The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

@sadtoday21 how long have you got to write it? It's hard to say really as it depends on how your baby is, DD1 I would have struggled and would have needed to rely on doing it when DH was home but so far DS would be much easier. I wrote most of mine in a year of 2 mornings a week while DD was at nursery.

@RedRobin7 Like a few others I've been told to take throughout the entire pregnancy, but I'd imagine the info on the box are more guidelines and it varies from person to person. Deffo ask for advice though with the doctor, just to double-check you're both on the same page

@ChikiTIKI are you sure it's a cold virus? We've had flu in this house. My two year old recovered way before my boyfriend, who is still really weak and ill two weeks later. I'm supposed tobe immuno compromised and I didn't get it. Good job as don't know who would have looked after us all then!!
@Mistymeow sorry you've been worrying too and glad you're feeling better. I guess I want everything to just be average and then I don't overtgink things or have anything to worry about.

@sadtoday21 @Indreamland sorry you had scares. I went several times with my first pregnancy, a couple of times I had not felt anything for 10/12 hours. Seems a long time to wait I know, but he was such a bugger. One day he'd be going crazy and the next nothing. In the end I just would wait and he'd start kicking late at night after nothing all day. There was no routine.
I can't imagine ever going for reduced movements with this one as its been non stop and started feeling movements at 10 weeks 😳
But, tonight I have one word... PILES!

Hey everyone, sorry I've been a bit absent as been feeling really anxious, just went to the loo and I had some bleeding which has sent my anxiety sky high. It's not much and I had worse with DS and similar with the last pregnancy which ended in a TMFR but I can't help worrying. I'm only 5+4 when I adjust for my cycle so can't even go to EPU for over a week in case it's too early and there's no heartbeat. I just hate the waiting. Sorry for being a bit selfish and just posting about my worries

@RedRobin7 meant to say I had low Papp a with DS, he was fine, I had extra growth scans at 28 and 32/6 weeks. Everyone seemed very confused by what it meant but I think that in rare cases it is linked to placenta / growth issues so they like to keep an eye on you and the aspirin is to help with the placenta.

Just to say things are not good here. Been readmitted as Little Brother has lost way too much weight. Thought feeding was going well but clearly not 😞 Feel like I’ve let him down already and doing a shit job. Maybe tongue tie, maybe he is now too tired to draw milk out. Been in touch with a lactation Consultant and am hoping to get help as want to breastfeed like I did for my daughter. So not ready to give up yet! For now I urgently need to get his weight back up. I'm on a feeding plan and expressing every three hours. So hard juggling that and DD and life. Im exhausted and probably won’t be in touch for a while and that is why.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm sorry to hear you are having issues and back in hospital, the same happened with my DS (now 15). Was breast feeding and had to be re admitted to hospital as dehydrated causing high sodium levels and struggling to feed or even stay awake to feed. He did have a tongue tie that was impacting his latch. I ended up on 3hr feeds (exhausting and had to measure what he had drunk) and ended up bottle feeding. You have not let him down (I know it feels that way because I felt guilty for a long time). Hopefully the hospital can provide support and help. I hope you see some improvement soon as that will make you feel better. You cannot deal with everything right now so focus on this issue with the little one. Sending you a big hugs

@Rubyroost i don't feel like i can say its a flu as we are able to stand up, walk around etc. but it is by far the worst cold we have ever had. i am completely deaf in my left ear today. made pancakes for breakfast and now feel like i need to go back to bed. not going to church today, i think it will be too loud in there.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue im sorry youre going through all this stress with baby's weight loss. im sure he will put some weight on soon. i know how it feels though, the constant weighing etc. its so much pressure. i really feel for you. its good that its being looked in to though and you will hopefully get some useful help. i hope all the staff are being really helpful and kind. will be thinking of you xxxx

Awww @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm sorry you're having trouble and I hope you can b feed. Remember its not the end of the world though and you're in good hands. Combination feeding is a possibility until you establish b feeding. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Sending hugs. X

Also regarding tongue tie, if your baby does have it, and they should be able to tell quite easily - it is rectified very easily, they just snip it with some surgical scissors when they're tiny. Takes a second. My baby cried a little and then straight on my boob afterwards and off we went. He was six days old, they got us an appt really quick as he was struggling to latch when he was born, though that wasn't actually due to the tie, it was all the drugs. Glad I got it done anyway though as my doctor said his kid had it done at 14 (because of a lisp) and it was a lot more complicated.
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sounds like you got some good advice from @Bluebelltulip. I hope you establish feeding soon and this is just a little blip.

@Bluebelltulip hope you enjoyed you meet up with friends.

@fnej01 thank you.

@sadtoday21 yes I absolutely agree that the anxiety never goes away. Today I've been wanting lots of kicks regardless of how uncomfortable it is because I need the reassurance. I don't think I really want to do more study, otherwise I'd have done it by now. Not doing it hasn't harmed my career I don't think, I'm as senior as I want to be and earn way more than DH and he's not in a bad salary either so I'm content. There's just that slight niggle at the back of my mind saying that I haven't fulfilled my potential. I'm sure you'll be able to complete it despite the baby brain.

@Rubyroost hope baby continues to always kick. Reduced movements is so scary isn't it. Sorry you have piles, sounds painful.

@Seahawk80 sorry you're bleeding, hopefully it's just IB. I had some very light bleeds a couple of times in my first trimester which I think must have been IB or just some that became dislodged.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue so sorry little brother has lost weight. Hope he can or or on quickly now you have support, you're in the best place. Sending hugs!

@Squiff70 how are you and Ava doing? Hope she is making good progress.

I'm so tired, just couldn't sleep last night as so uncomfortable, I couldn't even get up to go to church this morning and feel so bad. I'm also feeling so heavy. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 2.5 weeks before I finish work. Back in the office tomorrow and not looking forward to my commute on the tube.

@sadtoday just to echo what @Bluebelltulip said, it really depends on the newborn! My DD was a terrible napper until she was six months old - she used to only do 30 min naps 3 times a day from about 3 months old iirc. Six months onwards she had two long ones a day and by the time I was back in after a years maternity she was napping 2 hours a day. You just never know what you'll get when! I think if you are in your writing up period, giving yourself some extra time to use if you need it isn't a bad thing. You can always write while officially off to take some of the pressure off what remains to be done when you're back. As for whether or not I will take maternity and for how long, that depends on whether or not I manage to officially submit in the next few weeks to have my viva around Easter or not and the amount of (hopefully minor) corrections I'll be given! If I don't make the viva in April I'll probably postpone until August/ September just to get over the initial 3 months or so. If I've had it and not finished corrections before due date I'll probably push on and get them done, though I refuse to stress myself too much over it!

@InDreamland my opinion of a PhD and what it means has changed a lot since I've actually (nearly) finished one. To me it just means you have completed a few years of experience in something and wrote a nice report about it. I think lots of people have 'invisible' PhDs in whatever it is that they do and quite easily those can be more useful than one with an official title. It's years of stipend which isn't great money (and a write up period without a penny) without the assurance of an actual job / career at the end of it and continuing on the academic path involves fierce competition and is absolutely not family friendly (unless you're up for uprooting and relocating for a short term contract in my case). I spend most of my time wishing I had gone into accounting instead, even though I am interested in what I do. Not sure what I'll do for work once I'm finished and baby is older but I highly doubt it'll be in my academic field - hopefully the transfer skills will help. Problem for future me.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sorry to hear about the weight and feeding issues. I have no experiences to share but these problems are pretty common and are resolved quickly with some help! I hope breastfeeding works. Don't be hard on yourself, the early days are hard work and are an adjustment for everyone.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hope everything is getting better. I don’t have experience myself as this is my first but I know plenty of mums who’ve had to go back in because baby is losing weight. It seems very common and nothing that you have done.

I’ve been pretty ill and have had to be admitted. Woke up yesterday to severe vomiting and temp. Got bad in hospital and needed to be checked for sepsis and also my oxygen dropped. Seem to be a lot better today and can at last eat. They were never worried about baby, just me. She was being very cheeky dodging the heart monitor! The one day my DH does a trip abroad too. He’s definitely not doing any more.

Hope everyone else is doing well. X

Hi everyone. Congratulations @Laney79 on the safe arrival of your gorgeous son!

I hope everyone who has been poorly is now on the mend.

Ava continues to make progress. I on the other hand am struggling. It's a year today since we lost our first set of twins and yesterday I totally broke down sobbing. We've lost both our sons and one of our daughters in the last year and I struggle with the injustice of it all. I'm also REALLY struggling with the fact that I can't breastfeed or produce milk for Ava. I tried every 2.5 hours to express until she was over 4 weeks old but got nothing. I was even prescribed two different meds to stimulate lactation but they didn't work. I was eventually told to stop on the basis that my milk would never come if it hadn't by then and I am still devastated and crushed by that. They said the babies arriving 4 months early, having sepsis, losing our little boy and the stress of Ava being so unwell meant I was never going to produce milk.

Anyway, here's a cute baby pic from a couple of days ago.

Keep going, you amazing ladies!

That is a gorgeous photo of Ava @Squiff70
I am so sorry at everything you have and are continuing to go through. losing 3 babies and having your major health issues too really is such bloody shit luck. There are no words other than, i guess, "keep going" ? Will Ava be on formula or receiving donated milk?

How are things today @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue ? How are you both holding up?

Apologies again for being so out of this chat! I am somehow crazy busy this side of NY, think its trying to get back into the swing of routine

Hi @Twittlebee. Ava will be having donor breast milk when she starts on feeds. She's never had milk before because she'd had NEC which required emergency surgery. Hopefully she can start feeds soon. She can only have donor milk for about a month then will have to have formula.

Sorry to be nosey, we never got that far with milk with Roy to discuss really, how comes she only has it for a month @Squiff70 ? Is it lack of donor supply? It's making me consider donating milk again now I'm off my medication. I did seek to donate all Roy's milk but they wouldnt have it because of the medication I was on (which leads me to believe I was actually pumping for no reason as they knew he wasnt going to make it... iyswim?)

@Squiff70 glad Ava is making progress. You have had an awful lot to deal with in a year it's understandable to be finding it difficult especially anniversaries. You tried all you could to breastfeed so don't beat yourself up about it not working, it's incredibly difficult in your circumstances.

I'm feeling very overwhelmed, it's coming up to the anniversary of DD2's death and adjusting to looking after DS and DD1. Rang up to book the registration appointment today and all I could think about while I was on hold was doing the same for DD2's stillbirth less than a year ago. DS is doing well but I think he has reflux, got the health visitor coming tomorrow so will talk to them about it.

I can't imagine all the emotions you must be going through @Squiff70 and how hard it must be. I'm thinking of you often xxxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hope little brother has started gaining weight now. Hope you're okay.

@Mistymeow oh no, I hope you're on the mend. Sounds like baby is okay too which is a relief. Plenty of rest and being looked after. I know what you mean about DH being away, I'm petrified of something happening when DH is away as he goes away for work every couple of weeks but I have asked that he request not to be going away from week 37 onwards. Even from his office he's an hour away if the tubes are running smoothly.

@Squiff70 awww Ava is so beautiful. Look at her tiny little hand ❤ I'm so pleased she is making progress. So sorry you're feeling so sad, no words can describe the injustice of what you've been going through and sadly nothing will take away the heartache. You're so incredibly strong, I (and I'm sure everyone else on this thread) send you so much love and prayers. Hope you have all the support you need around you in RL too. Just wish I could give you a massive RL hug!

@Twittlebee how are you? I hope all bleeding has stopped now and you're still taking it easy.

@Bluebelltulip glad DS is doing well. Sorry you're going through mixed emotions with the upcoming anniversary, it's so hard and those bittersweet moments will sadly keep popping up. It's what anyone who has lost a baby/child has to carry with them forever. Sending you lots of hugs.

On the subject of anniversaries, I had a cry last night because in 2.5 weeks my first baby I lost should be turning a year old. I then started worrying again about losing Bubsy. This pregnancy after loss game really is tough. My emotions are so up and down at the moment.

On the more positive side, on Sunday I did a large Boots online order for most of the bits on the list from @KnitKitty and @Rubyroost. Plus added in a changing mat. Paid with my points which was a win. Should all be delivered today. I also bought some Pampers from Ocado as they were on special offer, paid £15 for 2 x packs of 56 size 1's and 2x packs of 52 size 2's (I've no idea which size would be best so got both). Obviously now worried I've jinxed things again but I am a control freak and feel like I need to get as t least the bare minimum basics and be a bit prepared. Everything I have so far is hidden away in a drawer for now so I don't have to look at them.

2 weeks today will be my last day at work. I'm 34 weeks today and got my midwife appointment later this afternoon. Walking is uncomfortable now, feel like Bubsy is fairly low down and not sure how I'm going to get through the next 2 weeks.

Oh @Bluebelltulip it's a tough time and I imagine going to register is going to be very difficult too. Sending you strength and love. Hope the HV helps with reflux concerns.

Every anniversary or key event or even just random moments are always surprisingly tough arent they @InDreamland and of course pregnancy after loss is so scary. Sounds like you've got a good amount of basics ready though and so hoping you'll use them all! Getting super close for you!

I'm still spotting but no major bleeds again thankfully. Had my first swab for infection so waiting on results. Got first cervical scan on the 16th too. Only 15+4 here, weird because it feels like I have ages to go until June but also feels like I'm waiting for baby to come any day as so on edge

@Squiff70 what a beautiful photo of Ava! I'm so glad that she is doing better. What you have had to endure is incredibly unfair and its amazing that you've been as strong as you have been. I know there is nothing anyone can say to make it better, but we are all thinking of you and here to listen whenever you need to talk about it. Sending hugs Xxx.

@Bluebelltulip I'm so sorry about the anniversary and I hope you get through it as best you can. You've been through so much and yet you are still taking such great care of DS through it all. Hope you are getting support through all of this and also looking after yourself.

@Twitwooo thanks for the advice! It sounds like at least 3 months off are needed, but as you say, very dependent on the newborn. I've been putting so much pressure on myself to finish all the theoretical chapters before March (this is my second year), so that all that's left is fieldwork, but I realise I can only do so much. Baby brain seems to be worse in the third trimester and I'm really tired now at nearly 31 weeks. I fainted this morning and I'm just generally not feeling well due to all the pressure from various deadlines that I have right now. Feel like all I really want to do is crawl back in bed, eat, and watch Netflix. Except of course eating brings up acid reflux...I think I was lucky to have few symptoms thus far and now its all catching up to me! How many weeks are you now? How are you feeling?

@InDreamland congrats on your Boots order, that's a huge step! I'm sorry you have an anniversary coming up as well, they are so incredibly hard. I'm feeling really anxious too, similar to what you said, just keep envisioning something going wrong so close to the end. I don't know how to get out of this negative thinking and I'm really really sorry if it seems insensitive to anyone on here, I'm just really worried about baby and not feeling great. Good thing that you only have two more weeks of work to go! I wish I could say the same, but I don't have your terrible commute so can't really complain.

I'm a little worried that my planned trip to Scotland next week is going to be too much...anyone have any advice for keeping well after 30+ weeks and when to seek medical help? It could be that I'm just exhausted/have a slight cold, but passing out this morning worried me. I'm taking the iron tablets every day and my blood pressure is low. No other worrying signs per say and I think baby is moving ok, but never feeling 100 percent sure with the anterior placenta. Will see the GP tomorrow anyway for my 31 week antenatal appointment, so basically just looking for any home remedies for feeling more energetic/generally less terrible in the final trimester.

@Twittlebee so glad you've not had any more major bleeds but sorry you're still spotting. Goodness you're so strong as I think I'd be in bits by now so you are amazing! Can totally understand you'd be petrified of early labour/delivery now - keeping fx this one hangs in there until at least 34 weeks when survival rates are same as for full term. You're absolutely right about every anniversary or event - I remember Mother's day last year was just awful and of course this Christmas just gone was hard too.

@sadtoday21 your fears for this baby are totally normal and natural. It is so hard after loss(es). Someone said to me that even women who have never experienced what we have (infertility and/or pregnancy loss/losses) worry and get anxiety so it's totally understandable that our anxieties and worries are so heightened. As for the fainting, not wanting to sound bossy or anything but please call your midwife or GP (not sure who is best). It could be perfectly fine and okay and normal because you're pregnant but better to just check it out with a medical professional for reassurance or to get seen and treated if there is something that needs attention. Please don't wait until tomorrow. How are you travelling to Scotland? Make sure you take it slowly, give yourself extra time to get to places and make sure you take your pregnancy notes. I'd also research the nearest hospitals that have a maternity unit/MFAU to where you're going to be so if you do need to seek medical help for any reason to do with the pregnancy you know the number to call. All I can advise to feel less terrible in the 3rd trimester is what I do and try where possible to put your feet up and rest. Easier said than done I know but it really is important. Sorry I feel like I've just lectured you.

I'm just on the tube on way home now to then go to my midwife 34 weeks appointment.

Hi ladies. How is everyone? Gone quiet on here.

Midwife appointment went well yesterday, bump measuring spot on for no. of weeks (34 cms) although we all know its not that accurate, midwife happy with everything. Had the breastfeeding push and asked about birth plan and was also ordered to get hospital bag packed by 36 week appointment.

So ...........you'll be proud of me, I've bought a car seat finally! The search for the right one for us is over ......and whilst I've said all along I didn't want an infant carrier, turns out the best car seat for us is the lie flat Joie i-level that comes with an isofix base. Fits perfectly in our car with good recline. So happy.

@InDreamland, yay on your good appointment and getting the car seat. I've had Joie seats so far and they have been good, thought about getting the I level this time but went for the gemm.