The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

Congratulations @coconutlatte44! He's gorgeous!

Such cute photos @Laney79! Sorry you've had problems with feeding, are they going to fix the tongue tie?

@InDreamland happy last commute! You really don't have long to go now!

@RedRobin7 sorry you've been so unwell. Try not to worry too much about not feeling pregnant, I'm not sure I ever felt pregnant throughout the entire pregnancy.

@Yukka 6 months?! That's crazy! How is she getting on with the solids?

My DS is 6 weeks and 3 days now, time really is flying by now! He started doing proper smiles last week and his reflux is starting to improve despite his refusal to take the infant gaviscon.

It's not long til there are more babies on this thread, remember to join the graduate graduates thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/3782147-Babys-after-loss-the-penguin-huddle-continues

@coconutlatte Congratulations what a beauty. Hope you are well x

Thanks @stealthmama - ?assume this is @Yukka? I can't believe baby is 6 months!!!!

Am gradually coming to terms with the csection, even thought it wasn't my plan.
Just been for my 31 week midwife appt and nearly fainted - feel like a right wally. She had me on my back ages trying to feel babies position, and the could only find a muffled heartbeat.
Does anyone else think their bp is low? Mine gets lower every appt - today's is only 105/63 - which midwife says is absolutely fine for where I am???

@InDreamland I am a few weeks behind you but I think I will be ordering quite a few bits next day delivery once baby is here. I have got a travel system sorted but only because I have up cycled a friends second hand silver cross with some new parts.

@knitkitty sorry to hear about the PE although at least you are diagnosed. I have been on the clexane injections for since 4 weeks and am likely to be until 12 weeks post birth. I find closer to my belly button is less painful and bruises least. I also find that gripping the skin tightly helps. It's not fun tho is it...

@redrobin sorry to hear you are poorly. Pregnancy after loss is really hard, I've found just one day at a time works best and set urself mini milestones.

@twittlebee - sorry you are still having bleeding. Fingers crossed just an irritated cervix.

Sorry anyone I missed. I do try to read the thread just not finding much time to update, although on a rare day off today. X

@fnej01 yes stealth mama is me too, stupid names I don't know how to delete that one. Anyway! Glad your becoming ok with c section, think if the positives - you can plan for it, no faffing about whether you're really in labour or not, no guilty debates about pain relief, and you know you'll need bed rest so get your friends and family booked in for cooking and cleaning 

@Beaglemum93 ah congratulations! Yes 6 weeks is a real leap when the smiles come along and they are much more awake. Hope you're finding it all ok. I tried infacol and gripe water for reflux, and slanting the next to me cut slightly downwards.

Hmm well she's so far had water from a drinking bottle, mushed up rusk and a little sweet potato. Today we're trying pear. I'm not convinced she's really ready but they say to start anyway so they are used to it when they really need the nutrients, plus as she was a little early, she's still small, hasn't quite doubled her birth weight, so we'll see.

I'll move over to that other board now too xx

@Yukka wow, 6 months already!!!! Really? Feels like yesterday you were announcing the birth. Time really does fly.

@Beaglemum93 another where time flies, 6 weeks? Amazing to be getting those smiles.

@fnej01 I'm ashamed to say that I really don't understand BP readings, totally clueless as to what they mean and what is considered good or bad. So sorry you almost fainted, that's scary, hope you're okay now. Glad you're also thinking of doing next day delivery when baby actually arrives. We looked at Silver Cross, they're so attractive as a pram/travel system and tried one out but found it too heavy and that's without a baby in it! Amazing you've been able to upcycle one. So it's basically like new.

On my commute home. This still doesn't feel real! Am I really now off? Like off off? The team are so lovely I'm going to miss work, feeling quite emotional. Feel like I'm in a weird dream.

I really do need to sort out hospital bag properly now (tonight/tomorrow) and maybe buy last few bits I really do need.

Can we talk bras please? Sorry FTM question .........after half way through 2nd trimester boobs kinda shrunk back to normal size so I've not bought any new undies at all. Guessing I need to buy some maternity/nursing bras for when Bubsy is born? Help! I've no idea where to start. Do I just go to any M&S that sells undies and ask for a fitting service? How many do I buy? Any particular things I need to look for in a bra?

@Laney79 sorry to hear about the feeding. I had my little boys tongue tie snipped at 6 days old. To be honest by that time he was feeding fine, but they thought that the fact he couldn't latch initially was due to the tongue tie and immediately referred me to get it done. Have they offered this to you?

@Indreamland I got some really comfy bras from m and s. I didn't get measured because they came in medium large etc and were quite stretchy. Even though my boobs got massive when the milk came in I didn't need new bras from the ones I wore during pregnancy. I actually never stopped wearing them and never went back to my uncomfy underwired bras as they are so comfy. I stopped b feeding at 8/9 months and cont'd to wear them until I got pregnant again. I looked on their online site though and they're not there and the choice seems pretty shit. Perhaps look on amazon too as they have some brands on there with reviews. Again I think a lot are medium etc than actual sizes as they can be quite stretchy.

@fbej01 yes that sounds really normal. Mine got lower and lower throughout pregnancy and it's not particularly high anyway. I wouldn't worry. Its high you don't want it to be.

@fnej01 think I was 100/68 last time at 28 weeks.

Thanks @Yukka yes there are lots of positives to the section. So glad to hear you are doing well.

@InDreamland I agree the silver cross is quite heavy but as it has been relatively cheap to upcycle, I plan to get a lighter buggy later on, when I am ready maybe a jogger buggy. Sorry not really got my head round bras but interested to see what others advise.

@Rubyroost thanks that reassuring I am normally about 115/75 not preggers so was just worried this was low, but sounds perfectly normal x

@Rubyroost thank you! I'll have to get myself to the shops.

@fnej01 it's nice to have the option to buy another later on. I really love the look of Silver Cross, I was so disappointed when I found it too heavy as I had in my head I wanted one. So many people going for a light option get the Babyzen Yoyo which we tried out too but the handle bars are just too high for me and don't adjust - fine for DH but I'm short!

This is my first day off and finding it all a bit strange. Think I'm gonna pop some makeup on soon and pop out for a walk to the high street just to get out. Need something from Boots anyway.

How was your first day @InDreamland ? Good trip into town? Regarding bras, could you wear some nursing style crop tops until your milk is established? For me, my usual size A boobs go to a size DD when pregnant and then up to a F when my milk first comes in and goes crazy but then settles down to between a DD and E depending on how full they are. But yes just go into any store that does bra measurements and they measure you up. I found a great service in Boux Avenue, although they dont sell nursing bras (unless they do now as its been a while), they have a great measuring service and I did fancy a few nice bras for when I was going out and wouldt be BFing

Does feel so quiet on here now. We need some more BFPs to pop on dont we !

Finding myself really struggling with a few friends who are suffering with being unhappy about their birth experience, some who are struggling "losing themselves" since becoming a mum and others who seem to do nothing but moan about how clingy their babies are. I hate myself for getting annoyed at them; their feelings are completely valid and so are their struggles. But I just feel so much resentment. I am also scared in case we do end up bringing this baby home and I end up with PND again like I did with DS.

18 weeks tomorrow

@yukka Good to have you back :) We're doing okay, he was pretty unsettled last night, until after trying for 3 and a half hours to calm him (and not constantly feed him) my husband had him and he fell straight to sleep on him

He was two weeks old yesterday Picture's probably quite outing but enjoy the baby sneeze 😅

Sorry ladies, I fell off this thread for some reason and just found it again now, so much to catch up on! Apologies in advance for not responding to everyone.

Congrats @coconutlatte44!! Very very cute baby! And adorable pics @Laney79 @UnicornsandRainbows1!

@InDreamland I went to M&S and got fitted - it was a godsend as I had no idea what size to buy and I didn't just want to get the sports bra type nursing ones. I am usually 32DD and at 33 weeks am not 36F. Shockingly my rib cage is much larger than I thought it would be, which explains why my underwire bras were killing me! I want to go back in a few weeks and get one more probably in a slightly larger cup size for later on. The bras there are lovely, comfy, and still somewhat sexy, also reasonably priced. How is your hospital bag coming along? What are you planning to wear in labour? How's your anxiety been? Mine is still through the roof even at 33 weeks, I think I really need to go get a growth and doppler scan before I go insane with worry.

@fnej01 my blood pressure is sometimes very low too and I've also fainted twice. Are you anemic as well? I was before starting on iron tablets and that has helped with the fainting. How are you doing otherwise?

@strawberrye you must be almost the same number of weeks as me now! How are you feeling? Have you got everything sorted yet?

@Rubyroost how are you holding up? Thinking of you!

@RedRobin7 I remember that stage all too well and its terrible. Despite being huge now, I still sometimes don't feel that pregnant either and it freaks me out. The anxiety is so terrible. Can't really believe baby will come until he is here. I wish I could say something to help you, but the only thing I've done to get through this is have lots of scans. Sending you hugs!

Hi everyone,

Sorry in advance, I'm very stressed.

I've just had my 29 week midwife appointment. It was the same midwife as before and she consistently measures me small. Last time she measured my fundal height as 23 weeks when I was 26, so put me in for growth scan. That was normal. She's measured me now at 25 weeks, yet two weeks ago when I was in hospital they measured me at 26 weeks. Apparently the sonographer didn't plot baby's measurements when I had my growth scan, so now I have to have another. Also, because I had glucose in my urine for a second time I have to test my blood glucose 4 times a day. They showed me all the stuff I should be eating, and I eat it all...I'm usually a size 6 and only 5'1", and I can't afford to lose weight- plus I thought gestational diabetes meant you measured big (my sister had it)? I think it must have been the yogurt and fruit I had for breakfast. I'm feeling pretty upset and worried. I don't know if you recall but it's the same hospital that couldn't find the heartbeat at 15 weeks (when I didn't think they would look for it that early!) and put me through a lot of unnecessary anxiety. I know it's better to be safe than sorry but all of this is scaring me. I've actually just changed hospitals, it was very easy, and they were great- got me an earlier growth scan and another midwife appointment on monday. So that's a relief. Sorry for long post. Lovely to see so many babies on the thread x

@sadtoday21 thanks for the tag. I've had a bit of a worrying day. I'm 33+4 today and bump measurements flattened off yesterday at my midwife appointment so I have been for a growth scan today. I was expecting it to be fine - midwife was very reassuring when arranging the scan and just said its probably because I'm petite - 5ft2 and size 6-8 pre-pregnancy. Anyway baby is measuring very small on the scan with femur length on the 3rd centile and estimated weight on 10th centile even when plotted on the charts corrected for my size. The sonographer was probably just trying to reassure me but I felt she was minimising the findings. Had to really express my concerns to get her to agree to a repeat scan in 2 weeks (I know there is an association between short femur length and chromosomal abnormalities, plus worry about the combination of a potentially IUGR baby and having been in 3x already with reduced movements).

It sounds like you have been getting extra scans too, is that because you are concerned or the midwife is?

@strawberrye I'm really sorry, that sounds like a terribly stressful situation to be in. Good that you pushed for another growth scan in two weeks. I'm surprised that was even a question really, don't they want to monitor you more often given the percentiles? I actually haven't gotten any extra scans yet, which is really stressing me out. My last scan was a private scan at 28 weeks and the baby was measuring 50%. All my midwife appointments since then have been normal, but I am still worrying a lot. I've been in once for reduced movement so far, but come close to going in several other times. I'm planning to go in tomorrow to see if they will do a growth/doppler scan, as the anxiety is just getting to be too much. I assume your measurements were all fine until recently? I worry they won't catch slow growth early enough, given how few scans there are and how inaccurate midwife measuring of the bump is. It's really good you are getting scans now and they can take action if needed - we are already pretty far along now and I really just want to be induced if there is any doubt about growth/placenta issues.

@Mistymeow I'm so sorry you are going through all of this! I am sure its not your diet that is causing the issues. It's really good you have an earlier scan and hopefully everything will be looking fine on Monday! Xxx

Hi @sadtoday so far not anaemic, so hopefully not. Sorry to hear you've fainted a couple of times. And that you are feeling so anxious

@strawberrye @mistymeow sorry to hear you are having such a rough time!

@mistymeow have you thought about writing a complaint. I have had to complain but they have now changed my doctor and I am getting much better care and monitoring? I definitely think you have to be your own advocate.

@strawberrye well done for pushing for scan in two weeks. Sending you hugs.

I am growth scan tomorrow and starting to feel anxious.

Is anyone else still on meds? I am still on cyclogest until 34 weeks as they are worried about premature labour. Heparin until day before csection, and aspirin until 37 weeks...

@Twittlebee I didn't end up going to the high street as I crashed in the sofa, suddenly got hit with a wave of exhaustion. Then I was going to go yesterday, put makeup on but then it starting raining ....... so I did laundry and baked a birthday cake for my sister's birthday today instead. I si really need to get some bus today though so I'll have to go after my gym class later. Thanks for the bra tips, I tended we have a Jojo Maman Bebe on the high street who fit and sell bras so I'll try there. Looks like online they have those crop top style ones you and @Rubyroost talk about.

There have been some more BFP's but like we've all experienced a bit nervous about dipping their toe in here until out of the danger zone. Hope they all join soon.

That must be so difficult, especially if they haven't had the struggles you have had. It can be upsetting as I would be thinking "be grateful you haven't had TTC problems and suffered losses" but they just don't understand. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling the way you do though, it is perfectly understandable. Can you speak to your midwife/ bereavement midwife about how you feel? 18 weeks already! Just 2 weeks from half way! Yay!

@UnicornsandRainbows1 aww such a cutie ❤

@sadtoday21 lovely to see you back! Thanks for the advice in bras too. I could drive up to M&S as my local one doesn't sell undies (it's a food one with GP tiny clothes section) so I have to go further out for the bra fitting service. Have you packed your hospital bag yet? Mine is getting there now, just need a few more little bits to go in but need to buy first and need to hire a TENS machine from boots. Definitely get a scan if you feel you need it for your anxiety! Just 7 more weeks for you to go, you must be relieved. My anxiety is definitely still there and will be until Bubsy starts school I think ...... this pregnancy after loss game really is so hard, difficult to not think about everything that could still go wrong.

@Mistymeow so sorry you're having all this anxiety. The ladies here keep telling me when I was worried about bump measurement how inaccurate they are and vary between different midwives. Good you're getting growth scans. Hopefully the next will all be fine and healthy on Monday. Glad you managed to change hospital! As for the urine test, yes it could well have been your breakfast. The time I had sugar in mine was when I'd had granola and yoghurt for brekkie ......... sugar overload!

@strawberrye sorry you're also having growth worries. Remember you are petite and if your OH is too then baby could be smaller (that's my theory anyway). Someone said to me the baby often fits the mother's size. Not sure how true it is but there must be some sense in that. Hope everything at your next scan is okay!

@fnej01 hope your scan goes well!!!!!

36+3 today. Have some really mixed feelings. Our Little Bean (the first baby we lost) should be celebrating their first birthday tomorrow and it's Chinese New Year. Just feel sad but also scared for Bubsy. I just want to hold Bubsy in my arms at home now and have a happy healthy baby. Maybe I should have booked another private scan to check on how Bubsy is doing as not knowing is hard. Everything was fine when we went in for reduced movements a few weeks ago but I am still worried. I also feel bad/ guilty that I haven't been able to get excited for Bubsy like I did with the first baby and not wanting to buy stuff or get organised.

@InDreamland anniversaries always bring the most worrying feelings. I hope you are ok tomorrow and my thoughts are with you. Today is DD2's birthday and I just want to hold onto DD1 and DS tight but DD1 isn't in a cuddly mood. Feeling sad for what should have been, I miss her a lot.

@strawberrye my friend had growth scans and femur measured 10th then 5th then 2nd. They wanted to induce/do C section early but she refused. They kept talking about ds as she had tested relatively high for it, but then had nipt and was happy with result. Apparently they kept going on about it. Anyhow, baby was born with fairly little legs I think, nothing less, nothing more. I hope this will be the case for you. I think scans over 24 weeks are notoriously inaccurate too. Obviously you'll want regular scans regardless though to make sure everything is okay.
@Mistymeow I think the midwives measurements can be inaccurate as it can depend on position if the baby. I had glucose in urine on two separate occasions previous pregnancy, on one occasion it was plus 2. But because one had been at GPS they refused to test for gest diabetes. I think if midwives find it twice you get the test. I was really worried about it all the way through pregnancy. But I didn't have gestt diabetes. The Dr said that pregnant women get leaky kidneys and they can leak glucose. I was similar to @InDreamland I'd had porridge with homemade jam on top before I was tested.
This time I'm worried about it again as baby is measuring on the 90th percentile! Head and abdomen are huge and legs are average. I keep asking to get tested but they won't as I'm 'low risk'.
@Indreamland wtf? Gym class, laundry and cake baking. I was just proud of myself for managing to reach my car in the car park this afternoon. 😂Can't believe I still have another 8 weeks and I'm like this already. Do you think I can start parking in disabled spaces? Sorry to hear you're having a hard time currently.
@sadtoday21 if you need extra reassurance get another scan. Though I have found these growth scans are just causing anxiety for me. I don't want to know baby's head is off the scale or baby is breech. Its just caused unnecessary worry and I'm dreading my next growth scan. Imagining they'll have to create a new percentile chart esp for me. 😬

Thanks @Rubyroost I did end up going in today for reduced movements and the ctg looked fine. They did a quick bedside scan, not a doppler can or any fetal measurements, but said he was moving on the screen and heartbeat and amniotic fluid looked good. My bump is measuring fine (32 cm at 33 weeks). Do you think I should push for a doppler and growth scan or am I being unreasonable? I think I will have one in three weeks at the routine 36 week scan.

@InDreamland I'm sorry you are going through this difficult anniversary. I also worry a lot and wonder whether I should book a private scan (although based on today I don't think you can see very much). And I also haven't bought very much or gotten very organised because it fuels my anxiety. All I can say is please don't feel guilty about it, your feelings are completely understandable and babies really don't need much right away except love, a bed, and some milk (from what I gather). And I guess they shouldn't be totally naked. You have all of these things already. You are more prepared than you think and for everything else there is amazon! But I understand how you feel - I am also really type A and I like to be prepared, but struggle to do it because of anxiety.

Speaking of which, is anyone buying pre-made bottles or formula or something just in case breastfeeding doesn't work out? If so, which ones? I have this fear of baby going hungry and not being able to do anything in the middle of the night and just panicking. Second time mums, what did you do?

Hi @sadtoday21
I bought a 6 pack of pre made aptamil bottles from boots and brought half the bottles to the hospital in my bag. We actually did end up using one on the midwives’ advice after he struggled to latch on day 1. We haven’t used the rest as he’s caught on to breastfeeding but it’s not a bad idea to pick up a small pack.

Thanks for the reassurance everyone.

@strawberrye I understand, I’m also worried about growth and like yourself I’m very petite. My friend’s baby was always measuring under the 10th- they even wanted him to be included in a study about small babies. But he was a normal size when born. I think the medical team are super cautious and with our backgrounds it worries us more than other mum’s, as we always expect the worst. You’re right to get another growth scan. I hope you’re feeling a bit better?
@InDreamland I can understand your nervousness. Remember every new mum feels the same, and it’s so much harder when you’ve had to deal with tragedy. So don’t feel bad. Sounds like you’re being very sensible with the items you’ve bought so far.
@Rubyroost thanks for that. They didn’t give me the GTT test, they said they don’t do it after 28 weeks so I have to measure my blood sugar levels four times a day for 2 weeks. I also hate growth scans, they scare me. I’m sure your baby is just fine. I keep telling myself that it’s better to have the extra checks than not.
@fnej01 I did think about complaining, it was more the way I’ve been handled with little information given than anything. Now that I’ve changed hospitals I’m hoping for a better experience. I hope you’re ok- how was your scan?
@sadtoday21 sorry that you had to go in. I would be inclined to hold off on a scan if the checks were normal and have one in a few weeks. But you need to do what’s best for you, and it’s important for you to remain calm.

I did my first blood glucose test on the machine and it was 5.6, it’s meant to be under 5.3. I ate all the recommended food (and have been really since I fell pregnant) so I don’t know how else I can control my diet (I’m very slim and lose weight easily unfortunately). And baby bump is measuring small. I’m so confused. I’m glad I have the scan and midwife on Monday so I can talk everything through :(

@sadtoday sorry you ended up going in but hope that it has given you some reassurance. Based on my experience of growth scan yesterday 31+5 i realised how much less you see when the baby is big and for me it's a very technical scan rather than some of the nicer early scans. It also worried me a bit that baby didn't seem to move as much as earlier scans but my doctor pointed out that's just because there isn't the space for somersaults anymore.
Also just on the breast feeding I am
planning to give it an initial go but will be taking some of the aptamil little bottles with me in case I struggle. I feel more relaxed about it knowing I have a backup.

@Mistymeow is it worth talking through the results with your midwife at all?

@indreamland just think of it as postponing your shopping for when bubs is here. Nothing to feel guilty about. I have been quite minimal but think I will have lots of fun once they are here and I know gender.

So my scan was fine - they are generally more interested in the placenta and blood flow than they are baby. However, baby has grown more around the tummy than other areas so they double checked I had had GTT. Consultant then said baby is fine nothing to worry about and as GTT is normal your fine. Naturally I am on google now and worrying... even though I have been told not to! I have been quite partial to some choc recently so maybe will start to watch my sugar a bit more closely... it's definitely freaked me out a bit!

They are scanning again in a fortnight mainly again to confirm placenta remains ok due to the APS, which I am pleased about so glad I moaned about previous doctor.

@sadtoday21 do you get a scan at 36 weeks on the nhs. To be honest I think if you insist on a scan they'll just say there's no need. So I think the only way if having one is private. I'm having extra scans because I'm old, I don't really want them.

I didn't buy any formula. Baby took 48 hours to latch and I expressed colostrum and fed with syringe until he did. He fed fine once he latched. I won't be getting formula this time either. Midwives didn't seem massively concerned they just kept record of the colostrum he had and suggested I didn't leave until he latched. As soon as he latched I went.