The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

@InDreamland congrats on the good 34 week appointment and buying the car seat! I'm 12 weeks behind you so reading posts about purchases for inspiration.
@sadtoday21 I hope your appointment went ok today. I don't have any experience of going away at 30 Ian weeks, but an planning a last 2night break for me DH and DS when I will be 29 weeks
@Twittlebee hope all is ok, glad bleed has moved to spotting
@Bluebelltulip hope the health visitor appointment went ok yesterday. Reflux isn't nice if that's what DS is suffering from. Hopefully they were able to give some advice
@Squiff70 What an amazing picture of Ava, she is so beautiful. Be king to yourself, just having a baby plays havoc with your emotions, let alone everything you have been through in the last year. You are doing amazingly

I had my first full on melt down this morning. Bump wasn't moving, even when I proved it to check heart rate (usually twists anyway and can hear it move). Cue loads of tears and ice cold milk and it eventually decided to move. I spoke to the midwife but she wasn't worried as I had managed to count over 10 movements in 45 mins and reassured me that the baby probably wouldn't have a set movement pattern yet. Got off the phone and sat on the floor and just cried. Worrying about damage to the heart and resting every day is taking its toll and this just tipped me into tears. Went to work and bump hasn't stopped moving all day, it especially loved my reflexology session. Anyway sorry for the selfish post, I don't really have anyone to talk to that gets it! Even DH doesn't really understand

@sadtoday the most important thing I think I learned was that it's almost impossible to plan for after baby is here. And I'm a planner - my brain never stops thinking about possible scenarios of how I could do something before I actually do it. You sound like me! I had a rock solid plan for how I'll manage it but it all changed once my dd was here in my arms and everything else very easily took second place. All I would say is don't stress too much about it. Take the time off to spend with your baby. Everything else will fall into place around that, you can do it :)
I am 20 weeks - very slowly starting to feel better. In the last week I have gone to bed late in the evening instead of 6-7 pm so I am happier now I get to spend more time with dh once dd is asleep. Sickness is still there but very manageable now. However my muscles / joint all feel very tender and my lower back is in bits - I already struggle a bit to get up after playing with dd on the floor. Blood pressure is doing funny thing as well and have to remind myself to get up slowly etc. my fingertips go grey sometimes 🙊 I've had this with dd as well, blood pressure was lower and lower every midwife appointment.

@InDreamland well done on buying the car seat and glad you are measuring on track with no additional worries on your mind. I'm sure you'll do as the midwife ordered and the bag done - not as big of a thing as the car seat!

I have my 20 week scan tomorrow morning. The last week or two I have been feeling more like I'm actually going to have a baby in a few months time. I think it's mostly due to dh getting a bit more excited about it and feeling baby kick. He keeps randomly mentioning the fact we're having number two when we do ordinary every day things like getting dd in out of the car and cooking etc. it's all feeling quite positive. I hope everything goes ok tomorrow and baby is healthy and well. I'm scared but also excited to see him/her again!

It does feel like its gone quite doesnt it @InDreamland - I guess its where we are getting into the routine of the new year etc

Well done for buying a car seat @InDreamland too and good luck getting that bag packed. It really is worth doing asap because you might need random stays in hopsital. I ended a random night here and there late in my 3rd trimester with DS1 and wish I had a bag I could have just grabbed.

I am so sorry you had that scare @Kayjay2018 and I am sorry your DH doesnt seem to understand your concerns and worries. It is terrifying when they dont move and you have a real worry to battle too.

Good luck for the scan tomorrow @Twitwooo ! Hope all goes well.

I've taken up crochet! I've knitted this baby 3 hats, my plan is to have a variety of preemie up to 10lb size hats so he will surely have one that fits. DH has also agreed we should maybe pop to mothercare this morning to grab any last remaining deals. I am getting worried now that maybe we are being too positive, I am only 16 weeks (tomorrow) and very aware that everything could still go very wrong even prior viability due to the placenta issue. But the crocheting really is helping me relax and just seems good at reducing my anxiety.

@Bluebelltulip thanks, buying a car seat has been harder than we thought. The back seat of our car has a slight angle on it which means regular car seats weren't reclined enough for baby's head to no fall forward so Mothercare then Halfords advised against ones we looked at. Tried the Britax Romer 360 (was rather pricey at well over £300) then recommended to look at the Joie 360 i-spin which was better but still not great. Looked at a couple of others including the gemm you got but ultimately the best one for us is the i-level because of the lie flat meaning with the car seat angle meant baby's head was still okay. How did the health visitor appointment go the other day? Was it reflux? Hope all is still well.

@Kayjay2018 thank you, this thread (and site) is great for getting advice on what to get and what not to, like I found the advice on what to buy from Boots so helpful. So sorry you had a melt down yesterday, it's so scary when baby doesn't move but great that Bump started to eventually. Your post wasn't selfish, that's what we're here for and if anyone will understand what we're going through it's the ladies on this thread. Like I keep saying, pregnancy after loss is so hard and TBH I really think it can be a real head f**k and emotionally draining. Just keep posting and we will try to support and reassure you.

@Twitwooo glad you are feeling a bit better and the sickness is more manageable now. Half way there! Yay! That's such a great milestone to reach. Hope the scan tomorrow goes well.

Ladies, what's the latest number of weeks you'd go for a mini break (1 night away) in the UK before baby is due? DH and I got a voucher for our favourite spa for Christmas and realistically we won't be able to go away after Bubsy is born unless we leave with a family member overnight which I'm just not comfortable doing until after the voucher expires. Bubsy is due in 6 weeks! We cannot fit a 1 night break away in until I'm 37 weeks as just got other commitments. We would go to the resort that is about 1.5 hours away from home. Would you risk it? Am I'm being mad even contemplating it?

100% not mad @InDreamland as 1.5hrs is still plenty of time for you to get home if things were to start progressing. Also there are other hospitals you can go to, just take your notes, if need be!

What was mad was planning a trip 8 hours from home when 36-37 weeks pregnant with DS1. Thankfully we cancelled it because we would have certainly given birth nowhere near home haha

We are looking to go away, given ourselves a 1 hour radius drive from our hospital.

@Twittlebee thanks, good advice and I will start doing the bag this weekend (I do recall saying on here before Christmas that I'd start in the new year lol - I can claim I've started as I've bought stuff, that counts right?). The crocheting sounds lovely, amazing that you've made hats, I'm cheating and bought one in that Next set I got on sale plus hoping SIL will hand us down some from the nieces. It's nice to hear you and DH are being a little more positive after everything you've been through. It is a good idea to pop to Mothercare for those final discounts if you are brave enough. When do they finally shut their doors? Their online store was taken down a fortnight ago I think. I hope you're still resting up and crocheting is the most strenuous activity you're doing.

Tomorrow @InDreamland ! Really sad to see the go. So many memories there for me.

@Twittlebee thank you, good advice there. I'll speak to DH and see if we can book ourselves in. Will be nice to get a final babymoon in, especially there as we won't be able to go for ages together and it's something we really enjoy (they don't allow under 16's otherwise I'd happily take baby with us). I will look at local hospitals and also route and timing to our one in case that looks doable. Haha, 8 hours away is mad! Where are you considering for your break away?

Thanks @InDreamland and @KayJay2018, he's been getting worse so taking him to the GP later today. It's horrible seeing him in pain. it's my due date today and he is nearly 2 weeks old which seems made.

@Twitwoo good luck for your scan.

@Kayjay2018 it's scary when they don't move but glad all is ok.

@Twittlebee it's nice to see you feeling more positive and if crochet helps then that's great.

@InDreamland I think a night away is a great idea, 1.5 hours isn't that far and just make sure you know where the nearest hospital is just incase.

@InDreamland congrats on buying the carseat! That's a major milestone. I'm glad your 34 week appointment went well, I had my 31 week appointment on the same day as you, so it seems we are about 3 weeks apart! It was interesting to read that they told you to pack your hospital bag by 36 weeks, that's very good info thank you. Was wondering when to do it. I think 1.5 hours away for one night at 37 weeks is totally fine, I'm worried about being 8 hrs away for four nights at 31/32 weeks, but the GP wasn't concerned at all. Just take your notes! You deserve a nice spa break before the craziness.

@Kayjay2018 I'm so sorry to hear about your movement scare, it's terrible and no one really understands it. I'm glad you are feeling better now. And you can always vent on here about it, we all feel exactly the same way! Thanks for asking after me, my appointment went well, bloods came back as no longer anemic and urine clear, so I guess the fainting spell was just low blood pressure/stress.

hahaha yes @Twitwooo I am exactly like that! I'm really struggling with not being as organised/in control of things in pregnancy as I would like to be. I let anxiety take over and don't want to plan ahead, then I get stressed about not planning ahead. Starting to realise that there is a reason why people buy things in second trimester and prepare then, you just have more energy to do it. I am going to try to finish as much work as possible in the next two weeks and then turn to baby organising - buying some actual clothes, doing the hospital bag, batch cooking, etc. Just can't contemplate any of that right now! I know I'll have to be more relaxed later on and let some things slide, it's just not my personality so it's hard! Wishing you all the best for your scan tomorrow and that baby is healthy and squirming around! Thinking of you Xxx.

@Twittlebee yes to the knitting! Anything that takes your mind of feeling anxious is great. Glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better!

@Twittlebee it is really sad, I feel so sorry for the staff. Our shops/high streets are all dying off, it's just really sad. I will like many others though have to take some of the responsibility as many now do what I do and shop for everything or most things online. We will often look at shops to try out larger more expensive items then go online to get them cheaper elsewhere. That and high rents have just decimated the high street I'm afraid. Even yesterday buying the car seat it was a bit of a novelty for us to actually pay in store for an item.

@Bluebelltulip awww no, poor little love, what did the GP say? Hope it's easily treated. Random question for you, presumably it's your family GP surgery where you're registered. Does baby automatically get registered with GP when born because you are registered there? Just wondering what the process is for future planning. Thanks for the advice on a night away. I just wondered if it was too close to my due date to be doing.

@sadtoday21 haha I think my midwife has been worried about me not really preparing for baby to arrive because of how anxious I've been throughout due to my history. I have to be honest left things later than most people like shopping for things etc and she knows that. Think the general advice is to pack at around 34 weeks just in case you go into labour early so you have a bag ready to just grab. Yeah we're pretty close in dates. I will speak to DH about trying to book this night away. I also get now why people shop in their second trimester, doing the nursery list in JL and shopping for car seats in 3rd trimester has been exhausting and uncomfortable!

Just caught up with the thread. Sorry I can't reply to you all individually, but you're all amazing and I'm rooting for you!

@Laney79 congratulations on the birth of your son (so cute!). And well done with how you've handled the medical procedure. You've done amazing with your phobias and should be proud of yourself!

@Squiff70 Ava is gorgeous, you must be so proud of her. You should be proud of yourself too. Your dedication to trying to BF goes to show what an amazing mummy you are (to Ava and her angel siblings). Remember not everyone can BF even if they carry to full-term. It's not something you have failed at.

Baby Girl and I ended up in hospital for a week after her birth (and I'd been in the night before with the preeclampsia too).
She lost quite a lot of weight so I was put on a feeding plan (BF, expressing and topping up with formula) but she did really well and stayed out of NICU and passed her birth weight by day 11.

OH moved house for us the day after she was born so I've been doing a lot of sorting (when not napping between feeds and nappy changes!) So it's been a very busy time!
Baby Girl should only be 37 womb-weeks now but will be 3 weeks old on Friday! I can't believe it!
She now just about fits the tiny baby clothes you can get in a lot of shops and has outgrown some of her prem-baby clothes! 😁
As for me, they nearly tried to keep me in hospital for longer because my liver functions were still dodgy but I really didn't feel that being in hospital was allowing me enough rest to recover. I'm feeling heaps better now I've been at home for a while and I'm having more bloods taken next week which I hope shows things have improved!

@InDreamland GP said likely to be reflux or milk allergy but he's too young to diagnose, been told to hold him upright after feeds and reduce the milk in my diet to see if it helps. Weight gain is fine but as he is only on the 2nd centile the GP wants him weighed every 2 weeks so if he drops below the chart it's picked up quickly. A form needs to be filled in at the doctor's to register them there but I was able to book the appointment this morning and fill the form out this afternoon.

@Knitkitty wow she's tiny, my DS is growing out of the legs in tiny baby (still baggy/long everywhere else) and today is his due date.

@KnitKitty wow she is perfect ❤️ congratulations!

@KnitKitty What a lovely photo, she's gorgeous! 🥰

Short update from me, 20 week scan went fine this morning (after being sent for a walk and some sugary food so baby can turn). It's a girl! 💖 So my DD will be getting the little sister she kept saying was in my tummy after all hopefully. Got to see baby lick my womb as well O.o. Apparently I have an anterior placenta which surprised me since I have been feeling baby girl since about 17+4, though I did only feel things on the left side for for a while (placenta is to the right).

@Squiff70 beautiful girl. I really hope you are getting support for the emotional side. You are doing incredibly well.
@KnitKitty look at that poppet! Glad you’re out of hospital and recovering, I hope baby girl is home with you soon. Can’t believe she is 3 weeks old.
@Bluebelltulip how are you doing?
@Rubyroost are you feeling any better since the worry over the measurements?
@Twitwooo congrats on the scan and having a girl! She sounds like mine- very cheeky. Wouldn’t worry too much about having anterior- mine is too and I feel her loads. My consultant said it doesn’t necessarily mean muffled movements.
@InDreamland thanks, I’m feeling better. You should definitely have that spa break :)

I was kept in for another night in hospital. The consultant scared me a bit saying I needed a chest x ray and it wasn’t normal for my oxygen levels to drop, and needing 9 litres of oxygen. I didn’t realise I was so sick. Luckily x ray was clear and my stats remained normal so I was told it was a virus and sent home. Had growth scan today and she’s fine, apparently has a little abdomen but is following her growth line. Also my placenta has moved so is no longer low lying. So relieved!

Thank you @KnitKitty, I needed to hear that. What a beautiful little girl you have there, congratulations!

@KnitKitty awww she's gorgeous. Can't believe how tiny she is! Glad she stayed out of NICU. Amazing that your DH managed to do the house move, poor guy must be shattered too.

@Bluebelltulip hopefully it's not a milk allergy, I have an allergy to milk/dairy and it's not nice and a pain, I'm used to it but it's hard at first to avoid until you get used to what you can and can't have. Thanks for the advice on the registration at the GP, I'll have to keep that in mind.

@Twitwooo great to see your scan went well!

@Mistymeow sorry you ended up staying in hospital but glad that things seem to be looking okay now. I have looked at the spa availability and think I'll need to discuss it with DH.

I started throwing bits into hospital bag today and now realised I need to get a few more things that are on the list I don't have yet but certainly feeling a little more organised. Do you usually pack 2 bags? One for labour and another for after the birth? I won't be able to fit everything in a cabin case I don't think. I really don't travel light but at the same time try to but it's not happening.

Congratulations on your scan @Twitwoo, I've had an anterior placenta twice and felt movement fairly early. With DS he spent most of his time with his feet in my placenta so only felt head, bum and hands.

@Mistymeow glad you are feeling better that must have been a bit scary. Thank you for asking after me, I'm up and down atm, this is a very hard part of the year for me.

@InDreamland thank you, I'm already restricted as I can't eat gluten but at least quite a bit of free from stuff is free from both. I took a holdall for me and rucksack for DS as I found it easier than splitting things for before and after.

Sorry I've been a bit quiet recently. Had my ELCS on Wednesday at 37 weeks exactly due to preeclampsia. All 7lbs 7 of him is good. We had to be admitted into hospital again though the day after we left as he has jaundice, but hoping we won't be in here too long 🤞

@UnicornsandRainbows1 congratulations!

@InDreamland I packed one for me and one for baby using baby changing bag. I was induced last time so in for 3 nights but only really needed nightwear/leggings and a going home outfit. I'm quite a hot person so for me the worst part of a full weekend in hospital was the temperature of the wards as I'm used to a cool house and thick clothing. I've packed accordingly this time!

I'm now 33+3, just back from a long weekend away with family and I'm so tired. Looking forwards to having a day at home with my little boy today.

@Bluebelltulip thank you, helpful advice. I think I'll copy. Oh that must be hard having to avoid gluten although like me I guess you're now used to it and know what to avoid. It's mainly the processed foods that have surprise ingredients you would not expect.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 awww congratulations! Glad he was delivered safe and healthy, fx he will be back home soon. I read jaundice can be quite common, my sister had it when she was born I remember.

@frillyfarmer thanks for your advice also, definitely going to do a bag just for Bubsy. It's the nappies that take up all the room. The midwives at our NHS antenatal class said pack half a packet of nappies!!!!! They take up 1/3 of the space in my bag! Make sure you do get lots of rest today. Third trimester is so tiring isn't it.

I'm 34+6 today and shattered, slept through much of yesterday and of course last night too uncomfortable and with Bubsy kicking and wriggling around found it hard to sleep.

I also feel really bruised in the pelvic area, is this normal?

I finish work Tuesday next week and can't wait to not have to do this commute on the tube anymore.

@Newbie21 how are you? Looks like you're the only one due before me now on here. Everyone else before us have had their babies.

What's the bet I'm the first on this thread to go over my due date?

Congratulations @UnicornsandRainbows1! That's a great weight for 37 weeks! Hope you're both doing well.

Sorry you're so uncomfortable @InDreamland. You're getting so close to the finish line now!

Glad your 20 week scan went well @Twitwooo!

@UnicornsandRainbows1 congratulations!!! Wonderful news 😊 impressive weight he has too! Hoping you both get to go home again soon. Sending love xxxx