Why isn't being pregnant an important enough situation to quit smoking

[loveyourself87]

I'm giving my self a very hard time about this and wanted to know from Other pregnant women who are smokers what they think.. this is a subject that will no doubt invite your typical 'just stop it', 'you're being selfish' etc comments but really wanting answers from women who experience this, have a go if you want but in the best words possible, it won't make a difference to how I feel. How is it that knowing full well I am pregnant with a much wanted baby isn't enough for me to stop smoking? I have cut down from 10 a day to around 5 a day, I vape during the day but on weekends I smoke more. I know the dangers of smoking to my health and more so the effect it can have on the baby. I'm just perplexed as to what the hell is wrong with me that I'm continuing to smoke. I've read the Allen Carr book, which helped for a bit but doesn't take away the need for a smoke. I vape during the day but when I get home it's as if a treat is waiting for me. I've tried to speak to the smoke free team and have been on the waiting list for 5 weeks and yet to be seen, spoke to the midwife and she said it requires will power! I was a strong minded person prior to pregnancy and was regular active in the gym and could quit if I wanted to but it's as I'd because I can't see the negative effects of the smoking on the baby it seems like it's not real! Ignorant of me I know but what did you do to help you quit smoking.

How is it that knowing full well I am pregnant with a much wanted baby isn't enough for me to stop smoking?

I’m not a smoker myself, but I’m obviously aware that it’s incredibly addictive - otherwise you wouldn’t be doing it and you wouldn’t find it so difficult. Being pregnant can be a stressful and emotional time where you’re already not feeling quite like yourself anymore - people often make it sound like it’s easiest thing to stop smoking when pregnant just because you have a baby to think of, but really with all those changes going on I imagine it can actually be a really difficult time to stop. Still, it does really need to be done... but you clearly already know that. I hope it gets easier for you, please keep persevering! But I wouldn’t feel bad for finding it hard

I think I only quit in the past because I couldnt stand the smell or teast of it. I would of found it hard otherwise. You have cut down and that's good, do not be so hard on yourself and you may find it easier. There are little things you could try like having a glasses of water when needing a cig, eating fruit etc. If you can cut down in a slower time you will be more than likely quit for good.

Hard to stop smoking in any circumstances. But well worth persevering with different approaches, for your own and DC’s health.

Yes most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at me...I have an addiction to sugar chocolate. I risk gestational diabetes, high blood pressure etc. Both of which will put my baby at risk. But you're right, you'll be the one that is judged.
Just do your best and cut down to what you truly can manage - no judgement from me over here! It's very difficult.

Your doing your best. But one thing that you said is that you know the effects yet you cant stop. Maybe you need to see the effects? Have you tried perhaps google imagine babies who have been affected by smoking mothers? Maybe visually it might give you more willpower than reading about the effects. Sounds horrible to do but if it gives you that kick you need. Keep trying!

*google images

I found it easy to give up but a close relative didn’t. She really struggled.

One thing that helped was imagining holding her newborn with a fag in her mouth and quite rightly, she was horrified at the thought and that helped somewhat. She still smoked intermittently. However, when she had her DS the midwives said that they could tell she had smoked as the placenta was in quite poor condition and already starting to deteriorate. Obviously the implications of this were clear to her.

She managed not to smoke for her subsequent pregnancy because it was easier to connect smoking with a baby. I think for your first, ‘the baby’ is quite an abstract concept for most.

Hey, I know your struggles I was a 20 a day smoker and I always said as soon as I get pregnant I'd stop, in hindsight that was very difficult, I did cut down a hell of alot but even 5 a day is too many, I tried and tried but I found it so tough until I bought a vape as recommended by my midwife and that has helped me stop, there isnt anything anyone can really say to you but be kinder to yourself and understand smoking is very addictive and yes in an ideal world every pregnant woman wouldn't smoke but unfortunately we dont live in an ideal world, maybe try nicotine replacement xx

The thing that helped me most of all was to tell myself it was only temporary, so I didn’t feel like I was having to give it up forever, just for a few months.

In the end, I actually didn’t start again, but I think if I’d felt that I was never going to be allowed to smoke again it would have been harder.

It was still hard, though.

You’ve identified your weakest time: when you get in from work and need a treat at the end of your working day. Is there a different treat you can have instead? Like chocolate!

It's hard because it's an addiction, and it's also hard because the end result is fairly abstract. If you were told "one more cigarette will kill your baby", you'd find a way to stop. But because it's not quite that clear cut, the motivation isn't as high.

Maybe google pictures of smoker's placentas, print one out and stick it up somewhere?

@Alicealicewhothe excellent idea about googling images.. I really hope this kick starts it for me x

I think looking after a disabled child for a lifetime should be enough of an incentive..

Well done for managing to cut down- please don't beat yourself up. If you think google images might be a motivation, search for pictures of placentas from smokers vs non-smokers.

take away the need for a smoke.

There's something about the language we use to describe things that happen to us/things we do, and how it can affect our choices. I wanted to pick up this one: nobody needs to smoke. You may get a headache, you may get irritable, but you won't die if you don't have one. Every time you choose not to have one benefits your baby.

@Tableclothing thank you for that, you are right!

I can't empathise with you at all. You're harming your baby every time you do it. When the baby is here you will have times of extreme tiredness where you have to get up and feed / change them. You will have times do extreme stress and you have to look after them. You will have to do things you won't have a choice. This doesn't bode well if you can't stop smoking when you know you have to. You are harming your child. Simple as that. Stop. Stop. Stop. You're putting yourself above your child every single time you light up a cigarette it is incredibly selfish and you're not being a good mum

@Serabi your post has no impact on me whatsoever.

Nicotine is very very addictive. It makes us rather "schizophrenic", one part of us loathes doing it the other part just carries on.

I stopped 15 years ago but it took CBT therapy. I'd recommend that if you can afford it privately. It sort of slowed down the thought process before I picked up the cigarette and examined my reasoning a bit more, it buys you a tiny space to ignore the compulsion.

Absolutely promise you life is infinitely better without, I haven't missed it at all. Not even at lowest points over last decade (sleepless nights, deaths/loss/family illness/divorce you name it)

I cut back when I was pregnant with my first and quit when he was 2, smoke free when I had my second.

It's hard but it's worth it. I'm now one of those ex smokers who can't stand the smell!

It's very difficult but could you up your nicotine level for your vape? Maybe it's your vape? I've had loads of ecigs and I finally settled on the pockex as it was just the right amount of vape without attacking my lungs or catching my throat. The smaller pen ones weren't enough.

@Serabi it's not as easy as that to just stop or op would have done it already.

When I had my children circa 10 years ago, my midwife told me to just focus on cutting down, because quitting cold turkey is often doomed to fail and the stress giving up puts on your body can also be harmful to baby. I cut down a lot, was only on a couple a day then managed to drop those too eventually!

I also agree change your language. For example when you get a craving think "The addiction wants a cigarette. I however really don't want to."

It's not a magic fix but in time it helps reframe things a bit to put you in the driving seat again.

Pregnant or not, smoking does kill and believe me lung cancer is not a nice or dignified death. You have already done well by cutting down by half now try to cut down to 3 a day for a week then 2 then 2 every other day and so on. Make sure you always have a packet in the house as a comfort to know that you could if you wanted but tell yourself you can’t until it’s treat time. After a few weeks you will realise you will have cut right down and one day when you go to have one it will make you feel so sick and dizzy and you will notice the smell more and you will wonder why you ever did it. Best of luck op

OP my post and no impact on you whatsoever because you want to continue putting yourself first and baby second. You want to remain selfish. I also agree social services should be involved. You have a terrible selfish attitude

Smoking is the single biggest cause of stillbirth, and the single biggest cause of SIDS. Every time you feel the urge to reach for a cigarette, put your hand on your stomach and repeat that out loud.