL as you need x

@Rubyroost sorry to hear about the awful midwife. I hope you get to the right consultant ok. I would definitely follow up on the consultant message and not rely on the midwife. No way you can ring the hosp and get hold of the consultants secretary?

@RedRobin7 sorry to hear you aren't getting support from your DH. I definitely would be having a few stern words x

So I had my scan today, all fine except now on 5 day glucose monitoring as they have diagnosed mild polyhydramnios. Am not too panicked as it is only mild and they have said it might be measuring high due to baby's transverse position and all the fluid being in the same place. Baby is 52nd centile, so normal. It's all good fun this pregnancy lark isn't it 😬x

Gosh @fnej01 bearing in mind polydriamnos is only supposed to effect 1% of pregnancies... That's three of us on here. Perhaps the stats are wrong. Mines moderate, but I'm scared shirtless of it turning severe. I think I look about 45 weeks pregnant. I'm bigger now than I was at 42 weeks with my toddler and I was all bump then.

Yes I did consider tryin g to get hold of consultants secretary. I think I'll ring the hospital on Monday, but it seems difficult to get hold of anyone!

@rubyroost we do seem to be beating the stats! I feel like my whole pregnancy journey and miscarriages have beaten the stats, I.e only 1% of women recurrently miscarry 3 or more times (I managed 4 before diagnosis). Only 0.015% of women will have an autoimmune issue that causes them
to miscarry and I've got two.
So I decided long into this journey I am deffo special 😂! All joking aside I am very grateful that they found a diagnosis and have seemingly been able to treat 🤞. I know lots of people have had worse x

Sorry you are feeling so big. I feel ok and bump is measuring exactly right so if they weren't monitoring so closely they would never have picked up. At least if they are on it tho.

I would definitely try the secretary my experience is that's the best route. I have my consultants mobile and he has said he will take my call 24-7 which is very kind of him. I think he's as desperate to get baby here safely as me!

@fnej01 yes I don't think much of the consultants at my hospitak to be honest. Strange how I can easily contact a consultant at the fetal medicine unit and not my local hospital!

@fnej01 I reckon autoimmune issues causing infertility and/or miscarriage are massively under diagnosed/recognised and that stat is probably incorrect. The NHS clinic I was initially using (as a privately funded patient) and the recurrent miscarriage clinic both refused to treat me with steroids despite me showing them the evidence, I got 3x private second opinions and all recommended steroids, moved clinic and first cycle of fertility treatment on the steroids resulted in this current pregnancy.

@TinyPaws agreed I just don't think they know enough about it.
A renal doctor friend of mine said that he at some point in his studies had done some reproductive medicine. He said what he found most interesting not why people like you and I reject our babies, but why/how the majority of women don't. Ie a baby is a foreign body. Clearly most women have something that switches off when pregnant that we don't have. It was a really interesting chat x

Morning! 37+1 here today 😊 feeling awful as I'd heard one of my friends was planning a surprise impromptu baby shower and she seemed quite taken aback when I called to say please please no. I'm a bit annoyed I've had to- my thoughts on baby showers have always been made clear - I didn't have one for DS and after the journey to get to this point, I literally couldn't think of anything worse.

Sorry I've skim read a lot recently! It's crackers there are such tiny statistics for you @TinyPaws @fnej01 and yet perhaps these boards have polarised the statistics slightly in that it seems to be a a place everyone who has struggled has found one another.

@Rubyroost I'm sorry you feel so big - are you having weekly consultant now?

@Twittlebee glad to hear contractions have stopped for you, sorry work is stressing you. Can you not get signed off sick so as to lower your stress levels?

I've finally found the thread again after it fell off my "I'm on" list. Got a lot to catch up on I think.

I am 32 weeks today. 7 weeks and 2 days until c section. Baby currently breech. Measuring smallish (10-12th centile). And i am quite anaemic. Nothing much else to report really. Using 7 days of annual leave before the c section so still got a while left in work.

Hoping I will be able to find the thread more easily now and will catch up later! Xxxx

@TinyPaws great news about your scan and fx that baby shifts position again, still lots of time. When is your next scan next week?

@RedRobin7 good luck for your 20 week scan! I remember how terrifying it was for me and will be thinking of you xxx.

@fnej01 and @Rubyroost I know what you guys mean about statistics - when I see something has a 1% chance of happening I shiver in fear! There was also less than 1% chance of me having a partial molar mmc at 12 weeks. In fact the anniversary of when I found out about it is today and I think I’ve been really subconsciously anxious about baby for the last two days as a result. Having unexpected bad news really traumatises you, as we all know all too well.

@InDreamland how are you feeling? Any more concerns about movement? I’ve been worried for the last day because even though baby is kicking it feels lower down and softer than usual (I’m 35+2 - could he have moved down into my pelvis now?). I almost called mau three times and might have to go into today if I can’t control my anxiety. Having terrible dreams about labour not starting and something being wrong while everyone else around me gives birth. Also tipping my anxiety today is I finally finished the hospital bad last night and cut the tags on a lot of baby things - also received some more baby things from family overseas which was lovely but it always makes me scared. The nursery looks almost ready now and I’m so scared!

@frillyfarmer you'd think so wouldn't you?! But no I'm having difficulty getting in touch with them and the midwife seems obstructive. So I'll try and call on Monday and if u don't hear anything then I will get back in touch with the consuktant who I saw privately who has agreed to see me on the nhs at the nearest fetal medicine centre in my unit. She said if I get no joy to do this.

@Rubyroost gosh that's awful, which NHS trust is it? They're so inconsistent though - I was consultant led last time due to borderline GD and i absolutely shouldn't have needed to take up the resources of high risk - I went to term without having a single high reading and was diet led. But my friend who was prescribed insulin and struggled to control blood sugar was left on midwife led care without any growth scans.

I'm glad you've got a back up plan but it shouldn't have had to get to a private practitioner stepping in, surely!

I know @frillyfarmer but she obviously takes the guidelines seriously which are every two weeks for polyhydramnios and I guess she feels that she has a duty of care. So I'm lucky in that respect.

Sorry selfish post. Decided to go in for reduced movement again as I couldn’t take the anxiety and lack of sleep over it. Waiting for bus to hospital now. Had to cancel on my friend at the last minute which I feel bad about but I couldn’t stop worrying :/

@sadtoday21 I'm doing a lot of those lately! Don't worry, it's reduced movement, not no movement. You're right to go in, but I had this loads with my firat pregnancy. Likelihood all will be fine and sods law when you're all wired up the lil one will start kicking. Sorry you're panicking x

Thanks @Rubyroost I debated a lot about whether to go in and of course he did just move twice now that I’m here. Feel a bit ridiculous, but I really lost a lot of sleep over it last night and didn’t want to leave it. Feel like everyone thinks I’ve lost my mind, including DH!

Hope everything goes well for you at the scan next week!

Don't feel ridiculous. Just do what you think is right?! I'm about to phone up the labour ward and demand that they pass my info onto consuktant and that I am to be Co tacted about this ASAP. After last time when they wouldn't listen to me, I'm not having this again!! 😂

How did the monitoring go @sadtoday21 ? Hope all good with you and the baby.

@sadtoday21 Hope all went well at the hospital yesterday?

Anyone else getting really angry with their partners? Mine is driving me insane. She disassembled the sofa and left one of the heavy pieces in such a way that I physically couldn't get up the stairs (we have a stair gate and it was holding the stair gate closed) then wouldn't move it for ages. Another bit of the sofa is in the middle of the living room looking like shite, she won't move it and it's far to heavy for me. She keeps on disrespecting my wishes (this morning she assembled the snuzpod WITHOUT the cloth bits on even though I told her to stop, now it needs to be disassembled again and reassembled with all the bits in place - more work for me). On the other hand yesterday I cried because she left the back door wide open for half an hour and made the house cold which is obviously not a rational response - I'm not sure how much is me being irrational and how much is her being a PITA.

I'm really tied and cranky and wondering how I'm going to get through the next 6 weeks at work.