The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

@Bluebelltulip oh no, that's so sad you have the anniversary and birthday coming up. I can share some of your grief as baby #1's first birthday is Saturday week on the 25th. Hope you will have lots of love and support at home to help you through the weekend. Sending lots of hugs! Loss anniversaries and birthdays/due dates for those lost little ones are just horrible. Thanks for your advice and asking. Bubsy gave me a good kicking when I got home from work and then another few strong kicks since I got back from yoga. Those kicks are reassuring. As well as feeling some of those pushing out movements. For the pain relief DH asked if I'm using gas and air ........ he so just wants to try it himself!!!!!!!

@KnitKitty goodness you're having a tough time at the moment. Hope all goes well tomorrow. Hope that you don't need to stop breastfeeding. Great news for DD's blood test though!

@frillyfarmer sorry you're feeling this way. I'm sure when baby comes you'll feel differently but it's normal to feel the way you do, I've heard others with a little one say similar to you. How long do you have now until maternity leave starts? PGP must be awful, my pelvis is feeling really bruised and uncomfortable so you must be in agony. I find I can't sit for too long too as it makes it worse even though walking is so uncomfortable. Can you get your doctor to refer you to physio?

Ladies, realistically am I being silly not getting the buggy until after Bubsy is born? Am planning to order it online after the birth. How soon after the birth do you actually need to use the buggy? I kinda had in my head we don't really leave the house for a couple of weeks after birth and getting home. Is that right?

@KnitKitty I hope you have been seen overnight and at least have a treatment plan and an idea of when you can get home. I hope you get better soon
@coconutlatte44 wow you sound so close...hope things are moving forward and little one will soon be safely here
@Twittlebee good news about the scan and ongoing monitoring, hopefully that's reassuring that they are keeping an eye on you. The consultant on the other hand, that is really really poor. I know they are very busy but the contradictions and not reading notes is insensitive and does not inspire confidence. I have to say I'm not that inspired by mine, some of what she has said to me has been factually incorrect (contradicts the fetal cardiologist) and then changed her mind form 2 weekly appts to "I'll see u in 10 weeks"
@frillyfarmer I think your nerves and thoughts are natural. Even though my DS will be 16, I worry about the massive change to our lives, just smack bang before his GCSEs start. I'm trying to look positively at the bonding time we will have in the summer as our new family. I'm sure your DS will adjust well. Apparently I was a little naughty when my brother arrived but my DM would include me in everything even feeding time - DH would BF him while I had my own grown up milk and we would have stories at the same time so I never felt left out! You will be amazing, the fact you are worrying shows what an awesome mum you are
@InDreamland we have identified our buggy we want, I refuse to have it in the house so won't Oder till nearer the time. Maybe you could do a click and collect on it, so it's bought and ready and DH can go and grab it once little one arrives? I'm planning on using the carrycot in place of a Moses basket when downstairs so would like it at home when I am out of hospital. Apparently it's common to order but collect later with some stores

Thank you @Kayjay2018 @InDreamland I've got my 34 week midwife appt today so I'm going to speak to her about my struggles and see what she says. Husband is away this weekend so I've got to take my little boy with me now! Hopefully he can sit and watch postman pat on my ipad nicely!

@InDreamland my toddler absolutely hated the carry cot of our travel system so he didn't really go in the pram until 6 months when he could sit in the seat. I had a fabric Moby sling which was invaluable in the early days and I used for dog walking/shooting etc. It's difficult to judge because we're all different - I'm an outside girl and with the dogs and the horses I need to be outside. But if you're happy to think you could stay indoors for a couple of weeks there is no need to go outside.

I am sorry you are facing this difficult time @Bluebelltulip with you DD2's anniversaries coming up. I've no words that can make it any easier. Just know we are all here x

@KnitKitty oh you really are facing a real physical and emotional challenge atm. Good luck with it all. I hope it gets sorted quicker than 6 months or is that as a minimum?

@frillyfarmer Im not sure it is totally helpful to say those thoughts are normal, but they really are normal and common. I still get them now even though DS asks for a baby to play with. I hope you can share these worries with someone close to you too?

@InDreamland totally okay to do! You might even find that you are only a day or 2 without a pram anyway if you order it once baby is home. I'll be doing same as you. With DS we didnt use a pram until about 10-14 days after birth as a novelty walk to the bakery and then he pretty much lived in a sling

@Kayjay2018 that would really throw me too, especially the factually incorrect stuff. I get that they cannot know all the facts but you would think they would at least admit if they were unsure? It just worries me so much as medical staff failed to spot my infection twice now so I have little confidence.

@Twittlebee glad to hear your scan went well. Is your placenta stable (ish) for now then? Hope you're still taking it easy.

@KnitKitty sorry to hear you're in hospital, that's pretty shitty
@Frillyfarmer I havent really started worrying about having two. I can't think that far ahead at the moment. I'm hoping my two year old will like helping out and I can sit with him and play with him etc when b feeding. My boyfriend will see to him whilst I recover from my c section, but I'm not envisioning any huge problems. Maybe I'm being too optimistic.
@Indreamland I didn't purchase anything until after 36 weeks, but I did get a pram. Is there any reason why you want to leave it late.
I'm the early days there's nothing better than going out for a walk and getting fresh air and keeping in touch with the real world. I probably won't have that option as I won't be able to walk too far because of my c section. 😭 But yeah, the earlier you get out and about the better- keeps you and baby sane.
I also got a carrier, but didn't get one until about 6 weeks in. I didn't like the wraps and couldn't get on with them so I bought a more structured (but still really floppy and flexible) one with fixed straps etc. I ended up using that more often than the pram once I had it. Good for neck control and means baby isn't lieing down all the time. I got really paranoid about flat head. 🙄🤦‍♀️

@frillyfarmer how did it go at the midwife appointment? Hope all is well and you managed to speak to her about how you're feeling.

@Kayjay2018 @frillyfarmer @Twittlebee @Rubyroost thanks for your helpful comments about the buggy. Good to know I'm not being nuts not getting it yet. I just don't want to buy things really until I have a healthy live baby at home. I'm still anxious about loss so only want to buy the absolute essentials needed for hospital, birth and bringing baby home and first couple of days.

Can't believe I now only have 2 days left at work! It's so surreal but I feel sad as I love my job, my colleagues and where I work at the moment.

I had a call from the health visiting team today which was unexpected. Just covered some general stuff and see how I was and answered any questions I had. I'm still a bit thrown as really wasn't expecting them to call until after the birth. Midwife never warned me to expect a call. Anyway, no bad thing but things are just feeling weird at the moment. I wonder if reality is starting to kick in and I'm feeling a bit unprepared.

@KnitKitty how did it go today? Hope test results were positive.

@Indreamland I think I bought a pram and cot and moses basket (which we never used) as we considered these essential. The pram because it came with a car seat. I thought you had purchased a car seat that came with a pram? I just bought a few baby grows and vests and then also had some presents which were clothing bought for me. It all stayed at the mils until I had the baby.

This time I'm reusing everything so no need to purchase. We're having a dilemma about the cot my toddler sleeps in so if anyone can help.. Its a toddler bed and he still sleeps happily in his cot, just turned two. Dilemma is do we get another cotbed and toddler eventually sleeps in toddler bed until 4/5. Or do we put him in big boy bed soon and then use cot.
Baby will sleep on my need for the first couple of months so I have a while to think about bed arrangements.
Health visitors in my area do a prenatal visit. @Indreamland mine will be visiting soon. They carry out a risk assessment on whether you are a potential child abuser. Ask certain qs etc, check out living arrangements and sometimes sleeping arrangements. Personally hvs get on my goat a bit as I just don't think or see them as effective in preventing child abuse. And I think their resources can be better used elsewhere. I will be doing what I did with the last visits and after the 6 week check I will tell them I don't want any further visits. The lady that did the first couple of visits to be fair was lovely, done to earth, chatty and not patronising at all. The ones I have met at the weigh in clinic have been quite patronising though.
They sent a letter saying they were coming round to my house for a check (6 month I think, can't remember). I was at work and it wasn't convenient (it was also a different hv, not the lovely one I had before) so I just wrote to them and said I didn't need their services any more.

@Rubyroost I would be tempted to get a big boy bed for your toddler as it will last longer - if you buy another cot bed you will still need to buy a bigger bed anyway so it just seems the more sensible option. My DS went into a big boy bed at 14 months - our rooms are huge so we kept the double in there, it's low to the floor and I just bought a couple of bed guards.

Thanks @frillyfarmer for your input. I guess I've got two/three months of baby on the bed yet so hell be 2 years and 6 months when I need the cotbed. I like him in his cot currently though as he sleeps well and can't get out the bed to disturb me 😬😆often hell ay in his cot for 30 mins or so whilst I have my sat morning lay in.

@InDreamland thanks for asking. All good here, we're measuring just under 95th centile but in the normal range, still testing clear for gestational diabetes and pre eclampsia which is great. Really hoping this little lady will come on her own! I had a very positive birth experience with my first but I was induced so it was a hard labour, I'd love something natural!

Play

@Rubyroost he might do that in bed, fingers crossed! My little boy sleeps without a night light and I have black out blinds so he wakes in the dark, chatters to himself and never gets out of bed until I switch the light on! But it's good you've got time if baby is going into your bed. I need to dig the snuzpod out this weekend!

@frillyfarmer ahhh you're big too. I have another growth scan in just over a week and I'm dreading it. I hate seeing babys head off the scale and so worried it'll be even more off the scale next me. They won't test me for gest diabetes despite me having massive baby as I'm low risk. I thought that was the point though, if you're low risk you can still get it.

@friyfarmer. We also have very good blackout blinds and no nightlight. What a good boy he sounds though. 😍

Yes actually they said they couldn't see any concerns with it this time @Rubyroost ! Still taking it though for sure. And also, I got paranoid about flathead too! I know too many babies who had flatheads and still do now as toddlers!

Good luck for those last two days @InDreamland !

That's excellent news @Twittlebee I bet you're relieved, but obviously still anxious. Have you stopped spotting?

The dreaded flathead 🤣I thought my little one was developing it so I got him a little pillow too. I don't think he was, I think I was overthinking it. He hasn't got a flathead now.

@KnitKitty Hope you're okay. Sounds like you've had a rough few days!

Thanks for asking after me. Ava has had a very rough week but she's quite a bit better today. She's now 8 weeks and 1 day old and would be 30+6. I really, really hope we've turned a corner but it's far too early to tell.

@Squiff70 I really hope she has turned a corner too, and she continues to make process. It must be such a roller-coaster. I hope you're feeling well in yourself, you're an incredible mum.
@KnitKitty That sounds very rough, I'm sorry to hear about the pulmonary embolism. I hope that isn't what it is, but if it is it sounds like they are on it with your treatment. Not what you need with new baby's early arrival and adjusting to being back at home. Keep us updated. Glad to hear little one is doing well.
@Twittlebee fantastic news on the scan, sounds like everything is going well. Sorry that the consultant was so rubbish, I find some of them are lacking in the communications department. Not what you need.
@Bluebelltulip sorry to hear that today is the anniversary of your dd2's death. I hope you're bearing up. Anniversaries are always difficult. So glad you have your lovely family around you.
@InDreamland I would check to see how long it takes to deliver the buggy. Mine had a 3 week wait so I bit the bullet and ordered. It would be a shame if you can't take baby out for a walk in those early days as I imagine you'd want the option to take little one out. Maybe you could get a baby carrier in the meantime? I'm going to get one I think. I'm with you on the birth options, I'm hoping for a water birth but if not I'll go for the pain killers!

*progress, not process

@Rubyroost no we bought a car seat that just came with the isofix base but doesn't come with a pram. We have decided on a Bugaboo bee 5 when the time comes to buy one. I am just scared still to buy anything unless we absolutely need it straight away and can't get away with not having in the first few days. The buggy can be bought on next day delivery or next day click and collect. SIL is giving us loads of stuff too (moses baskets so just need to buy 2 new mattresses, clothes, steriliser etc.). Thanks for the HV insight, will have to see how it goes. If it was me I think I'd get DS a big boy bed and the cot can then be used by baby in 6 months time.

@frillyfarmer glad all is well and healthy. Fingers crossed you do have a nice straightforward birth.

Thanks @Twittlebee it really is feeling very surreal. Not really sunk in yet. I never thought after 5 years of unexplained infertility followed by 2 losses I'd be at this stage ever. You must be so relieved hearing they couldn't see any concerns this time. How do you avoid flathead?

@Squiff70 wow, can't believe she is 8 weeks already. She's such a little fighter, glad she started to get better again. Hopefully it's all positive from now and and continues to get stronger and stronger.

@Mistymeow I looked on the JL website which does next day delivery or click and collect, direct from Bugaboo can be delivered in 3 days and Amazon also has next day delivery option. I am just scared of something going wrong in this last month. I am still not believing I'll have a baby to bring home whilst DH is really excited now.

Sorry, hit post too quickly.

@Mistymeow which baby carrier do you think you'll get? I'm going to test them out once I have a baby to try out with. I agree it's good to have your birth preference but keep open minded. Fingers crossed we can all have what we are hoping for in labour and birth.

@Squiff70 I'm sorry it's been a tough week for you and Ava. I really hope she's turned a corner. It must be such a tough time for you