MIL keeps saying my arse has grown

[tryagain20]

I need a reality check. MIL keeps mentioning how my bottom has grown since I've become pregnant and how it's clear I'm having a girl since my the weight has gone into my bottom.

She also commented on how huge my bump is and how the baby clothes she bought will not fit my baby as I'm going to have a massive baby.

Neither my bottom or my bump has grown since the last time I saw her a few weeks ago. I use a tape measurer every day. My bump has not grown in circumference for 4 weeks, neither have my hips.

I've been crying my eyes out this evening and really worried my baby is huge and that I'm generally huge and something is wrong.

Am I being overly sensitive ?

My MIL did this in front of my BIL (her younger son). It was mortifying and meant to be. She was intimidated and your MIL is too. My MIL says her MIL was awful too. When she starts, you could say, “is that the sort of thing GMIL said to you?”

'Your arse is growing'

'Well at least I have an excuse'

'You are being too sensitive'

'I'd rather be sensitive than rude'

Go you, OP! Well done!
This is just the beginning of you standing up for you and your baby!

Ps your bump looks just perfect!

@tryagain20 I was that big at my wedding in May, I was only 17 weeks at the time. I’m far from skinny either, I’m a size 14/16.
We all carry differently, I had a lot of water, the same as my mum and my nan.
I would ignore her and try and get your DH to say something to her.
I was always getting people say to me due any day then, I would smile and say no in 10 weeks etc. People tend to see us a public property when your pregnant

@Howzaboutye thank you so much ! I'm beginning to get the familiar guilt pangs in the pit of my stomach now the adrenaline has worn off. I'm also imagining them all talking about how mean I am and how unreasonable I am to misunderstand their perfectly innocent intentions. But I just need to stay strong !

Nope. Stay strong.

Good for you OP! The first time you stand up for yourself is the hardest. You got her telt. STAY STRONG. Don’t give in to even a flicker of guilt. And you deserve lovely cake.

Well done OP! Stay strong don't apologise. You need to show her who is boss now otherwise when you feel fragile post partum she'll eat you alive.

Ah OP you look gorgeous and really not big for 28 weeks, I was definitely bigger than you at that point. I agree with everyone's advice, and please please don't let her put you in a place where you feel you need to keep measuring yourself.

I have put on a load of weight (I haven't even weighed myself since about 16 weeks as I just didn't even want to know anymore!) but honestly this is one time in your life when you shouldn't worry about it. Baby weight can be lost, and pregnancy is hard enough without being really concerned about that too. Although honestly, you look very slim and have nothing to worry about anyway! And she has no idea what she's talking about re size of bump/baby, there are so many factors there.

I absolutely feel for you. I also have a rude PIL and a pathetic DH who never stood up for me. I also let them away with it as I was told constantly I was too sensitive and needed to keep the peace. That all I did was moan about them and DH didn't want to hear it. I thought I was being mannerly and for 20 years I put up with it, idiot that I am. It just gave them carte blanche to be utter bastards.
They started on my parenting and my Ds once he was born - that was the final straw. I realised DH was a pathetic human for letting his wife put up with that. So you need to draw a line in the sand now. Tell her she's being rude. Tell your DH if he doesn't back you up he can piss off. After 20 years that what I did. Should've done it sooner.

Your bumps lovely, your arse isn’t big either.. by 28weeks with ds every bugger I met asked if it was twins and he was 6lbs.. I took ages to “pop” too and then it was like someone had shoved a beach ball up with him, it all just depends on how you carry.

Atleast you told her tactfully.. I’d have been too busy with the “mil gosh you sure you’re not out in sympathy”.. “fil you’ll need to watch she’s not turning she’s forever staring at my arse!” Shit.

Aw ladies I'm very very touched by all the lovely supporting comments. It's really given me strength to stand up for myself. I do keep feeling guilty, as MIL is really upset now. She just has ' such great intentions ' and I 'never' take things the way they're meant because I always think the worst. She's playing the victim card hard. But I understand that this is just a game. She is playing the victim and her family is supporting that role. Like I'm the evil villain for just asking people to keep in mind that some comments can be hurtful -even if they're not intended to be. This is all about having conviction in your own opinion, regardless of what others around you are saying.

@Lunafortheloveogod thank you so much. I have a measuring tape obsession, even when not pregnant. I've gained around 3-4 inches at my wisest point around my bum. I think that's not too bad generally speaking. I also know my carf, thigh and upper arm measurements 😂 it gives me a sense of control. I also do it because sometimes you gain weight so quickly and then get upset about it- when actually the measurements aren't changing too much. So it reassures me. I know it's messed up though..

@roundturnandtwohalfhitches I'm sorry about your situation but good on you for not putting up with it ! I think there is just a huge fear that we will become hugely unpopular amongst our in laws. No one wants that so we just end up shutting up. But guess what, you have your in laws for life and they also have you for life. So you have to see it as if it were your own family more or less and just know that even if you stand up for yourself or have an argument - things will be OK generally speaking, in the end. Those have been my thoughts the last few days anyway. Real relationships take work and conflict happens. Fake relationships are full of resentment and words unspoken and they just get worse and worse. I'm trying to get away from those !

Your bump is lovely op! I'd be tempted to say gosh is that the sort of thing your mil used to say to you when you were pregnant- is that why you don't speak to her now? Stay strong!

A wise person once said to me no one can MAKE you feel anything or any way, it's your choice, people can say or do horrible things, but it's your choice how you feel, choose powerful strong and protective of you and your perfect baby bump!

Wow! That's her reaction to your perfectly reasonable and polite if assertive comments and YOU are supposedly the one that's oversensitive?!

I don't think so.

She's hoping you'll back down and not dare pull her up again, at this point it's a waiting game, stick to your guns.

How lovely of her, cheeky witch, it doesn't mean your carrying a girl if you got a fat arse, just tell her, her arse is fat she will soon shut up x

@Graphista they're still holding strong and I'm feeling increasingly bad I ever said anything. Apparently they think I don't like them now and all they ever try to do is their best. Apparently I'm impossible to get along with and they're worried to say anything to me as I always overreact. Feeling pretty rubbish. Trying to stay strong ! Surely they could have just said sorry and moved on, but no. The guilt tripping continues. To the point that I feel like I need to now make amends somehow. But I won't. But this still sucks !

That is really shitty of them but I do honestly feel if you give in now you're in for a lifetime if shite comments

Is ANYONE supporting you?

All I can think of to do/say is to dh that while it's a shame they feel the way they do, they weren't very concerned about YOU feeling bad as a result of HER comments which WERE offensive and rude.

They really are horrible. I bet you are the only person that has ever stood up to them.

Dont let them bully you on this one. They will play the victim. Keep.strong.

Full support from me! 100%

Also, please don't buy into the entire 'cultural difference' bull. I was served that on quite a few occasions by my own MIL (and for some reason that argument seemed to silence my DH, her husband or anyone else who could provide me with some support). After a few years of suffering lashings of her tongue, justified by 'cultural difference' I explained to both her and my husband that 'cultural difference' goes both ways and if it is not ok for me to get upset for what she's doing because its disrespectful to her culture, why would it be any different the other way around - why would it be ok for her to say things that MY 'cultural difference' perceives as wrong.
I am pregnant now and at the beginning she was constantly undermining everything doctors/midwife said or we read. 'Why aren't you eating brie? I ate it in my pregnancy and had two healthy sons', 'Why are you doing NIPT? We didn't have that back that and nothing was wrong with my children - you're just obsessing and looking for ways to spend money'. It ended up when I lost patience and responded with 'Well, thankfully, medical science made some progress since YOU were pregnant - otherwise, I wonder why did you give birth in the hospital when you could have done it in the fields, like so many women historically did'.

@Aneley you have a very valid point. I think it's about moving closer together and understanding each other. Meeting in the middle. I try to let things go as much as I can and only react when I absolutely need to.

Your MIL sounds like fun too ! I also think, the less you say the better. I'm saying as little as possible about my pregnancy, as I know it will be met with ' well meaning ' disapproval. It sucks, but the less is shared, the better I think. I even go as far as telling the odd white lie if I have to.

@tryagain20 It is not just meeting in the middle - I see it more like turning the mirror towards her. Would you like me to do the same to you? Using the same excuse? Why would it be valid for you but not for me? Sometimes you just have to simplify it to such an extent for people to get how wrong it is what they are doing. In this case, it helped open my husband's eyes and from then on he became much more responsive and supportive, often blocking her 'well intended' jibes before she even finished saying them.

My MIL is loads of fun - all packed in this tiny, fragile lady with the sweetest smile who couldn't 'possibly want anything but the best for her children'. The fact that she's controlling and nosy with a total lack of introspection and self-criticism often passes under the radar of those who are not directly attacked. I stayed in her house for about 2w during pregnancy and she counted cookies in the jar every morning to see if I had any ('SOMEONE has been 'stealing' cookies again' - in her sweetest voice, 'I am glad you can enjoy them, when I was pregnant I was too worried about my figure to eat anything sweet... but then... I raised my son to be loyal to his partner no matter HOW she looks').

@Aneley oh wow ! That cookie story ! Just WOW !! Mine has not said anything that severe. Let me guess, when you reacted to that - she told you that you're too sensitive ?? It's absolutely OUTRAGEOUS what she did ! Mine said she ' lost weight ' in pregnancy- and then the comments about my bum. But yours sounds absolutely awful - way worse !