MIL keeps saying my arse has grown

[tryagain20]

I need a reality check. MIL keeps mentioning how my bottom has grown since I've become pregnant and how it's clear I'm having a girl since my the weight has gone into my bottom.

She also commented on how huge my bump is and how the baby clothes she bought will not fit my baby as I'm going to have a massive baby.

Neither my bottom or my bump has grown since the last time I saw her a few weeks ago. I use a tape measurer every day. My bump has not grown in circumference for 4 weeks, neither have my hips.

I've been crying my eyes out this evening and really worried my baby is huge and that I'm generally huge and something is wrong.

Am I being overly sensitive ?

Is it too much to ask for her to just say I look nice ? At work and in general, people have been so kind to me. Saying things like ' you look great pregnant ' ' it suits you ' ' your bump looks lovely ' etc. Is it too much to ask for her just to say something nice ?

Nope, but your MIL is being extremely rude.

If you don't feel able to challenge her rudeness yourself, get your DH to make it clear to his mother that comments like that are not acceptable.

She's horribly rude, I am huge and I'm having a huge baby and nobody has felt the need to say anything like that to me at all. No need for it and it helps nobody. Either tell her yourself or get your husband to tell her.

Good point. He doesn't really get it. He says she doesn't mean it and that I shouldn't take it to heart and that she is just making conversation and doesn't realise it's hurtful.

She upsets me ALL the time like this. And it's apparently always me who's too sensitive. She's even vented to my own mum about the fact I'm too sensitive. It's really a hard thing to fight when someone says you're too sensitive when they upset you.

He did seem more understanding when he saw me crying this evening. I think he might tell her to just watch it a bit. But of course, it will always be my fault for being too sensitive. Frustrating and upsetting🥺

Don't we all find that our bottom increases when we get pregnant? It's so that we can sit down and be stable. A bit like a weeble. Don't worry, it'll go afterwards. Tell her not to be so rude. Maybe make some personal comments yourself? "You're looking a bit wrinkly MIL" or "You need to do something about those eyebags MIL".

@smartcarnotsosmartdriver aw thank you. Especially then comments about that none of the clothes will fit the baby made me really sad. I haven't yet been measured, so I don't know if the baby is big or not. I'm just entering the third trimester and now I'm really worried. I thought I was more or less normal. Also some people pop earlier and then don't grow loads in the third trimester. As I said, there's been no change for a month. 🤷‍♀️

Too sensitive is code for I said something offensive and you reacted in a way I didn't like in my experience. And even if you were over reacting (which you aren't) you're pregnant! I cried at a scone yesterday!

@Singlenotsingle he he I have to do something. I'm just not the best at insulting people. I'll need to find some way to do it. Thank you 🙏

"Your arse has grown"

"Ooh so has yours!"

next time she says it say "that's amazing because your bottom has grown too. Didn't think it worked with grandchildren but apparently it does ha ha"

If she complains say "oh please don't be so sensitive. Dh could you tell your mother to not be so sensitive. I'll have to ask your relatives to ask you not to be so sensitive. Why are you so sensitive?"

@smartcarnotsosmartdriver the too sensitive thing is honestly the bane of my life when it comes to MIL. It really gets to me and I feel like I'm crazy all the time. Because my husband half joins in. So I question my reality - if that makes sense ? I think it's called 'gaslighting' when that happens, or it can be gaslighting. It just really got to me tonight as I just feel so misunderstood by my husband too. He's always saying I overreact. Makes me feel really lonely and misunderstood.

Yes I agree - "Too sensitive" is what bullys say.

They dont like it if you stand up against them.

Next time she says your bottom is big, tell her it will never be as huge as her rude mouth.

I wouldnt be so polite.

Either ignore her or seriously tell her to piss off.

Remember its HER not you.
I bet not one other person makes you feel this awful do they?

Its her OP.

People who say you are 'too sensitive' just do so to excuse their own rudeness in my experience.

You are pregnant & have hormones flying around everywhere, you are allowed to be sensitive. But it doesn't excuse your MIL's rudeness.

Thanks ladies. It's nice to feel understood. This is a continuous problem. Every time I see her she says something mean / demeaning. People hear her do it, but no one pulls her up on it.

I told her jokingly tonight that this is the 4th time she's said that my bum is bigger - and that I wish she wouldn't and I didn't like it. I tried to not get angry / upset and just say it in a joking way. I don't know if that's the right approach🤷‍♀️ but I think my husband should say something. No doubt she'll say I'm being too sensitive though.. as usual!

You are not being too sensitive. Next time she says it reply with "well I hope thatine shrinks again faster than yours. I can't believe that XX number of years later it hasn't gone down yet." With XX being the age of her youngest child. Listen to the rest of the world. They don't have a vested interest in keeping you down.

Tell your husband his penis is rather small. Tell him until he gets offended, then say you were only joking.

That might help him understand your feelings.

Your MIL is being rude. You need to get your DH to back you up, otherwise it might get worse once baby is here.

My MIL has had her moments both with me and others, and she always blames our lack of sense of humour. No it is not funny MIL it is just rude.

Can I ask why you measure yourself every day?

I'm sure that you're not massive and that your bum isn't huge either. Just so you know- I'm 5"2 and look like a beached whale by the time I got to my second trimester, and my baby was 6lb4 so not big at all! So I don't think it necessarily correlates that big bump means big baby- so don't panic!

I'd be telling her that her mouth is far bigger than your arse could ever be. Stand up for yourself!

@ineedaholidaynow thanks for sharing that. It must be a common way people react when they're being intentionally mean.

I measure myself just to have some kind of understanding of how my body is changing. Also to ward off comments like ' wow you're so much bigger than when I saw you last '- when I measure myself I feel like I know whether that's actually accurate or not. It's a control thing for sure. Also some weeks I gain weight but my body doesn't change in size at all. So I like to know my measurements to not freak out when I gain weight overnight. Maybe it's slightly unhealthy but I'm quite insecure / conscious of my body and always have been. I do a lot of diets and work really really hard to stay a reasonable size, I'm not tiny - I have to work very hard to be a 10-12 usually. My weight also fluctuates a lot usually. I'm always on a diet basically 🤦‍♀️

@Aquamarine1029 very good point. It's so hard when people then just tell you that you're overreacting. But I need to stand up for myself more ! I can't take it anymore.

Very rude. And nasty.

@mildlymiffed really ? I am very curious to see what the midwife says next week! It can just be amniotic fluid or the way you carry the baby that makes it stick out more. It shouldn't really be something people comment on. NO one has ever commented on it, just dead MIL. People usually are so sweet.

OP, you don’t have to tolerate bullying from anyone. Next time she starts this crap, just smile sweetly and ask “Are you naturally a rude shit, MIL, or did you have to practise?”
And when she objects, tell her she’s too sensitive.

@ineedaholidaynow that's also why I got so upset tonight. I just can't imagine how I'm going to get through what's to come once the baby is here. Same with Christmas this year. I'm really dreading spending time with her. She drives me completely nuts. She's going to be so OTT with all things baby and I'm sure she will upset me constantly. I need to see a therapist or something. She plans on being super hands on and is setting up a nursery in her house etc. Which I find kind of sweet but I also feel anxious about it. My husband needs to get on board. It's becoming a problem that he also agrees that I am too sensitive and overreact. He's basically not on my side.