Why isn't being pregnant an important enough situation to quit smoking

[loveyourself87]

I'm giving my self a very hard time about this and wanted to know from Other pregnant women who are smokers what they think.. this is a subject that will no doubt invite your typical 'just stop it', 'you're being selfish' etc comments but really wanting answers from women who experience this, have a go if you want but in the best words possible, it won't make a difference to how I feel. How is it that knowing full well I am pregnant with a much wanted baby isn't enough for me to stop smoking? I have cut down from 10 a day to around 5 a day, I vape during the day but on weekends I smoke more. I know the dangers of smoking to my health and more so the effect it can have on the baby. I'm just perplexed as to what the hell is wrong with me that I'm continuing to smoke. I've read the Allen Carr book, which helped for a bit but doesn't take away the need for a smoke. I vape during the day but when I get home it's as if a treat is waiting for me. I've tried to speak to the smoke free team and have been on the waiting list for 5 weeks and yet to be seen, spoke to the midwife and she said it requires will power! I was a strong minded person prior to pregnancy and was regular active in the gym and could quit if I wanted to but it's as I'd because I can't see the negative effects of the smoking on the baby it seems like it's not real! Ignorant of me I know but what did you do to help you quit smoking.

You know what OP? You say you want to change but then spend a number of your responses arguing with people. ‘No, smoking isn’t a big cause of stillbirth ‘(it’s absolutely linked to stillbirth, miscarriage and a number of other complications).
Smoking is a MAJOR contributing factor in SIDS.
So, how would you feel burying your baby, OP? How would you live with yourself?

@ParisInTheSpringtime thank you! A few have already written the same thing above .

My baby was in special care when she was born through no fault of my own. She got taken away straight after birth and I couldn’t see her for hours. I had to go home every night without my baby and it was torture.
There was a baby next to her with low both weight and other difficulties because her mother chose to smoke.

@ThatsNotMyMeerkat actually the reason I respond like that is because I have heard all of it before! I'm not here for sympathies and I'm pretty thick skinned so not much affects me in terms of words! My post has triggered you and will trigger a lot of people who respond negatively! If you have advise great, if not, I'm not interested. I'm not here to make you like me and I don't care what you think of me as an individual! As I said before which I'm sure you chose to ignore because you also are here to attack, is that I ha betaken on board what a lot of responses have said and I will seek assistance.. what else do you want?

@ThatsNotMyMeerkat do some research, whilst I know your intentions are good, smoking is not the number 1 cause of still birth. No excuses here, just don't come on here and spread fake stats.

@pooboobsleeprepeat thank you, and I'm sorry for what happened! Your post means a lot and I am taking this on board.

Hi @loveyourself87, I'm not a smoker but have real sympathy for your predicament and well down for cutting down by 50%, I can only assume that this has already really helped.

Don't worry about the judgemental people on this board who clearly are ignoring the fact that you have asked for advice on how to quit and not their opinion on smoking! I am sure they are only eating organic veg, no preservatives, have entirely cut out salt and sugar aswell. Some people are perfect, I will probably never be!

Could you try cutting down to just two a day as a next step? At least then you will know you have two a day for say the next week or so and then cut down to one? I have friends who have quit, who found meditation helpful and, maybe check out some videos on YouTube?

Good luck.

You have my Sympathy op. I used to smoke and quitting is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. 7years on still have cravings. People nagging me to quid had the opposite effect. Finally quit using an ecig, broke for the second time and didn't replace it. Hopefully you'll get there in your own time x

Dear OP, well done for: cutting down so much, seeking help from your healthcare professionals and for being brave enough to post here to ask for help. That tells me that you care very much and are trying very hard. I have never smoked but I am a HCP who has supported patients to stop smoking during huge life events (heart and lung surgery not pregnancy) and I can tell you it is HARD. Some people are fortunate and find stopping smoking easy but that is unlikely to be because they have some kind of superhuman will power or are a better person than you. It is likely to be because they have a different chemical response to the nicotine and so find it easier to stop.
A couple of things really jumped out at me from your early posts. Firstly that you are still waiting to see the stop smoking team. This is unacceptable for a pregnant woman to be waiting 5 weeks for this. The evidence is clear that people who have professional support to stop smoking are more likely to stop and to stay stopped than those who don't. When you see your GP tomorrow push hard for the appointment to be prioritised.
The other thing that stood out was what you said about getting home from work being a trigger for you. Many people focus on the chemical addiction to smoking, which is very powerful, but many do not realise that the behavioural addiction can be just, if not more powerful. I would suggest two things, firstly keep a diary of when the cravings are occurring. What are you doing at the time and see if any patterns emerge. If they do try changing your routine at that point. You can try it out when you get home from work. For example is your usual routine, go in, make coffee, have a cigarette? Try going straight to having a bath instead. The very best of luck and remember feeling bad about yourself won't help you to take better care of yourself (and thus your baby) so be kinder to yourself, you deserve it.

Next time you want a fag-

Imagine yourself holding your baby-really picture that baby, how they look and smell, what their name is- now imagine someone offering your a pack of fags in return for your baby. That’s right you will actually hand that baby over to a stranger and never get it back ever again but you do get to have a cigarette.
Then imagine yourself smoking that fag and enjoying all of it but let your mind drift to the fact you won’t ever hold that baby again. Not smell their head or watch them sleep.
Not see them grow and change and do all the childhood things we so delight in being part of. Gone.

Was the fag worth it? Sure it’s nice and it’s a pleasure and it scratches an itch.

But is that momentary pleasure really worth what you lost? Do you still look at that fag as a joy and a pleasure if that’s what it costs you?

Another one-
If the next time you have a fag you place your hand on your belly and you speak out loud directly to your baby and explain why you are making the decision you are- justify it directly to your baby- that very, very real baby that is inside you breathing the same oxygen that you breathe. As you inhale
Picture your baby inhaling the same smoke and explain to your baby why the air that it is breathing via you isn’t as good or as healthy as the baby inside that other woman is? Why you aren’t providing it with as good as the other baby gets? Why it matters less to you than the other baby matters to its mum?

Don’t justify your smoking to us or your midwife.
Justify it out loud to your baby- every single time you light up you have to speak out loud as you look at your scan pic or touch your belly- you have to explain to your baby why that cigarette is more important to you than they are or ever will be. Why their life is worth being risked for that cigarette

After all the only person you are actually beholden to is your baby.

@LH1987 thank you for your response! I do ignore posts that just want to have a Moan! Thank you for reading that I have already cut down and that I do not smoke everyday! I have had some great advice from women in the same boat and it has really helped me to motivate myself further.

There was a baby next to her with low both weight and other difficulties because her mother chose to smoke.

I’m sorry but this is nonsense. Firstly because I’m guessing you weren’t given the medical records to read... and also many babies born to mums who smoke are fine (I’m one). Some are not - my sister was prem. But smoking cannot be named as a direct cause because that cannot be discerned and she may have been prem either way, bearing in mind that lots of premature babies are born to mums who don’t smoke too. Of course there’s been plenty of research to show that there are links between smoking and problems in pregnancy/after birth - but that doesn’t mean smoking guarantees you a poorly baby. Just like a baby sleeping on its front isn’t certain (far from it) to die of SIDS. If a baby is born prem or poorly no one can say that smoking was the definitive cause. I’m not excusing smoking in pregnancy, I certainly think it’s important to quit - but you don’t need to make bullshit claims to convince people.

@ThatsNotMyMeerkat regarding the burying my baby, another consequence I would have to deal with! Happy now sugar plum?

@Moominfan thank you for your post! I have quit in the past and I'm ok with the fact I have cut down! I know I'm better than smoking during pregnancy but for the first time in years I have felt unable to let go, I think it's a lot deeper than just wanting to quit, hence why I am going to see my GP for some advise. It's not easy quitting but it has been done. Good luck with your journey x

@Princessdebthe1st I can't thank you enough for your taking the time to respond! Such great advise and I will push for my Gp to help me! The trigger point you made is very helpful as I didn't think of that before, perhaps for me it's boredom! When I am occupied I never think of a smoke but as soon as I get home it hits hit. X

@isitxmasyet thank you for that, no need to justify myself to anyone, your post was helpful.

Of course they have affected me; to hear someone would be so cavalier and uncaring with their child’s health? It’s awful. And you are so very flippant and vile about it - particularly about the consequences your actions could have.
It’s all well and good to call me a ‘keyboard twat’ (‘pot’ and ‘kettle’ comes to mind) but that’s big words coming from someone who I see hasn’t acknowledged they accused my of putting up false statistics when I did nothing of the sort.
Your user name says it all, really. Perhaps you could share some of the love you’ve got for yourself with your child?

Stop thinking you can't quit, you CAN and WILL do it! Everytime you want a cigarette, get a drink, do a lap around the house and find something you would like you could afford to buy with cigarette money.

This is how i gave up my heavy caffeine addiction in pregnancy

Op whilst I’m sure all the ‘I stopped before the pee was dry on the test’ stories are helpful , don’t be put off by them. It’s never too late to stop and all you can focus on is what you do today and tomorrow and the months to come, not what’s gone before.

I have three children. I smoked throughout pregnancies 1 and 2 (I cut down but I smoked every day). I stopped when I was about half way with dc3.

I tried half heartedly to stop - but in all honesty I just didn’t feel that ‘connected’ to the baby when pregnant. I told myself all kinds of things - your body filters a lot of the crap before it reaches the baby, many babies of smokers are fine etc. And I largely didn’t think about it.

I wasn’t able to do that in pregnancy 3 so vaped instead from 20 weeks and now haven’t smoked for 3 years.

Just keep trying. Pregnancy is focused on a lot but also your life with a newborn will be much nicer with no smoking jackets and having to wash your hands and brush your teeth before touching your baby.

And FYI to some - I was selfish whilst pregnant and make no excuses for it. I’m a pretty good parent though so children of smokers aren’t automatically doomed.

@ThatsNotMyMeerkat only vile and flippant to you about it! Your responses do not deserve any of the gratitude I have shown to the numerous PP's above. As I said, your opinion is not required here, by all means, keep posting as clearly you can't be bothered to understand what is actually happening here.

@Bibbidybobbitysplated great idea. Thank you

@JadeDragon23

I tried half heartedly to stop - but in all honesty I just didn’t feel that ‘connected’ to the baby when pregnant. I told myself all kinds of things - your body filters a lot of the crap before it reaches the baby, many babies of smokers are fine etc. And I largely didn’t think about it.-

I've done that multiple times too, I don't yet feel a connection with the baby as it doesn't seem real to me just yet! Midwife mentioned a lot of women feel that way too! I definitely won't smoke for longer as I'm already going days without smoking , it's just so intriguing as to what is happening to me mentally! Thank you

Have not rtft

Hi OP, I sympathize with you totally, even if I'm not a smoker and never have been. The reality: you understand why you should stop, you genuinely want to stop, you have cut back quite a bit, and yet you find yourself unable to stop completely.

And you are looking at yourself in confusion, trying to understand why your intent and your actual behaviour just don't match.

Can I suggest you read Good Habits Bad Habits by Wendy Ward? It should help you first to understand yourself and then secondly to see practical strategies that will help you stop.

I have been using it to help me stop a very bad and destructive habit of my own that is completely illogical why I would continue but yet I did, for a long long time.

Good luck with it all!!