Why isn't being pregnant an important enough situation to quit smoking

[loveyourself87]

I'm giving my self a very hard time about this and wanted to know from Other pregnant women who are smokers what they think.. this is a subject that will no doubt invite your typical 'just stop it', 'you're being selfish' etc comments but really wanting answers from women who experience this, have a go if you want but in the best words possible, it won't make a difference to how I feel. How is it that knowing full well I am pregnant with a much wanted baby isn't enough for me to stop smoking? I have cut down from 10 a day to around 5 a day, I vape during the day but on weekends I smoke more. I know the dangers of smoking to my health and more so the effect it can have on the baby. I'm just perplexed as to what the hell is wrong with me that I'm continuing to smoke. I've read the Allen Carr book, which helped for a bit but doesn't take away the need for a smoke. I vape during the day but when I get home it's as if a treat is waiting for me. I've tried to speak to the smoke free team and have been on the waiting list for 5 weeks and yet to be seen, spoke to the midwife and she said it requires will power! I was a strong minded person prior to pregnancy and was regular active in the gym and could quit if I wanted to but it's as I'd because I can't see the negative effects of the smoking on the baby it seems like it's not real! Ignorant of me I know but what did you do to help you quit smoking.

Oh OP i can empathise. And can also tell you I am now 7 years smoke free! 2 pregnancies and believe it or not did manage to stop during pregnancy as just had this image in my head of a baby (not mine as like you didn't feel the real connection at that stage) in a tiny room/box (womb) and me blowing smoke into the tiny space. This was the image in my head ever y time I took a drag on a cigarette and funnily enough quit pretty quickly.

One thing smoking and pregnancy taught me was that addiction is totally psychological because even though I was off them 9 months and found it relatively easy, on both occasions once labour was over and no longer had that image of the "box" to hold onto I was craving cigarettes so badly and did go back on them both times.

On a side note did eventually quit for good when youngest was 2 and main reason I will never go back is because I remember how hard it was to give up! Don't underestimate how hard it is. Seek whatever help is available and know that unfortunately and ultimately it is just will power that will get you through.

Good luck

@PixieDustt thank you for your response! I am now actually looking at videos that really go into what smoking really does to the baby!

As for being rude, I think you will find that I am responding with a blunt like manner to those who do the same. It's only fair that I do that.

I know it's selfish and I would not have written a post that would attract so many different responses if I was at my wits end to quit! I am just not going to sit here and have people be rude (in my opinion) without giving constructive advise to the post! If a poster says that I don't deserve to be a mother etc, I don't understand how it's ok for me not to comment!

It's a sensitive issues and I am fact based rather than emotionally based! As previous posters have commented on other people's posts, some information is not correct.

That's a really positive step in the right direction. Understandably it will be hard and it will be a long road ahead.
Good luck with giving up, you can do it!

@heretohelpGB very well done on being smoke free for so long! Like you, another poster has written about imaging baby being in a box and blowing smoke in it. I am seeking the relevant help and I really hope I can be done with this addiction for good, for myself, my mental state and my baby. I appreciate your post. Thank you.

@PixieDustt thank you very much, fingers crossed, I can do it.

I was a 20 a day smoker, but I am one of those who when I found out I threw my current pack in the bin and haven’t looked back. Didn’t have a single craving. I was irritable on occasion to begin with.. but I’ve found pregnancy hormones and generally being nearing the end has made me irritable again anyway as I’m fed up and just want baby here now.

I’m really hoping I can carry it on though, I don’t want to pick the bad habit back up, it’s too expensive and I got some old clothes out that i packed away last year, when I opened the box all I could smell was nasty stale smoke, even though they had been washed aswell it smelt horrible and when I smell a smoker now it makes me realise that’s how I also came across to people, it’s a big wake up call.

But it’s hard work, I’ve tried to quite several times before being pregnant and I could hardly manage 2 days. I just couldn’t do it. It was always “one won’t hurt”

Reward works better for changing behaviour than punishment. So everytime you don't have a cigarette do something you enjoy.

Also whatever unpleasant feelings come up when your craving will not last long. Short term pain, long term gain. You've just got to push through it for a while.

Good luck!

When I quit it helped me to walk every time the stressful feeling got a bit much. Just a 10 minute walk would subside the feeling for a bit.

I was more of a social smoker prior to falling pregnant but had fallen into a rut of having a couple after work also. Since falling pregnant I haven't touched one cigarette I just couldn't however that doesn't mean I haven't missed the odd one.

Obviously it is addictive so there's the first reason but also for me I enjoyed having one. Once we fall pregnant what is our release? I think it just boils down to habit and a well ingrained coping mechanism for our daily stressors.

What are your triggers? Are your friends and relatives smokers? Are you prepared to make changes in your activities and who you socialise with to facilitate quitting? Are you able to wean onto vaping? Are you getting support from smoking cessation?

I have never smoked.
My mum did - heavily and throughout both pg.
So through that and living with her i imagine my lung cancer risk is similar to that of a smoker.
Anyway that really is the least of mine or dsis worries. We have both been hospitalised for asthma. Which started around 7yo. And then had daily medication. We also had eczema at birth and several years. Then i have other allergies. We are both allergic to some animals. I havent been able to do as much sports and now i have kids a lot of bugs affect me and go to my chest.
Also worth bearing in mind the if you have a baby girl all her eggs are also already formed and so not only her body is affected but also that of any potential grandchildren.
There are other conditions that have potentially been linked to smoking (obviously not all those affected would have smoking parents though. )
Sids
Asthma
Allergies/hayfever
Adhd
Asd (i read an article that if the GP smokes it increases GC risk).
Pcos
Hypothyroidism?

I have been that sickly child and yes it is rather annoying that if could potentially have been avoided.
But what would i say to dc or gc when asked about smoking in pg when the guidelines are so clear now? (Obviously im older so although it was known to be a danger it wasnt possibly so clear).
Ive spend time with ill dc in hospital and it is s* a&e are overstretched too and tbh with the school i would honestly be concerned about having asthmatic kids as - they cant have the meds on themselves, the teachers wont always be in or know where the meds are. Or recognise an attack. (When they have a cold you could end up with them in hospital or just have to take a day off work as they havent slept and are wheezy.
So far my dc have not got asthma but it is very likely as im so allergic - it gets worse over generations.
We were both born on time but low birth weight and despite average and 91st centile parents we are only 25th and 50th. Overall who can say what it would have been like. But i do know for a fact my gdad died of smoking as did gfil. Both dying 30+ years younger than spouses. My mum had a heart attack around 50 which she survived but had an artery cleared and is now 70+ so would have lost 20y and not met gc. However having that and emphysema is struck down regularly (yearly) in hospital and that has been stressful as a child. I was 20 or so with the heart attack. And the illness has affected holidays,
To sum up smoking has shaped our family - my kids would have met/known 2-3 gp more,
And the consequences reach down to affect gc.
Epigenetics- some genes are switched on/off due to surroundings so smoking is i think damaging babies dna.

A couple of my friends underwent hypnosis and they haven't had a fag in 6 months. They were smoking around 20 a day.

I was a heavy drinker and smoker, I'd come home from work, open a bottle of wine and smoke 10-15 fags with it more or less every night. The second I got a positive test I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I fell pregnant first month of 'waiting and seeing' rather than actually ttc if that makes sense and I didn't think it would happen so didn't stop but as soon as I got that positive I could no more have stuck a fag in my mouth and lit it than to hold my baby in my arms and light it. I wanted a fag and a wine, I was a miserable bitch every evening but I couldn't. I didn't even feel a 'connection' with my bump until DC was born- I didn't want anything bad to happen to it but I couldn't imagine it being a real, live baby so it wasn't that. I think I remembered the horrible, horrible feeling of my parents both lighting up when I was a child in the car and refusing to do more than crack one window- that choking feeling. If you want to shock yourself into stopping maybe try sitting in your car (if you have one!) and smoking with the windows up then sitting in the smoky box after, then imagine that's how your baby feels when you smoke. I remember seeing a video of an ultrasound being taken aw the mother smoked and the baby was squirming about a lot, I think it was taken as the cigarette affects would have been hitting the bloodstream. It wasn't very nice. Ultimately only you can decide, as I say I had a switch response and I don't know why I couldn't but it felt so so wrong but if it hadn't I think the statistics about stillbirth/ cotdeath would have made me think twice- it's one of those things that won't happen to you but if it does you can't go back and take back the smoking to see if it would have happened anyway so I know it would have destroyed me to think it could have been my actions to blame. Good luck.

Oh, to add- I did go back to smoking and drinking when my first was born, then exactly the same switch flipped with my second and I fully stopped again. That one's 2 now and I'm back to it. I don't have any willpower at all, I do it because I enjoy it. Now I do have the guilt of dying young and spending the money but that doesn't stop me like being pregnant did.

Have you considered what you'll do when baby is born if you haven't managed to pack it in?

Have you read about third hand smoke and the potential risks to babies? And aside from risks, all us smokers and ex-smokers know that while a cigarette smells ace, somebody who has just had a cigarette smells vile. Not a stink you want your baby to grow to associate with mummy.

So, when you're caring for your newborn, not only is it going to be pretty difficult to find chance to sneak outside for a fag, you'll have to find the time to clean up, not just wash your hands but shower and change to avoid stinking and to avoid risking your baby's health. That really won't be easy and it's far better to cut right down or quit now.

I was lucky, the smell of cigarettes made me nauseous in my first pregnancy so I was able to stop easily. I started again when DD was 12 months and I split with her dad but only ever smoked when she was at her dad's. A few years ago, mum got cancer and asked me to quit, so I went a bought a vape that day.

It was harder to quit the vape during this pregnancy than it was to stop the cigs the first time round but I managed it because DD was in hospital and off school for a couple of weeks and I just didn't have chance. So I'd weaned myself off accidentally.

How difficult is it to swap the cigarettes for full time vaping?

Are there situations where you can't smoke? If you're with certain family members or friends for example? At the gym or cinema? Go and see those people or do those things more often after work when you'd normally have a cigarette.

My sister also found it difficult. When she couldn't beat the craving she would put the cigarette out after a few drags, when she'd got her nicotine hit.

Changing brands to a stronger cigarette you like less may also help you cut right down

Just tell yourself you can have a smoke in 6/7/8 months time (whenever the baby is born) so it doesn't feel final.

Imagine your little baby choking on the smoke you are pumping into your body.

Imagine you blowing smoke directly into your babies face when she is born.

I know it's tough

I can totally empathise with how hard it is to quit smoking..... but your subsequent replies are so snarky and arrogant that you’re a very dislikable OP!!!

OP, smoking is really, really addictive - that's why it's hard for you to stop.

I used to smoke, but when I didn't get pregnant right away as I wanted to- I packed in my smoking and coffee addictions. I cut down smoking at first and then I just really, really wanted to be a mum. I stopped smoking, drinking and caffeine. I became pregnant and there is NO way I would risk anything happening to my baby.

I also had a miscarriage before. I think once you've had the idea that you can ever become a mum challenged, you will do absolutely nothing that could cause harm to your baby.

Perhaps it came very easily to you and you have no idea what it feels like to worry about your fertility ? Don't get me wrong, I'm not infertile - it took 4 months the first time ( then a miscarriage ) and then around another 4 the second time.

But that was enough to give me a glimpse into the idea of what it would be like not to be able to be a mum. That was enough. Perhaps you didn't have any trouble and are taking this baby for granted a little bit. Just my perspective. A healthy baby is guaranteed for no one, so I would really think about that. I don't think my words have been useful, but that's just my perspective.

I think you should google the effects smoking has on you and your baby. Perhaps google images like someone else suggested.

Way back on the tread there's a picture of a child with a cleft lip , utter rubbish thats down to smoking . One of my DS now an adult was born with a cleft palate , Iv never smoked , ever . I bet quite a few people who are knocking you have their own vices that would have a negative impact on a child . Keep on cutting back , maybe leave a bit more each time ? Just do your best , be totally honest with the midwife so they know to keep a close eye on anything that may come up . Good luck 💐

@Popetthetreehugger

Smoking during pregnancy increases the risk of the baby being born with a left lip.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2000/03/000329080941.htm

Not a smoker here but...

When I was 36 weeks pregnant I was rushed into hospital in absolute agony. I was monitored for a few days and my baby’s movements slowed down and his heart rate was becoming non existent. I was incredibly ill, delirious, vomiting and in the worst pain.

An EMCS was performed, I was out to sleep as I wouldn’t have been able to stay awake for it.

DC was born in awful condition, starved of oxygen, brain swelling etc and rushed off to NICU. He was in there for a while and during that time I absolutely HAUNTED myself with everything I might have done wrong and how I could have caused this myself.

But I had done it all right during pregnancy, I don’t smoke, didn’t touch a drop of alcohol, diet was great, stayed active.

I don’t know how I would have coped if I had done anything that could harm my baby during pregnancy and then seeing him fight to live afterwards. I would have felt totally to blame.

Turns out I had a serious infection which was missed when I was admitted, we both had Sepsis so nothing I could have done to help it.

I can imagine it’s hard to give up, but if your baby isn’t enough of a motivation to stop I don’t know if you’ll find anything that will make you quit.

You should stop for your baby's health it's as simple as that

Wonderful posts? What use are they while you're still smoking?

I'm being honest with you. There is no getting away from the fact that you have to stop. It will be hard but motherhood is.

It's really that simple.

What do you need motivation for? It's not a choice- you have to stop. It's not a 'life goal' or something off your bucket list.

It's something you have to do. You don't need motivation, you don't need encouragement or cheerleaders, nor will you deserve or get a gold medal when you do.

It's like feeding the baby, changing nappies and getting up every hour, every night for 11 months.

You grit your teeth and get on with it.

@loveyourself87 have you bonded with the baby yet? Does it all feel real? A real person growing inside you ,that you will have in your arms soon and look after and be responsible for many years to come.

Is there anything else you could use as a treat at the end of the day? It won't work if you're counting the hours/looking forwards to your next fag. I know it doesn't work because I've been there.

The most important question ...do you really really want to quit or do you feel like you have to because of the judgement, medical advice and research etc?

@TryingAndFailing39 thanks for your advise, I'm sure you've read above that I'm not here for you to like me, blunt replies to blunt responses! If it offends you then...