“She doesn’t mean it” yes she does! Words have meaning that’s exactly how they work, they are the verbal expression of thought she knows EXACTLY what she is doing.
One possible tactic you could try with dh depending on what you know of mil & fil (is fil around?) and mil’s mil - ask him what his dad would do if his gran spoke to his mum like she is speaking to you. Of course only useful if you’re confident that would bring the right perspective.
I’m only 5’2” a typical apple shape and I BALLOONED during pregnancy to the point people were seriously asking if it was twins! Partly as it was all bump! But it was a MASSIVE bump, an ex colleague bumped into me in the bank, recognised me from behind but from behind I didn’t look pregnant, but when she tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around she literally did a little jump! Then asked if it were twins.
Dd was a big baby (over 9lbs) but skinny, she was all limbs and long torso (complete opposite to her dad and I her dads only 5’6”! But we now know this was likely due to her disability. I also had a LOT of water, my waters didn’t break themselves and had to be done by midwife after labour started, then dh joked the medical staff looked like they’d been on a log flume!
I lost 2 stone just from giving birth! Nuts!
But I really didn’t care, because I’d lost 3 before dd and I was just so glad dd was “sticking”, medically it was a DREADFUL pregnancy almost every issue that can happen I had! But I was just so relieved dd was in there even with the vicious kicking 😂, heartburn, morning sickness throughout, headaches, GD (and all the palaver that went with it! I swear all my fingers were numb by the time she showed up), uti’s, thrush... I mean pregnancy is so glamorous...not! I didn’t “glow” have you seen “what to expect when you’re expecting?” I was the Elizabeth banks character! Like “get this fucking bra off me” sweating, farting, waddling... then dh had to help me stand from sitting past 25 weeks! It was like I loved being pregnant and I was so looking forward to being a mum but the actual BEING pregnant was hideous!
But that’s pregnancy, everyone’s bodies react differently.
I’ve also a great story about a neighbour who had a cryptic pregnancy - she had 2 older ones, was VERY slim and was actually to her knowledge ttc no 3, I saw her the day before she gave birth in the corner shop and she did NOT look pregnant at all! She had no symptoms except slightly lighter periods and she had quite light ones anyway, and she only registered that in hindsight.
Then a few days later I saw her pushing a pram! Got the whole story. Total shock for her and her dh when she went into labour night after I saw her but at first they thought appendicitis, they were waiting for ambulance when her waters broke and they realised what was happening, it then ended up a very quick delivery and ambulance arrived as her dh was tying off cord. Her and baby were fine but it was a huge shock.
“As for complaining to DH - don’t make it about MIL - make it about you ‘I’m upset because’ ‘I’m angry because’ ‘I feel x when...’
So you aren’t criticizing his mother but making him think about you instead” good advice actually.
Baiting you I would suggest because she wants dh to see you negatively. I reckon she feels threatened by you, she sounds one of those that would view a dil as having “stolen my boy” Not rising to it by not crying or losing temper removes that possible “win” from her. Better still if you can get her desperately trying to explain how she’s not being a bitch - and failing!
Calling her out on it EVERY Time calmly will also hopefully indicate to dh just how often she is doing it, because I suspect he’s minimising in his own mind. You could even count it out for them “that’s the 2nd/3rd/4th time you’ve made a rude/offensive comment to me today alone”
Frankly he sounds such an arse himself I’d be tempted to make a point of insulting him in a similar way either every time she does it or the same number of times she does it later that day - see how he likes it!