The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

Hey @rubyroot I'm sorry you're feeling a bit uncertain today. From my understanding symptoms come and go. With my first pregnancy (ended at 12 weeks) my boobs changed and sometimes felt less full. Unfortunately it's just a waiting game for all of us. How many weeks are you now?

So ladies I'm now seeing the GP to ask about Progesterone and see if there's any other advice on keeping this baby safe. I'm four weeks today. Is there anything else I should ask? Xx

@rubyroot sorry to hear that you are worried, symptoms can dip and be fine.

Oh no I'm sorry you're feeling anxious today @VenusStarr if it's any consolation I felt like that around AF with my first pregnancy and it subsided. I feel a bit like it now. There's so many rapid changes going on right now there's bound to be some tugging and mild cramping. With the chemical pregnancy I had it was severe pain from just before my faint positive test to 4 plus 2 when I bled. I never got a strong line. You have a lovely strong line so far less likely to be a chemical. Just hang on in there today and keep as busy as you can! Xx

@VenusStarr sending hugs and handhold. It's so bloody hard, isn't it?

Thanks @Bluebelltip.. Trying to tell myself that. But naturally I'm bloody thinking the worst.

@Catconfusion thanks, I'm about 7 weeks

@VenusStarr sorry you are feeling so anxious! The first weeks are so hard...I'm still in them myself. Just take one day at a time as best you can (telling myself this as well). Thinking of you xxx.

@Rubyroot sorry for the anxiety about symptoms - I feel exactly the same as you! I am starting to feel pretty normal and it scares me so much. Maybe schedule that scan soon so you can have another peak inside? I'm praying mine goes ok Friday, expecting the worst obviously...so sorry you are going through this too.

Congratulations @Squiff70! That's amazing news!

I finally started feeling proper movements on Saturday (at 19+6) but there were fewer on Sunday and yesterday so now I'm worried. I know it's likely because I was at work so I just didn't notice them but I'm still really anxious. He has been kicking a bit this morning though so I'm trying not to stress too much. The reassurance from the scan last Friday has worn off already, I don't think I'll be able to hold out til my growth scan at 24+4. I might book another private scan for next week...

@InDreamland good luck for your 12 week scan. I know how difficult that can be after a previous bad experience with it. I have everything crossed for you that all will be well and this is your rainbow.

Sorry you're anxious @rubyroot. Symptoms can come and go in early pregnancy and the discharge could just be normal pregnancy discharge. Have you got any scans booked?

@beaglemum93 I would say if that scan will help with your mental health get it done. It's such a shame there's so much anxiety after loss.

Good luck for you scan @InDreamland 🙂

@rubyroot I definitely felt like my boobs would inflate a bit go down a little then inflate more. They were like balloons with a faulty pump. By 12 weeks they were huge!

Well I just saw an amazing GP. She's put me on progesterone just in case and baby aspirin. Even preempted my severe sickness from the first pregnancy and given me cyclozene in case. She will also call me in two weeks to book an early scan at 7 weeks. Plus a referral for consultant led obstetrician. Such a contrast to previous doctors I've seen! Xx

Sorry for what is about to be a totally selfish post...

So my friend at work told me she was pregnant a few weeks ago. I'm not sure if I mentioned it on here but it was nice having little chats with her and she was so excited. Anyway, she went for her 12 week scan yesterday and found out she lost the baby at six weeks. She has been texting me this morning as she knows about my MMC and ectopic so said she feels like I understand. But she is understandably shocked and devastated. I am also heartbroken for her. I know the shock and the fear and the sadness she is feeling all too well, as we all do. I've also found it hugely triggering as it was exactly a year ago I passed my baby after finding out at ten weeks it had stopped growing at 8 weeks. Its stirred up loads of anxiety again and I've booked ANOTHER scan for Thursday. I have cried and feel really tearful and worried. It's just brought it back how this could all go wrong at any time. I feel so sad for her and I'm also really conscious that I don't want to be That Person at work who by being pregnant makes it so much harder for her. I am happy to keep my distance and not crowd her and obviously would never talk about pregnancy. I was thinking of getting her a little card and leaving it on her desk just to let her know I'm thinking of her and properly acknowledge it - or is that weird? I want her to know I'm thinking of her but not annoy her or push it.

I'm also really sorry to anyone having scans or anyone I have made feel worse by posting that

Sorry so many of us feeling anxious at the moment. I am anxious too. May the odds be in our favour ladies 🤞

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue That must be tough. How awful for your friend. I can understand why it would make you worry too. It's a natural reaction. You cannot feel guilty for being pregnant. It sounds like you are very understanding about it and you are not going to deliberately make her feel bad. I think a card is a lovely idea x

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sorry to hear about your friend. It's understandable that it's made you more anxious. I would say something along the lines of, you are thinking of her and are there if she wants your support but also that you understand that she may need to distance herself and that you are not offended if she does.

@sadtoday21 sorry you're scared too x. Sending hand hold to you too. Yes, I thi k ill take the plunge and ring today. Something for early next week.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I got pregnant just before my friend when I had tfmr. She checked up on me whilst in hospital. Regular texts etc and I too checked up on her throughout her pregnancy. I didn't find it difficult even though I had lost baby and was happy for her. But then I guess not all women feel the same. I'm sure she will be fine around you, but do ask how she is etc. I think it's worse when people just ignore the issue. X

A card is a lovely idea BTW, and I'm sorry it's triggered you to get another scan! Bless her, I'm sure that wasn't her intentions and it's nice she can confidw in you

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I was that person having a mmc when my best friend was 12 weeks pregnant. She'd had losses before but offered support. I was very mindful she'd experienced loss so after the initial shock I let her come to me. The last thing I wanted was to trigger her. I found it tough when her baby was born but luckily saw her for the first time on Saturday after we had a bfp. I kept it secret but I think she amazed at how much fuss I was able to make of the baby.

You sound like a very considerate person and I think a little card is a lovely thought. But, if it's triggering you it's best to distance yourself. I'm sure she'll understand. If she's a good friend she may already be worried it's affecting you. Anyway I hope you feel better soon! Xx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I think a card is a lovely idea, maybe some flowers too if you are really close. When I had my MMC I appreciated these types of gestures very much and it hurt a lot more when people just ignored my pain and pretended everything was fine. I also agree with giving her space though after that since you are pregnant now and its going to be hard for her to be around you, most likely. Try not to think of it as a bad sign for you or let it take you back to the darkness of your own past - this is a new pregnancy and you've come a long way so far. It would be a shame if all our past losses prevented us from enjoying these new pregnancies as much as we can. MMC is really terrible and one of my worst fears is also going through it again...but we have to just keep going. Thinking of you and your friend Xxx

I just went to the loo and have some red spotting in cm when I wiped 🙈🙈

I'm sorry to hear that @ReeReeR hopefully just implantation. I've heard the process can take a while to complete. Still distressing though. Virtual hand hold! Xx

@ReeReeR hoping it's just implantation, hugs x

Thank you so much everyone for your comments and congratulations. I'm still in shock to be honest and didn't sleep well last night. I've just braved the supermarket with horrendous nausea.

@ReeReeR, I really hope the spotting is nothing serious. I had a tiny spot of blood at 5+3 ish and it was the embryo(s) implanting. Maybe that's what you're experiencing?

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I understand why it has stirred up anxiety in you but your pregnancy is not the same as hers, nor is it the same as your previous pregnancy/ies, so please try not to stress too much - my mum is forever telling me that sressing about something won't change the outcome. What is going to be will be, and we're all hoping nad praying you have a healthy baby, but getting all worked up is just putting more strain on you when you're under enough stress already. Put yourself first - send a card to her and tell her you're thinking of her but focus on you and your baby above all else. It's not selfish - it's self-preservation.

@Beaglemum93 it must be so exciting to feel movement, if rather weird. Go with your instinct and never be afraid to ring the maternity unit if you're worried.

@InDreamland best of luck with your 12 week scan!

I'm sorry some of you are strugglig with anxiety. It's understandable. Please believe me when I say I understand!

xx

Thanks @Squiff70 @Bluebelltulip @Catconfusion When I spoke to midwife yesterday about general niggles and mild cramps she said it's normal and not to worry unless severe and accompanied by bleeding but then she also said don't panicking if you experience spotting as lots of women get implantation bleeds or bleeding around the time their period is due. With my first pregnancy I had v light spotting a couple of times but not this early on. I am trying not to worry too much and waiting for call back from mw to see what she says.

Sorry to hear you've had spotting @ReeReeR, fingers crossed that it's just implantation bleeding.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue so sorry to hear about your friend, I hope she's ok. The card sounds like a nice idea.

Generally I've been feeling much better recently, still had some nausea and tiredness but feeling much more normal. Today however I'm back to feeling sick, tired and light-headed. I had told DD that we would go out today but not doing it now, hoping she has a decent nap this afternoon so I can have one too.