Pregnancy after Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Starting a new thread for all of us that find ourselves pregnant again after one or more heartbreaking losses. I know it is really hard to join a pregnancy thread after miscarriage and we all fear the worst will happen again, but let's go on this journey together and hold hands along the way.

This is a safe place for all the ladies on the first pregnancy missed miscarriage thread and for any newcomers who want to join - you are all most welcome! All of the ladies on here have suffered one or more miscarriages and most of us have had particularly difficult losses, such as mmc and other complications. You don't need to be pregnant again to join - you are also most welcome if you have had a loss and are trying again. But we will be sharing scan photos and details of the new pregnancies, in case anyone might find that to be triggering.

Tagging @Catconfusion @Amanda81 @Kiki061190 @3204ECL @Babypending @Ginmonkey84 @MrsMGE and please add anyone else I may have left off. Without further ado, let's start the roll call.

About me: Age 31, trying for my first baby. Previous mmc at 12 weeks in February (hb stopped at 9+4), this turned out to be a partial molar pregnancy and I was monitored by CX hospital for three months. CP in March.

Now 9 weeks, EDD in March, if I make it that long. Oscillating between hope and extreme anxiety every day!

@sadtoday21 I know how you feel! I made the mistake of reading a MN post the other day about late miscarriages and it’s gotten me anxious again so I’ve stayed offline. Hold out for the movements, they will come! 20 weeks is still early, they say if you haven’t felt movement by week 24 then you should see your midwife.

I’ve been having some round ligament pain the past few days. It comes and goes but it’s small sharp pains. Have any of you experienced this? I’m 15 weeks today and I’m itching to get this 20 week scan out the way!

@Kiki061190 I totally know what you mean! I hate it when I accidentally read those types of posts and have to take a break for awhile too. This is the only thread that I never find triggering tbh. As for round ligament pain, I’m not sure I’ve had that although I know it’s very common around the time you are at. I did have some cramping today that really freaked me out, but I think it was dehydration/bowel issues. It’s so hard not to worry, but round ligament pain is totally normal in the second trimester.

I’ve been feeling some slight flutterings at night now, not sure if this is the baby moving?? It’s only at night and really faint. How can I tell?

Hey @sadtoday21 it's great you're at 20 weeks. Such a huge milestone. I would say if the flutters feel different from usual it's a good chance it's baby. Fantastic news as well.

I think you're right about work. If the bills are being paid then it's not a big priority. I'm just going to focus on planning for work when baby is here. It is at times like this I do wish I was employed but then at least I don't have the commitment of going back to work. Xx

@Kiki061190 it's so sad when people go through later losses. I just keep remembering that statistically it's very unlikely. I was reading about going over the due date being potentially risky. Luckily due to age it's unlikely I'll be allowed to go over. Several of the tragic stories I've heard have been at 41/42 weeks. Of course in most cases a late induction is fine but I do find the idea of it scary. Xx

Sounds like you know what you need to prioritise @Catconfusion - if financially you can cope without the income from your business, then perhaps having less stress would be a good thing right now. I think I'm on the other end of the scale, where I won't get much of a break after the birth. I'm in the fortunate position of being in the right place at the right time with the skill set I have...I'm thinking though that this won't last forever and I need to make the most of it whilst I can. Timing never seems to work out. I have found work a very good distraction whilst going through the MMC and MC and indeed this pregnancy, but do wish I could just kick back a little and know that I have 9 months off after she is here.

I have a bump name @sadtoday21 - but only when I am talking to her when I am on my own...I call her 'little one'. Not very imaginative I know, but I do find the whole process of talking to my bump a little strange. Whereas my DH is constantly at my tummy whispering sweet nothings to her. Sounds like you are starting to feel movement to me! Yeah. When I first started to feel movement it was in the late evening and they weren't very obvious. I really had to concentrate. Keep an eye on them and allow yourself time around the time you have been feeling them to be still...food and a cold drink also seemed to prompt the early movement.

I experienced round ligament pain @Kiki061190 , probably around your time (15-16 weeks). I was pushing a food trolley and this seemed to trigger it. Also felt it after doing breast stroke in the pool whilst on holiday. Sadly mine developed in to Pelvic Girdle Pain, but this can be completely manageable, you just need to learn what triggers it for you. Round ligament pain is a good sign that all is growing and stretching as it should. Yey!

Ugh woke up in a terrible mood today ladies, just need to rant a bit! I had a dream that baby wasn't ok and it was a terrible dream right before I woke up so I remembered all of it. I'm sure this was linked to my cramping/reading awful posts on MN yesterday. Had kind of a weird dtd session with DH at night since its been awhile (who says second trimester dtd is good? I find it awful and I'm usually up for it!). Then made the mistake of getting on the scale for the first time in awhile (yikes!). I don't feel I've gained much to look at, but its pretty shocking to see weight go up higher than ever before in my life. I assume its mostly bump/boobs/water retention, but I think now I've hit 20 weeks I have to accept the weight gain in earnest. Of course, I don't want to diet or do anything that would harm baby, which is my number one priority. But I do feel a bit shit overall just between the constant worrying about baby and not feeling extremely sexy. Plus, utter lack of concentration for work means I'm way behind and stressed about that as well. I can't get any of my suits now over my bump so I have this big networking event next week and nothing to wear. Bof.

And no movement to speak of today :(. Did I mention the constant anxiety about baby is really getting me down? I thought it would be easier by now, but I think the anterior placenta is making everything harder. I promised myself I would buy something small for baby after 20 week scan, but haven't been able to do it yet.

How is everyone else doing today? Anyone in a similar boat? Please tell me I'm not alone in this! And sorry for all the complaining!

It's awful when it all builds up @sadtoday21 - I remember a moment about 2 months ago when I read a post on MN about a lady who lost her baby the day before her due date. Absolutely terrible, and has remained with me as a source of anxiety to this date. I think that once you have experienced loss, you become much more aware of how things could potentially go wrong. Of course, all these scenarios are very rare, but it still doesn't help with the anxiety and the thinking about the 'what if'. I tend not to read other threads now and restrict myself to safe-zones (this being one). We all need to remain positive and keep thinking of that day when baby will be safely in our arms. Dreams like those are just horrid. I have woken up a few times thinking that I was sat in pools of blood...whereas in actual reality my losses where nothing like this. The mind has a way of over-thinking and dramatising the actual event.

I've gone right off dtd. There was a month where I couldn't get enough of it, but it soon wore off. We still attempt, but it can get quite amusing now that I have a bump. My DH is also quite scared of hurting me. Bless! Also, don't want to over-share...but when I did last orgasm...it seemed to send baby in to a mass of movement for 2 hours straight. I spoke to the MW about it and it is a natural reaction for baby's to respond this way, and some just get rocked to sleep.

Try not to worry about the weight...it will come off.

Also, I'm with you in the concentration. I tend to only do and hour and then get up and do something else for 10/15 minutes and then go back to it. It's making the working days shorter, but is helping the concentration levels and the swelling.

I wrestled preggo-pillow out of the bed this morning...it's helping so much, but gosh it's a beast xx

Hey @sadtoday21 doesn't sound like complaining to me, being pregnant is tough. It does the strangest of things to the body. I'm the heaviest I've ever been too. I've not weighed myself but I have a feeling I am. My tummy is huge. As you say it is the nature of this stage of pregnancy. It's such a lot for us to get used to. I still look in the mirror and can't quite believe it.

You can only do what you can do work wise so just take each day at a time. You have a very good excuse. I think we're in the same boat placenta wise. I just wish I could feel him/her. I don't think we're going to have a gender scan. It's 4 weeks today until 20 weeks so it's £55 just to find out earlier. I think I might wait it out. If they can't tell us at 20 weeks we'll book a private scan. We have a boy and girl name in mind so prepared for either. It's very exciting.

I can't believe this time next year we'll all have a 6/7 month old baby. It blows my mind at times considering what we've all been through. I can't wait to see all the happy baby announcements starting with you @Amanda81 xx

Hi ladies! Happy Friday!

@sadtoday21 Don’t worry about feeling anxious about feeling baby move. It’s hard waiting for the next milestone, I completely understand. I’m also at a funny stage of DTD. I feel like my tummy just looked bloated and bigger and it’s so hard to feel sexy. Can’t get in the mood with how tired I am too!

I have the gender scan November 4th which is only 10 sleeps. Just hoping baby is ok in there until then ♥️

Sorry you’re feeling so stressed @sadtoday21, I’m sure you’ll be feeling something very soon, try not to get too hung up on everyone else’s experience, all pregnancies are different.

I take the approach of not weighing myself during pregnancy, as long as you’re eating relatively healthily although I know it’s weird accepting how much your body is changing. I’m trying to be a bit better at this time round but the weight comes off quickly afterwards so try not to worry. The amount of water retention that comes out as night sweats is gross/amazing!

Hey ladies! Another rainy day here. Thanks so much for all of your comments, they really helped me get through the day and feeling much better now. I think I need to be patient for the movement and try to focus on work as much as possible in the meantime. As for everything else, I do love my bump and I just need to embrace the changes, possibly stay off the scale, and not give up on the gym! My work is very sedentary, and the rain has kept me indoors a lot lately, so just need to move around a bit.

@bananamonkey I sometimes forget that you've been through this already and have a wealth of knowledge on the subject of pre- and post-pregnancy! Thanks for reassuring me that it will all come off eventually, I had an eating disorder when younger for a number of years and I'm fine now, but still trying as much as possible to stay positive about body image. How are you doing? When is your next scan?

@Kiki061190 A gender scan 9 sleeps away now! How exciting!! I can't wait to find out what you are having. Will you tell family and friends? I hear you on being tired, I definitely feel like I'm slowing down more as bump gets bigger! I'm not quite used to it yet and thinking more seriously about maternity clothes now. Have you bought anything? As you said, it so hard to wait for the next milestone, particularly since I thought it would be here about 3 weeks ago! I need to be more zen or go to yoga or something, patience is not my strong suit.

@Catconfusion unfortunately it might take awhile for you too, but you seem more relaxed about it than me, which is good! I don't know though, some women with anterior placentas seem to still feel movement around 18 weeks and some not until 24+. It's so frustrating that there is such a wide range, hard not to feel left behind or just not on track. I would definitely book a gender scan if I were you - 4 weeks is a long time! Or at least a midwife appt in between to listen to hb. I find I can't go more than 3 weeks without one of those things. Plus the gender scan is so much better private - the images are more clear and you get more of them and I think its just much more special than the way the NHS does it. Had I waited until my 20 week scan I think I would have been disappointed at receiving the news that way (but just a bad experience!). But I understand your reluctance about cost - I also wanted to get a private scan for 40 pounds this weekend but have decided I should try to wait a little longer, maybe until next weekend.

Which reminds me of a question I had @Amanda81, how many scans (if any) did you get after the 20 week one? Just trying to figure out if I am normal to want more or out of my mind haha. Those dreams are terrible, aren't they? Sorry you've been having some too. And I agree with you about the bump being awkward when dtd! I laughed out loud this last time as its just a bit weird and that is without movement! Can't imagine how it will be later on, but doesn't seem to bother DH much, which is good. It really all is in my mind. Really glad to hear your pain is so much better with the pillow - not long to go now! I can't wait for your little girl to arrive, as @Catconfusion said, you will be the first!

@sadtoday21 I know I am so excited now! I am hopeful they’ll be able to see the gender, I really want to know but our baby has been such an awkward wee one every scan so far. I think I’ll feel more bonded with the baby when i know the gender as well. I remember you saying you wake up and say hi to your baby boy. I can’t wait for that moment too! I too am intrigued about how many scans to get after the 20 weeks. I might get 2?

@sadtoday21 definitely with you on the movement front. It's frustrating but the more people I talk to, the more common it seems to not feel anything until after 20 weeks.

Im loving my bump too. It's getting a bit bigger every day. I'm finding gentle walks really good now I'm not being sick so much to try and be more active. I'm going to start some yoga classes soon too to help with relaxation and apparently it's good for bonding.

We have the midwife on Tuesday and then by the end of this week it's three weeks until the 20 week scan. I'm feeling like waiting it out at the moment. I completely get why that would be tough for yourself. It is a long time when feeling anxious and who knows, I might cave in but for now I'm feeling good. If we can't find out the sex at the scan I'd definitely pay for a private scan. I did think I needed to know the gender to bond but I'm starting to focus more on the baby as my child, regardless of the sex and that's helping. Xx

Hey everyone, we just had our 16 week midwife appointment. Everything is looking great. She let us have a cheeky listen to the heartbeat which was amazing. 3 and a half weeks until our 20 weeks appointment!

I hope everyone is doing well! Xx

Hey all...just catching up.

@sadtoday21 - I think I've had two scans, one I would say was booked because I let my anxiety get the better of me at 26 weeks, and the second at 28 weeks was a 4D scan. I think once you get to a point, if you have any concerns you should be ringing the triage number - that's what I've been told by my MW, my GP, the sonographers at the private clinics. The hospital team are there waiting for you and ready to ease any anxiety. Thankfully, I've not had to ring triage yet, but if I have any changes in movement, they will be my first call.

I guess I will be the first one on this thread @Catconfusion - so exciting! So pleased to hear that your 16 week appointment went well. Did you get offered the combined whooping cough and flu jab vaccine?

I'm 31+4 today...one thing I have noticed is that my bump is a little more squishy in the morning, but by the evening it is like a lump of stone! I think I may have overdone it today. I laid on the sofa and then couldn't get back up again because of my PGP...I get my PGP pain in my front groin area and if i try to lift my legs it stings. So I just laid there waiting for the DH to come swing my legs to the floor and raise me back to a seating position. Starting to feel proper pregnant now.

My belly button is almost now an outie...which grossed me out 😂😂

I am packing my hospital bag at the weekend!

Xx

Hey @Amanda81 thanks for the congrats. It was so nice. Even heard some movements as well. Not feeling anything as yet down to the anterior placenta but not too worried. Midwife said baby is still very low down which explains it as well. She caught the heart right near my right hip bone. I've had the flu jab at Boots as my doctor couldn't get me in until December. I'll have whooping cough at my 20 week appointment to space them out.

Interesting about your bump. I'm noticing firmness as the day goes on. I know I'm much earlier on but wonder if it's to do with accumulation of water. Sorry to hear about the PGP starting up again. Are there certain sitting or laying positions that help? I've self referred for physio so just waiting for my appointment now for when/if I get pains. I think my belly butting will gross me too when it pops. Exciting stuff regarding the hospital bag. Any news on baby getting into position? Xx

Hey @Catconfusion I also had my 16 week appointment today! Midwife said my tummy is measuring to the cm where it should be which was nice. Whooping cough and flu jags booked for Thursday. She said she won’t listen to heartbeat until my next app at 22 weeks. Also one week left to wait for blood results. She said I won’t hear anything if it’s all low risk. She checked the notes and said I would have heard by now if there was an issue so she said to relax and not worry. The only thing that flagged up was that my blood pressure has dropped. It’s quite low just now so they’re keeping an eye. It’s great you heard the heartbeat! So happy for you ♥️ Are you feeling better now with sickness etc?

@Kiki061190 that's fantastic news regarding bloods. Great you're measuring bang on. Mine didn't measure my bump. She just said it looked normal for this stage. I guess it's better to have low blood pressure than high but it can make you feel rubbish. Mine is a little on the low side. I find keeping my blood sugar up helps.

It was awesome hearing the heart today but just a faint whooshing sound at this stage. It will be much more impressive at 22 weeks. My sickness is much better thanks. I had nausea yesterday which put me off my food but today I've felt like normal. Just relieved I'm not vomiting. Also sleeping better too apart from the toilet visits. It's so good we're all getting good news! Xx

I've just had a nap for 60 minutes and that appears to have helped. I climbed a scaffold for the last time today and think this is what has caused the aggravation. My DH came with me and will be taking over for the last month of the project, which I will be very grateful for. Very lucky to have him helping with my business and to manage some of my workload. Baby still in breech position at the moment, but I am still keeping the faith that she will move.

So great to hear that your 16 week appointment went well too @Kiki061190 - you two are so close together aren't you @Catconfusion @Kiki061190

My blood pressure is also quite low and has been since about 14 weeks...usually hovers around 100/60 or 90/60. I've been told it's quite normal during pregnancy and it will start to raise again towards the end...they will keep an eye on it and make sure all is okay.

Xx

Oh @Catconfusion I agree about the toilet when trying to sleep! I’m up at least 3 time’s a night just now. Do you have any pregnancy pillows? I’m thinking of buying one. Great that you are feeling better, that’s great news.

Yes @Amanda81 it’s so nice that we are just a few days apart. So lovely to be at the same stage almost. Not long until your precious little girl is here ❤️ Hopefully baby moves soon!

Sounds like great appointments @Catconfusion and @Kiki061190 Not long till your next scans now!

Got everything crossed she will turn soon @Amanda81!

How are you doing now @sadtoday21? Hope you’re feeling a bit better now x

I’ve had a really anxious night but I’m just overthinking things I think. Have been feeling some flutters everyday now for over a week but yesterday there was nothing so was awake half the night imagining the worst and had very little sleep. It’s probably just changed position, I know it’s too early for a pattern and it’s crazy early to even be feeling anything at all but any little niggle seems to really stress me out because of the MMC. Hoping to feel something this afternoon (it’s normally in the afternoon), worst case I may ring the EPAU as they said I could come back up to 16 weeks. DH thinks it’s overkill and that it’s all fine but that’s just his way of coping.

Hey @bananamonkey! I'm really sorry you are feeling so anxious and I completely understand what you mean. As I'm sure you know, 16 weeks is really early for any movement at all and there is no regular pattern even past 20+ weeks. I've seen tons of second-time moms on here with the same worries because they have felt movement earlier and all was well. Baby is definitely hiding or you are rocking him to sleep with your own movements. Have you tried drinking something cold/hot and sugary and lying on your left side? Definitely get the scan if you need it, but don't worry, I am sure all is well.

Having said all that, I've had my own fears last night along similar lines. 20+6 today and went to this stupid networking dinner event last night that lasted hours. I don't know if its pregnancy brain or me being more sensitive, but I felt extremely socially awkward (usually I am in my element in these things) and that one lady was quite quite rude to me! I asked her a simple, professional question and she made me feel like an idiot. I left feeling stressed out that I didn't "perform" better and wondering whether I had completely said all the wrong things. It doesn't help when you are off coffee completely and existing on water, while everyone else is drinking alcohol all night.

All in all, it was a very bad night, compounded by coming home at 11 am to a stressful conversation with my dad. After that series of events, DH and I couldn't sleep and I was up until 3.30 or 4.30 in the morning. Then felt horribly guilty of course because I thought the baby needed sleep and I'm harming him with my stress about meaningless stuff. I worried going to the event and staying out late may have been bad for him and I realised I didn't feel him moving as much. Anyway, he's squirming a little bit now I think, but I'm still sad its so infrequent and not hugely noticeable yet (I'll be 21 weeks tomorrow! When do I get kicks?). I'm going for a private scan this weekend, just feeling raw from the events of the past week and like I need to see him again.

@Amanda81 I can't believe you are packing the hospital bag already! Do you think she'll come early? Thanks for the advice on scans, I guess I might also do a bonding one at 28 weeks if you think that's a good time for it. I do have an NHS one at 36 weeks scheduled, but it feels like a lifetime away!

@Kiki061190 congrats on getting through the 16 week appt! They didn't measure my bump either, even though I asked, but great you are getting such good care there. How are you feeling otherwise?

@Catconfusion that's amazing that you got to listen to the hb, it is wonderful, isn't it? Only 3 weeks left to go, that does seem manageable! What did you decide to do about the networking stuff? Glad you are starting to feel a bit better now Xxx

Hey @bananamonkey - I had similar concerns too . Some days around your stage I would feel next to nothing which really got me upset. If you are at all concerned then please do call the team, that's what they are there for. It is most likely baby laying in a position where they are cushioned by the placenta xx

It does feel early doesn't it @sadtoday21 but as we are due over Christmas I am very busy before hand with social and family stuff and when I plot out how long I have left in terms of time...it's pretty much none existent 🙄 so sorry that you left the event feeling like you did and that family niggles have got you down. I wouldn't put any undue pressure on yourself. Pregnancy is tough, especially after a loss, and you need to be a lot more easier on you. Don't worry about baby in that sense...he will get what he needs from you, it will be you who suffers as baby takes all the good stuff. If you are running on reserves, it will be you who will get run-down. I decided a while ago that I would temporarily block people from my life who did not promote a positive outlook. This is difficult if it's your dad, but sometime you just have to do what's right for you and your mental well- being. On Monday night I couldn't sleep and was awake from 3am in the morning on Tuesday...this made Tuesday very difficult and my body got very tired, which then impacted my mood. So please do look after yourself. I guess what I am trying to say in an arsed about fashion...is that only you can really look after you, make the most of being pregnant and let others do things for you which is going to bring you happiness and support. The feeling of movement will increase. Now that you are feeling flutters, the kicks will present themselves when you least expect it and you will fall in love with that feeling. Give it a couple more weeks for him to grow and to start putting weight on to his tiny feet, you will soon fell him bouncing on your bladder xx

Thanks @Amanda81, you made me feel so much better, as always! I was definitely stressing about work and then family drama on top of that pushed me over the edge last night. Had a good cry this morning, which I honestly never do (must be partly hormonal?), but it felt good to let out all the trapped emotions. I put a lot of pressure on myself sometimes - we all do, let's be honest - and I need to stop and just give myself permission to do less. I'm sure you feel the same way with running your own business and sorry to hear you have also been sleeping poorly lately.

What are you packing for the hospital bag, if you don't mind me asking? Are you going to be spending the holidays with family or stick closer to home, just in case? We can't make the long flight back then to see family, unfortunately, so not sure how much DH and I will celebrate.

You totally need to be putting yourself first and allow yourself to stop if you need to and have a good old sleep or cry...whichever makes you feel good. It's weird, I haven't really felt hormonal yet. My DH mentioned this today and said he anticipated more mood swings. It might all come afterwards though I said and told him to prepare 😂

I am packing the bear minimum. Currently getting her stuff ready...nappies, cotton wool, clothing etc. For me it will be the same (including the nappies!). I will post a list of all the things I have and perhaps take a photo over the weekend. I want the bag to be small so that my DH isn't lugging too much around.

Me and DH always stay home for Christmas's my family are a 5 hour drive away and his family are 3 hours. We want to be close to home/hospital...so some close family are popping over before Christmas and we have quite a few plans with friends...all plans are set in pencil so that if I don't feel up to it I will cancel. All family and friends have respected this and said absolutely of course. I'm secretly hoping she arrives before Christmas and would love for her to arrive on the 19th December, as this is the date that me and my DH got together almost 16 years ago now.