The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

@unicornsandrainbows1
Congratulations on your new arrival!

Ladies a little bit of a selfish post from me apologies. I do really hope everyone is ok.

I am now 30+1 weeks. Had a rubbish appointment with a registrar last week, who was suggesting despite my diagnosis of APS i would be left to go to term ie 42 weeks. I knew this wasn't right from having been under st Mary's for first trimester so complained and have been moved to a senior consultant who I saw today. He's suggesting we book me in for a planned csection between 37-39 weeks depending on when I prefer. Which weeks wise was as I expected but thought more likely they would induce.
At the beginning of This journey I had always envisaged a Vbac with gas and air. I think I am just a bit shell shocked, but he has said he thinks with my history csection is safest.
Can anyone give me advice/tips? I am
Not planning to go against the decision just a bit shell shocked I think?

Also he mentioned steroid injections?

Also first nct class tonight so I am a little
Bit scared...

Thanks all xx

Afternoon all, back at my desk so feel like I can properly catch up!

Did you book in the end @InDreamland ? We have booked to go Felixstowe, nowhere amazing but its on the coast and within 45 minutes drive of our hospital. I shall be in week 28 when we go!

Brilliant you are packing you bags! I have always aimed to pack 3 bags, 1 bag for during labour (things for me, DH and snacks all in smaller bags inside), 1 bag for post labour (things for me, DH and baby and again all in smaller bags inside) and a 3rd bag to sit in the car full of things if we end up having a longer stay.

We actually packed our bags over the weekend! We packed a bag each for me, DH and DS1 (no baby stuff) all enough for 4 days stay just in case the worst happens pre 24 weeks and I am sure we will rearrange the bags post 24 weeks. Just so on edge.

Oh @KnitKitty look at that complete cutie!! Thank you for sharing that lovely photo. Sounds like a rocky start and a very busy one too!! Relieved all is going well now, hope it continues!

Lovely news @Twitwooo and congratulations on a girl too! Here is to the 2nd half of pregnancy now.

ah that is great about the placenta @Mistymeow but sorry you had that bloomin scare with xray and all! Glad you and baby are both all okay

Congratulations @UnicornsandRainbows1 ! What a great weight for 37 weeks too! Really hope he shifts that jaundice real quick and is back home super soon. Hope you are okay?

So, I had my first swab results back. All clear apart from thrush so no Group B Strep (although that can obviously change). But then my Dr said she doesnt think its all down to infection so who knows. Seeing her on Thursday after my cervical scan so guess we will find out more details, plans etc etc. Still spotting, still crampy. oh and I have really really awful piles so Amazon Primed Anusol cream to arrive tomorrow - oh the glamour of pregnancy

@Beaglemum93 thanks, it does feel close but at the same time like I have ages to go, maybe it'll hit me more when I finish work next week.

@fnej01 sorry I don't have any knowledge or experience to be able to comment but hopefully one of the others will be able to help there. I guess I'd be following medical advice but definitely if you're unsure or have more questions which you may well do given you're shocked, ask the doctor to explain more. Hope the NCT class goes well and you enjoy it.

@Twittlebee no we haven't booked yet. When I looked at prices, even with sale discount it's extortionate because all they have are the expensive suites left available and we normally go for a premium room which is their kinda middle range (standard rooms and superior rooms are most popular as cheapest but we treat ourselves but not to the suites which are ridiculous prices). They have nothing available below a suite and I'm not paying that sort of money, even with a voucher to part pay towards it. I'll have to speak to DH about what he wants to do. Glad you've got a trip booked to look forward to. It's great you've packed your bags, one less thing to worry about and you must feel a little more organised and in control. Hopefully you need to rearrange and not need them until full term! What a nightmare that you're still spotting and crampy, it's so worrying. Hope those piles are treated and go. Really feel for you!

@KnitKitty what an amazing photograph, she is beautiful and looks very pleased with herself
@Bluebelltulip how's your DS getting on? Have you found anything that is helping?
@Twitwooo I think you and I must be close ish in dates - bump is due on 10th May, but we had our 20 week scan just before Christmas. How exciting to have another girl! Ours is still team yellow with my son liking the idea of a brother and DH a little girl (I know he just wants a healthy little one really). So I suppose at least one of the will be happy 
@Mistymeow excellent news your placenta has moved and that your growth scans were ok. Can I be cheeky and ask when your growth scans started? I'm down for 4 weekly ones but the consultant thought I would get fetal heart scans at 16 weeks (I did) and 24 weeks. In reality I had one at 21 weeks and won't see cardiologist till 32 weeks, so I have to wait till 28 weeks for next growth scan. Am wondering if I should have one booked for 24 weeks
@UnicornsandRainbows1 major congratulations on your DS, what a great weight. My DS was brown at just after 37 weeks and looked like he had been tangoed bless him. We didn't need the special lamp and we were home and him better fairly quickly
@frillyfarmer hope you managed to have a lovely day with your DS
@InDreamland how amazing, only 1 week of work left. I'm still trying to figure my dates out. As DS came at 37 weeks I don't want to leave it too late but don't want to go too early as want as much time with baby as possible. Also can you go on a cancellation list for the hotel??
@fnej01 I don't have any advice, just wanted to say well done for pushing to see someone else, I sometimes find it's easy to be intimidated in that situation. I hope someone can give you some advice
@Twittlebee glad you are back at your desk. Great idea about the bags I will have to remember that for nearer the time. Sorry you are still spotting

Well bump and I are just over 23 weeks, counting the days to get passed 24 as most heart issues will have become apparent by then. Next midwife check is on 22nd. I'm getting some strong kicks and then lots of arm movements low down. They are just starting to interrupt my sleep (along with the dog who has decided to bark every time a local owl hoots). Between the kicks, needing to pee and dogs I'm lucky to get 2 hours interrupted! I'm sleepy!!

39 weeks tomorrow and insomnia is in full force 😬I have no problem falling asleep but seem to wake up about 4 hours later no matter what time I go to bed at. Then up for a few hours.

Luckily I have just started my leave this week so yesterday I went back to bed from 8-10 after my husband left for work. I’m now coming down with a cold so keeping my fingers crossed that I can kick it quickly!

@UnicornsandRainbows1 Huge congratulations on the arrival of your son. Hope your recovery goes well.

Congratulations @UnicornsandRainbows1.

@fnej01 I don't have any advice but how are you feeling now that you have had a bit of time to let it sink in? I think steroid injections are standard in planned c-sections before 40 weeks. How was nct?

@Twittlebee good luck for Thursday. Well done for getting some bits together.

@InDreamland yes it's frustrating how many foods have little amounts of allergens in them that don't need to be there. A lot of my bags space was taken up by nappies and maternity pads.

@Kayjay2018 congratulations on 23 weeks. Hope your sleep improves. DS has been a bit better the past few days so hoping it continues, next check up tomorrow.

@coconutlatte44 sounds like you are getting rest where you can which is good, hope your cold goes soon. Me DH and DD had one when DS was born which was annoying.

Thanks ladies for the kind words @Bluebelltulip @kayjay2018 @indreamland I think I just needed to get it off my chest

NCT was actually really good. they are a nice group of couples and i liked everyone so we had a good laugh. I think especially good for DH thinking about his role. Also for me to know others feeing the same. I was worried we would be the oldest by far (39 and DH 48) but actually whilst I don't know peoples ages, it felt that the one young couple were the outliers more than us.

Helpfully as well the session last night made me realise that the birth in my mind, is a midwife led birth, which is in no way going to happen for me due to the APS and previous history of loss, therefore never achievable for me.
Whilst I did wince at the £200 for NCT based on the first session I would recommend to others. It certainly made us think about things, and also helpful that it might be the start of a local network of other mums.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 congratulations on your new arrival!
@InDreamland Thanks. I’ve booked a two day hotel break in Harrogate to just relax, and we will continue up north to visit family. Have you thought about what sort of birth you want? I’m keen on a water birth if possible.
@Twittlebee thank you, feeling much better. Glad you’ve had some good test results and the spotting hasn’t changed to bleeding. I hope everything keeps going well for you.
@Kayjay2018 feel free to ask any questions :) I don’t think they ordinarily do growth scans at my hospital at 28 weeks. It’s only because baby was in an awkward position so her fundal height went under the 10th. They automatically do growth scans if they’re way off scale. So I would get advice from your midwife as to whether you need one at this stage, as your case sounds very specific. I really hope all is well, not long now until 24 weeks!
@coconutlatte44 not long now! Hope you get some much need rest.
@fnej01 sounds like nct was really good for you. I think I would go with the senior consultant’s advice but perhaps you could have a chat with your midwife? I find some consultants explain things in a technical and sometimes alarming way, then the midwife translates and I feel better.

I’m officially in the 3rd trimester! Can’t believe it. The buggy has arrived. I’m thinking of switching hospitals. They are in the same trust so all have access to the same notes. Do you think this will be an issue? I was so impressed with my care at the hospital and felt very comfortable. It’s also a 20 minute walk as opposed to a 30 minute drive! I only went with the other hospital because of my consultant appointments, but now it looks like I will be midwife led.

Thanks everyone for their kind words whilst I was poorly.

Thank you, everyone! We were discharged yesterday so we've actually managed a full day at home now. Last night was a bit tiring but at least he's eating well :)

@Kayjay2018 great that you're also team yellow! I still won't open the Harmony test envelope with sex in it. DH has close to given up asking now lol. 24 weeks not far for you now which is amazing, what will be your next milestone? I'm not sure if there's a way of getting on a cancellation list as they resort book via a central office as there's a few around the country. Might see if DH fancies going mid-week as more availability. I'm literally counting down the days now, 4 more working days left and I don't have to do this commute for a year thank goodness. Well apart from maybe some KIT days towards the end of maternity leave. Technically my mat leave doesn't kick in until 39 weeks but I have 3 weeks of annual leave to use up so that's how I'm going at 36 weeks bang on. Commuting on the tube 8 months pregnant isn't fun. When do you think you will like to finish?

@coconutlatte44 eeaakk 39 weeks! So exciting. Hope baby doesn't keep you waiting much longer and you've managed to get some sleep during the day.

@fnej01 glad you enjoyed the NCT class.

@Mistymeow that's great you have a hotel break booked! Will be lovely to get away. I've done my birth plan but left some of it flexible as we all know we have to keep an open mind and whilst I have a preference for a water birth too am realistic and know there's a chance things don't go to plan. Ideally I want to avoid pethadine/diamorphine/epidural and emergency c-section but if it's necessary will do it and if desperate because the pain is so unbearable I may just have to opt for stronger pain relief. So awesome you've reached the third trimester! Amazing too you have the buggy! We've not even ordered ours yet ......was going to order online once Bubsy has been delivered alive and healthy. I'm still scared to buy stuff! Have you bought much? Sounds like a good idea to switch hospitals if that is what you'd prefer. Surely it makes sense if it's closer for you.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 amazing to hear you're home and sounds like all is going well.

I was worried yesterday as whilst I could feel Bubsy moving the movements were much fainter and weaker, more like little gentle pokes and wriggles than the vicious kicks and strong pushes etc I'd been used to but because I could feel movement didn't call MAFU. Thankfully today since 5am Bubsy is back to usual tricks and kung fu practice.

@InDreamland definitely team yellow, we opted out of the gender test on nipt so don't even have it recorded somewhere. My next milestone will be Monday, have got a consultant appt, 24 weeks is the end of my main danger period (risk diminishes after that through to 30 weeks). She usually does a very quick scan and checks blood flow in heart, so fingers crossed that's ok. I thin move to 2-3 week intervals in heart rate checks and onto 4 weekly growth scans. 4 days left sounds amazing! I think I will go on maternity leave on at George's day when I will be just shy of 38 weeks, but with Easter and some carried over annual leave will finish the day before good Friday, I'll be just under 36 weeks (had DS at 37+3 so wanted to go earlier)
@UnicornsandRainbows1 that's great news you are home, I hope you get a bit more rest in your own home than hospital
@Mistymeow congrats on hitting the third trimester! I shouldn't think moving hospital is an issue, people must move about all the time and have to change care provider. You need to make sure you are going to be somewhere you are happiest with otherwise it's another added stress
@fnej01 I know what you mean around midwife led, I'd love that but my notes already say consultant led in front, I so hope that changes, but some of that will be down to whether my health issues impact growth I think. Wow my NCT classes are a lot more than yours (I definitely winced) but as I have no one around me having babies and I missed all classes with my son I hope I can learn something and make some friends
@Bluebelltulip how did the check up for little one go today?
@coconutlatte44 I hope your cold proves to be a sniffle and doesn't turn into a full blown one, 39 weeks- eek not long to go now!

Bump is misbehaving every time I measure its heart rate, seems to be taking longer than every to locate heart rate. Kicks are in different places and definitely stronger this week even than last.

@Kayjay2018 hope all goes well on Monday! Sounds like a good plan for starting maternity leave. I'm definitely ready to finish now, well have been for a few weeks. It's the commute I'm finding hard and for the past month have been needing DH to pick me up from the tube station as the 8 minute uphill walk is a killer.

@Rubyroost how are you doing? Hope everything is okay.

@tinatsarina how are you too? Not seen you on here in ages, hope you and baby are well. Think you're only a week or 2 behind me?

@Squiff70 how are you and Ava doing? Hope she is still making good progress.

Morning all,

That was our experience of NCT, same for my sister and my friend too! Us younger couples are actually the ones who are more on the sidelines. I still feel a bit like that now in the group tbh too! I think generally NCT doesnt get much of the younger parents @fnej01 ? Glad you enjoyed the class, I really enjoyed NCT.

Yay for the 3rd trimester @Mistymeow ! Youd think they would have the same notes but my two local hospitals under the same trust dont have access to the same system. One is all on paper still too! Saying that, I moved across to the one just fine. I dont think it's a hassle really for them.

Amaizng @UnicornsandRainbows1 ! Such lovely news to know you're all home x

Glad Bubsy is back to usual strong movements @InDreamland

Got my first cervical scan today followed by our 2nd consultant app

@Twittlebee hope the scan and consultant appointment goes well today! Has the bleeding/spotting eased off? Thanks, Bubsy was a little naughty again this morning, very light gentle movements when I woke up rather than giving me the good kicking I'm used to. I think fully woke up on the train on way in to work though as movement more noticeable. Don't know what's going on. I just don't know whether to be worried or not. I mean if I'm getting movements I am reassured but if at a different time to what I'm used to or gentler I wonder if that should be looked into or not.

Thank you ladies 😊

@InDreamland my midwife told me they don't worry about types of movements, just quantity.
Has Baby turned yet, as far as you know? If it hadn't previously it might be that it now has and that's why the movements have changed? If you need reassurance don't hesitate to phone your midwives.

Congrats @UnicornsandRainbows1!

And yey! Congrats for hitting 3rd trimester @Mistymeow

I'm back at hospital today after 6 hours in A&E last night with a suspected pulminary embolism. Just waiting for more tests.

My hospital were great last night when I explained I breastfeed and didn't have Baby with me... They got me a hospital breast pump and a private room to wait in.
Luckily Baba is combined-fed so has been having formula from Daddy safe at home; OH has also been doing an excellent job of looking after her. He's a star!

Morning everyone!
@KnitKitty sorry to hear you are back in hospital, hope that you are well taken care of and back home soon!
@InDreamland I find it really hard also to judge whether or not I should be worried about movements because I have worked so hard to manage my anxiety over the last few years that I think sometimes my strategies work too well and I downplay something I actually should be worried about!

Exciting times over here as think I have been having my bloody show over the course of the last few hours. Nothing too serious and no other signs yet but pleased to get a sign that he’s thinking about coming and also glad to get a prodding to make sure everything is totally in order! I’m going to re check my bags and make sure I know how to use the TENS machine I’ve been lent by a friend. Also haven’t given much thought to a few last minute details.

Hope everyone else is well!!

Thanks for the positive wishes @Mistymeow and @Bluebelltulip. Cold is still hanging around but isn’t getting any worse, mostly just constant nose dripping and congestion. Just trying to remind myself that during labour I won’t really notice minor things like that!!

Well scan was pretty good - DS3 is certainly a boy! Sonographer flicked onto my belly to reveal a very obvious penis and he exclaimed "oh did you want to know the gender?" and I was like "well good thing we already know he is a boy!" hahah. Measuring big too like my other boys so that is reassuring me as he measured small at last scan!

Cervical length is 28mm, they like it to be 30mm but as long as its above 25mm then they feel reassured I should make it to at least 34 weeks! But I am to have fortnightly cervical scans until 28 weeks (which is when our cervixes all start to shorten apparently!!!!) so they can ensure it isnt shortening before 28 weeks.

Consultant app was awful though. Had a 3 hour wait only for the Dr to not remember me from last time and even had to question me whether Roy died... It felt rushed and she kept contradicting what she told me last time. E.G. last time she said she would recommend a csection because it will be less than a year since last csection and the risk of rupture is far too great for me but then this time she was banging on about hypnobirthing and VBAC even though I told her last time that i partly blame hypnobirthing for my PND

Sorry, pressed sent to get that rant out incase I lost it all!

Now to actually catch up properly after my lil rant!

@InDreamland how are the movements now? I would ring up just for some advice. My MWs have always pressed me to ring up regarding any chances of movement so I would take that to mean how they feel as well as frequency?

Good luck with the tests, any answers yet @KnitKitty ? Amazing they gave you a pump etc!

Good luck @coconutlatte44 ! Sounds promising!

Thanks @Twittlebee.
Glad to hear your scan looked good. I could also clearly see the gender on my 20 week scan well before the sonographer asked if we wanted to know. When she did ask I said to my husband “well we already know don’t we” and he was totally clueless - this is where I realised in my early pregnancy anxious state I had spent much more time looking at other people’s ultrasounds than might be normal 😂

@KnitKitty oh goodness I hope you're okay and the test results good. Sounds rather scary. It's good of them though to give you a breast pump. Your DH sounds amazing! I know Bubsy is head down, has been for past 3 weeks apparently but not engaged although I've been getting pelvic pain since the weekend so maybe there has been more shift since my last appointment.

@coconutlatte44 it is so hard to tell and I don't know like you how much of it is my general anxiety given my history and then learning to manage it as best I can or if it really is something to worry about. I'm sure I remember midwife telling me though that as baby moves the movements could feel different but the important thing is it is moving and following the same pattern like times of the day or around certain activities. Just can't help worrying or wondering though. Eeeaaakkk so exciting you're getting your show. Keep us updated! Definitely do a double check on your bags to make sure you have everything.

@Twittlebee so pleased your scan was positive and he's looking well. I'd be really miffed with the consultant, sorry you had to deal with that. Don't they read the notes at least beforehand? It's so unhelpful and could increase anxiety in some ladies. I am feeling muddled about the movements. Bubsy has definitely been moving today and kept pushing out and gave some kicks earlier.........always seeks attention when I'm in meetings! Been squirming lower down too. I think I'll see how I feel later tonight and if I get worried again I'll call the hospital.

@fnej01 glad NCT went well.

@Mistymeow where I am has 2 maternity units in the same trust and it's really easy to swap, I've been sent to whichever one was best suited and also transferred when DD2 was poorly so it should be easy to swap.

@InDreamland I was always told that if movements were different enough to worry me to get checked, how have you been since? I think you are right to be open-minded and see how pain etc goes, the pain relief I needed was different in each labour so do what you need to at the time.

@Kayjay2018 thank you for asking, DS is doing better and gained well again this week so just got to keep an eye for now.

@Knitkitty how are you now? Hope everything is ok.

@Coconutlatte44 oo any other signs?

@Twittlebee congratulations on your scan, sorry the consultant appointment didn't go as well. It's ridiculous the amount of health care people that I've had to tell about DD2 in DS's pregnancy, it wasn't hidden in my notes so frustrating that it wasn't read properly.

Sunday is the first anniversary of DD2'S death and the Friday after should be her first birthday. All I want to do is curl up and cry all day but I've got DD1 and DS to look after so can't.

Thanks for the concern ladies.
Had obs done at the Ambulatory Care Centre today and they're organising a scan on my lungs tomorrow afternoon. Still no confirmed diagnosis of pulminary embolism but they are assuming that is what it is and I've got another anticoagulant injection to take tonight. It's a stronger dose than the ones I had after having Baby.

The scan is radioactive so I will have to 'pump and dump' for a day afterwards.
Also the Dr warned me today that treatment for the pulminory embolism will be for 6 months and not always compatible with breast feeding so I'm trying to get my head around the fact I may need to stop BF. Felt very emotional earlier... Feeling a bit better now but man it really feels like one thing after the other at the moment!

The good news is that Baby girl had blood test for jaundice yesterday and the results came back today as completely normal. Phew!

Have been reading away and keeping up just not replying, @KnitKitty I just wanted to say gorgeous picture of your daughter!! And sorry to hear you're going through this at the moment with a possible pulmonary embolism. If it is confirmed though there are different options for treatment - some of which are ok in breastfeeding - so don't settle for just one type of treatment that is offered to you and make sure you ask what the various options are

@KnitKitty I'm sorry things are so rough, it's good they're treating you quickly but I understand it's the last thing you need with a new baby at home. Hope the solution doesn't prevent you from BF if that's what you want to continue with xx

I'm having a really tough day with my thoughts. All of a sudden it's hit me that these are the last few weeks it will be just me and DS, I feel so selfish, he's still so little and dependent on me and I don't want to share my time - I love it just being the two of us and DH when he's here. But in the next breath I've been so desperate for this sibling for him, and to complete our family, I feel so awful for feeling sad about it all. I'm struggling with work, I wish I'd started my mat leave sooner than 38 weeks, my PGP is driving me mad and I can't sit for long periods at my desk as I'm expected to. Moan moan moan sorry.