The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

@Squiff70 excellent news. Sounds like it is meant to be!

@rubyroot sorry about the anxiety and the naseau (and thank you for adding that it’s different than both your successful and unsuccessful pregnancies, as you know I really worry about lack of morning sickness). That was really kind and I appreciate it! I’m with you, my next scan this Friday is going to be at 8+6. Fx for both of us!! Xxx

@Bluebelltulip thank you. That's so lovely you felt baby dancing away too.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you. I think the POAS is replaced with private scans. If it helps with anxiety and you can afford it I'd say it's worth every penny.

@sadtoday21 thank you. I'm supposed to be 11+6 tomorrow by LMP so this will be my 12w NHS scan. DH knows how I feel now, told him I don't want to discuss or think about it at the moment. Sorry you're having that milestone with scan thrown in to add to the anxiety too. It's just a head fuck isn't it. Fx for you!

@Russkispy thank you. I want to believe you.

@Frillyfarmer in a way I totally think you're doing what I've been trying to do. Carry on as much as possible as if not pregnant, I've been trying to ignore it but cannot obviously. It's protecting yourself. Is the 11w scan a private one or early NHS scan?

@Justincase87 thanks for popping by to share your story. Congratulations on your little bundle of joy.

@rubyroot a scan just after 8w would be good. My midwife said if you see a heartbeat at 8w then the risk of mc drops significantly. Then again at 10w.

Oh wow @Squiff70 that's fantastic news. Congratulations! Xx

@sadtoday21 OH said must be a girl as successful pregnancy and pregnancy that ended in tfmr were both boys. I told him that I didn't want to talk about it as I didn't envisage this pregnancy going that far.

@Indreamland I had a scan at 8 weeks last time and unfortunately that ended in tfmr so it wouldn't really relieve any anxiety. I spose all it would do was prompt me to book harmony and scan for ten weeks if baby was still there.

Oh wow @Squiff70 that's fantastic news. Congratulations! Xx

So I feel silly now. We did the first FRER after just a two hour hold and it's a blazing positive. It's even stronger than the test we did with my first pregnancy at this point and that continued to 12 weeks. I think as you've said @Amanda81 sometimes it's worth it to test if it'll help with anxiety. Not long until my scan! Xx

Oh wow @Squiff70 that's fantastic news. Congratulations! Xx

So I feel silly now. We did the first FRER after just a two hour hold and it's a blazing positive. It's even stronger than the test we did with my first pregnancy at this point and that continued to 12 weeks. I think as you've said @Amanda81 sometimes it's worth it to test if it'll help with anxiety. Not long until my scan! Xx

Oh wow @Squiff70 that's fantastic news. Congratulations! Xx

So I feel silly now. We did the first FRER after just a two hour hold and it's a blazing positive. It's even stronger than the test we did with my first pregnancy at this point and that continued to 12 weeks. I think as you've said @Amanda81 sometimes it's worth it to test if it'll help with anxiety. Not long until my scan! Xx

Oh wow @Squiff70 that's fantastic news. Congratulations! Xx

So I feel silly now. We did the first FRER after just a two hour hold and it's a blazing positive. It's even stronger than the test we did with my first pregnancy at this point and that continued to 12 weeks. I think as you've said @Amanda81 sometimes it's worth it to test if it'll help with anxiety. Not long until my scan! Xx

Oh wow @Squiff70 that's fantastic news. Congratulations! Xx

So I feel silly now. We did the first FRER after just a two hour hold and it's a blazing positive. It's even stronger than the test we did with my first pregnancy at this point and that continued to 12 weeks. I think as you've said @Amanda81 sometimes it's worth it to test if it'll help with anxiety. Not long until my scan! Xx

@rubyroot is hard when those milestones reached have previously had a bad experience associated with it. That's where I'm at at the moment. Keeping fx for you that this one will be your rainbow.

@Catconfusion Sounds like your care wasn’t good at all. How awful. Im glad you got some comfort from POAS again and hope all goes well for your scan

I am still feeling pains on and off on the left hand side. Spoke to midwife and she said not to worry unless severe (needing painkillers) or is constant or accompanied by bleeding...

I can’t remember whether I experienced this with my first pregnancy but it is less than six months since I had my baby girl so I wonder whether I’m feeling more as it hasn’t been long since I was heavily pregnant and gave birth... just hoping for the best

Hugs to everyone else

Sorry all the posts are confused on my phone and not all showing up so sorry for missing people

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue so glad you're feeling movements, I hope it provides some reassurance. I hated looking for patterns with DS and ended up in with reduced movements 4 times because I was over thinking it. It is one more thing to think about!

@ReeReeR I hope the pain doesn't get too bad. I definitely over analyse pain, it's so hard because at the time you have nothing to compare it to. What the midwife says does make sense too - your body will still be healing at the same time as preparing for a new little one.

@InDreamland definitely self preservation, that's the phrase I was looking for. Sorry you're still feeling so anxious, everything crossed for you for tomorrow and Friday's results.

@Squiff70 congratulations on seeing the heartbeats, sorry for the extra stress though. Remember this is a whole new pregnancy though - it's what I keep trying to tell myself too. I hope the prescriptions work, glad your rmc are on it.

@Frillyfarmer good luck for Friday. I'm definitely doing the same, even working out when af will next come if I lose this one soon! I hope that you will be far too big for your dress!

Those of you having private scans, how much are they where you are? I've seen posts on here around £40-50 but where we are £80-100 seems to be the norm, which is so much more!

@Squiff70 congratulations on your scan today 💜💜 completely understand your anxiety but pleased you've been supported by the rmc. Hope you rescued your dinner too! 😊

@Catconfusion, good news on the frer today. I'm actually too scared to test again, I want to live in my bubble.

@InDreamland I'm sorry you've been feeling so anxious xx

@Navy123 How's things with you?

@Russkispy glad to hear the spotting has eased up

How's everyone else getting on? Sorry I've not tagged everyone xx

I think I'm 4 weeks today but lmp I'm only 3+3. I'm going to try and see the GP on Thursday. I know technically I don't need to, but I'm paranoid that the epu won't see me for an early scan. I've not called them yet, just scared no-one will believe me. I'm trying to focus on the here and now and today I'm pregnant. It's really hard though. Dh is really cautious and we've not really spoken about the pregnancy at all. Time feels like it's practically stopped.

@VenusStarr thanks for asking - a bit like you I think, definitely feels like time has stopped and we are in total limbo until we know any more. Spotting and pain have subsided for now but I feel like that doesn't really mean anything. Are you able to self refer to epu then? I'm seeing gp on weds.

@Navy123 It isn’t too bad. I would describe it as mild cramping and I’ve also had the pain on the left. Having done some more anxious googling I found a list of symptoms at 4 weeks on nhs site start 4 life(?) which says mild cramping is a normal symptom. I am hoping I am just being over anxious as I have read that cramping and stretching pains are normal.

@VenusStarr Just do what you feel comfortable with. I’m a bit between wanting to wait a bit as I feel it is still early but also what to do the right thing and get the best care ASAP and DH wants that too. Like you say focussing on the here and now, as much as possible, is a good strategy

Hello! Sorry I haven't posted for a while (tiredness, business and slight head-buried-in-the-sand-ness to blame).

FANTASTIC to see so many new BFPs on the thread. You're in the right place for support ladies. I'm so pleased to see some familiar names from the TTC thread. Fingers, toes, legs and eyes crossed for you all.

Looks like Mumsnet had a bit of a senile moment today? I hope my post doesn't duplicate itself...

I got the letter through today with the results of my combined test for T21, T18/T13 and I've been put at low chance so I'm pleased about that.

However my anxiety has been a bit worse this last few days. I guess the reassurance of the scan I had at 13 weeks has worn off.
It's such a weird limbo at this stage when the morning sickness has stopped and you can't feel baby yet... If it weren't for the bump which has thankfully appeared quite early (and the tiredness), I'd quite easily be able to forget that I'm pregnant.
My weirdest symptom at the moment is getting dead arms really easily... Like if I'm lying in a certain position or if I reach up to do something above head height... Anyone else get that?

And when I haven't been worrying about MMC or lying awake in the night worrying because I woke up and I'd been sleeping on my back which I hear is not great to do..., I've been feeling over-whelmed and over-thinking things. I've realised that there's a lot I haven't prepared myself for because I never really thought I'd get this far in a pregnancy and everything is suddenly becoming very real. I need to start making decisions soon about maternity leave and things and I haven't a clue where to start!!!
I've been put at high risk of premature labour so I've started thinking about needing to mentally prepare for that if it happens (and wondering about the practicalities of it; like with maternity leave etc). Chances are I'd still get some warning if it did happen because they're keeping a close eye on me. But yes; brain is whirring and thinking about all-sorts... it's exhausting. Why can't I just be dreaming up baby names and starting online wish-lists? I haven't done any of the fun stuff... just the worrying. lol

Sorry not to reply to individuals today. Quite honestly, I didn't know where to start, so decided not to overwhelm myself. I have read all your updates though and sending you all hugs and supportive hand-holds. xxx

The nurse did say I could contact them directly as soon as I get my positive @Navy123 but I think they'll say its too soon to even get a positive. Just scared of being dismissed.

Hope you get on OK at the doctors, let me know x

@ReeReeR glad it's not too bad. Definitely normal but I've had both good and bad cramping in the past so it's hard to define 'normal'.

@KnitKitty low risk results sound good. I definitely got dead arms all the time with DS, especially when sleeping - it would wake me up and took ages for them to get back to normal!

@VenusStarr I know what you mean about being dismissed - people have a weird perception of early pregnancy not really counting. I told a friend when I had an early mc and she said they didn't count as a mc which was hurtful. I guess I know what she meant but still wasn't appreciated! I'm stressing about the docs on weds too, the only one I could get in with is a nightmare to talk to - mansplains everything you've said straight back at you etc. Planning to go in and just be demanding!

Just had a catch up of thread,
@KnitKitty I'm in exactly the same boat as you! I had my 12 week scan last week and everything was great. But now anxiety has come round again because I obviously can't feel baby or see or hear heartbeat, so going to go for a private scan in a week or two. I've also been waking up in the night on my back and panicking like crazy!

@InDreamland good luck for tomorrow fingers are crossed for you!
I've also got a terrible cough and cold!

When I went for a scan last week baby was sleeping and she needed to get nuchal measurements, she told me to cough once or twice and it woke baby up, so I can't help but feel terrible now I know a cough will wake baby up considering I'm bloody coughing my guts up 24/7

Being pregnant this time round has taught me one thing and that's to listen to my body! Been feeling very stressed and working a lot last week and the weekend so took today off to relax. Considering tomorrow too but don't want to take the p!

Oh wow so much to catch up on.
Just wanted to say huge congrats squiff although I totally get the anxiety side too. I can’t help but worrying about the fact we are having a boy again, because last time that ended up as a tfmr so in my head it makes it more likely which makes no sense!!
Sorry to anyone feel super anxious it’s so tough and the reassurance from scans is so fleeting.

Going to catch up on all the posts now

Not worried today. Don't know if I'm being paranoid. Boobs don't really hurt and they have been, they feel a big smaller, I've got wind and I've had a little bit of jellyish discharge. I'm worried my hormone levels are dropping or something.
Guess I just have wto wait and see, eh?

Bit worried!

Sorry to hear that @rubyroot, it's so hard not knowing if things will be OK.

I'm feeling really anxious today, 4+1 by my dates but just feel like I'm going to come on 😢 af would've been due today, if I hadn't ovulated early. I do feel sick, but think that's anxiety. I'm really scared this is all going to be over before it's even started :(