Pregnancy after Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Starting a new thread for all of us that find ourselves pregnant again after one or more heartbreaking losses. I know it is really hard to join a pregnancy thread after miscarriage and we all fear the worst will happen again, but let's go on this journey together and hold hands along the way.

This is a safe place for all the ladies on the first pregnancy missed miscarriage thread and for any newcomers who want to join - you are all most welcome! All of the ladies on here have suffered one or more miscarriages and most of us have had particularly difficult losses, such as mmc and other complications. You don't need to be pregnant again to join - you are also most welcome if you have had a loss and are trying again. But we will be sharing scan photos and details of the new pregnancies, in case anyone might find that to be triggering.

Tagging @Catconfusion @Amanda81 @Kiki061190 @3204ECL @Babypending @Ginmonkey84 @MrsMGE and please add anyone else I may have left off. Without further ado, let's start the roll call.

About me: Age 31, trying for my first baby. Previous mmc at 12 weeks in February (hb stopped at 9+4), this turned out to be a partial molar pregnancy and I was monitored by CX hospital for three months. CP in March.

Now 9 weeks, EDD in March, if I make it that long. Oscillating between hope and extreme anxiety every day!

@sadtoday21 I am so sorry you had a bad experience. I find with my scans that the EPAU were much more warmer towards me but I have had to ask at each scan if baby is ok and they also just say ‘normal’. They don’t want to give information which seems cruel as this is your child. They told me the 20 week scan picks up on any abnormalities and that’s when I’ll really know if baby is ok. I think you’re fine but you are absolutely right to feel annoyed and upset. It’s horrible to play with a woman’s emotions like that especially when you have explained the loss! Sending hugs to you ♥️ Celebrate tonight and don’t let them ruin your day! Only 20 weeks until you have baby boy in your arms 💓

I’m sorry @sadtoday21 that it was a disappointing experience. Great news everything looks ok though

I think the sonographers are hit and miss, they’re trained in the technical stuff but don’t have the bedside manner or the knowledge to give reassurance like a Dr/MW. I know the one I had for the MMC was really cold and it was hard, the EPAU nurse told me they’re just not as used to handling bad news or reassuring anxious women. A letter sounds like a good idea if you can find the energy x x

I'm so sorry @sadtoday21 great that baby is ok and I would trust her on that as she wouldn't be able to do her job if she wasn't accurate. Her bedside manner was appalling and I'd definitely complain. I had that very odd scan early on where the lady wouldn't tell me anything and ignored my questions. It was a general ultrasound though not a specific obstetric one. They should be better with people considering they do occasionally have to give bad news. Go and celebrate, make a complaint and see if you can go back and see someone else! Xx

Thanks @Kiki061190! I know you are right and just thankful that everything seems to be ok. I just wish we could have had some more information about the process! Hope all goes well with your blood test results :)

@bananamonkey that's really true, they are hit or miss! I've had pretty good sonographers thus far, so disappointing to have a bad one on the biggest scan, but as you say its just luck. Hopefully she knew what she was doing. How are you feeling these days? Are you having a gender scan soon?

@Catconfusion thanks for your reassurance, I remember the terrible early scan you had! My biggest fear is she wasn't really thorough enough, but as you say this is probably my perception because of her terrible manner. I usually feel reassured at least for a few days after the scan, but left this one feeling completely anxious! I think I just need to relax for a few days and try to take my mind off it until I can feel baby moving around. I did also complain, although I highly doubt the hospital will do anything about it. How are you feeling these days? Are you completely recovered now?

So sorry you had a negative experience @sadtoday21 - but so pleased that there was no bad news to report. The sonographer sounds terrible. At my 20 week scan I had three people in the room (+DH) as they were training. It took longer, and they used some comments which out the fear in me, but I was never made to feel the way that you have felt today. I'm so sorry. Please do know though that the sonographers have a duty of care to tell you if they had seen anything which was concerning. It sounds like all is looking well with your little boy, and in 20 weeks time (give or take a few days) you will have the start to your family. Have a few nights sleep and try to put the experience behind you, if writing a letter of complaint helps...then do it. The department needs to know how they can improve. At least now you know he is still thriving and that the lack of movement is nothing to be concerned about. Once you start to feel movement, the anxiety will reduce, but it never does quite go away. Take time to celebrate...you are half way! Whoop 🙌 xx

Glad your scan went well @Kiki061190, everything crossed for the bloods, will you hear soon?

Thanks @Sadtoday21, I’m well, started SlimmingWorld today so I can keep on track with a healthy weight gain (they have a pregnancy plan), been eating far too much recently (I eat when I’m stressed) and need to get the chocolate under control! I’m not planning on a gender scan at moment, will see if I can hold out to 20 weeks but we’ll see. Had some first flutters yesterday which was totally unexpected but lovely.

Thanks @Amanda81, you are so right in everything you said and you always make me feel better :). Probably the pent up anxiety + bad sonographer was just a terrible combination today. Sometimes it all just feels a bit too much and I was imagining the worst, which I really need to stop doing. I almost can't believe he is actually ok. I think we will just go get a private scan next weekend and hopefully can see baby more next time. He was wriggling a little bit, but I can't feel a thing! Will be 20 weeks on Thursday, hard to believe! How many weeks are you now? I'm so glad you are feeling regular movements and the anxiety has reduced a bit now. Thinking of you Xxx.

@bananamonkey aww that's so sweet that you are starting to feel flutters so early! I've heard a lot of things about SlimmingWorld, but didn't know they had a pregnancy plan - that's great! I definitely also need to eat healthier and get to the gym a bit more too. My bump is growing, but I still feel like its always the smallest in the room!

BTW, did you ladies know we get another scan at 36 weeks? I didn't know, so thought I'd pass that along!

@sadtoday21 it's horrible she didn't make you feel reassured and her bedside manner was so bad. Technically she must be of a certain standard to do the job unsupervised. I think you've done the right thing to complain and book a scan for a weeks time. Hopefully you'll feel some movement by then. A friend of mine barely felt anything throughout her pregnancy and her baby was fine so as annoying as it is can be completely normal.

I'm feeling a lot better thanks. Still struggling a bit if I eat too much and the sickness is still coming back a bit unexpectedly but it's not nearly as bad. It's just nice to go out on my own and drive again. Xx

Amazing news on the flutters @bananamonkey When is your 20 week scan? I can't believe how far we're all getting. It's brilliant! Now I've stopped feeling so sick I'm going to have a go at slimming world too. I got the pregnancy stuff last time I went after the mmc. Xx

2nd December @Catconfusion so still 6 weeks to go but will try to hold on! That’s fantastic that you are feeling less sick now

Hey @sadtoday21 and all. I'm 30+4 today! I have the 31 week appointment tomorrow with the MW and am looking forward to hearing the HB again. It's all getting a bit real now. My PGP is completely manageable now, massively helped my new bedroom companion (the U shaped friend). I will have to dig out the details from amazon @sadtoday21 as I think you enquired about it. One thing I would say is that this is my second pregnancy pillow and the first didn't help whatsoever. However, it does have a use once she is here as she can sit on it as it coils up into a soft seating thingy. It's all a personal preference. I had a go on my sisters U shaped pillow as she has had a back operation and it was very comfortable, so decided to get one (£45 well spent). We are almost finished with moving the house around (if you recall I was moving bedrooms around so that we could be next to baby's room). I haven't had much to do in reality as my DH has done most it if. However, I have bring washing all the carpets and upholstery in the house which must be the nesting setting in! It comes in spurts! My carpal tunnel is still a misery and causes so much discomfort, especially if i overdo anything using my hands during the day (work is suffering!).

I was thinking back the other day...do you guys remember when we used to compare charts from FF (and other platforms!). It all seems such a long time ago and we have all come so far. I still haven't plucked up the courage to delete my FF app from my phone as there is still a nagging doubt that something may go wrong and we will be at square one again, but I am looking forward to the day when I can delete it as this baby will (hopefully) be our first and definitely our last!

😘 to all x

@sadtoday21

Definitely go to private so much nicer. She was rude and inconsiderate. They have to take notice of these things so do write an email, they legally have to be seen to do something. Mental well-being of mothers and people is high on the list now days, so mention you mental well-being after suffering a mc and you anxieties.

But have faith all is good. You would have been told x just a bad sonographer

@bananamonkey I should get the results within 10 days if it’s high risk and I won’t hear back if it’s low risk. So 10 days to wait! How have you been?

Hi everyone, so a day over 5 weeks and I see my midwife Friday for LABS, it just so hard not to worry- esp after my MC in July. I know that I try and get my mind positive and its the best way to be, but even my symptoms are different this time, no significant breast pain, nausea here and there, stomach issues like acid, tired and that is about it. Any advice?

Aww @Amanda81, I was just thinking the same thing recently! You ladies are the first ones I go to when I really need support. There's just something really special about how we all went through the MMC at the same time, then TTC, then ended up here. We've all been through a lot this past year and I'm so thankful for all of your support every step of the way. I can't believe you are in the third trimester now! Have you settled on any names? It's good that you are doing the whole nesting thing and I'm so glad you are feeling more comfortable now with the u-shaped pillow! Xxx

Thanks @Jojowash for your kind words, I really appreciated it! Wishing you the best for your journey ahead!

@EPSpartyof3 I'm sorry I don't really have any advice, just know that we have all been there with you and totally understand the anxiety. I still can't cope with it fully. As for symptoms, I've never really had any and they vary a lot in different pregnancies. Thinking of you!

@sadtoday21 thank you I am
Really sorry that happened to you at the scan .. so awful esp after everything you went thru.. thank you for the advice and hope you are doing very wel!! xo

We went to purchase the travel system yesterday and OMG the order dates on the car seats are long. We want isofix and for the preferred swivel seat we wanted the delivery date would have been mid December - a bit to close for comfort for us, so we opted for the static position seat. Might be something you guys need to consider if not done so already as it has caught us out a little...perhaps we should have gone 5 weeks earlier.

I had my 31 week appointment today and she is still in transverse lie position. Which I'm not surprised at as all the movement is below and I've never felt movement near my ribs. The MW would usually see me next at 34 weeks, but wants to see me in two weeks (when I will be 32+5) so that she can monitor position of baby...she even mentioned C-Section today which is a consideration if baby doesn't change position. Overall though, BP good, Protein good, measurements are bang on where they should be and baby's HB ranged between 139-141...so all very happy here. The MW doesn't weigh me, but I do weigh myself and I have put on a stone now! I hope all that comes off!

We have two possible names @sadtoday21 - possibly Emily or Alice...we have also considered Isabel, but I don't like Izzy as a shortened version of the name so that will probably get scrapped. We have also considered the welsh name Carys (as she will be welsh), but we are not sure on this as we are both English...but very happy to be in Wales. Have you thought of any names yet? Do you have a bump name? Xx

How are you @Catconfusion ? Are you managing to do a bit of work now that the sickness is a little more controllable? Xx

@Amanda81 the travel situation seems a nightmare. I think you did the right thing just to get it ordered. We've started looking hopefully to purchase after the 20 week scan.

It sounds like your MW appointment went well and they're keeping an eye on you. Hopefully baby will move in time. How do you feel about a potential c section?

Your names are beautiful. We're thinking quite traditional as well.

I went to networking on Tuesday and I'm being asked to do presentations in the coming weeks but it's so tough committing when I've only just started feeling better in case it comes back again. DH wonders if I should quit networking until baby is here. I've been to 3/12 sessions in the past year due to holidays, mc and pregnancy sickness. My renewal is next month and it's money we could do with saving if I'm possibly not going to go.

Ive completely lost the plot with the business as I've been so incapacitated. Not sure I have the energy to get out there and find new clients. Would hate to let people down too. Also my joints are starting to ache. I've self referred for physio but not sure how bad it will get. It might just be a case of coping until baby is here and I have some decent routines in place to work. Xx

There's so much about car seats that I didn't know about and the time restrictions that baby can be in them @Catconfusion - seriously it's so confusing. I'm not too worried about a C section, but would prefer a natural birth...but just want her here safely with any risks managed and controlled so that it doesn't cause any stress for her and me. Is the networking worth it? Do you gain clients directly from the events? Or more of a social and keeping up to date with what's happening in your field? It's difficult to make these decisions, especially as the future is so unpredictable. If money is restricted, perhaps that might give you your answer. But I guess at the end of the day it should be giving you value. Is it? Which joints are hurting? Is it your pelvis? If so, mine has actually got better, or perhaps I've just got used to it and know what triggers it for me. The whole working for yourself thing can work for or against you...but there must be a way for it to work for you as you are the one in control. Easier said than done, and I'm pretty are I'm gunna struggle to know what to do for the best 😂 xx

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the welcome, I’m enjoying reading everyone’s posts and seeing how you are all doing.

One question, did you guys find it hard to not be paranoid that you were going to miscarry again? I’m 5 weeks now and every time I go to the loo I’m so paranoid that there will be blood. I’m going to the toilet multiple times a day basically just to check, I want to stop but I get so scared.

The two time my husband and I have had sex since we found out I was pregnant I have had a little bit of spotting which I now can be normal but it makes me so worried...

@Montii congrats on being pregnant again I completely get it I am 5+2 and I am petrified ... how far were you? Was it your first ?
It was my first PG and then followed by a MMC. And I am just so scared to go to the midwife and get paper work and even more scared for a scan
The only thing that has helped me the most is understanding that
Different pregnancy different outcome. Nothing will be exactly the same. I am trying hard to get myself present in the current moment not be stuck in the past or worry and live in fear of the future ... 🙏🏻❤️🌈😍
I also downloaded “expectful” it’s a meditation app that has helped me greatly l. Don’t worry too much about spotting, it could mean nothing at all 🙏🏻
What are you symptom? Have you felt this is different than you last PG?

@EPSpartyof3 this is my third pregnancy, I have a son who is 2 and then had the miscarriage in June. My miscarriage was at 5 and a half weeks.

That’s a good way to think about it - different pregnancy different outcome.

I don’t really have any symptoms yet and I didn’t last time with the failed pregnancy but I don’t think I had any symptoms at this stage of my pregnancy with my son either.

I’ll download that app, thanks for the recommendation.

It helps talking about it and knowing that others are feeling the same way 💗

Hope everything goes well for you this time as well 🌈

@Amanda81 I can imagine it's complicated. We're going to get on it very soon.

To be honest it's a bit of a glorified coffee morning. I have in the past got some fantastic clients from it but not for a while. Probably because I've not been myself post mmc and maybe not put as much into it. We've also not had many new members so it's often the same people. I think the difficulty in my case is I wound my business down to get married, move house and then go on my honeymoon. The plan was to hit networking hard in the January and relaunch the business. Of course I then had a surprise pregnancy, was really ill and then the mmc. Then the mc after that. I've never really got back into it again. Now I'm pregnant again and been ill again for three months. Not sure whether to just leave it until baby is here. Realistically though that's probably about 9 months. We could get through it financially but it would be a bit tight. I guess the baby and my health is the most important thing.

I'm so pleased your joint issues have got better. It's my hips which are arthritic and my lower back where I had my prolapsed disc so nothing new. It's probably the increased weight and pressure. Now I'm able to do a bit more after the sickness it's probably just my body getting used to more walking. I'll see a physio as soon as I can and also my orthopaedic consultant.

I hope you continue to feel better. It's so exciting that you're so close when you think where we all were earlier in the year! Xx

Hey @Montii it's a really tough one being pregnant again after loss. I think @EPSpartyof3 is right that focusing on the fact it's a different pregnancy really helps. Also there is nothing you can do to alter the outcome. It will be what it will be. All you can do in the meantime is stay as positive as you can and keep busy. Good luck and I look forward to hearing about you pregnancy as it progresses! Xx

@Amanda81 those are really lovely names! I'm so glad your MW appointment went well and baby girl is measuring on track. Don't worry too much about a possible C-section as there is still lots of time for baby to move into a different position. Thanks also for the tip on the travel system! We don't have a car so probably won't be needing this, although I do wonder about how we are going to get back from hospital.

We haven't come up with names yet, mostly because I refuse to think about it still, despite DH's best efforts. I like unusual names from different cultures, so its likely to be something my family cannot even pronounce! We definitely won't tell them if we do pick something, just because I don't want to hear negative reactions. As for my bump name, I just call him baby boy (it's not very original, I know!). How about you?

@Catconfusion its hard to say what to do about the networking class. I am sorry you've been so ill and unable to work, that must be really stressful on top of everything else. I feel my work has definitely slowed down and I'm not as sharp these days (baby brain? yea it's a real thing), which is not ideal but not the end of the world either. I worry about money too though as I'm basically unemployed atm and just living off student scholarships. I'm very type A usually too, so its hard for me to sit back and just take time off, when I feel I should be networking and providing for our future before baby comes. But the mental stress of pregnancy after MMC is unreal and at 20 weeks now I'm really feeling the strain of the past few months. I think the best thing you can do is to give yourself time and space if you need it to focus on the most important things, which are your health and baby. I know I'll be cancelling some networking things too, if that helps (not to mention they all involve drinking)! I'm just too tired and its not my priority right now.

Well ladies I am 20 weeks today, officially half-way there! I'm still really upset about lack of movement and not reassured at all. Last night I think I felt a little squirming for a few seconds or so, but its so hard to be sure. I'd give just about anything to feel my baby boy and know he is ok in there, but all I can do is wait and that's really hard for me to accept (control freak that I am). Sigh. When does it get easier?