MIL keeps saying my arse has grown

[tryagain20]

I need a reality check. MIL keeps mentioning how my bottom has grown since I've become pregnant and how it's clear I'm having a girl since my the weight has gone into my bottom.

She also commented on how huge my bump is and how the baby clothes she bought will not fit my baby as I'm going to have a massive baby.

Neither my bottom or my bump has grown since the last time I saw her a few weeks ago. I use a tape measurer every day. My bump has not grown in circumference for 4 weeks, neither have my hips.

I've been crying my eyes out this evening and really worried my baby is huge and that I'm generally huge and something is wrong.

Am I being overly sensitive ?

Your weight doesn't have any bearing on how big the baby will be! A friend of mine is pregnant and very, very slim and and carrying a 90th percentile baby! I've put on 2 S
stone quickly in this pregnancy and have a 25th percentile (ish) baby that is being monitored for potentially being too small for gestational age. Commenting on a pregnant woman's size is a really dickish thing to do. It's mostly fluid and swelling and we don't have much control over our bodies! Ask her what her excuse for having a big bum all the time is! 🤣

If she says it again "this is the fifth time you've mentioned my arse now, why are you so obsessed with it, you look at it every time I see you" and laugh it off....! Turn it around and make her feel like a dirty old perve !!

What a cow!

Yes something like 'it will nearly be as big as yours soon!' Is the way to go.

By the way I was like a beached whale by the end - I'm 5'1 and I'm pretty sure I was that across and my baby was 7'8 so not huge by any means - I don't think it means anything how big you are really people just carry in different ways and have more fluid etc

"Oh MIL, start practicing being kinder to me because if you think I will allow my child to be around someone who undermines and insults me, you are very much mistaken."
In sing song voice.
"And my body is getting bigger bc I'm pregnant but yours is just plain, old and ugly. -good job you're not sensitive like I apparently am"

Even if you dont say them. Will ammuse you to imagine the reaction if you did.
Tell your dh enough is enough. The thought of you measuring yourself made me really sad.
Good luck

I had this problem myself (I wasn't pregnant, but I quit smoking and went from a size 8 to a size 10- not a big deal), every time she saw me she said "ohhhhh, you gained some weight, didn't you?". So I eventually got pissed off and told her:"look, MIL, my weight it's not something that should concern you and it's definitely not a topic that's up for discussion with you". She, of course, told me I'm too sensitive to which I replied "yes, yes I am".

She never raised it again.

@tryagain20 I don't think you can be "too sensitive" when pregnant though!
I think she sounds a bit batshit!
It's like my MIL got me a weight loss pen thing last year 2 days after giving birth... let's just say this year she is getting slim fast off me... NO JOKE!

Your very polite to this woman OP she's obviously had kids so she should know better really, I think us pregnant ladies already feel somewhat insecure with our bodies with all the changes going on so she needs to keep her mouth shut... and ignore her massive baby comments unless she's had a good look around up there and knows for definite she's talking shite!

You need to start pulling her up on stuff like this. You’ll have a baby soon and you need to make sure that she doesn’t get away with undermining you and being rude to you in front of your child.
Stand up for yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. You’ll need to stand up for your baby too.

Tell her to stop being rude. Tell your dh that if she carries on with this crap, you won’t have anything to do with her.
Tell them both that no, you’re not too sensitive, they’re just appallingly rude and wouldn’t speak to others like this, would they?
Then walk out and show them you’re not going to stand for it.
They do this because they know they can get away with it. Start showing them they can’t.

Calling you over sensitive when you react to outrageous rudeness is victim shaming. My DS used to be very horrible to me and then say I was acting as if ‘offended’. No. She was being offensive.

Try offending her back as others have suggested and watch her collapse into a little sensitive, tearful heap crying, ‘I never meant to hurt your feelings.’

I put on more weight with my second baby than my first and she came out smaller. A big bump does not mean a big baby.

Ultimately she doesn't like the power you are about to wield -access to her grandchild. You are actually in the position of power here

@mclover I think you're right. She can forget seeing my baby all the time if she makes me feel like shit all the time !

@Lilyflower1 I'm so going to stand up for myself. I've been bullied into submission unfortunately. I also have low self esteem and I tend to blame myself for things and I automatically think things are my fault most of the time. I find it hard to exist when people disagree with me. So I just give in. If I stand up for myself, I always feel bad after and think I overreacted. But I need to put my big girl pants on as I'm going to be a mum and I can't keep living like this. I need to show my daughter that unacceptable behaviour will not be tolerated and that the only thing that matter is if it's unacceptable TO ME! I don't need a room full of people on my side.

@SonEtLumiere my dad says she's baiting my as well. He says to ignore her and she might stop.

I don't understand why they need to bait us though ? Doesn't this just show how malicious they are ? I find it very very difficult to be around someone who I know wants to upset me intentionally. Why do they want to do this ?

@ILiveInSalemsLot thank you for giving me a pep talk. I think you're right. I think the key is that it doesn't matter if it's intended to hurt, if it hurts you repeatedly- you have the right to stand up for yourself without feeling bad / rude about it.

It sounds like you have bigger problems than a mouthy MIL. Your husband needs to realise he's a married man who is soon to be a parent and grow up. Forget being jokey as rude people don't care, next time you see her look all concerned and say 'oh MIL you look so much older/more tired/ grey/unfit/hair is thinning since you saw her last'. I bet she doesn't find it funny and I bet your husband won't either. And then limit how much you see her. If the next time she sees you you have had the baby she'll be very aware of how you control access to this grandchild. You don't want your children thinking it's ok to belittle someone, especially you when their Dad ignores it.

Sit on her, hard!

Graphista has said exactly how I would play it.

Call her out on it every single time. Calm, eye contact, then use the power of silence.

And your DH is an arse. I'd be having a serious word with him and explaining that you feel upset and that this is how you are going to deal with her next time you see her.

Explain that you need to sort this out NOW because you want her to be involved, you want her to have a relationship with the baby but that if she continues you won't have much choice but to cut down contact. So this is the chance to establish new boundaries etc before it's too late.

@December2019 your MIL also sounds delightful !! I'm sorry she gave you that pen. But giving her slim fast is a good come back !

I think the reason I find it so hard to stand up for myself is that whenever I do try to - my husband and my own parents tell me I should not do that and keep the peace. It makes it really hard. My parents actually play into it a lot. Whilst they don't really like her either and they think she is nasty to me, they say I need to take the high road and keep the peace. I think that influences how I behave a lot. Like a good girl I listen to everyone's advice and also whenever you do pull MIL up on anything - she plays the victim game MASSIVELY !

I don't understand why they need to bait us though ? Doesn't this just show how malicious they are ? I find it very very difficult to be around someone who I know wants to upset me intentionally. Why do they want to do this ?

This is a power play. Knowing that they CAN and that you won't say anything is the attraction. It shows that they are in control of you / the situation.

So if you call her bluff and challenge it, the power is gone, it takes away the reason for doing it so hopefully means it will stop.

You Dad is very naive thinking that she'll stop if you ignore it.

Oh you think I'm to sensitive? I think I would like to be single

You think my backside has grown? I'm pregnant what's your excuse?

I think that from now on, every time someone is nasty you say that they're not being nice so you're leaving. And then leave, even if they make excuses or what not. And your DH needs to start being a family together with you or the relationship will not survive.

Something about being pregnant seems to make people think they have free reign on uninvited body criticisms. You need to call her out next time she does this. Look her in the face and ask her if she realises how rude she's being and hold your eye contact with her. More than likely she will realise what a dick she's being and apologise,

I had it (not from MiL who I'm very lucky is lovely) throughout my pregnancy and currently 4 days overdue. Had the 'sure it's not twins' from a woman at work, 'you look ready to drop' at 6 months from family member etc etc. Bump has measured small throughout, even now measuring 38 weeks although I'm 40+4 and am a healthy weight. Last pregnancy with same comments I gave birth at 42+4 to a whopping 6lb 4 baby. Some people can't help themselves! Even had a friend say to me 2 months after giving birth last time that my figure was back I just 'needed to tone up my stomach', charmers.

@imiss I know right ! I remember when my sister in law was pregnant. She was at around my stage and I hadn't seen her for a while. I said something like ' wow your bump has grown ' - so I'm a culprit too ! When she left the room, my brother turned to me and really kindly said - ' be careful, she's very sensitive as she thinks her bump is huge and she's worried about it ' I immediately understood/ wasn't offended / didn't think she was being sensitive. From that moment on I always hold her she looks wonderful- because she did. My brother also said it in such a nice way. He didn't scold me or anything. That's a man. My husband needs to do that. In fact he needs to do that in front of the whole family if anyone comments on my body. I'm sure no one would say anything else after that.

I don't understand why they need to bait us though

Bullies need victims, you play the victim.

This isn’t a victim bashing post I promise, but bullies hone in on nice people because they are an easy target, it’s easier for the victim to try and keep the peace than be embarrassed at a show down, so the cycle repeats.

You do not have to be her victim. She will move on to somebody else quite quickly. Get your guard up and be prepared. This needs to change before you are vulnerable with a new born.

Good luck