Why isn't being pregnant an important enough situation to quit smoking

[loveyourself87]

I'm giving my self a very hard time about this and wanted to know from Other pregnant women who are smokers what they think.. this is a subject that will no doubt invite your typical 'just stop it', 'you're being selfish' etc comments but really wanting answers from women who experience this, have a go if you want but in the best words possible, it won't make a difference to how I feel. How is it that knowing full well I am pregnant with a much wanted baby isn't enough for me to stop smoking? I have cut down from 10 a day to around 5 a day, I vape during the day but on weekends I smoke more. I know the dangers of smoking to my health and more so the effect it can have on the baby. I'm just perplexed as to what the hell is wrong with me that I'm continuing to smoke. I've read the Allen Carr book, which helped for a bit but doesn't take away the need for a smoke. I vape during the day but when I get home it's as if a treat is waiting for me. I've tried to speak to the smoke free team and have been on the waiting list for 5 weeks and yet to be seen, spoke to the midwife and she said it requires will power! I was a strong minded person prior to pregnancy and was regular active in the gym and could quit if I wanted to but it's as I'd because I can't see the negative effects of the smoking on the baby it seems like it's not real! Ignorant of me I know but what did you do to help you quit smoking.

@babymummytobe thank you for your post and I'm sorry to read about your miscarriages! X

@Popetthetreehugger I think it was done in good faith that picture! I'm not ignorant to the effects, and I understand that there are babies born to drug addicts and alcoholics that are perfectly fine whilst non- smoking, non-drinking mothers can have babies who are unwell! Certainly doesn't help me smoking but I can try my best. Thank you for commenting x

@LLMD I am truly sorry to read about your experience and I'm sure reading that I'm struggling to give up doesn't help! Thank you very much for sharing your painful experience and I'm truly sorry again x

@fluffyunicorns86 wonderful because I only posted today, my original post was posted earlier during the day and I've had many many great responses to which I am taking onboard! Not sure what else you want me to do?

@loveyourself87 not offended at all

@PanicAndRun thank you for commenting! As mentioned above it doesn't feel real, it wasn't planned but I am grateful for it! I am happy that I have cut down from 10 to 5 and ( this point that I think some responders are not reading) some days I do not smoke at all. As the pregnancy progresses it is becoming real but as I have not yet experience the kicks etc, in my mind I don't feel it BUT, I know I can do it x

@TryingAndFailing39 great 🤗

Just can’t remember the last time an OP came across as so cocky. Simply an observation!

@TryingAndFailing39 an observation that had absolutely nothing to the with this post but simply because you want to have a go at me! I respond bluntly ( or rudely as you put it) to blunt and rude comments, if you want to continue this and have time, scroll up as see how many great responses I have had where I thanked people in comparison the the few who are rude! Don't get offended or take this personally, this post is not about you, it's about a struggle that and a lot of the pp's above and many women in mumsnet are going through! Don't make this about yourself.

Good luck, I hope you manage it . By the sounds of it you're halfway there, at least some days.

I didn't manage it fully (just cut down) and 8 years on I still feel the guilt despite DD being happy,healthy and thriving. It was pure luck obviously.

@loveyourself87 nice reply!
Good luck quitting - am sure you’ll do it!

@PanicAndRun thank you very much! I can do it and hope to one day inspire another person on mumsnet that they can do it too. X

I dont want to be overly harsh but though I haven't RTFT I have read a fair few of your replies and you seem quite content to justify smoking to yourself, by minimising the risks to an extent.

I don't know if this is a defense mechanism or if you genuinely believe it, but in my opinion, this is what I'm pinpointing as your lack of ability to give up. Because either consciously or on another level you have told yourself that the risks are worth it, that probably nothing bad will happen and that statistics are still in your favour.

It might be true, but the whole point is it might not be. So in my opinion the best way to help convince yourself to give up is rather than focusing on say statistics which tell you that SIDS risk is increased by x amount for smokers, which doesn't seem to bother you that much, perhaps research what smoking and the subsequent lowered levels of oxygen do, how it affects the placenta and how this affects the growth and development of the baby.

At the end of the day this is in your hands, and you have a flippant attitude which is at odds with your genuine concern, which is what really needs addressing.

And then perhaps try visualisation techniques. Such as, every time you are tempted for a cigarette, to help you picture the image of what you are doing, imagine that instead of smoking a cigarette with a pregnant bump, you are holding your tiny still developing newborn.

It's your job and yours alone to provide sustenance, but instead of feeding them a bottle full of perfectly balanced milk, you are feeding them a different bottle that is tainted, that is making them sleepy and tired and stopping them from growing properly. That could even give them a disease or worst case, they could fall asleep and not wake up. This bottle is much easier for you to reach, the healthy bottle is much further away and is harder to hold. But you know it's the right choice and you know no one else can feed your baby at this point in their development. They are tiny and fragile and relying solely on you to make the right choice for them.

....Or something. And then you need to reward yourself with positive reinforcement each time you make the right choice.

As an aside, sorry if you have already answered but is there a serious reason why you cant at least vape exclusively while you are pregnant to reduce the influx of chemicals from tobacco?

Because I'm trying to remain non emotive, I'm 35 weeks pregnant myself, but that just seems cruel and unnecessary in this day and age.

@CloudyVanilla thank you for your response. I do appreciate that this is a sensitive subject that will no doubt and has triggered a lot of people! Regarding the statistics, I am fact based, whilst I know the effects of smoking, the reason I question when someone posts a 'fact', or stat is if it is not correct, then why should I not make a comment about it. Perhaps you are right and it could be a defence mechanism and I do take these comments on board as I am open to change and as I mentioned before, I have cut down and have not smoked for a few days at a time which is a big step for a lot of smokers. I am taking on board your comment and will mention this to my Gp tomorrow as I do want to end this. Unfortunately for some I will comment if something doesn't sit right with me as that is how I see things. Thanks again

@CloudyVanilla I agree with you and can totally understand your point being so late in your pregnancy and not smoking and reading that someone in my position who has the opportunity to quit isn't! I will certainly try the visualisation techniques as this has helped me before. Wishing you the best on your journey

Good luck and congratulations on the progress you have made so far

I think some of the issue OP is your repeated focus on the statistics. While smoking may not always be the one and only cause for a complication, it does increase the risk of many.

I think a way of reframing it may be thinking "if xyz happened and smoking may be the cause, how would I feel afterwards". It wouldn't be worth your guilt and your baby's suffering.

Sorry just remembered another thing my auntie said years and years ago.

When she was about to have a smoke while pregnant, she imagined passing the ciggie to the baby to smoke too.

It ended up helping her quit completely because she kept that image in her head when she wanted a smoke once baby had arrived and then it was too real for her to continue.

Because it's a powerful addiction and it's really really hard.

Keep trying. Even cutting down is making a difference.

Ask your mw for help too.

Good luck.

It’s an incredible claim to say you’re fact based yet only able to use your critical analysis skills to attempt to disprove or minimise the very real risks pp have raised. I think you’re a bit deluded (but hope you’re able to kick the fags into touch).

I stopped the moment I got my positive test, I had only really smoked at weekends by that point, although had just got back from a two week holiday and smoked every day, a fair amount as I was drinking too... The reason it was so easy for me was that the smell completely repulsed me when pregnant and has repulsed me since. Am five years smoke free now, the only thing I can suggest is find something to replace it in the interim, it's a habit after all, so see if you can find something that you can do to distract yourself, something with your hands and see if that helps, good luck with it all, it's not easy as you know.

I'm ashamed to say that I smoked throughout my first pregnancy. I couldn't give up - mental health issues and relationship problems made it impossible at the time. I finally managed to quit for good when I was 11 weeks pregnant with DC2. That was 11 years ago and I haven't smoked since.
Despite smoking while pregnant with him my DS was born at term but was the smallest of my children at 7lb 15oz. I don't think he has any lasting effects - good health, insanely intelligent and completely perfect in my eyes. I realise I was lucky. I would never tell home I'd smoked while I carried him - he'd be appalled and I'd be too ashamed.
My advice to you would be to get all the help that is offered now by midwives to stop. It's really difficult but it can be done.

I found it SO tough. Much harder than I thought. I assumed the minute I'd seen the positive test that I'd simply quit and that would be it but it took me several weeks.

Things I did when quitting which helped;

When you get a craving think of the 3 D's; drink, delay, do something. So have a glass of water and empty the dishwasher for example to delay.

Then brush your teeth or eat some really strong mints - cigs taste foul mixed with mints

If do you cave and decide you're going to have a cig, cut the about half off of the top of the cig so as you're not having a full one

But before you light up, think of the following:

Think to yourself - would I do anything harmful to my baby when it's here? You'd never dream of smoking in the same room as your baby or letting it eat or drink anything harmful when he or she arrives, so why do it now??

If you keep it up you're going to be carrying a shitty, horrible feeling of guilt the whole way through and an even worse sense of worry that you have perhaps harmed your baby but you won't know until he or she arrives. And that wait will be painful.

Think of how the midwives will judge you when they deliver your damaged placenta.

You only have XX amount of weeks left - then you're free to smoke as much as you like!

If you decide to keep vaping, try out a few different flavours or brands. I used to smoke Marlboro and the guy in the vape shop was able to recommend a liquid with same strength that tastes just like Marlboro. I also upgraded to a good quality e cig. That really helped.

Good luck. It ain't easy.

I tried so hard to give up. The stress made me smoke more. When my child was born. Early and very tiny. I gave up. I spent the next year really unwell in the hospital. Which helped a lot. I’ve never ever looked back

It’s the most freeing. Most wonderful feeling. To not crave it!! And like I said. I was like you. My doctors made me feel shocking. As did my midwife. However my subsequent babies had similar issues. So it wasn’t the smoking that did it.

But the grief I got was awful. Like I said. It’s the best thing ever!